OK, here it is, the result of my sentimental moment, and also my very first songfic! I had to listen to Snow Patrol albums to keep the mindset going, as well as some stuff by the legendary Carlos Santana, which this story is based on :-D
This fic is based on 'Sideways' by Citizen Cope ft. Santana, and it follows Artemis' thoughts about the events during TTP. Spoilers alert!
Thanks to Vivian Verbose for the beta!
Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl, Holly Short, or any other AF references I may have made. I also do not own the song 'Sideways', which I think is brilliant.
Sideways
(Citizen Cope ft. Santana)
You know it ain't easy
For these thoughts here to leave me
Months had passed since their trip through time to save Jayjay, but the memory was still fresh in Artemis' mind. None more so than a brief moment in the holding pen of Rathdown Park; although to him, that moment had lasted an eternity.
He knew it was wrong. He knew it could never be. And it was breaking his heart.
He sat back in the leather chair in his study, distractedly running his fingers through his raven-black hair. His mind took him back to that moment, which had been so magical, both metaphorically and literally. He had just returned from the dead; she had saved his life again. And then…
There are no words to describe it
In French or in English
His first kiss. How ironic that it was with the fairy he had kidnapped all those years ago. And yet, it had felt so right. She had seemed so…human.
A halo of magic had engulfed them, accentuating the moment: her lips, so soft, so sensual. The blue sparks too, around the moment of contact, not healing, but their mere presence a physical sign of… Of what? Relief? Fulfillment? Love?
Artemis tried to shake these thoughts from his head, but without success. His mind turned to the other girl in his life.
What about Minerva? he asked himself, his mind conjuring up an image of the beautiful mastermind who loved him. Do I not love her?
His answer disturbed him. No, I don't. I love…
He stopped himself before going too far.
'cause diamonds they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I'm telling you
The time stream, he thought, standing and approaching the full-length mirror in his room. It made her younger, more emotionally unstable. She…she wasn't herself. She couldn't have been. Could she?
He stared at his reflection, concentrating on his mismatched eyes. A part of her in me, a part of me in her, thought Artemis, then turned abruptly from the mirror. No. If I continue like this, it will tear me apart. I must… concentrate on something else. Anything else.
These feelings won't go away
They've been knockin' me sideways
They've been knockin' me out lately
Whenever you come around me
He switched on his computer, forcing himself to focus on something else. Perhaps a quick examination of his bank balance would lighten his mood, turn his attention elsewhere. It usually worked.
Not this time. Artemis sighed dejectedly, and sat back in his chair.
He didn't deserve her, not after what he'd done. He'd betrayed her. Hurt her. Guilt, a feeling he had never truly felt before, had hit him full force during those moments of deception. He had hated himself for it, and still did. Considering that he had often pushed morality aside to achieve his goals, its sudden prominence in his mind came as a shock. It was just one of the effects the elfin captain had had on him after their many adventures together.
His idea of contacting the late commander Root by hologram may have mended things between them to an extent, but he knew they would never be close again. It was better than he deserved, and yet he felt so lost, so alone. So desperate.
Perhaps it was the best for both of them.
These feelings won't go away
They've been knockin' me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away
Night had fallen, and the pale moonlight illuminated the prodigy's equally pale face. To his surprise, a single tear rolled down his cheek. It felt warm upon his face, a stark contrast to the chill of regret and longing in his heart.
He wanted to shout in anguish; he desperately wanted to find her, tell her how he felt about her… And yet, he knew he couldn't; and if he did, what then? There was no "happily-ever-after" in real life, no fairytale endings. Love couldn't conquer all; not if it was one-sided, anyway.
'Time cures everything', Artemis thought to himself. But what is the cure? Death?
He composed himself, wiping away the tear. Checking himself in the mirror once more, he straightened his tie.
No one must ever know, he thought to himself. Especially not her. Not Holly.
But these feelings won't go away…
What do you think? Should I continue writing songfics and other sentimental material, or should I stick with my normal work? R&R!
A chapter from Holly's PoV is on its way...