The Ultimate Love of Video Games
A Fax-y, fluffy one-shot by Rachel
For nm-maximumride4eva, darkness takes all of me, Midge 1012, silver-nightstorm, and the others who reviewed more than once per story.
Do you ever have those times when you think of something you should have seen coming, and put a stop to it before anyone got hurt?
That fateful day was one of those times.
There I was, lying spread-eagled on the sofa and shoveling potato chips –come to think of it, they may have been corn chips- into my mouth while watching something on TV.
No, no, they were definitely corn chips.
…Anyway. The flock minus Total had decided to take the day off and go shopping.
"Shopping" in this context means going to Wal-Mart and picking something off the shelf, then running as fast as you can with the store manager yelling and shaking his fist at you all the way, of course.
It was only a matter of time before they ran through the door, breathing heavily and demanding that I turn the lights out and hide under the bed for the next few minutes like last time, all while Iggy clutched the precious baked-potato flavored Pringles.
Not to say that they weren't magically delicious, but whatever.
But I thought it would just be the Pringles, nothing else. Nothing that could potentially damage the flock as we knew it.
When they did finally run in –as I knew they would-, they had a large package with them. Well, more of an old cardboard box to disguise the real thing.
I knew it had to be good.
Leaping up from the couch and sprinting over to the box like a drunken toddler –it must have been the corn chips gone to my head- , I made my way over to the box. "What's inside it?" I asked, giving them time to answer, dramatic pause included.
"It's…" Fang answered after a moment, "…this." And he ripped the large, mothball-smelling blanket from the box.
If it would have been a cartoon, there would have been heavenly light shining on my face. Because here was a box full of promises and a good time.
And also a pain in my ass.
I whirled as my hand whipped through the air and cracked loudly against Fang's cheek, sending him spiraling onto the ground with a loud thud. It would have been louder, probably, if he hadn't been wearing a hood.
Iggy and Gazzy were also wearing hoods. They looked so thug.
You got that? Now picture it in slow motion.
"What was that for?" he shouted in mock anger, pulling himself to his feet. "I thought it was pretty good!"
Let me paint a picture for you. What we were looking at here was a Nintendo Wii, complete with four remotes and around ten games. I didn't even want to know what they were, and they were all wrapped in newspapers.
It made me feel queasy, yet powerful, to think how much money we had here.
"It…you…put it back!" I squawked at him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and flinging him against the wall. And it hurt like he'd been eating bricks.
"Why?" he asked in disbelief.
"I can think of ten good reasons," I challenged. "It's wrong, immoral, even, stealing so much money…and you with all these video games is just wrong, Fang. WRONG."
"How so?"
I held up a finger and fished in the box for a moment until I found a game, tearing off the newspaper. "Super Mario Bro's for Wii?" I read. "Come on! This is just too…cheerful!"
I looked at the flock. "Can you see Fang playing as the little yellow mushroom thingy? It's disturbing," I whispered, and shuddered. Fang pointedly rolled his eyes.
"Well, actually," Nudge said, "Iggy picked that one out. And you know how that goes, don't you, Max?" she elbowed me twice. "Fang picked that one out." I saw that she was pointing to Rockband.
"No," I whispered in horror. "You've lost it. Tell me exactly how many people in there are classified as 'emo bands'." I was prepared for something along the lines as scary as the Telletubies on ice.
"The All American Rejects," Fang read off of the box.
"Oh thank God," I collapsed on the chair behind me.
"What say you," he challenged, "To one game of Rockband?"
Part One: Rockband
I rolled my eyes. "I'll set it up," I said dejectedly as I grabbed the Wii and the game, and made my way to the TV. "Nudge, come help me, will you?"
"Okay!" said Fang brightly. "Well, actually, Iggy, Gazzy and I have to go upstairs for…something. Be back in a few," he waved a hand at us and was gone.
The actual setup of the game was relatively easy. We had it done in a flash, and therefore were forced to wait for the guys to get down.
The guitar was easy enough to figure out, it looked like all you had to do was put batteries in and bam.
Nudge was struggling with the drums. "Hey, how is this supposed to work?" she asked as she fiddled with the chord. Without a word I grabbed it and plugged it in.
"…oh," she said.
Total had both his paws on the microphone and his teeth all over the plastic wrapper. "Those cruel people!" he cried dramatically. "I'll never be able to do my Broadway musicals!"
I raised an eyebrow and snapped it open with my fingernail.
"Total, you do know that this is Rockband?" Angel asked as she helped him to open the drumsticks. "Can you sing 'Learn to Fly' or 'Black Hole Sun'?"
"I'll never be your girl for the job," Total said pointedly.
"That's it," I complained. "When are those girls gonna get down here? I'm ready to whoop Fang's ass. I'm on drums, by the way," I said, snatching the drumsticks.
"I don't think we should trust Max with something so pointy," Total shuddered, despite the blunt ends of the drumsticks.
"Yo! Get your butts down here!" Nudge hollered up.
"One minute!" a voice shouted down, and I thought it was Gazzy's, but I couldn't be sure.
We heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and-
Oh. My God.
Fang, Iggy and Gazzy were clearly standing in front of us, and they had clearly had electric eels up there.
Gazzy's hair was spiked, clearly with more hairspray than Nudge was wearing, and…purple. Not lavender, purple. Like, purple, purple. There was a single earring on his ear and a tattoo on his arm that said "bite me" inside a heart and thorns, revealed nicely by his purple tank top with the skull and crossbones, complete with skinny jeans and black converse.
Was I wrong about him being eight? He could have been at least nine.
Iggy, well, Iggy was just sad. His hair was pulled back in a ponytail using extensions that were so obviously fake yet could have passed for his hair. He was wearing blind guy shades with a leather jacket and leather pants. Ouch. They looked superglued on.
And Fang was what could have made you blind. I wished I was Iggy, aside from the leather pants, of course. His hair was up in a black mohawk, easily a foot tall. He had the emo face powder and eyeliner on as well, with a fake ear piercing and a black sweatshirt and black skinny jeans.
Well, someone didn't have to buy any new clothes to play the part.
Nudge was the first to scream.
"My eyes!" she cried, and stumbled blindly into the kitchen, staggering against the fridge. "They burn!"
"Get it away!" shouted Angel, and crawled under the sofa. Hmm. They must have brought the Pringles.
"Fang," I gasped, almost hyperventilating. "What...have you done to Iggy and Gazzy?"
Fang glanced at their eyeliner and swore. "I...didn't...they...oh, nevermind."
"Let's get this over with," I grimaced. And so it began.
"Max, Fang and Total are up first," Angel groaned from the kitchen. I strode over to the drums, setting the microphone on the couch for Total. Fang grabbed the guitar, and proceeded to 'smash it' against the floor.
I shot him a look and it was over.
Nudge flipped through the menu, reading out the songs to Iggy. After about two minutes, he settled on 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl'. Total groaned to himself.
"Just follow along with the tune on the screen," Angel reassured him.
Total and I selected easy on the level menu, but Fang went down to expert. "Are you crazy?" I asked. "You're gonna get booed off! At least do medium."
He shook his head flatly and sealed his fate. Waiting for the game to load was the most epic moment of my life.
Total gulped and looked at the screen as it started. Hesitantly at first, he sang in a shaky voice, "One, two, three, take my hand and come with me, because you look so fine that I really wanna make you mine!"
I beat out a steady beat on the drums, not checking on how Fang was doing.
When the new line came up, I sang along with Fang in the background this time. He sounded like a dying horse with a head cold. "I say you look so fine that I really wanna make you mine!" we sang, then looked at each other and blushed.
Well, I blushed. Fang just sort of grimaced. Self-esteem boost, much.
Then I actually had time to look at Fang on the guitar. And he was incredible. He didn't miss one note, hitting each so perfectly that in no time he was getting cheered by the game and Angel, his score rising far above Total's and even mine.
Total even stopped singing for a moment to look at Fang in wonder, then picked it back up quickly and more confidently. "Big black boots! Long brown hair! She's so sweet, with her get back stare!"
"You suck!" I hollered at Fang in disbelief. He was winning so badly.
"I lick," he said, raising one eyebrow. I slapped my forehead.
Fang's guitar solo came up, and he milked it for all it was worth. Hitting every note, again, he didn't even look at the screen. He just looked at the rest of us. I wondered vaguely if he'd played it before.
He then stood up and proceeded to jam out on it, tilting it up and down while he hit the notes like a pro. Right at the end, he slid on his knees while finishing out the rest of the solo.
It was cool until he hit the TV and did a wipeout. His face rubbed against the TV as he slid down. I snickered quietly as he got up, missing some notes at last.
Total swung the microphone out to Fang. "I know we ain't got much to say, before I let you get away, yeah!" He looked straight at me. "I said, are you gonna be my girl?"
I looked down at the drums and didn't speak to him for the rest of the song.
Part Two: The World of Mario
After Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy and Angel all had their turns –of course Iggy had to be on the microphone because of the blind thing, and only sounded slightly better than Fang had been-, it was time for the hell of the night.
Enter, Maximum Ride, into the world of Super Mario Bro's for Wii.
This time, Nudge and Gazzy were playing it with us.
Nudge immediately picked the blue mushroom, claiming that it was "just so cute". It looked like something you'd put on a pizza and then spit out when you tasted it.
Fang's face contorted while trying to choose between Luigi and Mario. Eventually he decided on Mario, leaving Luigi for Gazzy. When he asked Iggy, Iggy told him to pick Mario because "Luigi's queer".
This left me with the yellow mushroom/sponge/queer on legs/thing.
Let me just say one thing: Fang beat my ass in Rockband, but I owned his in Mario.
On the first level, he stole a power-up from me, so I threw him off the cliff. And a news flash, Mario does not have wings, sucka!
On the second level, I pushed him into one of the brown mushrooms.
On the third level, he was half dead before he even started, and on the fourth level, well, maybe I should just stop talking.
Total got on the phone and miraculously dialed the number to the pizza place.
"Hello, I'd like four large pepperonis, two large sausages, three large pineapples and six Canadian bacons, with four orders of cheese breadsticks and one non, and six orders of the cinnamon dessert things."
"Oh, so the usual," we heard through the phone.
Part Three: The Dance-off
No. My eyes widened in disbelief. It just couldn't be happening. "Nudge?" I whispered faintly as she sent me an evil grin. "Nudge, no, no, no, noooooooo!" I cried as she pressed the Wii remote into my hand. She gave Fang and Gazzy one, saving one for herself.
The main screen of Just Dance appeared on the TV. I winced as Nudge flipped through all the songs. There were tons of songs, and she just happened to pick the only Katy Perry song in there.
Gazzy was ready to wet himself until he realized that there was no Katy Perry.
The beat started to thump, and I could see Angel broadcasting everything into Iggy's brain, because he started smiling wide as the music came on.
"You, change your mind, like a girl, changes clothes," the voice sang, and I raised an eyebrow at Fang, thinking only of Lissa, as we danced to it.
He was actually very good. Better than me, in fact. Nudge, on his other side, danced in sync with him, facing the TV, but he did it even better.
Gazzy was dancing like a maniac chicken on crack, but that was to be expected, I suppose.
Fang moved his hips better than the girl on the screen, seeming to know every dance move before it had happened and then doing it, making the rest of us look like pathetic backup dancers and him the star.
It all seemed so perfect, and so rehearsed. His hips, his arms, his footwork, it was all perfect, like he'd known what was coming, which I found slightly disturbing.
Nudge was sweating and working her hardest to keep up with him, glancing at him from time to time. To her despair, he never stopped winning.
It was just unnatural for a guy to move his hips that way. I almost forgot that I was angry with him.
"Yeah, you, PMS, like a chick, I would know," he mouthed to the song, looking straight at him.
My eyebrows furrowed and I mouthed the words to come. "And you, always think, always speak, cryptically," sang the voice on the screen, and his eyebrows, too, knotted together.
Gazzy and Nudge didn't seem to notice all this going on, bug Angel certainly did, and she broadcasted our thoughts to Iggy. I'd kill to know Fang's.
"I should know, that you're no good for me, yeah," the words played, but Fang looked away, and I felt a dejected weight on my heart.
Iggy stood up, though Nudge and Gazzy kept dancing. Fang and I were standing still, glaring at each other silently.
"Just kiss already," he said simply. "Kiss and get it over with."
Fang looked at me and shrugged, but there was a fire in his eyes.
In one fluid motion, before I could even register a thought, he swept me into his arms and pressed his lips to mine fiercely.
In a reflex, my hand immediately flew up to his head and held him there, only swaying on the spot a little. The music stopped playing and the others turned to stare, but I thought nothing of it, because it was unlikely that this opportunity would ever come up again.
I was being a lady and respecting boundaries, but then I thought, well, I'm not a lady.
So I tackled him onto the couch as we continued.
"Ahem," Total choked out. We both turned and looked at him blankly.
"After all we've been through together, Fang," Total huffed, and exited dramatically. Outside, we heard him muttering about how we were "crazy for each other".
"What was that?" I asked, hours later, when we were the only ones left cleaning up the Rockband crap.
Fang smiled sheepishly. "For the love of video games, right?"
Okay, to see what Fang would be wearing, I was forced to Google 'emo guys'.
Turns out, 'emo guys' will burn your eyes out. So, I was forced to google 'hot emo guys'.
And they will really burn your eyes out. I got my eleven year old sister in love with a cartoon of Fang.
I'd probably be the only one who thinks that's just creepy... Hope some people read this!
~Rachel