just
read chapter 109
and you'll understand why i wrote this

It's nice, taking a break from everything once in a while.

Takatsuki Sen is nothing like what he expected, but he's still completely amazed. And he finally got his theory confirmed!

"Do you like her?"

For a second, he'd almost forgotten he'd come here with Hinami, caught up in his own excitement. "What kind of question is that?" He laughs, pressing the button to bring the elevator up.

Hinami looks away, embarrassed. "You seemed to enjoy talking with her, that's all...and she's very pretty!"

"Well, I like her work, so—" Kaneki abruptly drops the rest of his sentence as the elevator doors open to reveal a face he'd never expected to see again.

Hide?

He's grown in the year they've been separated, but there's no mistaking it. That's definitely the face of his best friend staring at him.

And somehow, despite all the changes Kaneki's been through, Hide recognizes him too. Kaneki, he mouths silently.

It feels like an eternity before either of them move, even though it's been barely a second when Hide grabs his arm and pulls him inside the elevator. Kaneki stumbles, but Hide's grip is enough to keep him upright. He's gotten stronger, Kaneki realizes. And so have I.

"Onii-chan?"

Right, he still needs to get Hinami back. "Well, what are you waiting for?" He gestures for her to come with, which she does, glancing nervously at Hide.

"Hinami-chan, right?" Hide speaks the first words Kaneki's head in over a year. It's so...different, yet so painfully similar Kaneki's still not sure this is reality. Surely this isn't really Hide, with his ever-present smile and infectious happiness? Hide should hate him, by all rights, for disappearing without a word, yet...

"Ah! And you're onii-chan's friend!" Kaneki's not sure how Hide and Hinami recognize each other; he's pretty sure they've only seen each other passing at Anteiku—

Anteiku. Another fragment of his past... "Oh, you remember me?" Hide smiles, and Hinami shyly smiles back, nodding.

Kaneki hadn't really noticed they'd been moving, but he does hear the elevator doors open. Hide still hasn't let him go, and drags him out with Hinami following a few steps behind. His grip is painfully tight, and if Kaneki was still human, it would probably bruise. "You can let me go..."

Hide ignores him; if anything, his grip tightens. Kaneki decides to keep silent and just follow him wherever he's going—if he really wanted to, he could easily break out of his hold. But it's Hide—he doubts that's necessary.

A few people give them weird looks as Hide rushes them out the door, but that's hardly a concern. Hide still hasn't said a word to him, so Kaneki has no idea where they're going. And he needs to take Hinami back to their place...

Hide weaves through a crowd, and Kaneki has to follow. But—"Hinami!" He can't lose her—

"I'm here!" Hinami ducks under, using her small size to her advantage. He breathes a sigh of relief. "There are a lot of people..." Hinami reaches out her hand, and Kaneki holds it with his free one.

"Sorry, Hinami-chan," Hide apologizes. "Where do you need to go?" He's caught on, but if Hide takes her back, then he might find Tsukiyama and that would lead to all sorts of trouble.

Luckily, after they've walked a bit more, Hinami stops. "I think I can make it back from here," she says, looking around to make a route.

"Sure?" Kaneki's concern is clear in his voice.

"Mm-hm!" Hinami smiles, reassuring. "And I think you have some things to talk about with your friend?" And before Kaneki can protest, Hinami's dashed off.

"She's surprisingly strong-willed, huh?" Hide remarks. He starts walking again, setting an even faster pace. Kaneki is practically running to catch up—isn't Hide tired?

"Where are we going?" Hide once again refuses to answer, but now that Hinami's gone, Kaneki can show his frustration. "You can't just say nothing!" Of course he trusts Hide, but that doesn't mean he's okay with being clueless.

Now they're in a more unfamiliar part of Tokyo, but apparently Hide knows exactly where to go because it's only a few minutes before they're in front of a nondescript apartment building. He still hasn't let go of Kaneki's forearm, knuckles white from how hard he's squeezing. The receptionist gives them a weird look, but Kaneki can't find it in himself to care.

Hide pulls a key out of his pocket. "This is your place?" Obviously it is, but that's not really the question. You moved? You changed?

"Kaneki."

He freezes, holding his breath. That's the first thing Hide's said to him directly, and he has no idea what he's going to say now. "I can't believe I actually found you at Takatsuki Sen's event!"

Huh? "You're still a serious book nerd, huh?" Hide's acting normal, but Kaneki can feel his nervousness in the feelings way his hold is shaking. By now, Kaneki's pretty sure he's lost circulation in his arm "Oh! You want coffee?"

"Can you let go of my arm?"

Hide loses his smile almost instantaneously, and something twists uncomfortably in the pit of Kaneki's stomach. It's a harmless question, on the surface, but he still feels guilty for asking if this is Hide's reaction.

"...Just promise me one thing."

If it's something that will make Hide smile again... "Sure, what?"

"Stay." Hide's voice trembles with the weight of that one word, and he presses his forehead into Kaneki's shoulder so he can't see his face.

Of course that would be what Hide asks for. The one thing Kaneki can't give him, because he's a danger to everyone around him and he is not letting Hide get caught up in his mess. "I can't, Hide."

Hide won't take that answer, not without an explanation. And the explanation is something Kaneki absolutely cannot give. But instead of protesting, he lets go.

Kaneki starts to rub his wrist to get the feeling back into it—Hide really does have a strong grip—but Hide grabs him and pushes him into the wall. Not nearly hard enough to hurt, but the way Hide's shaking makes Kaneki think it should.

For a moment, he thinks Hide's going to punch him—and hell, he deserves it—but he just leans against his chest, murmuring, "And you can't tell me why, right?"

Disappointing Hide feels terrible, but Kaneki knows if he got hurt because of him, it would be ten times worse. "I'm sorry." It feels empty, no matter how much he truly means it.

Somehow, that's confirmed something for Hide, and he takes a step back so they're face-to-face with each other. He doesn't look particularly disappointed like Kaneki was afraid of; then again, he's never had the talent for reading people. "That's it?"

"W-what?" It's…strange. Kaneki's dealt with all sorts of monsters lately, both ghoul and human, but what he's afraid of most is talking with his best friend.

"I mean, you disappear without a trace for like over a year, and this is all you say?"

"I'm sorry—"

"Not again!" Hide throws his hands up in exasperation. "Don't you know how much you worried Touka-chan?"

Touka...She'd probably kick him and call him Shitty Kaneki! like always, but the thought of that almost makes him smile. "And me, your best friend? I've stuck with you for years; the least you could tell me is when you turn into a ghoul!"

What.

"I told you, rabbits die of loneliness! I've been so lonely I joined the CCG to look for you, you know?"

The CCG? That's almost as dangerous as I am— Hide stops his rant, asking, "Hey, you okay?"

How he can still sound so concerned even though he knows he's a ghoul? "Hide—you—" He can't find his voice. "I'm a monster."

"What, 'cause you're a ghoul?" Hide's tone is one of complete understanding. "I'm your best friend, Kaneki. Something like that's not gonna stop me from caring about you, okay?"

Does Hide even understand? "I eat people, Hide!" Kaneki's on the verge of crying, for whatever reason, and swallows. So weak. "You can't just..."

This time, Hide pulls him closer, gently. "It's not your choice, right?" He's too close, too close—Hide wraps his arms around him, his head resting on Kaneki's shoulder. "And what you've been through..."

It's too much. Kaneki hiccups, holding Hide close to him. His eyes are wet, he knows. "Hide!"

"Aw, 'neki, you don't have to cry! Missed you too."

Kaneki has missed Hide, missed his smile, the way he would always stay lighthearted no matter the situation. "I'm not..." Of course he's crying—even though he's a ghoul, his best friend isn't giving up on him. It's something incomprehensible. Something he can't dare to dream—but it's real, now.

When Kaneki finally lets go of him, he notices Hide's eyes are wet. "You're..."

"Ah." Hide wipes a stray tear off his cheek. "I...really did miss you, Kaneki. Seriously, don't do that again."

Kaneki's not a complete idiot—he's known Hide for years, and he can tell when Hide's being completely, brutally honest. And it hurts. Because he'll have to leave Hide again—just because Hide knows he's a ghoul doesn't make hanging around him any less dangerous. Kaneki's gone too far now to just give it all up. "I have to, Hide. I can't just give up now." Hide knows I'm a ghoul, maybe he'll understand?

"Yeah, I won't ask you to stay here." What's with the sudden contradiction? "You've changed too much, Kaneki." And don't I know it. "I can't ask you to give all of that up."

So…it's good then? As if to prove him wrong, Hide starts, "But…" He takes a deep breath, steeling himself for what he's going to say next.

"If you're leaving, I'm going with you."

dramatic end...?
idk

so it's complete...for now...hm