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Story Name

Bringing Sexy Back

Summary

What it says on the tin! A rewrite of a fic I wrote back in June 2009. 100% Crack.

Pairing

None

Warnings

None!

707 Words

For once, a quiet sort of calm lay over the sunken Nemesis ship currently serving as the Decepticon base. Megatron sat in his throne, sagged to one side in a sleepy sort of relaxation. Starscream perched atop the back of the throne, legs over the side and out of Megatron's face, gleefully showing off his figure, happy for once that at least the warlord was not shouting at him to get off.
Soundwave lay transformed beside the main monitor, plugged in and waiting patiently for his symbiote Laserbeak to return from wherever he happened to be. Most of the soldiers here assumed Soundwave directed Laserbeak, but it was a falsehood, and one he was glad to keep circulating. Laserbeak had an eye for trouble and he often spied on the troops themselves and reported his findings back to Megatron or Soundwave himself. If they knew this they would be less keen to discuss trouble anywhere Laserbeak could watch.
Rumble and Frenzy wandered in through the doors of the bridge, barely able to keep themselves from breaking into hysterical laughter. Soundwave's spark dropped. It had been such a nice, quiet day, too.
Laserbeak followed them in shortly thereafter. "Laserbeak returns, Megatron."
"Yes, I can see that, Soundwave." Starscream's face split into a grin at the warlord's acrimony towards his more favoured officer. "Play back whatever it is Laserbeak wishes to interrupt the one day we get off with."
Soundwave silently obeyed, accepting his symbiote into his chest compartment. As the monitor flickered to life, Soundwave quietly prayed to Primus it wasn't inherently distressing to see. The video started with an interior view of Starscream's private quarters - the mech in question immediately sitting ramrod straight on his perch.

The video continued on to show Starscream walk in with a small bucket of cleansers and lay them down by the door. He walked to what looked like a human contraption and pressed something on it, which proceeded to make an awful noise - what the humans considered to be music. A thick bassline with some lighter tones peppered in. A male human began to sing -

I'm bringing sexy back, (yeah!)
Them other boys don't know how to act! (yeah!)
I think it's special when it's behind your back - (yeah!)
- so turn around and I'll pick up the slack... (yeah!)

Starscream was shaking his hips back and forth to the beat, and then broke into full dance, grinding his aft against the pole of one of the long scrubbers from his bucket of cleansing tools resting against the frame of the door.

Dirty babe!
You see this shackles, baby, I'm your slave!
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave!
It's just that no-one makes me feel this way-

Starscream was moving his mouth to the lyrics, grinding and gyrating his body to the tune.

The video cut off as Soundwave transformed to prevent Starscream from strangling Rumble any longer. A part of him felt vaguely guilty for the actions of his symbiotes against Starscream, mortifying him this way, but his screeching voice quickly sent any feeling of guilt out the window to drown in the depths outside. Both minibots transformed and hid, still frantically cackling, inside the protective compartment next to Laserbeak.
Starscream was having quite the tantrum. He stomped, shrieked, cried out injustice, and only took off to hide and lick his wounded pride when Megatron moved in his throne for the first time this cycle and quietly pointed his fusion cannon at the frenzied seeker.
"That was an amusing affair. I am pleased, Soundwave. See to it that Laserbeak -and the other two, if they're involved- are rewarded accordingly."
"As you command, Megatron."

Soundwave was pleased that the interaction had gone without something being broken or someone being severely punished. And then a muffled voice spoke up from inside his chest compartment.

"Wait, Starscream doesn't have a receipt."

Frenzy managed to formulate some strangled, faint words loud enough for the bridge to hear. "Whatever do you mean Rumble?"

"Why Frenzy -he can't bring sexy back without a receipt!"

The two brothers broke into hysterics once more, and Soundwave suppressed a sigh.