Title: Unpleasant Truths
Author: Angela
Spoilers: The State Dinner. Tiny references to A Proportional Response and Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc, but you can follow the story without having seen those two episodes.
Summary: Sam discovers some unpleasant things about himself.
Disclaimer: *grits teeth* Characters are Sorkin's. (But I have a Sam clone in the bed and he's all mine! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!!)
Thanks to Abigale for her beta skills and encouragement.
"It's you," Laurie said flatly, as she held the door open just wide enough for her head to peek out.
"Can I come in? Please?" Sam added when the door didn't open any wider.
"I'm not sure that's a good idea," Laurie said, in that same toneless voice.
"Look, I wanted to apologize for tonight." He wondered if she would make him give his apology in the hallway. Finally, she opened the door a centimeter wider. He took that as an invitation, and pushed his way in.
Laurie shut the door and turned to face him. "So?"
"I'm sorry." Sam had never had any trouble apologizing. He had seen some people act like they were getting their teeth pulled without anesthesia every time they had to apologize, but one of the values his mother gave him was the ability to say he was sorry.
Of course, usually his apologies were met with some kind of reaction. Acceptance, absolution, sometimes even anger. Anything was better than the blank look she continued to give him. He resisted the urge to bounce on his heels like an impatient child. After all, he had been unfair, or he wouldn't be here, right? He should say more. Tell her he was wrong. "I should have believed you when you said that you didn't know you would have to come to the White House."
And, then she did react. Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth, then shut her teeth with a snap. "*That's* why you're apologizing?"
"Yes," Sam said, confused. "Did I do something else?"
Laurie glared. "I cost 500 an hour ring a bell?"
Sam shut his eyes and sighed. When he opened them, he forced himself to look straight at her. "That was rude. I'm sorry about that, too. I was trying to let Carl Everett know that I knew he..."
"That he what?" Laurie interrupted. "Let him know you knew he was with a filthy hooker?" Sam started to speak but she bowled right over him. "I know you don't like my job, but I thought you had accepted this is what I'm doing. Whatever you think about it, I thought you'd be able to keep your judgment and shame to yourself."
"Laurie! I don't like your job. You know that. But, I'm not ashamed of you," he sputtered. "I even told you I wasn't afraid to be seen with you." Where did she get an idea like that? Hadn't he done everything to show how highly he thought of her?
"Yes, you're perfectly happy to be seen with Laurie the law student in a diner. But, let Laurie the hooker come to the hallowed walls of The White House, where she can sully the image of Sam the pristine Bartlet staffer, and it's a whole different story. The way you acted, anyone would think I had him on the table putting on a show for your friends."
"I really don't think you can...." he bit off the rest of the sentence before he could make a bad situation worse.
Laurie shook her head. "And, you don't even realize it. You're standing there, wondering how I have the gall to be upset when you came here apologizing, even though you think you're the injured party. So, you tell me, Sam. What did I do to you?"
Sam felt a pounding between his eyes. He forced himself to listen to the ugly words, both from her and from the tiny voice in his head that was agreeing with her. The thing was, he wasn't really sure why he felt that way. But, he did. Somewhere in his subconscious, he'd had a picture of how this would turn out. He would apologize for doubting her word, and she would apologize for -what? The voice in his head whispered again, and he almost made a face at the nasty suggestion.
Laurie just stood there, and he knew she was going to force him to voice his thoughts even if it would make him squirm. *And, she has every right to, jackass* He'd have to do something about that voice. It was murdering his indigestion.
"You were *there*. With your date -- client. It wasn't like I was just hearing about it in the abstract. I had to smile and be pleasant to you in a situation I hated. While *you* were being something I hated." *That's right, Sam. If you're going to dig your own grave, make it nice and deep*
"I know." Surprisingly, she didn't sound angry anymore. Just remorseful. "But, this is part of who I am. It won't be forever, but it is now, and as much as it hurts your ego, you can't change it."
What was this, unpleasant self revelations night? "My ego? Laurie, if I did anything, it's because I was thinking about you. You shouldn't have to be...no. I'm sorry. I'm being judgmental again, right?"
"Yes, but I told you I knew how you felt. You think you're the only one? And most people wouldn't even deign to treat me like a person, much less try and be friends. Yes, there is some ego there. You'd feel a sense accomplishment if you rescued me. Well, Sam, I don't need rescuing."
Earlier conversations played in his mind like a tape recorder. CJ telling him he was with Laurie to 'show her the error of her ways.' Josh saying basically the same thing. He had denied it, claiming to have only pure friendship on his mind. And, yet, way deep down, there was the thought that he could reform her. And, even deeper, was the knowledge that he would feel a sense of pride in the accomplishment.
"I'm sorry. It's not enough is it? I was horrible, and then I come here and expect you to accept an apology that isn't even half of what I should be sorry for. I don't even know if I have the right to ask if you'll stay angry forever."
"Sam, I really like you. You're a good guy. And, I don't ever expect to see you leading the charge for the legalization of prostitution. That's fine. But, I can't promise you won't have to run into me like that again. We're in Washington D.C.! I'm sure we share almost the same clientele."
Sam took a deep breath. "I won't be happy seeing you like that. I'm sorry." Those words had served him so well before, and now they seemed useless.
Laurie made an impatient wave of her hand. "I said I was fine with that. What I can't take is feeling like dirt around one of the few men I respect in this town."
Sam swallowed. "I can promise to try not to be as condescending as I was tonight. And, if I am inadvertently, you call me on it. Because I really like you, too, and I don't want to be the cause of ending our friendship."
"Thank you." There was still a slight guarded tone in her voice. He couldn't blame her. He would just have to earn her trust again.
"I should go. Good night, Laurie." He left her apartment, his mind going over all the things he had learned about himself.
Author: Angela
Spoilers: The State Dinner. Tiny references to A Proportional Response and Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc, but you can follow the story without having seen those two episodes.
Summary: Sam discovers some unpleasant things about himself.
Disclaimer: *grits teeth* Characters are Sorkin's. (But I have a Sam clone in the bed and he's all mine! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!!)
Thanks to Abigale for her beta skills and encouragement.
"It's you," Laurie said flatly, as she held the door open just wide enough for her head to peek out.
"Can I come in? Please?" Sam added when the door didn't open any wider.
"I'm not sure that's a good idea," Laurie said, in that same toneless voice.
"Look, I wanted to apologize for tonight." He wondered if she would make him give his apology in the hallway. Finally, she opened the door a centimeter wider. He took that as an invitation, and pushed his way in.
Laurie shut the door and turned to face him. "So?"
"I'm sorry." Sam had never had any trouble apologizing. He had seen some people act like they were getting their teeth pulled without anesthesia every time they had to apologize, but one of the values his mother gave him was the ability to say he was sorry.
Of course, usually his apologies were met with some kind of reaction. Acceptance, absolution, sometimes even anger. Anything was better than the blank look she continued to give him. He resisted the urge to bounce on his heels like an impatient child. After all, he had been unfair, or he wouldn't be here, right? He should say more. Tell her he was wrong. "I should have believed you when you said that you didn't know you would have to come to the White House."
And, then she did react. Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth, then shut her teeth with a snap. "*That's* why you're apologizing?"
"Yes," Sam said, confused. "Did I do something else?"
Laurie glared. "I cost 500 an hour ring a bell?"
Sam shut his eyes and sighed. When he opened them, he forced himself to look straight at her. "That was rude. I'm sorry about that, too. I was trying to let Carl Everett know that I knew he..."
"That he what?" Laurie interrupted. "Let him know you knew he was with a filthy hooker?" Sam started to speak but she bowled right over him. "I know you don't like my job, but I thought you had accepted this is what I'm doing. Whatever you think about it, I thought you'd be able to keep your judgment and shame to yourself."
"Laurie! I don't like your job. You know that. But, I'm not ashamed of you," he sputtered. "I even told you I wasn't afraid to be seen with you." Where did she get an idea like that? Hadn't he done everything to show how highly he thought of her?
"Yes, you're perfectly happy to be seen with Laurie the law student in a diner. But, let Laurie the hooker come to the hallowed walls of The White House, where she can sully the image of Sam the pristine Bartlet staffer, and it's a whole different story. The way you acted, anyone would think I had him on the table putting on a show for your friends."
"I really don't think you can...." he bit off the rest of the sentence before he could make a bad situation worse.
Laurie shook her head. "And, you don't even realize it. You're standing there, wondering how I have the gall to be upset when you came here apologizing, even though you think you're the injured party. So, you tell me, Sam. What did I do to you?"
Sam felt a pounding between his eyes. He forced himself to listen to the ugly words, both from her and from the tiny voice in his head that was agreeing with her. The thing was, he wasn't really sure why he felt that way. But, he did. Somewhere in his subconscious, he'd had a picture of how this would turn out. He would apologize for doubting her word, and she would apologize for -what? The voice in his head whispered again, and he almost made a face at the nasty suggestion.
Laurie just stood there, and he knew she was going to force him to voice his thoughts even if it would make him squirm. *And, she has every right to, jackass* He'd have to do something about that voice. It was murdering his indigestion.
"You were *there*. With your date -- client. It wasn't like I was just hearing about it in the abstract. I had to smile and be pleasant to you in a situation I hated. While *you* were being something I hated." *That's right, Sam. If you're going to dig your own grave, make it nice and deep*
"I know." Surprisingly, she didn't sound angry anymore. Just remorseful. "But, this is part of who I am. It won't be forever, but it is now, and as much as it hurts your ego, you can't change it."
What was this, unpleasant self revelations night? "My ego? Laurie, if I did anything, it's because I was thinking about you. You shouldn't have to be...no. I'm sorry. I'm being judgmental again, right?"
"Yes, but I told you I knew how you felt. You think you're the only one? And most people wouldn't even deign to treat me like a person, much less try and be friends. Yes, there is some ego there. You'd feel a sense accomplishment if you rescued me. Well, Sam, I don't need rescuing."
Earlier conversations played in his mind like a tape recorder. CJ telling him he was with Laurie to 'show her the error of her ways.' Josh saying basically the same thing. He had denied it, claiming to have only pure friendship on his mind. And, yet, way deep down, there was the thought that he could reform her. And, even deeper, was the knowledge that he would feel a sense of pride in the accomplishment.
"I'm sorry. It's not enough is it? I was horrible, and then I come here and expect you to accept an apology that isn't even half of what I should be sorry for. I don't even know if I have the right to ask if you'll stay angry forever."
"Sam, I really like you. You're a good guy. And, I don't ever expect to see you leading the charge for the legalization of prostitution. That's fine. But, I can't promise you won't have to run into me like that again. We're in Washington D.C.! I'm sure we share almost the same clientele."
Sam took a deep breath. "I won't be happy seeing you like that. I'm sorry." Those words had served him so well before, and now they seemed useless.
Laurie made an impatient wave of her hand. "I said I was fine with that. What I can't take is feeling like dirt around one of the few men I respect in this town."
Sam swallowed. "I can promise to try not to be as condescending as I was tonight. And, if I am inadvertently, you call me on it. Because I really like you, too, and I don't want to be the cause of ending our friendship."
"Thank you." There was still a slight guarded tone in her voice. He couldn't blame her. He would just have to earn her trust again.
"I should go. Good night, Laurie." He left her apartment, his mind going over all the things he had learned about himself.