Hollywood, California – 1953
" Dashing through L A… in the Toon Patrol Wagon… through the streets we prey… with lots of loot we're baggin' …."
"Knock off the singing!" yelled Knuckles. He was a toon weasel, and the head of the current Toon Patrol, the former members all having laughed themselves to death several years earlier. The Toon Patrol was supposed to be the law enforcement agency for toons, although Knuckles and the other weasels had quickly recognized it was considerably more profitable to use their positions of authority to commit crimes instead.
"Youse guys are giving me a headache," he added.
"A-one, two, three, four!" Liverlips and Screwball waved their baseball bats like conductor batons as they started screeching out a new song. "You'd better watch out… you'd better pay up… cos the Toon Patrol is comin' to town!"
"Hey, boss, there's the dame!" Deadeye shouted, pointing to Jessica Rabbit.
Jessica Rabbit was a toon human woman, wife of cartoon superstar Roger Rabbit. She had flaming red hair down nearly to her narrow waist, with bangs that swept over one eye. She was dressed as usual in a slinky red dress and purple opera gloves. She had just exited the Ink and Paint Club and was looking around the dark street with a frown.
"And she ain't got the rabbit with her!" Deadeye added.
"That simple-fies matters," Knuckles said. "Stop here, Lunk."
"Duh, small problem, Knuckles," said the big weasel, holding up the brake, which had become detached from the vehicle.
"Yiiiii! How're we gonna stop?" screamed Knuckles.
"Drive into a snowbank!" Deadeye suggested, sticking his head out the window to look for one.
Knuckles yanked him back inside. "Where are we gonna find a snowbank in Southern California?"
"We're dreaming of a white Christmas…" Liverlips and Screwball sang with desperate hope.
The five weasels' heads all banged together as Lunk found a solution to the problem by turning the panel truck directly into a brick wall. Steam boiled up from the radiator as the weasels tottered from the vehicle, tiny Christmas bells circling their heads.
Knuckles shook the bells away. "Get her, boys!"
Lunk lurched forward. "Duh, come here, Jessica." He tried grabbing her with his meaty arms, but Jessica drew back a foot and landed a kick that sent the weasel skyrocketing to be lost in the stars above.
"Where'd he go?" Knuckles asked.
"Into low orbit, from the look of things," Deadeye said.
Liverlips and Screwball moved in next, brandishing their baseball bats. They approached warily, from both sides and swung their bats at the same time. Jessica nimbly ducked out of the way, so Liverlips' bat solidly connected with Screwball's skull, just as Screwball's did with Liverlips'.
The two weasels fell insensible to the sidewalk.
"Well, don't just stand there, get her!" Knuckles hissed, pushing Deadeye forward.
Deadeye twirled a dagger in each paw. "I never miss!" he said, letting them fly. Jessica lifted a garbage pail lid as a shield. As his knives were cartoon weapons they obeyed cartoon physics. They struck the lid and instead of falling to the ground, ricocheted up to slice the ropes supporting one end of a painter's scaffold several stories above. A bucket of paint slid off the dangling wooden board, clonking Deadeye on the head. The weasel took a couple uncertain steps and collapsed on top of Liverlips and Screwball.
Knuckles pulled a set of brass knuckles from the pocket of his leather jacket and slipped it over his fingers. "Looks like it's just you and me."
Jessica glimpsed upwards and took a step backwards, causing Knuckles to take a step forwards. "You ain't going nowhere… Ouch!" he concluded, as Jessica's fist connected with his right eye. "You'll pay for… hey, what's that whistling noise?"
"Reentry," Jessica said.
"It's getting louder and deeper," Knuckles said. "And it sounds like someone's screaming, too."
"DUH, LOOK OUT BELOW!" screamed Lunk, just before he landed solidly on top of Knuckles.
Jessica walked back inside the Ink and Paint Club and emerged a moment later with a broom and dustpan. She swept up the five unconscious weasels and dumped them into a garbage can, replacing the lid with a satisfying clang.
It wasn't the end of her troubles, though. After Jessica tossed the broom and dustpan away, a new figure emerged from the shadows, wearing a trench coat and a fedora, the brim pulled down low to hide the face.
Jessica's reaction was surprisingly different. Instead of assuming a fighting stance, she shrank back against a wall. The shadowy figure extended one arm; in a gloved hand, a coil of rope. Jessica raised a hand to her mouth, and slowly lowered it, making no move to defend herself as her abductor rapidly wound the rope about her body, smothering her frame from her ankles to her shoulders. Jessica didn't even try to scream or call for help. A wad of cloth was pushed into her mouth. The abductor pulled out two bandanas, and tied one as a gag, the other as a blindfold.
Jessica was placed her over one shoulder and carried away into the night.
…..
"Eddie, unless you find her it'll be the first Christmas Jessica and I ever spent apart!" wailed Roger Rabbit.
"Suppose you tell me the whole story," the private investigator suggested. "When did you last see your wife?"
"Last night at the Ink and Paint Club," the toon rabbit explained. "I went there to see Jessica sing… I mean, listen to her sing. Only then she wanted oodles of Christmas p-p-presents and I didn't have a p-p-pen to write them all down with so I had to borrow one from Baby Herman's babysitter and there were so many of them I ran out of room on my napkin even after turning it over and writing on the back." Roger fished the napkin out of his pocket.
"It's kind of hard to make out your writing," Eddie Valiant said. "What's this, a platinum mine?"
"It's just one of the things Jessica wants for Christmas" Roger explained, "not that it really matters since I can't afford any of them. Like the sable. I thought maybe I could substitute a mink only…."
"Only what?" Eddie demanded.
Roger nervously twisted his long ears. "Only Manny Mink said he'd rather spend Christmas with his family than lying under our Christmas tree. I had to have a think what to do and so I couldn't escort Jessica, but then she never made it home last night. I came to you this morning, since all us toons know you're the detective to see when the chips are down, when your back's against the wall, when you're on the ropes, when the shi…."
"You let Jessica walk home by herself?" Eddie asked incredulously.
"I know I shouldn't have, but I was really worried and had to think," said Roger.
"Toons," Eddie said in disgust.
"So, Eddie, now that you know the whole story, how about you find my p-p-p-precious Jessica for me?"
"I don't know the whole story," Eddie growled. "How about you tell it to me again, only this time slower and trying to make sense?"
"I thought I made everything p-p-p-perfectly clear." Roger's next try wasn't much better, but Eddie probed with a few questions and had Roger repeat himself several times until he eventually managed to get the events of the night before in some semblance of order.
…..
The toon penguin waiter slapped napkins on the table and distributed drinks before waddling away again.
Roger Rabbit used the celery stick garnish to stir his carrot daiquiri. "I just love Jessica's singing!" he announced, bouncing up and down in his chair. "Especially Santa Baby!"
"Hey, Roger, don't you know?" Baby Herman asked. He was a toon baby human with the personality of a bad-tempered middle-aged man. "That's not just a song, buddy. It's her Christmas wish list!"
"Her what?" asked Roger.
"Her Christmas wish list," Baby Herman repeated. "If you don't get everything she wants she's gonna be real disappointed in you, pal."
"Jeepers, I'd better take notes!" Roger spread out his napkin and frantically searched the pockets of his red overalls. "Baby Herman, you got a p-p-p-pen?"
Baby Herman nudged the starlet sitting next to him. Unlike Roger and Herman, she was not a toon. Baby Herman preferred live-action women. "Hey, Toots, got a pen for Roger?"
"Baby Herman, it's naughty to tease Roger like that."
"Just make with the pen, Shirley."
"I'm shore I got one in here somewhere." Shirley retrieved her handbag, dangling from Baby Herman's baby carriage, and pulled out a tube of lipstick, a hairbrush, a paperback book, several packs of chewing gum, and then, to their utter astonishment, a wooden mallet larger than her handbag. "Just in case someone tries to get fresh," she explained, continuing to pile items onto the table, until she finally waved a fountain pen a triumph.
Roger received it just in time.
" Vavoom, vavoom, vavoom, vavoom," they sang in chorus as the curtain came up, a group of muscular men with bare chests and Santa hats on their heads. They formed a semicircle behind Jessica Rabbit who removed a microphone from its stand as she waited for them to finish their introduction.
Roger did not show the slightest sign of jealousy at Jessica surrounded by the handsome young men. In fact, he didn't give any indication that he realized there was even anything possibly to be jealous about. He doodled on the napkin, drawing hearts around the borders as he watched his wife.
"Santa baby," Jessica sang in her honey and spice voice, "slip a sable under the tree…"
"Hey, Baby Herman, do you know where Sammy Sable's hanging out?" Roger whispered loudly.
"Shh! I'm trying to watch the show!"
Shirley frowned, not liking how Baby Herman had his eyes glued on Jessica. "Hey, about that screen test you promised you'd get me…"
Baby Herman impatiently waved for her to be quiet. "I'm working on it. These things take time."
"But I've been waiting so looooooong!"
"Well, then, you'll have to wait a little longer, won't you?"
" Vavavavoom."
"Santa Baby, a Fifty-Four convertible too," Jessica warbled, "light blue…."
Roger quickly scrawled LIGHT BLUE CONVERTIBLE under SABLE on the napkin.
"At least you could pay me a little attention," Shirley pouted.
"I'm paying for your place in Malibu," Baby Herman replied. "Ain't that enough for you?"
"…a yacht," sang Jessica, "and really that's not a lot…"
"Yes, that really is a lot!" Roger wailed, tearing his ears.
"See, even Roger agrees with me," said Baby Herman.
"You could at least look at me when we fight," Shirley said. "You haven't been able to take your eyes off that painted woman for even one second since she's come on."
"…the deed," sang Jessica, "to a puh-latinum mine…"
Baby Herman threw his hands. "I tell ya, Roger, women are impossible!"
"I think someone's getting a little bit cranky." Shirley stood up and swept her belongings back into her handbag. "It's way past your bedtime, Baby Herman."
"No, put me down!" Baby Herman howled. "I wanna hear the rest of Jessica's song! Waaaaaaaaah!"
"…" fill my stocking with a duplex and checks…"
Shirley wheeled the baby carriage around the crowded tables. Just before she reached the exit, though, she turned back and gave Jessica Rabbit a silent look. Jessica did not miss a beat in her singing as she realized she had made a mortal enemy for the rest of her life.
…..
"…and the song went on and on and she kept asking for more things," said Roger. "And now she's gone and I won't even be able to say I'm sorry for not getting her any of them. And it's all my fault for not being there to see her safely home last night!"
"All right, stop beating yourself up over it," said Eddie Valiant.
Roger took a photograph from his pocket, showing himself sitting on Jessica's knee, with Jessica wearing a sexy Santa dress. A sprig of mistletoe dangled overhead, evidently having been put to good use, judging from the lipstick prints covering Roger's face. "This was last Christmas," he explained. "We were so happy then! But how can I ever be happy again without my Jessica?"
"I'll do everything I can to find her," Eddie promised. "First off, do you know where in Malibu Baby Herman's babysitter lives?"
Roger's eyes went wide open with astonishment. "Shirley? She's really nice. I'm sure she and Jessica will become best of friends. Jeepers, Eddie, you don't think she could have p-p-possibly had anything to do with Jessica's disappearance, do you?"
"I don't know," said Eddie, "but a talk with her would be a good place to start."
…..
Eddie whistled in admiration. "Right on the oceanfront." He spent a moment watching the waves, mountains of water that swelled, curled, and collapsed. "What a place. This girl must be one hell of a babysitter to rate this."
Eddie hadn't actually seen Shirley, although his imagination painted quite a picture of her. Therefore, it was a thudding disappointment when the door opened to reveal a two-foot tall toon in diapers, smoking a cigar.
"Hey, Eddie, nice of you to swing by," Baby Herman said, puffing smoke like a steam locomotive. "You did come to see me, right?"
"Is Shirley, your babysitter, home?" Eddie asked bluntly.
"My babysitter? You think Shirley is my…." Baby Herman laughed, but it quickly turned into a hacking cough. "Oh, who am I kidding? Yeah, she's my babysitter. I got money to attract the hottest babes who swarm to Hollywood and all I can do is pay them to change my diapers." He swung the door open. "Come on in, Valiant."
"Is Shirley home?" Eddie persisted.
The interior of the beach house looked very modern, as if someone had bought all the furniture at the same time from the same store. An artificial Christmas tree stood lonely in one corner, near the television set with its wooden case and folding doors meant to make it look like a cabinet when not in use.
"Like a bloodhound on the scent, ain't you, Eddie?" Baby Herman waved to the couch. "Shirley's tied up right now, but I can entertain you for a bit. Want a beer?"
"It's too early in the day for me."
"Yeah, I heard you cut out the booze, or cut back, or something." Baby Herman disappeared into the kitchen before coming back with a baby bottle.
"Shouldn't you warm that up first?" Eddie asked.
"Too much trouble. So, Eddie, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"
Eddie paused, deciding finally to play it straight. "Did you know that Jessica Rabbit's gone missing?"
Baby Herman's mouth opened in shock. Either he was genuinely surprised to hear the news or he was putting his acting skills to good use. "Gosh, Eddie, I'm sorry," he said. "I wouldn't have messed with you like that if I'd known you were onto something serious. Is Roger holding up okay?"
"Roger's taking it surprisingly well, for Roger," Eddie replied. "I heard you and your babysitter had a row at Ink and Paint Club last night. Supposedly she got a bit worked up at you paying so much attention to Jessica."
"Everyone was paying attention to Jessica. She was performing on stage, what were we supposed to do, ignore her?" Baby Herman took a long drink and burped in contentment. "'Scuse me. Look, Eddie, I know Roger and I had some misunderstandings, but that's in the past, okay? Roger's my pal and Jessica's his wife. I respect that. Besides, you know my preference for live-action dames. Shirley was fit to be tied over nothing."
"And where was Shirley last night?"
"She was with me the whole time," Baby Herman said. "I can promise you that she didn't slip away and snatch Jessica, if that's what you're thinking. She couldn't have, even if she'd wanted to."
Eddie started to ask what he meant, when he heard a soft thump, followed by a loud thump, followed by Shirley's sudden appearance in the living room.
She stood bound and gagged in a style very similar to that used on Jessica Rabbit the night before. She twisted in ropes that surrounded her entire body and hopped forward once again, shouting angrily into the cloth gag over her lips.
Baby Herman chuckled in amusement at her inability to express her words. "What's wrong Eddie? Never saw the tied-up babysitter cliché in action before?"
Shirley screamed in anger, still unable to make any understandable words.
"Shirley was getting a bit too bossy," Baby Herman said. "She needed to be shown who calls the shots around here. Once we got home, I acted fast and wrapped the ropes around her. And that's her alibi, by the way."
"You kept her tied up all night and morning?" Eddie asked.
"They're toon ropes, so she was okay," Baby Herman said. "Other than being unable to bother me, that is. That part drove her nuts, you betcha. Well, Eddie, you've got Jessica to find, so you probably need to be on your way now…"
"MPFFF!" Shirley interrupted, looking appealingly at Eddie.
Eddie's gaze focused on one large knot in the center of her body. Eddie knew enough about toons to realize that one tug on the loose strand would be all it would take to set Shirley free.
"Eddie, don't get any ideas about turning into a hero," Baby Herman said dangerously. "Concentrate on finding Jessica and don't worry about our… Eddie! What are you doing? Noooooooo!"
Eddie yanked on the loose strand, and, just as expected, all the ropes fell off Shirley. "Thank you, Eddie!" she gasped, once she threw the gag away. "You are my hero. And you!" She picked up Baby Herman. "You have been a very bad boy!"
"No, Eddie, don't leave her alone with me!" Baby Herman shouted as Shirley carried him away and closed the door behind her.
"He won't get anything worse than he deserves," Eddie decided, before heading out again.
…..
Eddie Valiant absently perused the newspaper as he washed down his pastrami on rye with a tall glass of milk. He ignored the blaring headlines about riots in Iran caused by Vice-President Nixon's visit to that country, and flipped past Christmas ads, seemingly on every page.
His mind worked on the problem of Jessica's disappearance. "Unless Baby Herman's covering for Shirley, she's out of it. Who could it be, then?"
He roved over the movie listings and flipped another page. A much smaller headline, deep within, almost escaped him… but not quite. It took Eddie less than a minute to read the two paragraphs. He tapped his fingers on the lunch counter. "Time for a visit to Toontown," he decided, hastily downing the last of the milk.
…..
"Anybody home?"
Knuckles sat at his desk at Toon Patrol headquarters, holding a bag of frozen peas against the side of his face. Otherwise the place looked deserted; even the cells were empty. Knuckles' only company seemed to be five portraits of the weasels who had laughed themselves to death several years earlier, hanging on the wall behind him. "Whaddya want, gumshoe?"
"What's wrong with you?" Eddie asked.
"I got a toothache," the toon weasel explained.
"Then why're you holding that against your eye?"
Knuckles threw the bag onto the floor. "Ain't you got someplace else you need to be?" he hinted.
"Where are your boys?"
"They all called in sick this morning. What's it to you?"
"Sick, huh?" Eddie took a chair and seated himself so his face was inches away from Knuckles. He threw his newspaper, folded open, onto the desk. "Says here you and your boys got beat up pretty bad last night, right outside the Ink and Paint Club. You know, the place where Jessica Rabbit just happened to be performing?"
Knuckles looked as though he were about to deny everything, but then he shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, so we tried to snatch Jessica. It didn't work though." He paused, but Eddie didn't say anything, knowing silence is sometimes a better tool than a question in interrogation.
"We ain't got nobody in right now," Knuckles eventually continued, "so we figured we could hold her in a cell. The rabbit would cough up a couple bags filled with simoleons to see her again."
"It was a pretty dumb plan," Eddie observed. "For all that he's a big movie star, Roger's been having serious cash flow problems lately."
"Wish I'd known that yesterday," Knuckles said. "Jessica wasn't the easy target we thought. Took us out without any trouble and dumped us into a garbage can. Well, that's the end of that story."
"Is it?" Eddie asked. "You seem pretty resilient, Knuckles. Sure you didn't come to your senses in time to see something else?"
"You mean, like maybe I lifted the garbage can lid a couple inches and saw someone else tie up Jessica Rabbit?" Knuckles suggested. "Yeah, actually, I did."
"Go on," said Eddie.
"It was a shadowy figure, all covered up. Jessica seemed to know who it was, and it was clear she was pretty scared, or… well, not scared, really, more like… well, I don't exactly know the right word. It was like the fight went right out of her, which I was pretty surprised to see after the way she'd thrashed us. She got tied up without any fuss at all. And just as they left I was finally able to see who it was who done it!"
"Who was it?"
Knuckles flashed Eddie a nasty grin. "What do I look like, Santa Claus? I don't give out presents for free. What's the info worth to you, gumshoe?"
Knuckles barely realized his danger in time. He reached into his leather jacket for his brass knuckles as Eddie lunged forward. Eddie was quicker though. He squeezed Knuckles' wrist, holding tight. He increased his pressure until the weasel dropped the weapon. Eddie then lifted him up and slammed him against the wall, directly under the portraits of the fallen weasels.
Knuckles giggled, high and fast. "Whatcha gonna do, gumshoe? Slap me around? Go ahead!" He laughed again. "I can take it. I didn't grow up in the rich part of Toontown, like a certain rabbit I could mention. The streets were my home and the school of hard knocks wasn't just an expression. C'mon, tough guy. Gimme another shiner to match the one Jessica gave me." He twisted his face, offering it up and grinned in invitation.
Eddie continued holding onto Knuckles with one hand while he made a great show of smoothing the weasel's leather jacket with his other. "Nah, you got me all wrong," he said. "I wasn't going to rough you up, not you, Knuckles. You're my pal! Nah, I wanted to invite you to join me at the picture show."
"Oh, yeah?" Knuckles eyed him warily. "What's playing?"
Eddie reached for his newspaper, flipping a couple pages with one hand. "The Palace is having a special screening, reel after reel of Bugs Bunny cartoons." Eddie pretended to laugh. "That wascally wabbit sure knows how to crack up a crowd!" He turned Knuckles around so he could see the portraits of the former Toon Patrol members. "Wouldn't it would be a shame, though, if a certain weasel laughed too much? He might collapse from all that laughter and then his toon spirit would float out of his body, upwards at first, probably to be rejected and sent downstairs instead…."
"You %^&*+ !" swore Knuckles.
"Of course, I wouldn't have time to take my pal to the pictures if I were tracking Jessica's kidnapper."
"Okay, Valiant, I'll talk! I don't know why I was holding back anyhow. It's worth telling you, just to see your expression when you hear it. Jessica was snatched by…."
…..
Eddie roughly shook Roger. "Wake up, Rabbit!"
"Zzz, snark, ooh, Jessica, I really like playing Hunt the Carrot with you, but how do you keep finding so many interesting hiding places under that dress? You'd think… snark… oh, hi Eddie. Any luck finding Jessica?"
"Yeah, I see how worried you were about her."
"Don't be mean, Eddie!" Roger bounded out of the chair and pranced around Eddie's office. "I didn't get a wink of sleep last night. I literally wore a groove in the carpet, p-p-p-pacing back and forth, waiting for Jessica to come home…"
"That's your own fault, right?"
"Well, you don't have to keep throwing that up in my face. So, what news you got?"
"Come on, Rabbit, let's go for a drive."
"Where are we going?" Roger asked in excitement. "Are you taking me to Jessica? Where is she? Whodunnit? What have you been doing all morning, Eddie?"
"First off, I managed to eliminate Baby Herman's babysitter from my list of suspects."
"I knew Shirley didn't do it," said Roger. "She's really nice and I just know she and Jessica will…"
"…become the best of friends. Yeah, you said that before, but I wouldn't hold my breath on it. I then went to Toontown…"
"Is that where we're going now?" Roger interrupted.
"Yeah, I'm taking you back there with me," Eddie agreed. "I talked to Knuckles of the Toon Patrol…"
"The Toon P-p-patrol? Jeepers, Eddie, do you think they maybe had something to do with Jessica's disappearance? I don't know if you've noticed it before, but those weasels act p-p-pretty suspicious to me, not at all like stalwart defenders of…" he deepened his voice and stuck out his chest in a theatrical pose "…Truth, Justice, and the American Way!"
Eddie hit a bump in the road and Roger collapsed in his seat. "It wasn't them, either," Eddie said. "Although Knuckles did tell me something that should've been obvious from the start."
"Jeepers, Eddie, if it wasn't them either, then who could it be? We're starting to run out of suspects here!"
"It's interesting you should say that, Roger. Let me tell you a story…"
"Oh, goody, I love stories!" Roger exclaimed.
"I got a case from an insurance company a few years ago. This eccentric old lady put in a claim for some stolen jewelry. She was a complete recluse, who lived in a big house and never saw anybody except for a few servants who took care of her. When I got there, I figured out a couple things real quick. First, no one had broken into the house, and second, the servants hadn't stolen them. That only left one possible solution to the mystery. Of course you know what it was."
"No, I don't see it at all." Roger's face was a frown of puzzlement. "Wait, was it the butler? It's always the butler who does it in mystery stories… no, you said you'd eliminated the servants. It seems insolvable to me, but I guess if you figured it out then that's why you're the world's greatest detective! Hey, what're we doing at my house? We're supposed to be looking for Jessica!"
"Where do you have Jessica stashed?" Eddie asked. "The basement? The attic?"
"Eddie, are you suggesting I kidnapped Jessica? That's p-p-preposterous! Why would I kidnap my own wife? And why would I come to you to find her if I did?"
Eddie shot back, "Jessica's absence would be noticed pretty quick, and it'd look strange if you didn't go to the detective all toons take their troubles to. The real puzzle, though, is how did you think you'd keep her from realizing she was in her own house?"
"That's why I blindfolded her!" Roger said grandly. "I mean… woops!"
"Why'd you do it, Roger?"
"I'm sorry, Eddie, but Jessica kept asking for more and more gifts and I knew I couldn't get any of them. I came up with this p-p-p-plan to keep her out of the way until Christmas was over so she would miss out on the opening of gifts and I'd be spared the trouble of explaining why I couldn't get her all the things she wanted."
"Jeez, Roger, don't you understand that was just a song she was singing?"
"Yeah, a really expensive song for me," said Roger, leading the way into the basement.
Eddie ducked under a low-hanging light bulb. "Good luck explaining to Jessica why you kidnapped her."
"Jeepers, Eddie, you don't think Jessica's figured out that it was me?"
"Of course she has," Eddie said impatiently. "I'd hate to be in your shoes when you get her free."
They finally reached the bottom of the stairs, and there, in a corner, sat Jessica Rabbit. She was still surrounded by ropes, although more had been added to keep her seated to a wooden chair with a comfortable cushion. Her gag and blindfold were also still in place. She turned her head, hearing the pair approach, and mumbled something that sounded as though she were suggesting she'd been tied up long enough.
"Better get her loose," Eddie advised in a whisper.
Roger gulped visibly and reached out with a trembling hand for the large knot in the center of Jessica's torso. His arm shook so badly that he straightened it with his other hand, and then pulled on the loose rope.
Jessica had the gag and blindfold off in an instant. She leapt to her feet and, quick as a panther, grabbed Roger, holding on tight. "My hero!" she exclaimed, crushing him against her bosom and covering his furry face with kisses.
"Wait a minute!" shouted Eddie. "Don't you know Roger kidnapped you?"
"Mmm, well of course." Jessica snuggled Roger closer to her. "Why do you think I let him tie me up? If my honey bunny wants to play Damsels and Robbers, I'm up for a game anytime. And now I'm taking my hero upstairs to give him his reward for rescuing me!"
"But… but… but…." Eddie watched the happy pair go. He tried to find the words to express his feelings to the outcome of his case, but for the longest time, nothing came out.
"Toons," he finally said in disgust.
He considered returning to his office. "No, another toon might be waiting for me," he decided. "I'll spend the afternoon Christmas shopping. Battling the crowds at Woolworth's will be less crazy than dealing with another toon case!"
As he reached the top of the stairs, he heard Roger's voice. "I'm really sorry I can't get you a p-p-platinum mine for Christmas, Jessica."
Her delicious laugh came faintly to his ears. "Oh, Roger, I don't need a platinum mine, as long as you're mine!"