Vexations
A.N.: Marvel played with the Norse myth and now I'm playing with Marvel. I do not own any characters apart from a few O.C.s and since they are operating in the Marvel Universe, it's possible I don't own them either. Which is sad.
I've gotten several requests to do another fic with Darcy and Loki, so she gets the first chapter.
Darcy
Thor and Jane had gone camping for a few days, which meant that Darcy could claim the bed. Sleeping on the sofa sucked, but it beat staying in a shelter or a bedbug ridden motel until she could find a new place to live. She was lucky, in a way, her apartment had mostly suffered water damage. A lot of water damage. Still, she'd been able to salvage the things she regarded as most important - some of her clothes, her phone, her iPod, her laptop, her taser and her lingerie. She'd just broken those bras in, dammit. A noise from the direction of the kitchen woke her. Shit.
Where was her taser? Shit. There it was. She picked it up and ninja stealthed towards the sound. There was a person shape a bit lighter than the dark kitchen, too tall for Jane and too thin for Thor. She shot it with her taser and it went down, twitching. Feeling a bit more confident now, Darcy flipped on the light switch. There, on the kitchen floor, unconscious, was Loki. Shit. She was so so dead, and probably in a painful way. She did the only thing she could think of to do - she took one of the pillows from the sofa and put it underneath Loki's head, then she returned to the bedroom, grabbed Jane's brand new baseball bat and set it within reach of the bed, then barricaded the door. She crawled back up onto the bed and eventually nodded off.
00000000
Darcy's brain was attempting to get her attention, poking at her with increasing urgency, trying to wake her up. With a moan she took note, though her eyes remained closed. She became aware that something heavier than a comforter was on top of her. She opened her eyes and found green ones staring back at her. Thery were close. Too damn close. Thor's little brother was conscious, in the room with her and straddling her thighs. Her camisole had slipped down into wardrobe malfunction area. Shit. She could see that the bedroom door was still barricaded, which meant she couldn't escape very easily even if she managed to get out from underneath Loki. Shit. And he now had hold of her arms. Shit. Shit. Shit.
"Ehm. Hi?"
"You tasered me." Loki let go of one of Darcy's arms and tickled the end of her nose with a green feather. "The question remains, how should I take my revenge for that? I could give you feathers, as I did Jane Foster. I found dozens of these laying about. She isn't much of a house cleaner it appears."
"I could fix breakfast for you." Darcy started to shift her position, but it only managed to bare most of her right breast for Loki's perusal. Loki smirked. Bastard.
"Are you a good cook?" Loki trailed the feather across Darcy's exposed chest and she shivered.
*Don't you dare get perky nips, don't you dare...damn*
"No. Not really. I could nuke some pancakes in the microwave."
"My taste buds are in a state of euphoria at the mere thought. You are capable of making coffee, I hope, since a mortal child of five could manage that." With another smirk, Loki got off of Darcy. "I will wait for you in the kitchen. I strongly suggest that you do your best to impress me."
*Just kill me now*. Most of her clothes were in boxes in the living room, along with the rest of the crap she'd salvaged from the apartment. She'd been sleeping in the camisole and a pair of sweat pants. Hoping Loki wouldn't pop back into the bedroom, she grabbed her bra, which was laying on the floor next to the bed, put it on and finished off with a more modest t-shirt which had a replica of Captain America's shield on it. Thor's, she figured. She removed the barricade from in front of the door and headed towards the kitchen.
Loki glanced up at her as she walked in, snorted at her attire, then continued to read something on Darcy's laptop. "Do you know that there are fan fictions that pair us as a couple?"
Darcy thought about telling Loki to get the hell off her laptop. But he was already pissed off at her and with him being a taco short of a combo platter, it was probably better to humor the crazy god. "That's kind of weird. We don't really hang out together." Darcy started the coffee. "Or even like each other."
"Is that the only thing you see wrong with it?" Loki shook his head. Darcy put a knife and two forks on the table, along with sugar, cream, butter and syrup, then put the first group of Aunt Jemima pancakes into the mircrowave.
"I haven't had my coffee yet. Otherwise, I'd be outraged. You're like at least a thousand years old. So, that's not cool."
"Is this a sample of the sparkling breakfast conversation I can expect?" Loki raised one elegant eyebrow.
"You were expecting us to talk?" Darcy poured a cup of coffee for each of them and put a plate of microwave pancakes in front of Loki.
"Jane Foster and I converse when I stop by." Loki added sugar and cream to his coffee, butter and syrup to his pancakes. He took an experimental bite. "You know, Captain Rogers cooks real pancakes. I'm not sure what to call these. Barely edible comes to mind."
Darcy sat down with her own pancakes. "If you don't like them, don't eat them. I'm sure Steve would be happy to pause in his duties with the Avengers to fix you a short stack."
"You're a very vexing small mortal female." Loki took a second bite of the pancakes and decided that, actually, they weren't that bad.
"Yeah? Well, you're a very irritating tall skinny Norse god." Darcy made a mental note to check into this so called Loki/Darcy fan fiction. To be honest, Loki was gorgeous, and it wasn't as if she hadn't thought about jumping his bones, especially after seeing those nude pics of him. Yep. But she'd already done the 'yeah he's crazy, but I can fix him' routine with her ex. So not going there. 'Cause you couldn't fix them, all you could do was damage control. Loki would need a hell of a lot of damage control.
"You wound me." Loki finished his pancakes and drank the last of the coffee. "That was a remarkably unmemorable breakfast."
"You're welcome. You've never told me why you're here." Darcy picked up her own plate and Loki's, then placed them in the sink.
"You haven't asked, but it is of no concern to you."
"Well. I'm the only one here, so it kinda is, especially if you're gonna do the mischief thing or something evil. Thor and Jane won't be back for a few days yet." Darcy refreshed her coffee. She realized that perhaps she shouldn't have given that bit of info to Loki. She really shouldn't have conversations with supervillains until she's had at least three cups of coffee.
"Very well. I came to let Thor know that the Bifrost has been repaired. So he will no longer need me to escort him through the ways."
"See. That wasn't so hard. Info received. Now you can go and annoy someone else. Someone more interesting."
Loki frowned at her. "I will leave when I am ready. Though this is becoming rather boring, and I hate to be bored." He sighed. "So, perhaps you're right." Loki quietly said a few words, made a couple of gestures, then Darcy crumpled and fell to the floor. Loki didn't bother to catch her. He said a few more words, made a few more gestures, then he was ready to go. He wrote a short note to Darcy and placed it on the floor next to her. Then he left, laughing.
A short while later, Darcy woke up feeling strangely refreshed. She yawned, stretched, opened her eyes. Then she screamed. She was naked and covered in tiny iridescent scales, they reminded her of a drangonfly's wings. She'd been Loki'd. Damn. She picked up the note and read the elegantly penned message.
"I thought about giving you feathers, but I've already done that, and I do hate repeating myself. The spell should wear off in a couple of days, if not, Thor can hunt me down when he returns."
Son of a bitch. She hoped Jane still had that burqa.
Needless to say, an unamused Thor had to hunt Loki down. Even with his ability to heal himself, Loki nursed bruises for a few days.