Order of the Phoenix Headquarters, June 1981

"Dead?"

The word rang out in the room like an echo; the weight it carried hit him like a blow to the stomach, knocking the wind out of his lungs.

"Yes." answered Mad-Eye gruffly. "She was the last one."

Sirius heard a small sob to his right and wasn't surprised to see James with his head in his hands; his wide shoulders shaking. He never took the deaths very well.

Mad-Eye let out a grunt of sorts and made his way out the room, Sirius could hear the sharp thud of his walking stick get quieter and quieter as he disappeared down the corridor, suddenly there was a loud crack followed by silence. He wondered if he had disapparated to whoever else he had to inform, however that thought was cut short by the gut-wrenching realisation that there was no one. The McKinnons were dead.

The stunned silence that had previously filled the room slowly turned to a painful awkwardness as no-one knew what to say to each other, some sat in quiet tears, others simply stared at their feet. Sirius kept fiddling with the thick silver ring on his middle finger, twisting it back and forth.

"Alright, mate?" Remus asked James, his own voice raw with emotion, he placed a shaky hand on the back of his neck.

"Yeah." James sniffed, lifting his head and rubbing his eyes with his fist. "Yeah, m'alright."

"Bit of a shock." Peter said quietly. "How are you, Padfoot?"

"Me?" Sirius asked, trying to keep his voice level, raised an eyebrow and pulled a cigarette from his pocket. "I'm fine."

"Well, you know, with you having dated back in the day-" Peter continued, his voice hardly louder than a whisper.

"Said I'm fine, Wormy." Sirius cut him off sharply, lighting his cigarette and taking a deep drag, his body relaxing as the smoke filled his lungs. "It was a long time ago, anyway."

Sirius could feel James' hazel eyes burning into the side of his face. He blew the smoke out from between his parted lips and let it momentarily cloud his vision of the room, if he tried hard enough, he could pretend the blurred figure opposite him was her.

Peter nodded. "Still, never easy losing someone you know."

"No." James said quietly, his eyes still fixed on Sirius. "It isn't."

"Remember when she set fire to old Flitwick's beard-" Remus began with a small smile. "I don't think it ever really grew back the same way."

Peter and James chuckled softly and began to recount their own stories of the girl they had known. Quickly, Sirius jumped to his feet, muttered some excuse about fresh air and made his way out of the room.

As he burst out of the back door of the house and in to the small garden, he felt tears spring to his eyes as the warm summer air washed over him. The world felt like it was spinning around him, his legs began to buckle as his stomach threw its limited contents up into the plant pot perched beside him.

Dead.

Everything in him screamed that it couldn't be. How could Marlene McKinnon be dead?

"Padfoot?"

Sirius felt a strong arm wrap around his middle and pull him on to a nearby bench, carefully placing him down. His knees ached from where they had hit the concrete not long before and although he didn't dare look down, the strong smell of vomit that was rising from his t-shirt confirmed his suspicion.

"Merlin's beard, mate-." James frowned.

"I'm fine." Sirius insisted weakly.

"Clearly." James huffed, taking a seat beside him. "You stink."

"Piss off."

Both men smiled slightly but before Sirius could stop himself, a small sob erupted from his chest. The same arm that had carried him to the bench now wrapped itself around his shoulders and pulled him into a rough hug. They both sat in silence for what felt like hours, clinging tightly to one another as they cried.

"What are you going to do?" James sighed finally, pulling away. His hazel eyes were red and puffy behind his round glasses. Sirius wiped a tear from his own cheek with the cuff of his sleeve.

"Nothing, I can do." Sirius sniffed, his eyes travelled down to the faint scars adorning his right hand. "I made an Unbreakable Vow, it doesn't leave me with much choice."

James shook his head. "The Vow would have broken when she- when she-."

"It still stands." Sirius said firmly. "I made a promise, magic or no magic."

James nodded slowly, taking his words in. "Still can't believe you let her talk you in to it."

"We were drunk." Sirius shrugged, brushing his hair out of his face with a shaky hand.

"Anyway, no point now is there?"

"I s'pose not." James answered with a frown. "Aren't you gonna tell Moony and Wormtail at least?"

"I can't." Sirius replied, his expression suddenly became hard. "You and I are the only people who can ever know about what happened."

James opened his mouth to say something, but Sirius cut him off quickly. "Lily can't know either."

James looked uneasy. "I don't like lying to her, Pads."

"It's not lying, Prongs." Sirius corrected him, he scanned over his friend's uncomfortable face and felt a small pang of guilt at what he was asking him to do. "Please, for me mate."

James nodded slowly. "Sure. But I need something from you in return."

"What's that?"

"Explain to me how you ended up in this fucking mess."