Decrease the Surplus Population
by Rob Morris
December 23rd, 2375, Space Station Deep Space Nine
To his credit, he tried to endure it all. All the tributes to the noted Terran holiday.
Rom and Nog.
"A Merry Christmas, Bob! A Merrier Christmas than I've given you for many a year. I have decided-to also hire able-bodied members of your family!"
"Oh, Mister Scrooge! You are far too generous. Together we will drive the competing lenders out of business, and form a monopoly that will encompass all of Greater London."
Worf and Martok.
"Mister Potter, you are a p'tagh! Admit that you stole the money from my feeble-minded Uncle who has now taken his own life in penance!"
"I am the ally of Molor, George Bailey! You and all your House shall spend the New Year in Grethor's dankest pit, and the savings and loan shall at last be mine! Now raise your bat'leth!"
Leeta and Kira.
"He realized the day meant so much more, and they say his heart grew three sizes plus two that day."
"But the Prophets wished to test the sincerity of his conversion, so he was misled to believe he was to dwell in the Fire Caves. When he accepted this as his just punishment for past misdeeds, he was then permitted to bring the toys, trees and decorations back to Whoville, along with the Orb Of Unselfishness."
Finally, a small Vulcan girl knelt before the possible reincarnation of the father of their culture.
"Despite my most sincere and yet illogical hopes, I must at last judge that you are not Surak at all."
She opened her eyes and stood up.
"You're just a nice man with a beard, like my mother said."
Blank-eyed, Sisko got up and walked away, claiming war-bred exhaustion. Back in his quarters, he ran a highly secularized but happily unaltered ancient Christmas vid, and the captain smiled.
"Happy Birthday, Frosty."