A/N: Spacer background. F!Shep/Garrus romance started. Sometime after Grunt's loyalty mission.
All things Mass Effect belong to Bioware.
"Ha, ha, ha, ha!" Grunt laughed from above Shepard. "Big guns!"
"Yes, Grunt," Shepard said smiling, "but only shoot things that shoot back." Grunt was pure krogan, all right. Shepard steered the Hammerhead around the wasteland that was Corang. Garrus was riding shotgun up front with her. They were searching for artifacts left behind by some Cerberus scientists. There were reports of geth on the planet. Just another day on the Normandy. It used to be Hackett sending her on these errands, now it was Cerberus. It's not like they had anything else to do, like save the galaxy.
"Yeah, yeah," grumbled Grunt. "You take all the fun out of things."
"Behave Grunt or Garrus will take the cannon and I'll send you home," Shepard ordered.
Grunt mumbled under his breath. Shepard couldn't quite make it out. He was such a child sometimes. This was easy to believe since, technically, he was only a few weeks old, even if he was fully grown.
"What was that, Grunt? Speak up," said Shepard firmly.
"I said fine!" came the angry response from Grunt. It wasn't what he muttered, that was much longer and Shepard thought she heard a few krogan curses in there.
"That's what I thought," Shepard replied. He really was a child. Shepard rolled her eyes at Garrus and shook her head. Garrus had that look on his face. "What?" Shepard asked, taking the bait.
"Oh, nothing Mom," Garrus drawled then grinned. Even strapped to a seat not made for turians, in a tiny cockpit, Garrus still managed to lounge. Damn him.
"Don't you have sensors to monitor or something?" Shepard retorted, a frown creasing a line between her eyebrows. The Hammerhead's heads-up display was indicating that they were nearing their first objective.
"Picking up geth readings, including a Colossus!" reported Garrus. "Damn! Sensors are jammed, Shepard!"
Shepard could see the Colossus ahead. A few smaller geth were near the objective and appeared to be guarding it. A ball of blue energy erupted from the Colossus towards the Hammerhead.
"Incoming!" warned Shepard, as she evaded the projectile. "Grunt, start with the Colossus, then take out the rest."
"On it, Shepard!" acknowledged Grunt excitedly, obviously eager to blow something up. Missiles started launching towards the geth.
"Just like old times, hey Garrus!" whooped Shepard as she maneuvered the Hammerhead around the geth, avoiding incoming fire. This thing could dance!
"Don't remind me," groaned Garrus. He wasn't lounging now. He was sitting upright holding onto the console in front of him, a worried look on his face. "I still get nightmares about you driving the Mako!"
"Come on! It wasn't that bad!" exclaimed Shepard as she slipped the Hammerhead behind some cover to avoid another shot from the Colossus. Which promptly exploded as another missile from Grunt hit it. "Nice shooting, Grunt!"
Grunt laughed and boomed, "Who's next?"
To Grunt's disappointment, all the geth had been cleared from the objective, wiped out by Grunt's missed shots at the Colossus.
"Scan that thing and we'll move on," ordered Shepard.
"As much fun as this thing is to drive, in a firefight I prefer the Mako," said Shepard. The hover vehicle was smoking and warning lights were flashing all over the cockpit. The Hammerhead's self-repair protocols were working hard to repair the damage from geth fire.
"At least it could take a few hits," Garrus agreed. "Still, I won't have to spend hours underneath this thing fixing it because of your driving."
Shepard smirked, "I'm a great driver. Besides, it gave you something to do."
They had finally collected the last artifact. How this helped locate the scientists, Shepard didn't know. Shepard will have Miranda forward the data onto Cerberus and let them sort it out. It upset Shepard to do anything to help Cerberus with research, of all things, after some of the Cerberus facilities Shepard had found while hunting Saren. Not to mention Pragia. Shepard shuddered at the memory of the place where Jack and the other biotic children were tortured and abused. Shepard needed the funds provided by Cerberus for these jobs so she could upgrade the Normandy and improve their chances of surviving the trip through the Omega 4 relay.
It upset Shepard even more that the Alliance, where she grew up, volunteered for, served with distinction and fucking died for gave her no choice but use Cerberus to fund and equip her to stop humans and their colonies from disappearing from the galaxy.
Thoughts of the Alliance inevitably led to her mother. How did she react to her daughter's death? Shepard remembered the fear in her mother's eyes when she first saw Mom after Elysium, as she lay in hospital recovering from her wounds; the grief they both shared when Mom's CO and the base counsellor knocked on the door when Dad was lost. What would she think of her daughter working with Cerberus? Nothing good. Shepard remembered the message that she sent recently. Mom seemed to believe the rumours that her death was staged and she was working undercover. Does she really think that she would do that to her mother? Shepard realised that resurrection was harder to believe than that, so she could forgive her for thinking that. She hadn't replied to her Mom yet, either. What do you say? "Sorry, I didn't contact you, I really was dead"?
"Something wrong, Shepard?" asked Garrus, who must have noticed the troubled look on Shepard's face.
"No," she paused. "Yes... all this," she said pointing at the Cerberus logo on the console between them. "My mother," Shepard swallowed and continued. "Garrus, she thought I was dead. Shit, I was dead. How do I explain that? How does she get over that? Hell, how did you get over that?"
Garrus shifted in his seat. His mandibles flickered. "Uhh... I didn't, remember?"
"Right, sorry. " Shepard replied, chagrined.
"You should try and talk to her," Garrus said. "Believe me; you don't want to lose your mother when you don't have to." A hard, bitter edge had crept into his voice. Garrus had never said much about his mother, just that he had one.
"Personal experience?" asked Shepard tenderly. "I know you've had problems with your dad but you never said much about your mother."
"Yeah. I don't want to talk about it, not right now." Garrus answered, pointing his thumb over his shoulder at Grunt in the back. Shepard nodded, understanding.
"I'm bored, there's nothing to shoot, Shepard!" boomed Grunt before Shepard could reply.
"We're all done here, Grunt," Shepard responded. "Just heading back to the rendezvous point for pickup."
"Well, at least stop talking about mothers and feelings. It's worse than having nothing to fight."
"Ha! Easy for you to say," Garrus retorted. "You don't have a mother. Although..." He cast a sly look at Shepard. Shepard raised an eyebrow at him. "Never mind," he muttered.
"Oh, please continue, Garrus," said Shepard, sarcasm evident in her tone.
"No thanks. I know that look," Garrus countered. "Did I tell you I met your mother? It was at your, ah, funeral. Crap. Sorry, Shepard." Garrus dropped his head.
"Don't sweat it. I'm getting used to everyone and everything reminding me I was dead." Shepard laughed. "Remember that ad terminal on the Citadel, 'Shepard, you were recently dead...'? Anyway, what did you think of Mom?"
"Well..." said Garrus. "She is a lot like you. She couldn't believe that they sent you chasing geth and told the Councilors that, in words Jack would be ashamed to hear. If it wasn't for Hackett and Anderson holding her back, I think she would have punched Udina. I like her." Garrus grinned.
"Is your mother a warrior, Shepard?" asked Grunt.
"Yes, Grunt, she is," Shepard replied proudly. "Mom's a captain in the Alliance and has command of the dreadnought Orizaba."
"Ha! Two Shepards! Let the galaxy tremble in fear!" roared Grunt with approval.
Garrus smiled at Grunt's enthusiasm. Shepard remembered the concern Garrus had about releasing Grunt from his tank but was soon swayed by the krogan's battle prowess. Garrus now only worried about Grunt's short temper aboard the Normandy. Since the Rite, though, Grunt had been able to control his temper better. Killing a thresher maw on foot was bound to resolve anyone's anger issues.
"Your dad served as well, didn't he?" asked Garrus.
"Yeah. Staff Lieutenant. Marine. Died when I was 13. The ship he served on, the Tobruk, was lost fighting pirates in the Verge," Shepard replied softly. She paused and closed her eyes to prevent the tear welling up from falling. It still hurt to think about Dad being gone.
"What was he like?" Garrus asked, just as softly.
"I used to think he was a giant and the strongest man in the world. I remember when I was little, like four or five, Dad would pick me up from the floor, like I weighed nothing, yelling, 'SSV Shepard – taking off!' and lift me over his head and spin me around like I was a starship. I would laugh, then he would start laughing and we'd fall down in a heap on a bed or couch, laughing 'til it hurt." Shepard smiled at the memory.
A small part of her wanted to be that little girl again, safe in her daddy's big arms; where things like geth and batarians and Collectors and Reapers would never - could never hurt her.
Shepard continued, "Dad and I would play laser tag, which are toys for kids but work similar to training weapons and sensor webbing. So, we'd run around shooting each other with toy guns but really he was teaching me the importance of cover and concealment and flanking and standard infantry manoeuvres, especially when the other base kids got involved.
"He taught me real guns when I was seven."
"I was six when I fired my first weapon," bragged Garrus, trying to one-up Shepard again.
"Show off," retorted Shepard.
"I was a few days old," countered Grunt.
"Okay, you win this one, Grunt," conceded Garrus. Shepard grinned at him. Hard to beat that.
"As I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted," at this, Garrus flicked his mandibles out and closed them with a click, causing Shepard to snort. "Dad took me to the base range and taught me to shoot. He taught me The Rifleman's Creed, you'll like this Garrus. I still know it by heart."
She began to recite:
"This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
My rifle, without me, is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will...
My rifle and myself know that what counts in this war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, or the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit...
My rifle is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its sights and its barrel. I will keep my rifle clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...
Before God, I swear this creed. My rifle and myself are the defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life.
So be it, until victory is America's and there is no enemy, but peace!"
Garrus chuckled, "You're right, I like it. It's like it was written for me. Well, except the being human part."
"It wasn't all learning how to fight, though. Dad would tell me stories about marines from the past, people he idolised. He never told me about his own combat experiences. I would ask him but he would deflect my questions with someone else's exploits. I didn't understand it at the time but I do now," Shepard said wistfully. How do you tell your child about friends you've lost, the terror of combat, how it feels to take a life?
After Elysium she resented her father. It was her first taste of combat, where Shepard's platoon was wiped out and many civilians died and Shepard was seriously wounded while holding out until reinforcements arrived. Resented him for glorifying war, for the stories where the hero never dies, for hiding the brutality and the death and the fear. Shepard hadn't been naive as a child. Seeing families on base suddenly shrink as a father or mother didn't make it home was a sight she never got used to. But those experiences didn't prepare her for the sight of...
Enough. Shepard pushed those thoughts aside. She had moved past the resentment she had felt.
Shepard gathered herself and continued, "I'm making it sound like he was a drill sergeant. He wasn't, that was only a small part of growing up and I wanted him to teach me. Dad would read to me, watch old movies with me, he introduced me to The Princess Bride, Brave and Star Wars. He was kind and gentle and brave and strong. He loved Mom and me with all he was. He would sing old songs badly but enthusiastically, not caring what anyone thought. He loved Elvis Presley and Johnny Cash. He loved to brush my hair and braid it." Shepard wiped her eyes and sniffed. "I loved him, Garrus, I still love him and I miss him."
Garrus reached across the cockpit and placed his hand on Shepard's forearm. "I know, Shepard," he said, gently. "He must have been a great dad. I'm sorry I'll never get to meet him, to shake his hand and tell him 'Thanks'."
"Thanks? Thanks for what?" Shepard was confused.
"For you, of course," Garrus replied with a grin. "For giving me, you."
Shepard smiled. "Well, guess I better pay a visit to Palaven, then."
"Huh? Why?" It was Garrus' turn to be confused. He was usually quicker than this. It had been a long day, though.
Shepard grinned. "So I can meet your dad, shake his hand and tell him 'Thanks'."