What if there was no Kira? I ponder this question every day, as a sort of yearning ritual, in hopes that maybe if I wish for it enough, it would come true.
What if there was no Kira? Would Mello and I be happy? We would share an apartment, and continue with our idiotic activities, like we did when we were teenagers, and share everything. Maybe I'd have gotten myself a job as a computer technician, or programmer, or something of that sort, and Mello would have...done some sort of Mello-esque occupation, probably run a motorcycle shop or such.
Maybe we would each find our other half, and settle down with them and maybe even begin our own little families. Well, at least I would. Mello had never been big on commitment, to be honest. And Mello would be the godfather of my kids, and we'd make up stories and games to play with them and keep them entertained. Or perhaps Mello would start his own family after all, and our kids would be best friends as well, like we've always been.
Or maybe we would have both ended up alone, and just carried on sharing a small apartment between the two of us, quarreling over trivial things for the heck of it and laughing at everything in the world.
I can't help but wonder…Would things have worked out perfectly if there was no Kira? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe Kira never really made a difference. Maybe Mello would have just risked our lives on some other case to try to prove that he was above Near. Maybe we were never meant to have a happy ending.
What if? Those are two words I never utter aloud, because I know that no matter how much I wanted, I couldn't change the cold reality of our lives.
So, finished my daily lamenting ritual and game of make-believe, I moved on to my other one: If only.