Author's note: My first fanfic with the Vision! In this fanfic, AoU happened. But the roster didn't change, except for the additions of W & P & V. And W & P are still stupid.
"Ahhh, this is the life..." Tony Stark mumbled as he sat on the couch, looking out through the wall of windows at the powdery snow wafting down. He and the rest of the Avengers were lounging in the main living room of the Secret Avengers Facility, in upstate New York.
It was two days till Christmas, and the team was enjoying a very, very, very rare moment of complete peace and serenity. It was bliss. Pepper Pots was snuggled into Tony's left side, breathing deeply as she slept, a cup of hot cocoa in her hands. Thor was spread out on the couch across the coffee table. On the other side of the room, Jane Foster stood at the stove heating up some tea. Natasha Romanoff sat on a floor pillow with Bruce Banner, sharing a cup of cocoa with him. Steve, stretched out in a comfy leather lounge chair, was lost in thought. Clint Barton snuggled on the other half of the couch occupied by Tony with his wife, Laura.
Outside, Clint and Laura's kids were out hurling snowballs at each other. Quiet Christmas music played softly in the background.
Wanda and Pietro Maximoff were sitting back to back in a hammock, their feet hanging out opposite sides. They had seen the hammock at a yard sale and couldn't live without. ("It reminds me of Sokovia..." Wanda wailed when Steve tried to pry it from her grasp.)
Thor was tossing Mjolnr to himself, Tony was holding Pepper, Bruce was reading a nuclear bomb construction handbook, and Wanda was flipping through a picture book. Everyone was happy. Everyone, that is, except Pietro. You must remember, dear reader, that Pietro Maximoff practically exists faster than us mere mortals. So, serene, lazy moments like these are his ultimate nemesis.
"Ahhhh..." Tony let out another deep sigh. Reaching over, he was about to brush some of Pepper's hair off of her face, when...
"I AM ZO BORED!" Pietro let out a wild shriek and dove out of the hammock, right onto the coffee table. Everyone jerked back.
"Arrrrgh!" Pepper sat up, rudely awakened, and hurled her steaming hot cocoa right into Bruce's face.
Realizing what he had done, Pietro staggered to his feet, waved his arms, and shouted, "Zorry, zorry, it vas a habit! It vas a habit zorry!" Thor reached over, grabbed the three powerless/trainingless women (Pepper, Laura, and Jane), and with one arm threw all three of them behind the couch. Then, enraged and in pain from the burning coffee, Bruce Hulked out in the smallish living room.
"ROOOOAAAAAAARRRRR!"
Steve lunged out of his chair, while at the same time bellowing "LULLABY!" at the top of his lungs.
"On it!" Tasha quickly threw her body off the floor and grabbed The Hulk around the neck. "HEY BIG GUY SUN'S GETTIN' REAL LOW WHATDYA SAY WE TURN IN?" Tasha blasted, grimacing as the Hulk thrashed around.
"Isn't that supposed to calm him down?!" Tony yelled. He had joined the women behind the couch.
"Shut up or put your armor on!" Steve shouted.
"My armor doesn't work well in tight spaces," Tony excused himself.
"What?! Since when?!" Natasha shrieked in reply. Hulk wildly tossed, trying to remove the Black Widow from his back. Natasha refused to let go, her legs pinwheeling through the air. Her foot accidentally struck the safety release button on one of the hammock hooks on the ceiling, turning the hammock into a long drapey sash, with Wanda valiantly holding on, kicking and screaming. Then baby Nathaniel, who had been asleep in a Pack 'n Play in the corner, woke up and started to wail.
"Don't vorry Zister Vanda, I'll catch you!" Pietro yelled, running around in glowy blue circles underneath the hammock. It was into this scene of utter chaos that little Lila Barton stepped. She had gotten tired of snowballs, and she wanted to get warm. Lila screamed in terror as The Hulk crashed towards her.
Just in time, The Vision, who had been up in the tech lab, heard her frantic wails and came to the rescue. (*begin William Tell Overture*) The Vision quickly lifted Wanda down, carried poor Lila to safety, removed Natasha from Hulk's back, knocked out the Hulk with a sonic taser, and bopped Pietro over the head with Mjolner for good measure. Then, with a swirl of yellow cape, he swished right back on up to the lab. (*end William Tell Overture*)
There was a five second pause, as everyone registered the arrival and departure of Vision. Then, Pepper, Laura, Jane and Clint immediately rushed to Lila and Nathaniel. Pietro lay in an unconscious lump on the floor, alongside the bigger, greener unconscious lump that was Hulk. Natasha crawled under the couch. Wanda sat on the floor, meticulously picking glass shards out of her precious precious combat boots. Thor and Steve, stunned by the sudden chaos, decided to join Vision in the lab. Tony just sat in the wreckage on the floor, sniffling about his 'poor, disintegrated, $25,000 coffee table.'
After a while, Steven decided that he should probably go back and see if the others were still breathing. Not really wanting to go back to the living room, though, he took the longest route possible. As he walked into the wreckage, he spied a fuzzy black slipper peeping out from under the couch. "Is that Tasha?" he gasped, running over, seizing her foot, and dragging her out. "What happened?!"
"You know what happened," Natasha mumbled, smooshing her face into the filled-with-glass-shards carpet.
Trying to be positive, Steve answered, "C'mon, it's not like something like this hasn't happened before."
From the floor, Tony moaned, "But we were having such a nice moment!"
Steve replied, "Well, Tony, you wanted to have that carped replaced anyway."
Holding a screeching Nathaniel, Clint said, "We need a vacation."
"Yes," said Natasha through the carpet.
"Yay!" said Wanda.
"Agreed," said Thor, who had just returned from the lab.
"Oh yeah," said deHulkified Bruce.
"Definitely," said Tony.
"I am never letting my children near you guys again," said Laura.
"Hey..." Pietro wheezily interjected. "Vone of zem's named after me."
"Oh yeah? How does 'Nathaniel Vision Barton' sound?" Laura snapped back.
"Terrible..." Pietro snorted.
"Hey, hey. Sheathe the claws!" Clint stepped in between Laura and Pietro. Turning to the Avengers, the archer said, "Guys, has anyone here ever been skiing?"