"It's hard to take in the sensation of your arms around me, when I still feel so cold.
You know you're the one who's made me smile this much."
"But you're crying."
I let out a small, breathy laugh.
I closed my eyes and snuggled closer to him.
I looked at the window, it was boarded so that sunlight couldn't stream through it.
3:15
"Come on, you need to get some sleep."
I felt tears run down my cheeks and I looked at him.
"Please don't look at me like that."
I saw the tears well in his eyes and I wrapped my arms tighter around his frame.
'I don't want to seperate. Not now, not tonight.'
He kissed the top of my head and I felt him start to shake.
I leaned back and looked back at him.
Tears stained his cheeks and I immediately moved my head to his shoulders and began to sob quietly.
"How did we let it come to this?"
He shook his head and lifted my chin so that I was facing him.
He planted a soft kiss on my lips and I held him tighter than before.
I felt his hand slide gently along the strands of my hair.
The loger we remained, the more my tears cascaded, and the more silent the night became.
We pulled apart and I dreaded glancing at the clock again.
I didn't want to know.
"You start a new job in the morning."
I let out a sigh and sat up.
I put my head in my hands and began to sob even more.
"I- I start my life without you, in the morning."
He sighed and sat up as well.
We leaned against the wall with our backs pressed securely against the plaster.
He firmly grabbed my shoulders and pulled me so that I was in between his legs with my back against his chest.
I leaned back and closed my eyes, focusing only on making the tears stop.
"I love you, more than I've ever loved anyone in my life. You need to know that."
The tears came again.
"And I need you to know... That I'll always..."
I started to sob and shake violently.
There were no words that could describe the amount of heartache I was feeling.
That terror that strikes and coils itself around your heart.
The feeling of lonliness even though you're with that person you love more than life itself.
The feeling that everything you've ever truly loved...
Is being wrentched away from you with the back end of a hammer.
That feeling.
And so much more.
"Please stop crying. Please."
I kept my head in my hands, I couldn't stop.
We both knew that.
He leaned forward and pulled me back against him.
I felt his tears slide down my bare shoulder.
Without looking, I raised one of my arms, and felt his eyes.
They were soaked.
He grabbed my hand and kissed my palm gently.
"I love you so much."
I heard him whisper softly into my ear.
I lowered my arm and I managed to take a last, quivering breath.
The sobbing finally subsided.
But the tears still flowed.
"Why does it hurt so much to say goodbye?"
He shrugged his shoulders and I finally looked at him.
He sighed. "I don't know... I guess it's because neither of us really want this to be 'goodbye'."
I felt my lip start to quiver again and tears flowed down my cheeks.
"Then why do this? Why say goodbye?"
He sighed, "We have to."
I took in another breath.
"No, you want to."
He face turned.
He winced as if I had just belted him across the face, his cheeks rose with color and he lips quivered in an unsettling frown.
"No..."
He leaned forward and kissed me, I felt tears hit my cheeks and for a moment I realized, they weren't mine.
I was still crying.
But these were not my tears.
I pulled away and I saw his eyes were almost completely bloodshot.
We glanced at the boarded window.
"I wish the sun didn't have to rise."
I lowered my head and nodded at his words.
He lifted my chin again and kissed me.
He tugged at my tank and I at his shirt.
One by one we disrobed until there was nothing left but our bare skin.
He turned on the light and looked at me.
"Lay down."
I cocked an eyebrow at him, very confused.
He kissed me again.
"Don't worry so much."
I complied.
He removed the sheets from his bed and stared at me.
He traced his hand along my body and then he leaned down, and kissed me again.
"You're the most beautiful girl/woman/creature... ANYTHING I have ever seen. I will never forget you."
I tried to smile.
I wanted to smile.
I didn't want to cry anymore.
He wiped my tears away with his hands.
He leaned down and kissed me.
He started at my thigh.
He traced small, short kissed along my body.
And over looking my lips, kissed my forehead.
I felt his tears fall against my brow and he looked at me again.
I tried to avert his gaze, but his lips caught mine before I could.
I wrapped my arms arund his neck and he cupped my cheek with his hand.
He pressed his body against my own.
"I love you beautiful."
I laced my fingers with his hair and he kissed me again.
I felt him slide inside of me very slowly.
He held me very close and softly continued to move in and out of me.
We made love that night.
I checked the clock: 5:25.
"Why does the night have to end?"
He pulled the sheets back onto the bed and then settled in behind me.
He wrapped his arm around me and I turned my neck to kiss him once more.
"Tonight will never end. I will never let that happen."
I felt tears run down my cheeks and he held me closer to him.
Our clothes lined the carpet perfectly.
Our fingers fit together better than the building blocks in a game of tetris.
And in a few hours...
That would be that.
I fought against sleep for another 45 minutes and I know he was doing the same thing.
"I love you Uri."
I heard him sigh, and then he kissed me on the cheek.
"I love you too Samantha."
I woke up the next morning, and readied myself for work.
I remained with his scent through the rest of the day.
That was the last night we were ever allowed to spend together.
Isn't it wonderful...
The things that discrimination can do?