The very first time Regina notices, it's as she's handing Emma her very first glass of cider.
At the time she simply chalked it up to yet another thing to hold against the blonde, surely solidifying her case against her. And yet she remembers being surprised by the lack of that distinct smoker's smell, as well as how bright and clean her teeth look.
It slips her mind after that.
The next time she really takes note of Emma's hand isn't until some time later.
They're somewhat friends now, agreeing that Emma helping her out of the fire and saving her life is a good enough reason to try harder at becoming friends.
She walks into the diner and takes a seat on a bar stool and not two minutes later does Emma Swan walk in and makes her way to sit beside her.
"Good morning Mayor Mills." The blonde says with a small smile on her face.
The brunette nods in her direction, "Good morning."
Emma then directs her smile at Ruby as she slides her coffee towards the blonde, "Here ya go Ems. Enjoy."
The sheriff wraps her hands around the mug reverently and takes a deep breath, "Thanks Rubes. This is exactly what needed."
The mayor watches the blonde with a little interest, until her eyes fall upon the mark on her left hand. Her mind goes back to the day they met and her mind starts reeling because she's sure that during all the time they've known each other, she's never seen her smoke. And not once has she ever smelled of cigarette smoke. And no one is that good at covering themselves all the time.
The question is on the tip of her tongue but she stops herself from voicing it, not quite sure why she does that.
Emma tilts her head to the side and sees Regina seemingly lost in thought, "Regina?"
The mayor's eyes meet Emma's, "Yes?"
"Are you- is everything okay?"
Regina gives her her patented smirk, "I'm quite alright Miss Swan."
The blonde grins at her, "Alright. I suppose I'll see you later then." Emma takes one last sip while sitting before standing up and walking away with her mug throwing an, "I'll bring this back later Rubes," over her shoulder.
Regina frowns the second she thinks of the mark on Emma's hand. She decides it isn't something she's going to bring up with Emma, not anytime soon at least. They're not quite there yet in their friendship.
The image of Emma's hand is ingrained in Regina's mind, and not once since she's seen it that day at the diner has it left. Because she realizes that that day was one of the few days where Emma hasn't covered it up with makeup, or even attempted to hide it.
That day started it up and now she can't stop herself. It pains her to think that Emma may have seriously been abused. Regina knows it wont be easy to bring it up, but she also knows that she can't not bring it up.
They're friends. Actual friends and they've gotten considerably closer. She still finds it hard to believe that Emma is able to get her to open up and talk about things. They both opened up quite a bit, slowly but surely, and Regina is surprised just how good it feels to have someone she trusts and who trusts her back.
"OH! Shit! Mmf-"
Regina runs into her kitchen to find Emma with her finger in her mouth.
"Wh-what happened?" She asks as she carefully makes her way towards the blonde, side stepping the glass on the floor.
Emma reluctantly removes her hand from her mouth and gives it to Regina, "The glass broke and I was picking it up and..." She shrugs and gives the brunette a lopsided grin.
Regina gently walks them over towards the sink so she can wash the wound. "You should have been more careful Emma."
It's deep and the bleeding isn't really slowing down much. Emma winces as she watches the water continue to flow reddish pink. Brown eyes meet greenish blue, worry shining through Regina's to Emma's, "I- Emma, we need to go to the hospital...this is going to need stitches."
The blonde shakes her head slightly, "You're just worrying."
"No-This is bad Em-ma. I mean. I could maybe close it up, maybe even a little bit- but magic."
Emma looks at her with all the trust in the world, "Okay."
Regina raises an eyebrow, "You want me to use magic on you dear?"
The blonde gives her a small smile, "I'd do it myself Regina but-"
The brunette furrows her brow as she tries to gather her wits to call upon her magic. The wound starts to close up and the blood slows down considerably to something manageable. She pulls it away from under the gentle flow of water before gently squeezing and grabbing a towel for her, "I'll be right back. I'm going to go get the first aid kit."
Emma watches as Regina walks away, holding the towel right over the wound, just waiting until the brunette walks back to her.
"Let's take a look at this, shall we?"
The blonde smiles at the tone she uses as she gently gives her her hand once more. Regina cleans out the wound and dresses it, handling Emma so gently she's barely touching her. Once the blood is all gone from the surrounding area, Regina realizes it's the same hand that has the scar. Her thumb gently caresses it before she can stop herself.
Her eyes meet Emma's and she's apologetic, "My magic wasn't able to heal it all the way Emma, and I cannot keep it from scarring, it will heal the same way it would have healed had we taken you to a hospital. I'm sorry I was never-"
Emma squeezes her hand, "Please don't be. Thank you for doing what you did."
After a beat, wherein Regina takes out a bandaid, Emma speaks up, "Besides, I'm used to scars."
Regina's eyes glance up to meet Emma's before falling back onto the task at hand. Emma watches her as she gently slides her fingers over the bandaid to make sure it stays on before letting go completely.
"You haven't asked."
Regina closes the kit before looking at the blonde, knowing what the blonde is talking about she didn't want to insult either of their intelligence by feigning ignorance.
"I didn't know or think rather, that you'd be okay with it had I asked."
Emma shrugs slightly, her uninjured hand holding the injured left, her thumb rubbing over the old scar. Regina and she walk back to the living-room and take their seats from earlier, one on each end of the couch, turned to face one another.
"What happened?"
Emma smiles at her, a tired almost defeated ghost of a smile, "It's a cigarette burn."
Regina has gathered as much, but that doesn't prepare her for actually hearing Emma say it. Her chest hurts, "That's not all it is, is it?" her eyes don't leave Emma's.
The blonde shakes her head, "I got it from one of my foster 'brothers'."
Regina doesn't know who he is, or where he's from or is now, but she suddenly has a physical anger and a deep need to pay this barbarian a visit. The blonde once again starts rubbing her burn while she gathers her words, her eyes stormy, "He was years older that I was. He was nineteen, and living at home. And he always gave me the creeps, since the very first time I met him. He just, he wouldn't stop leering, I was only ten, and tiny for my age, but he didn't care."
Regina's heart hurts her as she hears Emma talk about this. She wants to reach out and hold her but her mind has taken her down a road she isn't appreciating, and she can only guess that Emma would rather not be touched right now. She does shift just a little bit closer.
"He would uh come into my room on nights his parents would drink themselves into passing out-which was every weekend. At first he'd just sit there, I'd wake up to him just sitting there watching me. Later on I'd wake up and he would just touch my face, brush my hair. I didn't like it, but I just thought he was trying to make me comfortable while his parents continued to get more and more drunk."
Emma pauses as she shakes her head slightly, "At least, that's what I told myself so I could stop feeling so dirty and broken."
Regina swallows, her throat bobbing as she tries to stop from saying anything.
Emma's eyes shift to Regina's eyes for a second and then away again, "This one time though, he came into my room and he had this look in his eyes. I had been changing into my pajamas and I was so shocked I couldn't even move to cover myself up, all I had on was my top. He smiled at me, or at least that's what one would call that evil gash on his face. And he walked-he walked over to me..." she pauses, her eyes not really seeing in front of her any longer, but she takes a breath before continuing "He threatened me. Told me he'd kill me if I made a sound. My eyes looked all over to see what he could possibly use but I couldn't see anything so I thought he was just being a jerk."
Emma shifts in her seat before clearing her throat, "I went to open my mouth but...but he made his way to me so fast I didn't even take a breath. He grabbed both of my arms and held them down by my side and got right in my face, 'one word cunt and I'll burn yours off. Now. Take off your shirt to join your bottoms over there."
The blonde stops again, her eyes finding Regina's, pausing her story, "I don't. I can stop if this isn't-I don't have to keep talking if you don't want to hear it."
Regina shakes her head, "No dear. I wouldn't have asked, but if you don't want to keep going that's-"
The blonde stops her, " I...I want to tell you. Now that I've started..." she takes a steadying breath, and continues, "I didn't want him to hurt me, and I had seen that same look loads of times in other houses and I just wanted things to be okay. So I took off my shirt, thinking it'll be just like other nights. But he didn't just stop to watch. He told me to go onto the bed and to lay on my back. He pulled out a switchblade to make sure I did. He came over once I was on the bed and he-he pinched my-he pinched me and then put his knife to my underwear and sliced them open. I...He stood straight up and stripped off his clothes and then just stood there, not moving for what felt like forever."
She chokes back the tears as she moves on, "His, he was already hard and I just, I knew something terrible was going to happen- I knew and I couldn't do anything about it. He pushed my legs apart and shoved his, his fingers all the way in as far as they would go. And I bit my lip so hard to keep from screaming out in absolute pain. He stopped after a few times before stopping all at once, only to climb on top of me and push himself into me. His breath was all over me and he held my arms down after he had adjusted his junk. And he kept going. It hurt-God did it fucking hurt. I felt like my insides were being ripped to shreds. He came almost immediately, grunting in my ear, crushing me with his body, not even bothering to pull out of me.
He fell asleep and I couldn't move, didn't dare to. I just laid there, and I could feel the tears falling. He came to some time later and I felt him inside me, and he just started all over again. I cried and afterwards he stayed right where he was, on top of me, and pulled out a cigarette from the pack he left on the nightstand and lit it. 'I told you not to say shit you little whore, and you listened, but I'm not big on not doing something I set my mind to.' He took one drag and smacked me across the face before pressing the cigarette down onto my hand. I screamed. I screamed so loud I thought my throat was going to rip."
Emma gasps suddenly, only now realizing she's crying, Regina holds her own breath, unable to comprehend how someone could do that, tears stinging her own eyes, "He wouldn't stop, wouldn't pull the cigarette away, and I can still smell everything that was around me, especially my burning skin and the smell of his sweat and sex. He laughed after and just flicked his cigarette our before grabbing his knife and sitting up. His knees digging into my sides and he just didn't care. He pulled his knife across my stomach before he shifted lower down and pulling his knife from my navel to just above where my underwear would sit, my lower abdomen. He then pressed his knife hard enough to break skin and went from there to my groin, 'Figured I'd connect these slits together. You'd be able to take more of my dick.'"
Regina's having a hard time not crying, she feels lightheaded and can't even imagine how Emma is getting through this, "He...he stopped right before he actually got to my, my-he got up, picked up my pajamas and used them to wipe his junk off before getting dressed and making me put them on. He left my rooms after that. I couldn't move, not even if I tried, and I just cried. I felt so dirty and disgusting, I could feel him everywhere, feel him in me, on me, around me."
Emma lets out a sob as she wipes the tears from her face, shrugging, "My foster parents sent me away after that, not even bothering to take me to the hospital. The social worker didn't know because I was terrified to say anything...She believed them when they told her that I was playing with cigarettes and did it to myself. I was lucky that I was smart enough to clean the wounds. I-I've got this cigarette burn as a reminder on my hand, but that's nothing compared to the reminder I've got elsewhere."
Emma is shaking profusely and her tears just keep falling, not minding that Emma keeps wiping them away and it takes everything within Regina not to launch herself forward to grab the blonde to her, "Oh Emma," the blonde shrugs her shoulders and Regina can't stop herself from asking, "May I-May I please hold you?"
The blonde almost mewls as she nods her head as she sends her body into Regina's arms, "Oh Emma, oh dear, I'm here...I'm right here. You're safe now, I swear it, you're safe."
Emma finally allows the tears to flow freely, no longer holding anything back, and Regina just holds her close, rubbing her back as the blonde wraps her arms around her waist and hugs her tightly, twisting the material of her top in her fists, "That's it, I've got you Emma." She herself lets her own tears fall, but she keeps herself quiet, not wanting to draw Emma's attention to her own crying right now.
It takes some time, but the blonde finally stops crying so hard, her breathing is still slightly erratic, her breathing coming in doubles after having cried so much, and Regina combs Emma's blonde hair out of her face to get her attention, "Emma, it's alright, you're safe here. I've got you, I will not let anything happen to you, you're okay."
The brunette wants to make sure Emma calms down before she starts really hyperventilating and working herself up further, the blonde however starts to get her breathing under control. It takes a few more beats before she pushes herself back and away from the brunette, "I'm sorry I-I'm sorry I ruined your shirt Regina, I s-swear I'll get it cleaned."
The brunette shakes her head adamantly, "Don't you worry about it at all Emma. That's, it's fine."
Emma takes a deep breath and it finally comes to her in one breath rather than in a stutter. They sit in silence together for a couple of minutes before the blonde speaks up quietly, "I've never told anyone that, not the whole story, not like that." Her voice is strangled and thick with emotions she's yet to shake off.
Regina slowly reaches out her hand and is put at ease when Emma takes the offer and holds on tight, "I will take your story to the grave Emma. I-your trust means everything to me."
The blonde squeezes her hand, "You're probably one of the only ones I completely trust, whether you believe me or not, it's true."
They sit in silence again, Emma with her back once again against the arm of the couch, facing Regina, her head tilted back though, looking at the ceiling. Regina simply caresses the hand she's still holding and takes note of the even breathing coming from Emma.
The blonde speaks up after some time, startling the both of them from the quiet, "He-He died. My uh foster 'brother'. I found out while I was in prison."
Regina was not expecting that, she halts her ministrations on the blonde's hand, "How..?"
Emma holds her head up so that she's looking at the brunette still holding her hand, "It was pretty serendipitous actually. One of the women on my cell block was in because she had beat him up in self-defense. Her mother would stop by every other day to visit her. One of the days she came in with news of his passing. Apparently he tried to rape this up and coming A-lister. When she got away and reported it, and the news got out of who he really was, that he wasn't this charming businessman, he threw himself in front of a train."
Regina doesn't know how she feels about being happy, and she says as much, "I don't care what it says about me, but I'm glad that he's dead and gone. I'm so ridiculously happy that he's gone."
The blonde lets out a burst of air before she nods, her eyes meeting Regina's and holding her gaze, "I am too. No lie Regina, I was so damn relieved when I first found out, and every single time I think of that time in my life, I feel avenged somewhat."
They sit there looking into each other's eyes, silently communicating before Emma whispers, "Does that make us bad people?"
Regina doesn't miss the way Emma says us rather than just saying me. She shakes her head, "No Em-ma...It doesn't make us bad people."
Emma nods her head slowly, the day catching up to her in full now, her eyes start to droop. Regina notices and she gives her a small little smile, "The spare room is ready for you, if you'd like? It's a lot more comfortable than this couch. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience."
The sheriff grins at her tiredly, smile actually reaching her eyes, "Is this your way of saying you're attracted to me?"
Regina laughs lightly, hand squeezing Emma's as she stands and pulls her up beside her, "Now I know you're tired."
She carefully leads Emma down to the spare room and turns down the bed for her, "I'll have breakfast ready for you in the morning, so I expect to still see you here then."
Emma would be hurt normally at the slight way the sentence seems to be a dig, but she knows better. This is Regina telling her it's okay and asking her not to run and bolt. The blonde gives her a disarming smile as she climbs into the bed, "I'll make sure the fancy-pants coffee machine starts brewing first thing in the morning for you."
Regina simply smiles as she walks out of the room. She leans against the door after she shuts it behind her. She rests the back of her head against the wood and closes her eyes, her mind going a million miles a minute. A part of her blames herself for Emma's childhood, and yet the rational part of her, which sounds oddly like Emma, tells her she wasn't the one to shove baby Emma into the magic wardrobe. She sighs as she sluggishly makes her way to her own bedroom. She likes to think she's changed, and so help her if she wont make it up to the blonde, regardless of whether it's her fault or not. The blonde deserves so much better than she's been dealt and she will be the one to give her what she deserves.
Regina wipes her own tears and she whispers, "I will live my life making things better Emma."