A/N: So, a couple of people suggested I do a few oneshots about rookie Blue, so I figured I'd stick with the Serve, protect and... line. Most will be sam/Andy, cos... well, that's more fun. Or Sam beating the hell out of Luke in various situations.
Any suggestions, feel free to PM me. reviews make me smile, and yes, I know this one sort of sucks. Stick with me, I'll get better, I promise!
Anna
Serve, Protect and Quit Screwing Up!
Boyko stood with his arms folded, a glare on his face that was so full of fury, Andy was concerned about sitting on the front row in case he exploded. His ears were tinged pink, mouth set in a hard tight line as he glared along the row of rookies before him, fists bunched. Andy felt Traci shift slightly next to her, uncomfortable under the scrutinising.
"Can anyone tell me why I am so mad?" he thundered. He glanced towards the back of the room as Oliver Shaw raised his hand innocently. "Officer Shaw?"
"Because you were woken up this morning by the Chief screaming at you?" Oliver suggested politely.
Andy twisted in his seat to glare at the smug Officer, feeling her mood worsen even more. As if a grilling from the Sergeant wasn't bad enough for the rookies, they had to go through this ritual humiliation in front of the entire division – which Shaw seemed enjoy all too much for her liking.
"Because I was woken by the phone, then had to listen to the Chief yell at me for half an hour!" Boyko agreed loudly. "Anyone care to guess why the chief decided to scream at me?"
Noelle raised her hand, looking both tired and bored. "Because the rookies screwed up again?"
"Because the rookies screwed up again." Boyko repeated.
It was Traci's turn to twist in her seat and glare at Noelle, shooting her a look that if such things could kill, Noelle would be getting her ass kicked all the way to St Peter's pearly white gates.
"And what did the rookies do?"
"Don't do it, Sam..." Andy murmured under her breath as Boyko glared expectantly at her TO. She watched Sam, her expression blank as his eyes flickered to her face, before facing the boss again.
"Break the vending machine again?" He guessed with no trace of a smile.
Andy breathed a sigh of relief. She could deal with being screamed at. It happened. It seemed to happen quite a lot, if she were being entirely honest. What she couldn't deal with was the idea that her TO would send her up the river in a freaking burning basket. No matter how badly they had screwed up, she needed Sam to have faith in her.
Besides, he'd already yelled at her. His job in this whole fiasco was done.
"No, Swarek." Boyko clenched his jaw. "The rookies did not break the vending machine."
"Good." Sam replied, seemingly relieved. "'Cos I am starving and the food in the cafeteria sucks."
Andy couldn't stop the slight giggle from escaping her lips at the inappropriateness of this comment, and the poor timing. The sound seemed to echo around the room, ten times louder than she thought possible. As if in slow motion, Boyko's glare fixed on her.
"Something funny, McNally?" he demanded in a quietly dangerous voice.
"Um... nothing, Sir." She whispered. "Nothing's funny."
"Stand up."
She did so quickly, standing with her back straight, arms held straight at her sides, chin tilted up slightly so she could look into the Staff Sergeant's eyes. "Sir?"
"Perhaps you would like to explain exactly what you all did."
"All of us, Sir? Individually or collaboratively?" she asked uncertainly.
"Individually."
She felt Traci squeezed her leg almost imperceptively under the table as a show of support. Feel free to humiliate us if it ends this quicker, Andy knew she was trying to tell her. Taking a deep breath, she begun. "Well... I was on patrol with Officer Swarek and he told e to remain where I was. I felt that after he entered the premises to serve a warrant, he might need support, so entered the premises. Where... I then knocked over a rather... uh..."
"Priceless vase?" Boyko suggested. "Which the owner seemed to find a price for now he's suing the Department!"
"Yes, Sir." She replied meekly. "Um... Officers Nash and Diaz... um... they, uh... arrested the Chief's niece for reckless driving – though she was driving recklessly." She added, wanting to put her two cents in for her friends.
"Irrelevant." Boyko retorted. "Niece gets arrested, Chief gets pissed. Chief gets pissed, he makes my life miserable, which means I make your lives miserable. Continue."
"Officer Peck jammed her weapon which is now supposedly unrepairable, and Officer Epstein has been... um, disrespectful towards a senior Narcotics detective who has enough influence to make everyone suffer." Andy listed uncomfortably.
Boyko nodded. "Thank you, McNally. You may sit."
She slumped down into her seat, face burning.
The Sergeant glanced around the room, calmed now that he had put the rookies through hell. "Epstein, with Shaw. Nash, Williams. McNally, Swarek. Oh, and rookies? You'd best come up with some fundraising. Because between McNally and Peck you've worked up an impressive debt thanks to broken equipment and civilian complaints. So, you have permission to do one week's fundraising. Think and get back to me. If not? I make your life hell."
His gaze swept over the room again, nodding with satisfaction as his division faced him. "Serve, protect and quit screwing up!"
"A bun sale?" Epstein sat up from his position laying flat on one of the benches in the lockerroom. They five rookies were hiding on their lunch break in the women's lockerroom brainstorming ideas for the fundraising they were going to have to do if they had a hope in hell of salvaging any respect from the senior officers and wanted to advanced whatsoever past a desk job.
Andy shrugged, twirling a strand of Traci's hair around her finger as her friend laid back, using her thighs as a pillow. "I don't know! It seemed to work when I was in high school."
"Well, we're not in high school anymore, Andy!" Gail chuckled.
"Well, feel free to pitch in, then!" She replied, shooting the blonde a filthy look.
Gail grinned, sliding down the lockers to sit cross-legged on the floor. "How's about a charity wrestling match? Pay five bucks, beat the hell outta the Officer you have a problem with!"
"Not bad, Peck." A voice announced from the doorway.
The rookies turned to see Oliver, Noelle and Sam stride in, taking up various seats on the floor and benches. Sam stretched forwards, wincing as his back twinged in complaint. Andy raised an eyebrow. "You shoulda let me take him. I think you're getting too old for this."
Sam threw her a filthy look. "Thanks, wiseguy. I'll have you know that I am not old, I am actually younger than Callaghan. So if I'm old..."
She rolled her eyes. "Ouch, Sam."
Sam was about to respond when Noelle shot him a look that was loaded with suspicion and warning, so he thought better of it. "Anyhow, you guys come up with anything yet?"
"Girl scout McNally reckons a bake sale's a good idea." Epstein replied, his voice suggesting her thought the absolute opposite.
Noelle pulled a face. "You'll be laughed out of Division." She replied immediately. "Wrestling's not a bad idea, I can see Sammy getting into that."
Oliver shuddered. "In that case, I'm going nowhere near it. Retraining and training's bad enough, thanks."
"One thing's for sure." Andy sighed. "If we don't figure this out, Boyko'll eat us alive."
"Serve, protect and quit screwing up..." Traci grumbled. "Does he think he's a comedian, what with all these 'serve, protect and...' cracks?"
"Gets the message across." Oliver pointed out.
"Don't care." She grumbled.
Gail nodded. "I agree. It's annoying."
"You're annoying." Epstein shot back.
"Kids, behave." Sam announced lazily.
It looked as though Epstein and Peck were going to start world war three in the locker room, so Sam and Noelle stood up, checking their watches. "Lunch's over." Noelle informed Traci. "Let's go."
"You too, McNally." Sam sighed, holding out his hand and pulling her up. "C'mon."
"Fine." She moaned. "See you later, guys."
"Uh-huh." Sam nodded. "Let's go, McNally, before Boyko finds something else to yell about!"