A/N Hey, lovely peoples, I, being very vain, absolutely glowed from my fabulous reviews, so I was encouraged to write this. Only little, but hopefully it speaks to people. I know every time I shave my legs with a new razor, blood is spilled.
By the way, Tony does lasers. F------- awesome, dude. Loved the movie. Loved Robert Downey. Loved Pepper. Loved everything.
Anyway, please enjoy. And please don't be too freaked over my 'love' rant.
Disclaimer: To whom it may concern - I own nothing but the plot, and this is not done for money/prizes/etc, but for love of the amazing world you've created. And for Robert Downey. I just had to put that in.
"Pepperrrrr." Tony groaned from the bathroom.
She looked up from her work, a schedule for the next fortnight.
"What is it?" she called.
"You're supposed to tell me when you replace my razor. Better yet, leave it to me."
"Tony, I realise you believe your manliness will be depleted if you get a woman to do your man things, but I have a perfectly workable knowledge of razors, and besides, you aren't concerned when I do up your ties."
"Not at all what I was talking about, Peps, sorry."
He stepped out to face her, with blood streaming down his cheek.
"I mean that ever since the first glimmers of stubble when I was sixteen, without fail I cut myself with a new blade. It's a force of nature. Like gravity."
Pepper blinked.
"How come I never find out?" she blurted.
Tony grinned, causing the blood in his cut to swell, and Pepper hurried off to get a bandaid.
"It's a secret that only my mother and I know about."
"What secret?"
"Peps, if I told you, that would kind of defeat the purpose of it being a secret, and you would believe my aforementioned bountiful manliness to be depleted, and I can't have that."
"Tony, you give me no reason to doubt your manliness. Out with it. Or I'll make you go to that meeting with the engineer who won't stop scratching himself." She threatened.
Tony made a face as Pepper checked his cut.
"Fine. But you can't tell any- ow -body. Well, it's not that big of a deal, as you always do it before press conferences anyway, but- oh, forget it. My mother taught me about makeup."
Pepper burst out laughing.
"Pepperrrrr...."
"Sorry, Tony, but, oh my god. I mean, I knew about the makeup, but that you use it yourself? And that your mother taught you?"
"...I knew this would happen. It was only because we didn't have a super-efficient wonder woman assistant then. We had Grenda, and she couldn't be called a 'woman' or 'super' at the best of times."
"But I can?" asked Pepper coyly.
Tony glared. "Yes. Definitely a woman. And back to your previous question, I've been between PAs for ages, as, due to Grenda, I believed them useless creatures. Melissa and Georgia and Julie didn't help either. So, before my press conferences, as dear old Mother taught me, a spot of concealer doesn't go astray. Somebody had to do it, and Happy was unsuitable."
Pepper fought the grin breaking out on her face. "So...you didn't ever try to go without makeup?"
Tony glared again. "The day I did, I had this humongous zit on my forehead. It was like a third eye. One glance at the mirror and I decided in avoidance of becoming the laughingstock of the century, I should forget my man-honour and put the bloody stuff on. It payed off, as you see every picture of me, aside from that unfortunate one on the news when I announced I would stop making weapons and looked a bit spazzed, look fabulous."
Pepper nodded agreeably. "You did look spazzed in that picture. Kind of wonky and not quite ther-"
Pepper yelped as Tony tackled her. "You, darling, never know when to stop. You're supposed to say, 'Yes, Tony, Sex God, of course you looked lovely. Even in the spazz picture you looked your regular handsome self'."
Pepper, pinned under Tony and not looking at all unhappy about it, acquiesced.
"Okay. Yes, Tony, Over-Sexed God, even in the spazz picture you looked your regular handsome self. You always look kind of spazzy."
"My god, Pepper, I should fire your ass so bad."
"But then you would have to hire Grenda or Julie or Sasha or Kimberly."
Tony gave up. "...Give us a smooch."
"Who's us?"
"Me, myself and I. We all want a smooch. That's three, Peps."
"Only if you tell me when you slice your face open."
"That would be kind of embarrassing, Pepper. 'Ooh, hey, Ms Potts, I cut myself shaving again this morning. I'm obviously not fit for owning a razor'."
"Well, you probably aren't. Things happen for a reason, Tony."
Tony stared at her. "Was I, like, asleep or something when the aliens abducted you and rearranged your head?"
"Could have been. You might have been more preoccupied with applying your face."
"Peps, you're my PA. You're supposed to stop me from announcing stupid stuff like that my mom taught me makeup. You shouldn't let me dig holes like that."
"And to think you lived large portions of your life without a PA."
"Exactly. Now, I'd say it's high time for my kisses."
A/N2 Did you like?
R&R?