Author's Notes: Another fanfiction originally posted for the Kink Meme. fem!Prussia is Maria, male!Hungary is Eli, and fem!Austria is Rue.

If it were up to Maria Beilschmidt she would still be in her underwear sitting on the couch of the apartment that she shared with one of her best friends. But that so-called-best-friend, Francis, had practically shoved her out of the door in the only thing she owned that could make it over her growing abdomen (that wasn't sweatpants), and dead bolted the apartment door until she came back with something decent to add to her closet. Needless to say Maria was pretty much pissed off wearing a floral dress (the only dress she owned and it had been a gift from Francis for her last birthday) wandering around the mall looking for some maternity store.

Yeah she was pregnant, single and pregnant. It hadn't even been like she was willing to admit that she was expecting to herself. After all Maria was in one of those mutually destructive crazy people relationships (that seemed to be everywhere in popular music last year). Her former boyfriend was six feet plus of pure, concentrated, Russian, crazy, that was hung like a horse and oddly enough a florist, Ivan Braginsky. Maria couldn't put her finger on why it was she had even started a relationship with the guy (though she attributed it to the fact he could hold his booze just as well as she could and was hung like a horse) but they had been in one weird relationship for a good couple of years. Neither one of them were for talking out their feelings and both were quick to insult one another and start swinging before they would just end up having rough make-up sex on the floor of his apartment.

As things usually went they would date for a couple of weeks fight free. Then something would end up happening, and there would be a massive fight followed by sex; the problem wouldn't be resolved and Maria would just leave him. Flat out no words or anything for a week or maybe two if it was something major, before she would go back to him, they would fuck somewhere and everything would return back to normal—only to had the whole process repeat its self. Sure it was unhealthy and any normal person would be able to see that but it worked for the two of them, it was the plain and simple.

However after their last fight and Maria's storming off to leave Ivan something happened. At first it was just the second missed period in two months, the first of which she contributed to the stress of being in a relationship that was so not normal; the second one she contributed to that too. Unluckily for her though she let it slip to Francis, who being the nosy ass he was immediately said she was pregnant, and that would contribute to the fact that she was eating so much more than usual. Francis couldn't keep his mouth shut worth a shit and ran off to tell their other partner in crime Antonio of his suspicions. Antonio had two boys with his ex-wife (and Maria's perfect cousin Rue) so he thought of himself as an expert on pregnant women from that experience and decided that that was why she had been so much bitchier than usual. The two morons of course took it on themselves to force Maria into taking a piss test, that lo-and-behold stared up at her with a little plus sign.

Yeah she was having a baby.

And in that instant that she starred down at that little stick telling her that she was having a baby a choice had to be made. And she was The Awesome Maria "Fucking" Beilschmidt so that decision was that she was going to have this baby, be the most amazing mom ever, and not let Ivan know anything about it. There was no way that a kid could grow up in the kind of environment that she and Ivan had with one another, so all ties had to be cut off from him. And how hard could being a single mom be? She had a decent job, a roof over her head, and her dad was still loaded there was no way he'd allow his daughter and grandson (even if the kid was a bastard) end up on the streets. She totally had it in the bag.

But she totally didn't have any maternity clothes and having began her second trimester there was a growing need for them, thus there she was wasting a perfectly good Saturday at the mall trying to find a damn store so she could please her stupid roommate Francis (she just knew he was on the couch making out with his newest girlfriend or some shit like that).

As she marched through the mall determined to find her destination and leave as quickly as possible she heard, "Maria Beilschmidt!" Some guy called her name, she didn't turn around to look. There was no way she was in the mood to deal with anyone right now. "Hey Maria I know that's you," the voice got closer. She continued to ignore it until a hand was placed on her shoulder at that point she was ready to deck whoever it was.

"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE—" she stopped immediately looking up into a pair of green eyes, green eyes that she instantly recognized, and after scanning over the man's features, brown hair that would come just past his shoulders if it wasn't pulled back into a ponytail. Maria was silent for a moment after lowering her fist, she couldn't believe her eyes. There right in front of her was Eli Herdervary one of her old romping buddies from back in the day (which was what only eight years ago) but she still needed to act like it was no big deal being reunited with an old friend (she so never had a crush on) and regain her composer; putting her signature smirk right onto her lips, "Glad to see you still have that gay ass hair style. When are you gonna be a real man and get a decent haircut?"

His response was to laugh, "I knew it had to be you." He smiled right back at her, "How many albino girls have that piss poor attitude and killer legs."

She gave him a hallow laugh, "Should you really be saying that as a married man? Rue would be pissed." Rue her prissy little stuck up piano playing cousin that at one point had stolen her dear (stupid) friend Antonio only to dump him for Eli (after popping out two boys she proceeded to dump on Antonio). It always amazed Maria that Rue didn't ever pick up Francis too, she seemed to always go after the men that Maria hung out with.

"Aren't you Rue's cousin?" Eli asked holding up his purchase, it was a new microwave oven. He awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, "Yeah, well were' not married anymore, so I had to buy this guy."

"You should have known not to get tangled up in her. You were her second husband after all and what kind of woman gets two divorces before she's thirty right?"

"You two are related—"

"Yeah but she dumped my Toni after stealing him from Francis and I, and left him with the boys. Poor guy has no more free time what with the diapers, drooling and the older one's got one nasty ass head butt in him. But perfect little Rue refuses to let Antonio bust the old belt out." With the last word she made a whipping motion before grinning up at Eli.

"Let's not talk about her. What have you been up to? Anyone manage to tame the wild beast that is Maria Beilschmidt? You are getting on in years."

She placed both hands on either hip and tilted her head back to give a good old hardy laugh. "Right like anyone could slow me down, man I am still 100% in my prime on top of the mother fucking game." She stood up straight again, "No one's ever going to slow the awesome me down, and that is a promise."

"Is that so?" he chuckled butting his bag down and reaching in his pocket, "Give me your number since you are never going to get slowed down awesome you, and I am a bachelor again. Maybe we could head out do some catching up, and evade the law; you know for old time's sake."

"Oh right, I would be down for that." She said with a grin way more innocent then the smirk she had in place earlier and pulled out her cell phone, giving him her number after he gave her his.

"See you around then?"

"Yeah see you around, enjoy your new appliance. And get laid I know you need it after being with that frigid bitch."

The two laughed as he walked away and she went on to find that maternity store Francis sent her looking for.