Josey
The drinks are flowing, just like a river, and she keeps going the whole night ends up a blur…
I sobbed loudly into the empty house, cold hardwood floor beneath my pale legs. The bottle was clutched tightly in my fist, and I hastily wiped away the hair that had gotten stuck to my cheeks before taking another swig. The golden brown liquid burned my throat and the taste made me gag, but something about the element of self destruction comforted me. The fact that it tasted disgusting and burned like hell just emphasized how awful it was for me, and the physical pain made me feel a little bit better. As cliché as it sounds, drinking was the only thing that made me forget about the past months. Made me forget getting abandoned, forget about the tears, the unwanted sympathetic looks, the rumors, the lies, and most of all, drinking made me forget about putting up my façade. The mask that just screamed, "I'm okay. I'm alright. My boyfriend left me, so what?" This was the only time I allowed myself to be broken, to be weak, to let go.
I shivered-- my comfy black shorts and ruddy brown tank top not offering much coverage in the freezing house. I stumbled to my feet but immediately lost my balance, due to the lack of blood flow to my legs from sitting with them crossed for too long. My stomach lurched and the room spun and soon I saw, rather than felt, that I had fallen over. My cheek was pressed on the floor and the tequila bottle lay forgotten in my hand horizontally, slowing seeping out into the cracks and crevices carved into the wood. The smell wafted up into my nostrils and I pushed back the urge to vomit, my mind barely forming a coherent thought.
'Is this what dying feels like?' I thought dying was supposed to be peaceful, less agonizingly slow. It felt as if there were a snow storm taking place in my brain. My skull wasn't big enough to handle all the snow flurrying around in my head and it felt as if there was too much pressure. I needed a release but all I could see was white noise. All I could feel was my whole body tingling in a numbing kind of way. There was a loud ringing in my ears but the last thing I thought was that I must be in hell…
Should I continue?