The entire school year, every day, I have sat down at that same table, in the same room, in the same place, at the same time. Every day, I have smiled, I have laughed, I have indulged and felt warm inside. Every day, I have been blessed by the presence of Hikaru and Kaoru Hiitachin.
I always thought that I liked Hikaru the most of the two of them, but they always come in a package of two. You can't come to see one of them, they always come to together. Be that as it may, Kaoru is such a wonderful person, as well. As we have seen each other more and more, he has opened up just a little more to me and has told me secrets of his past that he rarely shares with anyone else. It was hard for me to believe that he and his had once been almost as lonely as I was; quiet, sitting in the corners, working alone, people who nobody knew very well. Anyone who tried to know them was turned away. They were hurt, their souls ripped apart and difficult to mend.
In that way, I saw myself in the twins. I saw the same feelings, and burning passion that I felt inside of me. It was the same warmth and the same sharp cold.
I would see them walking through the hallway between classes, their steps perfectly coordinated and their shoulders back. Their perfect faces gleaming in the light that was the perfect brightness.
Their confident air would surround me, meaning so much to me I could almost not contain it.
I am deeply in love with those two, the flawless pair of twins who were only distinguishable by their voice and their unique flairs.
However, I'll never be able to be with them. They don't see me the way I see them. They just see me as another client. I'm just part of the game that is their club. Entertain the girls for a little while, then move along to the next ones. Entertaining. That is their business. It is entertaining those who enjoy their presence.
I have seen other girls confess their love to a Host. I have seen them try to make the Host believe that their love was true. They are turned down every time, but it's not surprising. I can see in their eyes that their feelings are shallow and meaningless. They will diminish after a bit of time.
Was it the same for me?
It couldn't be. I feel like I've formed a friendship with the twins. We have opened to each other and gotten to know each other. We are close, yet so very far. We can touch our hands together, but we can't feel the warmth of the other or each other's soul. Our distance will never be completely closed.
"You look nice today," is what they'd say every time I wore my hair the way they liked best, with a braid on one side. I came to fix it that way just for them, and put extra effort into making it as even as I could.
I've never been able to win the "Which one is Hikaru?" game. I've never been able to tell the difference just by looking at them. I could never figure out which side Hikaru parts his hair and which side Kaoru does without second-guessing myself.
I have gotten to know Hikaru and Kaoru, through every day that I have seen them. Yet, I will never be able to know them any more than that. Is it possible to love two people? They have almost convinced me so, even though I have always liked Hikaru the best.
Every day, I will still sit with them at the same table, at the same time, drinking the same tea. It is more than enough to be able to share a few minutes together.
That is all we will ever have.