love is all from what i've heard (but my heart's learned to kill)
Jyn doesn't do dating. She knows that much. And Cassian is aware of it, too. She's had occasional encounters with a few men over the years — not entirely pleasant ones, to be entirely honest, but encounters nevertheless. She fooled around with one of Saw Gerrera's younger men when she was a teenager, and after that she slept with a few men she met as she trotted from one planet to another, never quite staying long enough in any of them to actually see most of said men more than once or twice. But she has most definitely never fallen in love. She has never understood the way a relationship works, and she never felt as though she would ever be able to have what her parents had, to make herself so vulnerable as to let someone into her life, to feel safe in someone's embrace. She doesn't think she's made to fall for someone, that's all.
Until she does.
It's more of a gradual thing, actually. She did feel a little twinge in her stomach as they planned how they would sneak into Scarif, the two of them together in a small corner of the ship. And she most definitely felt a tingling sensation on her hands whenever they touched his, accidentally or not. She never felt the despair she felt when she thought he was dead, and she could feel her heart against Cassian's chest when he embraced her by the beach. She liked him, all right — more than she'd liked any of the men that she had chosen to sleep with in the past. But she hadn't fallen in love with him just yet.
That doesn't happen until Cassian opens an eye at the medbay and smiles that small, half-crooked grin at her before closing his eyes again.
"Jyn," he breathes quietly, and she can feel how the very same flutter she felt in her chest when he mumbled the very first two words that made her think that she could fall for that scrawny, black-haired man that she had gotten to know over the past few days.
"Welcome home," she repeats, caressing his hair quietly as Cassian smiles again.
She finds herself visiting him nearly every day, falling asleep on the chair next to his bed when he's resting. He's fully conscious now, but he is still in a very weak state. The doctors have repeatedly advised her against spending her days at the medbay, but Jyn can't think of anything else she'd rather be doing. Bodhi is usually away, training with the rest of the pilots, and she doesn't want to interfere in Chirrut and Baze's routine. And of course, K-2SO has just gotten repaired, so he is as acting as obnoxious and snarky as ever — Jyn is just one more sarcastic remark away from tweezing his circuits in two, but she knows Cassian would feel rather upset about it.
They get to talk a lot, too. He tells her about how he joined the Rebellion at age five, when the Empire destroyed his home planet, and how he usually speaks to himself and writes in his native language because he doesn't want to forget it, ever. She on the other hand tells him about her years under Saw Gerrera's protection, and how she fended for herself after that. There are awkward moments, and also immensely sad ones. But surprisingly enough, they laugh a lot too. Cassian's humour, she discovers, is very much refined and similar to hers, and they often find themselves chuckling over how Bodhi won't stop talking about this new pilot boy who's become friends with Leia Organa and who just so happens to look really great in a pilot uniform, as their friend remarks whenever he comes to see Cassian.
They have sort of grown used to being around each other almost all the time, so it doesn't come as a surprise when Cassian mumbles, a couple of weeks after he first woke up, "You must be feeling a little uncomfortable, sleeping like that."
He nods towards Jyn's chair — because, in all honestly, it's pretty much become her chair — and the girl shrugs quietly. "Don't worry about it. I usually go lie down for a bit if I've things to do afterwards."
"Hm." He seems to ponder her words for a second, and then moves backwards on his bed, allowing some space for her to lie down next to him. "Reckon you'd be more comfortable over here, Erso?"
Her eyebrows raise, and she feels a slight tingle on her cheeks at Cassian's words. Now that she thinks about it, she's never slept with anyone before, in a non-sexual way. She has always slept on her own, and she's quite used to it by now — but then again, she has been doing a lot of things that she'd never thought herself capable of since she first joined the Rebellion, so she nods and carefully lies down next to him, trying not to brush herself against any of his wounds.
"Is this all right?" she whispers quietly, facing him. The fact that his face is only a few inches away from hers makes her stomach twinge.
"Yeah, quite all right," he nods, offering her a small smile. Then, without saying a word, he closes his eyes and lets out a small breath before dozing off, his forehead touching hers.
And of course, Jyn smiles. She's been doing that a lot more recently.
Jyn doesn't do dating. Not really. But for now, she lets her finger linger against Cassian's scruffy cheeks and wonders whether it would be too bad if she ever did.
Idk why I ended up writing this but I really wanted to celebrate the fact that we're getting a Cassian Andor TV series. Hope you enjoyed it! :)