Alright everyone, I'm gonna lay it all on the line. This is my story, mine, not yours so I don't give a fucking crap what you have to say about any of it so no flaming. I'm Golden Jubilee and this story will free your mind if you can handle it. So anyway, let's get started with the actual articulation of this epic.

It was a typical day in Beach City I woke up at 7:00 AM and did 100 push ups as usual, certain things are necessary if you want to stay as an alpha. I brushed my teeth and went over to Godless' house, that's what Garnet goes by now, since she embraced atheism, and knocked on the door.

"Knock, knock," I exclaimed, "rasping at your door."

Godless answered the door, as expected, "Nevermore,"

"Let's go over to the den," I said to Godless.

"Wait," Godless said, raising a hand for pause, "There's a fucking feminist behind you."

"Let's piss that bitch off," I said, and we began our """""""heteronormative"""""" gag.

"Oh baby, you make me feel like the stupid bitch I know I'm supposed to be, put me in the kitched," she said to me.

"Are you talking back to me, bitch?" I said back, mock slapping her in the mouth.

"No daddy," she said back, mock crying.

Godless smiled, breaking character, it had worked. The feminist was infuriated.

"Who was it anyway," I asked.

"Just that cunt fuckwit Connie," Godless said.

"Oh that's the greatest," I gufawed. Godless smacked me back for serious.

"That's what you get," she smiled and we went to the den.

The den. Well, it's called Beach Citywalk Fries, but we just call it the den, any of us worth talking to that is. We have a real community, the atheists in this town. I sat down with garnet in a dark corner, purple accents shining on our wooden table. Godless and I scream class in this place, my leather jacket says I'm the alpha, I'm the one you don't want to mess with. And Godless' get-up is no joke, A jean-jacket with metal streamers hanging from it, a throwback to times when class was recognized, not like today's rabble. She wears a skirt made of pocket watches, each with a different majestic beast portrayed on the lid. Man she is some kind of woman.

I order fries for the both of us, it's a power move, but also the place only serves fries. "I'll have the fries, and she'll have the fries," I say.

Godless blushes.

"And put on something worth listening to, this nikki minaj shit-show is making me sick mate." Garnet and I say simultaneously.

Peedee takes that as the usual request for Fireflies by owl city orchestra, "I'll get you the good stuff sirs- maam, I'm sorry."

Godless shakes her head at him as he Beach Citywalks away.

"I don't know what to make of that little shit," I say to Godless.
"His brother's cool though," Godless responds.

"Yeah," I forfeit, "he's pretty cool honestly."

We play a quick game of N+ to pass the time. We're the hipsters with the biggest creds. Godless beats me which is fucking bullshit because she started on the closest side. I gave up the fedora for the day. Only one white person in any group should wear a fedora, it's just too much swag for white people to pull off in a group.

Ronaldo comes back with fries, "Sorry about my brother, he seems shook up," he says.

"We're just a couple 'a shaker uppers," I say.

Ronaldo laughs, "but seriously, I will fuck you up if you step out of line."

"Got it Ronaldo," I chuckle.

I bite into some fries. Nature-and-science-damned fucking divine. I love this shit.

-End