A/N: Sorry for any spelling/grammatical errors, as I do not have a Beta.
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Rizzoli and Isles.
"Love is not a victory march – it's a cold and broken hallelujah."
Maura sat behind her desk, working her way steadily through the large stack of paper work that she had accumulated. She had done well to keep her mind focused on the paper work up until now, but it was nearing on 1:30pm, so she decided it would be best to get out of the office, have some lunch and come back fresh and rejuvenated.
Maura used to be able to keep her mind focused on a particular task for hours upon hours, she could engross herself in paperwork until the days end, but things had changed and Maura didn't like that. Her mind would now wander... wander to a particular Detective Jane Rizzoli. She sighed as her raven haired best friend filled her thoughts again.
Maura was a creature of science, she didn't like being in love. She didn't like the fact that her knees would go weak at the sight of Jane, or she felt the need to be with her 24/7. She didn't like emotional attachment, because she always seemed to get hurt one way or an other.
Being in love meant getting hurt, in her experience, anyway... so why would this time be any different?
She hated the fact that just seeing Jane made her stomach churn. In the early days it was exhilarating and new. The butterflies, the shivers, the goosebumps and Jane constantly being on her mind. It was all exciting and it made her giddy.
Eventually things changed, though. It wasn't exciting and it wasn't new and exhilarating. It was painful. Instead of butterflies, shivers and goosebumps, she now got a sick feeling in her stomach, like she was going to throw up. She had lost count of the tears shed over Jane. She was over the sleepless night and the restless days. She was sick of being in love.
Actually, no. She was not sick of being in love, she was sick of the unrequited love. It was the kind of love that left her miserable and broken inside. She didn't get to be with Jane happily. She had to sit there with her, with that sick feeling in your stomach. Then she got to go home, alone and wish Jane was with her, but then she would remember the sick feeling that came with being near her, so she would wish that she loved her back, and that was the worst of all. She would sit and imagine her and Jane as a happy couple, and she would sit and know that wasn't going to happen, so she would go to bed, alone and feeling empty.
In the movies, things didn't go this way. They never showed the bitter side to love. Sure, there was tears and heartbreak alog the way, but more often than not things would work out and the couple would get together. After almost three years of being hopelessly in love with her best friend, Maura had come to realise that perhaps love doesn't always work out like it does in the movies.
She liked to tell her self that she had lost hope and accepted the fact that her and Jane would never be together, but in reality she knew, deep down that she was still holding on to the small ounce of hope she had left, that perhaps her and Jane would end up together. And although she liked to tell her self that she took a strange amount of comfort from her all too familiar heartache, she knew that if she could, she would change her situation in a second.
All in all, it was easier for Maura to tell herself these things than to actually accept how things really were, even if she was aware of the reality.
Maura sighed as she pushed herself out of her comfortable chair. She briefly organised her desk, before locking up her office and heading outside. As she approached the foyer, the sound of rain became heavier and heavier – it was pouring outside. She shivered as she stepped outside into the cold and mentally scolded herself for not bring a jacket with her.
She had planned to walk down to the little cafe on the corner, but apparently the rain had other ideas. So, she walked back inside and down to the Division One cafe.
She stopped at the doorway of the cafe when she saw Jane getting a cup of coffee, she turned on her heel and walked away.
"Maura!" Jane called after her. She heard the clacking of Jane's shoes, as the detective sped up to meet her.
The ME turned and looked at Jane who was smiling at Maura. She smiled back – she couldn't help but smile at the sight of the detective's crooked grin.
"What are you doing tonight?" Jane asked her.
"Uhhmmm..." Maura racked her brain trying to think of something, she's wasn't sure she could deal with spending the night with Jane. Lately she had been close to spilling all of her feeling to the detective, and she didn't want to risk that. "Nothing." She concluded.
"Great!" Jane smiled, "Dinner at my place, say 7?"
Maura just nodded, with a tight smile.
"Mark will be there, too." Jane told her.
Mark – Jane's new boyfriend. Things just kept getting better.
Jane's phone buzzed, she frowned at the message she had just received, "I gotta go, Maur, but I'll see you tonight." She put a hand on Maura's arm, "It's been too long since we've hung out!" She chuckled and walked towards the lift, "See ya tonight!" She yelled over her shoulder.
Maura sighed, it was going to be a long day and an even longer night.