AN: Hi guys! this is my first ever fanfic that I will publish. This is kinda angst-y. I know it's risky to publish this since most people likes fluff and happy endings but I wanna share this story to all of you Castle fans out there. :)
He always knew that she might not be his number one, but she has always been his "one and done". He knew this since he first met her.
He looks at their picture together; it was a copy of the picture she has of them, displayed at the house where she was staying while she was in D.C. They look so happy. Happiness was one word that can describe how he felt when they first got together. The timing was right. He wasn't the arrogant writer with bimbos on both arms, and her wall was gone, she can open up to him, he can see her vulnerable side, there's nothing separating them from one another. But what he didn't know was eventually everything ends, that their love story has its own not-so-fairy tale ending, no happily ever after.
It's been 2 years since he last saw her. They had a horrible fight one night, every word coming out of their mouth stings and burns. The words are just coming out from their mouth without both of them thinking, he knows that they both knew that one of them should just keep his/her cool and back down, but the rage of anger both of them felt that night was just unexplainable. Right now, he can't even remember how it begun, but he could still remember how it eventually ended.
"You know what, Castle? I'm sick and tired of you following me around like a lost puppy, I have my own life! I feel so suffocated! I can't breathe anymore..." before she could continue, he spoke.
"Yeah, your right YOUR own life, yours. And I'm just a LOST PUPPY who follows you around! And I thought you were different!" He said feeling defeated.
"What do you mean by that?" He can her voice full of misery, but he can feel all her anger.
He looked at her and met her eyes, it was red from all the anger and crying that was happening. Usually he would back down, give both of them the space they needed. But right now, all he could feel was anger, he can't even remember how everything started, all he can think about was she thinks he was just a lost puppy with no importance at all.
"You're just the same, all of you! You're just like my ex-wives! And I'm tired of following you around and I'm TIRED from all the scratching I need to do for you to just be an open book! Suffocated? I always give you the space you needed Kate, even though it hurts, but you don't even appreciate it, do you? You don't even appreciate me! You're like the rest of them!" He shouted.
He knew it was unfair, because she was very different. When it sank in to him what he just said, he immediately regrets it. He saw how it broke her, broke them. He was so stupid.
He reaches for her, but she steps away from him. Both of them were shocked about what had happened. He looks at the floor, palming his face. He can't believe he just said that. He felt her walk pass by him; she was heading to their bedroom. He thought she just needed time to cool down, but what he didn't know was she was already packing her things.
He was about to enter their room when she bolted out. She was heading to the front door; he didn't even notice the luggage she was holding until she put them down and opened the door. By instinct he grasps for her arm before she can even go out of the door and leave. But she slapped him and fights his hold of her. His face stings from the slap but instead of letting her go, he tightens his grip.
"Kate…" He said. He didn't know what else to say.
"Don't Kate me! And for your information, I'm not anywhere near your ex-wives or any of those bimbos you screwed before. And you're tired of me right! So just let me go." From what she sounds, he knew she was on the verge of crying. He didn't want to let go, but he didn't want to hurt her anymore, and she was right he was tired, both of them were and he knew it. So he loosens his grip and watched her walked away.
His musing stops when he felt his own tears run down his face. Even today, he can still recall the hurt he felt and saw in her eyes. He can still recall how her eyes became the passageway for him to see how her heart was slowly breaking.
And that night was the last he saw of her. 2 years and he still regrets letting her leave. He didn't have the courage to return to the precinct, but he tried to call her, tried so hard to contact her and ask her if they could talk, but nothing.
Then one day, he called the precinct, Ryan was the one who answered the phone, he asked for Beckett, but the detective told him that she was on leave for about a month. He even asked Jim where was she, but even her father didn't know, he even checked her father's cabin, where she stayed when she was shot, but again she wasn't there. 6 long months of trying to contact her, but still nothing, then he was told that she changed her number, nobody was giving him her new digits. There was only one way to reach her, he knew he can go to the precinct, but from what had happened, the boys would definitely know and he can't face them, he knew that by now, not going to the precinct for more than months was a serious end between him and Beckett. So he just called the precinct multiple of times, hoping that a uniform officer might be the one to answer it and maybe, just maybe he can talk to Beckett, but it was either he got hang up on or she was on the field. The last time he tried to contact her, Captain Gates was the one who answered the phone and ferociously asked him to never ever call the precinct again if it was not an emergency.
He didn't know how to live without her anymore. Since she left, he felt like we was floating in mid-air and all he did was locked himself in his office, drinking scotch, looking at their picture and when he's wasted, that's the time he can sleep. He never slept at their bed again until a few weeks ago. And still, 2 years passed but sometimes, in the middle of the night, he would wake up calling for her or reaching for her, but her side was empty and it will always be empty. He doesn't want to hope anymore, he might get use to this feeling maybe weeks, months or even years from now, but the hurt and longing stays, he knows it will never leave him.
A week after the incident regarding the precinct, he decided to stay in the Hamptons, he needed to be alone. He just needed to think straight. He saw how everything that happened affected his mother and daughter; sometimes he would just snaps at Alexis and shouts at her. He doesn't want that anymore, hurting his daughter; she's not even involved in anything that just happened, so he decided to stay away for a while. It helped, staying away from the city. He finished the second to last book of the heat series entitled Dark Heat. It was really hard to write, when you have no inspiration, he wanted to end Nikki and Rook's love story how he imagines, his and Kate's love story would end, together 'til their last breath and happily ever after. He will do that for his last book, but this book that would be published was dark and sad. He released all his dark feelings within the pages of the book.
He spent his last day in the Hamptons musing around. He got used to being all alone. But what he didn't learn was getting her out of his mind. He dreamt about her many times, and he gets terrified every time he wakes up, because all of it wasn't in his reality anymore.
He stayed in the Hamptons for 4 months, he was visited by either his mother or daughter or both. When he came back home, the loft was empty, his daughter was staying at a dorm near Columbia, and his mother has been having classes. He immediately proceeds to his office. As he sat down on his chair, he saw it, her engagement ring right there in front of him, placed above a folded paper addressed to him. It was a letter.
Rick,
Let me start by saying I'm sorry for everything, for leaving, for blocking you out of my life and especially for making you feel like you have no importance to me, but you do Rick, you meant the world to me. I had to change my number, I wanted to think and I can't do that with you calling me almost every minute of every day.
I honestly do not know what to say because nothing will change, we'll still be apart. I know you've been trying to reach me because you wanted to talk, but I'm not ready yet, but one day maybe I will be.
I came by when you were in the Hamptons, Martha told me. I came by to just return the ring. Keep it, and maybe one day when everything falls into place again, we could start anew, maybe you can put it in my ring finger again and maybe we could make it to forever or maybe you will put it on the finger of someone else in future dates.
Live Rick, please. Love again. I know I have no right to ask you what to do, but Rick do it for yourself, for your mother and especially for Alexis, they need you Rick, they need the old you. I can see it in their eyes how they worry about you, how they miss the old you. I also told them that I was sorry, because this all happened because of me, I'm really sorry we ended like this. Even I believed that we will be each other's always, but fate or the universe has a different plan and maybe it's for the best.
Thank you for everything. I love you, Always.
Kate.
He didn't know what to feel. Will he hope that somewhere down the road at the right time they will meet again and will eventually continue what ended that night? Or will he just accept that what they had ended and may never continue their love story again? He didn't know. But what he knew was that she was right. Their family needs him, HIS family needs him. They needed him to be strong.
After he read that letter, less than a year ago, he did everything to fix himself; he did everything to return to his old self, but everyone knew something will be missing, something will always hinder his complete return, and there will always be a difference between him now and him before, when Kate was around.
Looking at their photo, he realized many things happened within the span of 2 years. Only a month ago, he and the boys got together and the friendship, the brotherhood returned. They even asked him if he was dating again, because ever since the media found out about their separation, they've been linking him to different bachelorettes, but he only responded with smile. It seems like everybody had moved on. Of course, there are still some exemptions, because deep inside, he knows that he hasn't moved on yet. But like what Kate said, things are slowly falling into place once again. He can't help but hope, even though it was a long shot.
Though he and the boys were okay, they never talk about her, they never even utter her name, he doesn't have any news about her, but the good thing is that the boys promised him that if something happens to her, he will be the first one to know. That comforts him, knowing that she was safe and who knows, she might nearly be ready to talk to him, to start another chapter of their love story.
His thought was interrupted by someone who was calling his phone; he smiled when he saw who was calling. After all the waiting, she finally called him.
"Castle." He immediately said after answering the call.
"Where? Okay, I'll be there in about 20." He said and hangs up the phone.
He got dress quickly. It's been so long since he last saw her. He drove past the traffic; he was excited to see her. When he arrived at the mall, and he immediate goes to their meeting place, but she wasn't there yet. So, he decided to go inside the nearest bookstore.
He decided to browse through the shelves, then his phone rang, it was a message, saying she's almost there. He put his phone in his pocket and continued to browse the mystery section, he was hoping that the last book of the heat series called Undying Heat was still available, he needed to boost his confidence about the sales of his book, and he didn't know if readers will still buy his work after a long wait.
He also wanted to read what he wrote in the dedication again, even when he knows exactly what he wrote, it's still different when he sees it written on a page. So, he picked up the last book that was placed on the shelf and flip through the dedication:
To my Always,
I'll always wish that we could end up like them. Babe, you're my 'one and done'.
"And maybe one day when everything falls into place again, we could start anew and maybe you can put it in my ring finger again and maybe we could make it to forever."
R.C. x K.B.
Before he closes the book, he read it once again. It's true, how she is his 'one and done', he never looked at other women like the way he looks at her. He always knew what would happen in the future, their wedding, their kids, their home, their whole life together, 'til their last breath. But he never thought about breaking up, about one of them leaving. All he knew was… them.
He was about to return the book in its place on the shelf, when a young lady grab it from his hand, he knew she didn't recognize him, she only wanted to get the last Undying Heat book and buy it. Then there was this guy, big tall guy who was persuading the young lady to give him the book so he can be the one to buy it, but the young lady wouldn't give in to any of the man's bribe. Then someone approached the man and let the young lady buy the book. He didn't notice who it was because his attention was on the young lady who was definitely a fan. Then he hears it, a familiar voice.
"It's okay, we'll find another one. Maybe not in this bookstore, but we'll find one." The familiar voice said.
He looks at the woman who owns that familiar voice, he knew who it was, and he didn't need to see her face. It was her. It was Kate.
He was staring at her, he knows he shouldn't, but he can't help himself. She changed a lot. Her hair was shorter, the way she talks, the way she smiles. When she noticed him, he couldn't help but meet her eyes, it didn't look like she was happy to see him, just stunned.
"Hey." She greeted.
"Hey," That's all he can reply. He want to ask her many things, he wanted to just grab her and pull her to the corner and just kiss her, tell her that they should continue their forever, tell how he misses her, that even though 2 years passed he still dreams of her, of them, of their forever. He was overwhelmed with everything he's feeling right now, that he didn't notice the man standing next to her, arms wrapped around her waist possessively until the same man coughs to be recognize.
"Ah, Rick this is ummm, Jake. My – " He knew she saw it, how his eyes changed. How his heart shattered, how it broke his heart. That's the reason she stopped, because she saw it, all of it.
"Hi." The man held out his hand to him. He didn't know what to do, should he acknowledge it? or ignore him? Well, obviously the first choice was better, so he smile gave his hand a soft shake. Silence rule between the three of them until a young red head approach them.
"Dad! there you are, I've been looking all over for you. I told you to me near the -" she stopped and he knew, she recognize the woman in front of them.
"Kate, hi." it was awkward, definitely, he can hear the hesitance in his daughters voice. "it's been what? a year since I last saw you, you look different." he knows how protetive his daughter of him, and he was amaze that she tend to be civil with Kate, with the girl who took her father away from her.
"It's nice to see you again, Lex. How's college?" Kate asked.
"It's great, just got home from the UK. I had an exchange student grant at a university there." He can see his daughter eyeing the man next to Kate and he is sure that Kate noticed that why she introduce him again. But now she's confident to say that he's her boyfriend.
Shock cover Alexis's face, she didn't know what to feel or say, how could Kate moved on, while her father's still grieving. "oh, Hi, I'm Alexis. I'm his daughter, by the way." there was a hint of something he couldn't point out in his daughter's voice. They need to get out of here, he didn't want to make a scene because the way Alexis is acting, he is sure that one more minute his daughter would explode.
"Uhm, I think we need to go, it's been so long since my daughter and I bonded so, yeah, Bye." He said walking away. He didn't let them respond nor look at them; he just needed to get away, from Kate and him - that guy who is with her.
I hope you liked it! please Review, it will help me so much :)
P.S. Don't be rude. :) 3