Have you ever loved someone so much that it caused the end of your life? Have you ever been in such a toxic relationship that the other made you want to die, yet you couldn't live without them? Because I have someone like this, I believe. I have someone who causes me never ending pain, never ending nightmares. We fight and we scream. The cops are called and we flee.
Because he and I aren't what we seem. We are harden criminals, running from the law, running from the world's greatest detective. We have killed and we have stolen, and we currently have a girl in our grasps. She's a beautiful little thing and the other men are getting a turn at her, prodding her, teasing her. What we have is a prize to be won over, or to be traded over, to be exact.
I'm writing this entry because my time here is short. I know it. I'm not being depressing, although I am starting to smoke more and more each day, but that's only because I can feel it. I can feel the date closing in on me. If there is any sort of God-like being out there, I can only pray that he goes to a better place. He was a troubled child, you know? He was a deserter, yet he always fought for what he wanted. That's what drew me to him. Even after he left me, I think I still waited around for him.
I was so clueless, and I still am, but there's something about him that lights a fire in me. Like the cigarettes I smoke, he's my fire. He's the only thing I live off of. I'm more addicted to him than he is of me, yet I don't care. If I did, I think I would have left long ago. And he wouldn't have noticed a single difference.
No… He wouldn't have. I don't care. I learned how to stop caring long ago. It's been nice. I've gone so long without crying or without worrying. Just drugs and booze help me pass on each day. Each and every damn day. Thank God for that! Without them, I feel as if I'd blow my head off.
Ah! I can't forget to thank my very close friends: Video games.
An honorable mention to them for humoring me during dark restless nights where all I heard was some skank moaning as she pleased members of this shitty mafia. Is it obvious that it's passed my cigarette break? They're so controlling. Just like him. Just like Mihael.
But fuck, I love him so much, which is why I'm dying for him soon. It will be a horrible death.
I think it'll be swift though.
It's better than this torturous love affair I have with him.
So you will not be hearing back from me. Goodbye.