Disclaimer: Any recognizable plot and characters belong to Mizuna Kubawara, the creator of Mirage of Blaze. I am just borrowing her characters for entertainment purposes.
Warnings: My knowledge about the plot and characters comes from the anime only. In addition, I have changed some things to fit my story. The action is set a couple of years after the ending of Mirage of Blaze OAV. Any other mistake is born out of a too ardent desire to give these two the happy-ending they deserve.
One
I wish I could just let you go
Reincarnation was a bitch.
Always was. Always will.
What was the point of getting reincarnated anyways? If he thought about the people that surrounded him out of mere respect for a past life that was long gone, he would realize that nobody was happy. They all remembered everything, they all remembered the respect that they owed to him; they even remembered they owed him obedience.
Reincarnation was a bitch.
It gave you the possibility of coming back again and again and again. It was actually torturous. If someone was in his place, that is. Takaya looked up at the black sky illuminated by a rather red moon. Hmm, that was a bad omen. But since when something hasn't been a bad omen to him? He squeezed his fists. Really, it was all getting boring and torturous, but somehow he understood why Kagetora tried to seal away his memories.
Why come back with so many bad memories? He as Ougi Takaya had lived enough for just one life and he was still so young. But Kagetora was a different case. There were so many people expecting something from him; there were so many people craving for his powers. And Kagetora surely did a lot of things that regretted. In so many lives, he must have got tons of it; and it must have been difficult to lose all the people he cared about to these spiritual wars that never seem to end; always surrounded by people swearing their allegiances and then at the same time suffer in their own turn the destructions of every thing they held dear.
Reincarnation was a bitch.
Simply because he wanted to call it like that. Sometimes he was confused: he didn't know whether he was Ougi Takaya or Uesugi Kagetora. He didn't know whose glimpses of memory still remembered every now and then, whose pain he felt, whose friendship he felt, whose… love he felt. He was feeling trapped by this never ending confusion and he would have gladly erased everything in his memory all over again if that meant he could finally be at peace. However, peace was still prohibited to him.
He passed his long fingers through his jet black hair. He needed so many things; he needed to be free from this stupid thing called reincarnation because he was really getting tired. Was it so wrong to ask to be loved and respected for who he was? And not for who he had been?
There were many questions that were roaming though his mind, but one was definitely the most powerful. What about Naoe?
He needed closure.
He looked in his lonesome image reflected in the window. The lights from the city seemed so far away and yet so close. Takaya looked at them enviously and then slowly pushed his forehead against the cold glass, sighing heavily. It was another hotel room in a continuous string of hotel rooms, in which he had been living for the past two years. The coldness of it made him aware of all those things right now, because now he was waiting. Waiting for Naoe to take his prize. Waiting for Naoe to claim him as his own.
Would they be happy about it? Somehow, Takaya felt reluctant about the whole mess; nonetheless, he has never been more scared. It wasn't the fact that he was attracted to the older man. He had to admit that Naoe had been really beautiful and gentle in many ways with him. Yes, there have been many harsh exchanges between them along the years, but it always seemed to Takaya that Naoe was always going to forgive him for that. Has he always been acting with the pride of a winner? Well, he didn't know the answer to this question; and in all his honesty, he didn't want to know.
Takaya let himself fall on the bed, a bed that he should share with Naoe in a few hours. The attractive man was going to come and take his prize and somehow Takaya felt relieved to think about Naoe Nobutsuna. He could almost feel that silky light brown hair passing through his fingers, those wonderful warm chocolate eyes covering his body again, filled with pain and lust. He almost craved to touch those stone like muscles, which still seemed to him as the safest place on earth. He craved to feel those hands caressing his skin again. And the fact that he has denied it these past few years didn't help much. He looked at the ceiling with a blank stare. Truth be told, he has been attracted to Naoe since the first moment that he met him and when he left him on that dock with his coat still on his shoulders, smelling of him, Takaya badly wanted to scream for him to come back and be with him.
Did he even know what it did to him not to call for him? Seeing almost a year later with that old man, playing the fucking nice secretary like he didn't have any care in the world? Takaya has seen the regret that Naoe felt when leaving that president's side and he felt a pang of jealousy. No, freaking scratch that: he felt a damn wave of jealousy, seeing that loyalty which should have been his, yet covering another man! That's why he had trashed Naoe later. No, he hadn't been pissed off by the scene in the hotel room, although that had its short comings; it had been that belief that Naoe was bestowing on anybody but him.
Takaya put an arm on his eyes. Damn it! In that hotel room, it was the first time that Naoe was kissing him and calling him on his name and not Kagetora's! It sounded so true to his ears. For a moment he had been so tempted to succumb to that passion and forget everything. But by then, Kagetora's memory was slowly coming back to him and he remembered the things that his enemies did when they caught him. The humiliation. The pain. Only much later did he remember that actually it was Naoe that saved him back then, considering that such a manner to treat him was unbefitting to a lord such as himself. But by then it was already too late. Who would have known that Naoe Nobutsuna was going to treat him with such a respect and care and love although he had been the enemy? And, although he later on died together with him on the battle field, Uesugi Kagetora found himself grateful that he had been found by such a man like Naoe Nobutsuna.
If only they could have stuck to that. But they couldn't. The lives that continued their original one has brought them together still. Takaya felt that it had been almost natural for Kagetora to ask Naoe's total obedience and to get it. The older man seemed to be taken by his younger lord. But Kagetora treated him nicely, with the same gentleness and care that Naoe had when he took him out of that house of horrors. Occasionally there would be signs of that affection too: he would pat him on the shoulder or ruffle his hair trying to take away that permanent frown on Naoe's forehead. He would tuck him in the bed after they would have spent too much time hunting those creeps or he would brush his hair from his face when he slept. These were the only tokens of affection that he would give to Naoe at the beginning.
The kisses have come naturally. Making love was a natural follow up as well. It didn't matter to him that Naoe was a man. In that life at least, he has given up many years to cherishing Naoe and his loyalty towards him as if he was sensing that it was the last life that they had been friends. He still didn't know the extension of the older man's affection but Kagetora didn't really care. He just wanted to be with him. It had been a good life. A nice life. A happy life. It had been the only life when he finally felt that he was loved and cherished the way he always wanted to be. Perhaps this was why he encouraged Naoe greatly too.
But the next life hadn't been very easy. It took them a lot to find each other. It took them too long to discover their powers. It took them too much time to know each other all over again. So by the time Naoe came back in Kagetora's life, he was already in love with a woman and confessed that he would have liked to spend that life with her. Kagetora tried to ignore the pain that practically yelled at him from every pore of Naoe's skin. He was selfish enough to think that he deserved this, that he wanted Minako for his own, without interfering. He ignored everything and made Naoe his loyal subject all over again. They switched roles again, their friendship a little tainted by the feelings they have developed in the previous life.
Minako was enough for Kagetora and it had been a wonderful life for some time, reminding him of the previous one. He tried to have a normal life, to have a family and a job, something that he had never done before. He wanted to forget about the supernatural part of his life and for a period of time, he thought he actually managed it. Until one night when Haruie asked for his help on a difficult case. The exorcisation that he had been compelled to perform had been difficult. It didn't help that he had been wounded by some spirits so badly that he was bleeding to death. If he would have died right there, it would have been the end of everything. He knew that and Naoe knew that too. That's why he had sacrificed everything and made his spirit travel to Minako's body, making her lose her life. It didn't matter to Naoe that he had begged to leave him die, that he had tried so hard to let her live. Naoe was immune to such pleadings. He cared too much for Kagetora. They have spent far too many lives to lose him like that.
When Kagetora realized what has happened, he had cursed his partner and former lover and he had cried so many tears that he was still a little surprised when he would weep and they would fall down his feminine cheeks. He went mad with grief and pain and before he knew better, he sealed his powers away with his memories. The seal on his powers wasn't a powerful one. Just one of security. But that on his memories. Well, that one was another story.
"What are you waiting for, Naoe?" He whispered in the cold of the room and yet no answer came.
When he told him back then that he would be his, if made to submit, Takaya didn't think that Naoe would do anything. By the end of that adventure, Naoe seemed sick and tired of Kagetora Uesugi and just looked for a way out of his misery. It seemed highly unlikely to Takaya that the older man would try that. But he must have underestimated the power of love and lust that Naoe felt for Kagetora and before he knew it, and at a much faster pace than he had expected, he was submitted. And it wasn't like anyone has thought it would be. Naoe succeeded in making Kagetora and Takaya at the same time submit through his undeniable care and self-sacrifice; through making him appreciate what Naoe was doing for him; through making him want to see Naoe first thing in the morning and start to invent excuses to be with him more and more.
By the time he had realized what had happened it was too late.
He had fallen.
Hard.
Even now he remembered the discussion that they had when Takaya finally realized what was going on. They were meeting in the park after finishing another one of their ventures. The fade light of the morning sun was painting its usual colors in the sky and there was a strange piece between the two of them like it had never been before. The park was quiet and peaceful and they needed that as they were trying to get back their strength. Takaya looked at the sky with a content look on his face. Relaxed. Peaceful. Something that Naoe saw right away.
"You seem to enjoy yourself, Takaya-san." he whispered in his gentle voice, smiling in a crooked way as if afraid that the young man would rebuke him. Takaya looked for a moment at him and smiled back.
"I think I feel at peace at the moment." He replied staring back at the morning sky. "I have so few spare moments when I can do such a peaceful thing that I need to truly appreciate this peace. You don't seem that discontent either."
"In reality I am not. It is indeed a beautiful morning." He sighed contently and that made Takaya smile again. It was one of those few moments, when Naoe truly seemed like any other human being. The young man looked at his older friend again. That tension between the two of them had disappeared. That has taken him by surprise. There have been two years from that conversation in the parking lot and now it finally seemed to ebb away. Takaya smiled wider. Interesting. It felt truly nice to be like this with Naoe, like they were at the beginning of their friendship and not even Kagetora's memories clouded that.
The first rays of sun caressed Naoe's skin which seemed to glow. The older man closed his eyes and smiled enigmatically and all of the sudden Takaya's heart stopped. His breath was caught in his throat. He swallowed hard trying to gain his composure. When? When has that happened? When did he suddenly think about Naoe like that again? He looked at Naoe more confused than ever. Yes, he wanted badly to touch that skin, to feel that warmth, to let his head rest on his shoulder. He felt that somehow even Kagetora realized that, felt that, wanted that.
Slowly and painfully, Takaya took a deep breath and rested his head on Naoe's shoulder, feeling the other man tensing a little bit and then relaxing again.
"Do I always make you feel like you need to be on your toes, Naoe?" He asked gently not sure if he would get an answer.
"Always." He admitted and Takaya felt a tinge of hurt but he thought quickly that after all he deserved it. "But right now everything is all right between us, isn't it?" Naoe added with the same voice although a little bit huskier.
"Yes, I think it finally is." Takaya closed his eyes as well and rejoiced in feeling that warmth so near to him, enwrapping its magic around him and making him feel not so alone. "Thank you, Naoe, for being with me today!"
"It was an honour, Takaya-san!" The answer came right away and after a moment of hesitation, Naoe rested his head on top of that of Takaya's. The younger man realized then that there was nothing more that he could do than admit defeat. It was a sudden impulse, a moment in time, and now, no matter how much he would have liked to take that back, at that time, everything seemed so right.
"When would you like to collect your prize?" he asked instantly and he felt the older man flinch.
"Don't toy with me!" A half chocked whisper came and floated between the two of them.
"I don't toy with you." Takaya opened his eyes and looked at Naoe whose eyes were filled with sorrow and hope, all in one. There was also a strong desire in those eyes that made Takaya shudder and look at the older man with his earnest green eyes. "I promised some time ago that this would happen, didn't I? I am a man of my word!"
"I know you don't." He smiled hesitantly at Takaya and the latter wanted to laugh. He felt his stomach tied in knots and yet it felt so good. So right. As if he was doing the most natural thing in this world.
"Then? Why do you hesitate?"
"Is this what you really want?" Naoe asked in the quivering voice letting his head leaning unbelievable slow towards Takaya's face.
"Yes." He had answered and he disintegrated the distance between them, pressing his lips on those of the other man and tried to forget about the emotions that raged in him. They fought for dominance but let Naoe win. It felt too right like that. It felt too good. All too soon everything was over and the older man smiled as he gently embraced his former lover with something definitive in his gestures.
"I will come for you then." He whispered and Takaya tightened the embrace. It felt so right back then.
But now as he was sitting in his hotel room with the first rays of light shying away and looking for something else, as the morning sun was trying to get up for another day in the mortal world, Takaya felt abandoned. He felt strange. He felt lonely and empty.
He hasn't come. He hasn't called that he was late and when Takaya wanted to call him, the number was switched off.
He hasn't come.
What was he to do now?
He brought his knees to his chest and hid his face in the sheets of an empty bed. He didn't want those tears to fall, and yet they did. He didn't want to feel that pain and heart-wrenching ache and yet he did. In the end, Naoe Nobutsuna had won a far greater victory on him than he would have cared to admit. Now both Kagetora and Takaya loved the man.
"What are you waiting for?" He asked again through sobs, wondering where he had done wrong this time.
For a sole moment, he wished he could just let him go. Separate himself from him.
He wished he could disregard everything and forget about everything.
He wished he could.
But he couldn't.