Summary: Draco and Theodore love annoying Hermione. She tells them she can drink them under the table. Ginny has something big to tell Harry. Ron and Lavender are annoyingly in love. The result of all this? A sneaky war! HP/GW RW/LB HG/TN DM/PP... for now

Notes: 7th year. AU (Characters are the same, but no one's really bad and Voldemort died when he attempted to kill Harry the first time.) Slight OOCness. Rated T for maybe some language and some sexual mentionings ahead, but nothing graphic (will warn ahead of time though). Recently changed title from "Seventh Year" to "Playing Dirty" because I actually came up with a plan!

Playing Dirty

Hermione Granger was annoyed. Extremely annoyed. She absolutely hated when her house had victory parties in the Gryffindor common room. Alright, so maybe she didn't absolutely hate it. Sometimes they were rather fun, and yes sometimes she enjoyed getting drunk with her fellow housemates. But tonight was not one of those nights.

Ron and Lavender were giving extremely graphic public displays of affections. Seriously, did they not believe in leaving things to the imagination? And Harry and Ginny were off in some secluded corner of the school, most likely snogging their brains out. Ah, well at least they opted not to do it in public. The point was Hermione's two best friends were not even there to get drunk with and she really had no desire to get drunk with anyone else in Gryffindor house. Last time several of the boys had made advances on her, much to her disturbance. Another time, Lavender and Parvati had insisted she hook up with Neville in a game of seven minutes in heaven, and Hermione had to decline that offer by latching on to Cormac for the night, which proved to be an even worse idea. So tonight, Hermione was not going to join in on the party. She'd go to the library instead.

It was a Saturday and she was almost certain that the other houses were partying as well. Not many people were out in the corridors and she could've sworn she heard some loud music coming from the Ravenclaw tower. The library was a perfect place to go and it was the perfect time to be there.

She entered, said hello to Madam Pince, and sighed happily as she took a seat in her favorite seat at the library.

It was perfect. She saw a couple of first years in the corner and maybe a few second years scattered around. She hadn't the slightest idea why, as those two years weren't very important as far as studying went, but she shrugged and opened up Hogwarts, A History.

Two boys entered the library and caught her eye, which was saying something as no one ever caught her eye, especially in the library.

They were both tall, one with silvery-blonde hair and the other with dark brown. Ah, two wonderful gits from Slytherin. The epitome of annoyance. After a glance at them, she decided they weren't important to be looking at anymore and she went back down to her book.

Of course, that's when the two boys plopped right down at the two seats in front of her. She was even more annoyed. She found the perfect time to be in her favorite place and it had to be ruined. But she would try to ignore this odd but recently frequent happening and didn't look up from her book.

"I really don't see why you read that when you've read it about a thousand times already," Draco Malfoy said lazily.

"Yeah, Granger, honestly, read another book," Theodore Nott added.

Hermione looked up from her book and glared at the two boys in front of her. "Don't you two have someone else to bother? There's some first years over there…"

"But you're our favorite person to bother," Draco said happily. "You just get so annoyed."

This is when Hermione remembered that even the library wasn't safe anymore. More than often, Draco and Theodore liked to talk to her in the library which resulted in Madam Pince kicking all three of them out and Hermione huffing and puffing as she walked away.

"So why aren't you celebrating with your friends, Granger?" Theodore asked.

"I can answer that," Draco said with a smirk. "I think I saw Potter and the Weasley girl snogging in a corner. I think it bothers her. I guessed a long time ago Granger fancied Potter."

Hermione gritted her teeth, "For your information, I do NOT fancy Harry. We are just friends, as are Ron and I, not that any of that is any of your guys' business."

"So who is it you fancy, Granger?" asked Theodore curiously. A little too curiously, for Hermione's liking at least.

She cocked an eyebrow at him. "I don't fancy anyone, Nott."

"I told you she's an alien," Draco said knowingly. "I bet you're still a virgin, huh? You're probably the only 7th year virgin left in the school!"

Hermione glared at him and said hotly, "Why you little prick! What makes you think I'm still a virgin?"

"Oh, I don't know. Bookworm, never seen publicly with a boy, lack of sexual chemistry with either of yourbest friends… " Draco said.

"You haven't seen me outside the classroom or even this library, Malfoy!"

"So you're saying you aren't a virgin?"

"That's precisely what I'm saying!" Hermione whispered loudly. She looked at their smug faces and realized she'd fallen for the bait.

"Who was it then?" Theodore asked. "Anyone we know?"

"I am not having this conversation with you two," Hermione said, her cheeks deeply flushed.

"It's probably because you're lying," Draco said.

Hermione kept her mouth shut tight. She did not want to fall for anymore of their stupid tricks to get her to answer personal questions.

"You're probably right, Malfoy. I doubt she even drinks. If she did, she'd probably be up with her friends having a good time. Have you ever seen her do anything remotely bad in the Head Boy and Girl room?" Theodore asked.

"Nothing at all," Draco said, shaking his head.

"Of course I drink!" Hermione said hotly. Did they think she was a nun or something?

"Do you?" Theodore asked.

"Yes."

"Do you actually drink enough to get drunk?" Draco asked.

"Of course! What's the point if you don't?"

"Have you ever kissed anyone drunk?" Draco asked again.

"Yes!" she answered exasperatedly.

"Played a drunk game?" Theodore asked now.

"Yes!"

"Had sex drunk with someone at this school?" Draco asked.

"YES!" Hermione nearly screamed.

"So it was someone we know?" Theodore smirked.

Hermione did a double take and realized the amount of information she had just revealed. She groaned and gathered her things and, like usual, huffed and puffed as she walked out, glaring daggers at the two boys before leaving.

But they followed her and once they were in the halls she cast the Muffliato charm on any nearby classrooms and yelled at them.

"Would you leave me alone?"

"So why is it your two best friends have girlfriends and yet you're still single?" Draco asked.

"Because I don't want a boyfriend! I don't need one!" Hermione yelled.

"I still don't believe you drink," Theodore said.

Hermione laughed maniacally, throwing her head back. "I can drink both of you under the table!"

"Is that a challenge?" Draco asked curiously.

Hermione thought about her next words carefully. It was Saturday. There were no exams. She actually was annoyed that Ron and Harry were too busy for her. She didn't want to go back to the party and get attacked by Cormac. She could've just gone back to her Head Girl dorm and went to sleep, but since she shared common rooms with Draco she probably wouldn't hear the end of this conversation. So she decided to be irrational for once and throw all logic out the window, and just have fun. It was her seventh year and though she'd gotten drunk before, she'd never gotten drunk with two stupid Slytherins. She could drink them under the table, and she would prove it.

She pointed at them both. "Yes! That's a challenge! And if you're up to it, I will prove it to you tonight."

Both of the boys looked equally surprised.

"Are you sure about this?" Theodore asked.

Hermione shook her head and snickered, "I knew you two were all talk. I'll be in my common room, enjoying Firewhiskey all to myself. Slytherin prats…"

And she walked away towards the Head dormitories, leaving the two boys to decide.

She wasn't lying when she said she would sit in the common room and have a firewhiskey, because at that moment that's exactly what she was doing. She didn't drink a lot, of course, only had a few sips, but she waited. She knew they'd be there.

The door to their common room opened and she smiled mockingly at the two boys.

"So you decided to show up, eh?"

"Couldn't let you have all the fun by yourself, Granger," Theodore said with a smirk.

The two boys sat down next to her as she conjured three shot glasses out of the air.

"What should we take the first shot to, boys?" Hermione asked, pouring the glasses with firewhiskey.

"To virgins," Draco smirked and lifted his shot glass.

"Why, Malfoy? Are you still one?" Hermione asked pleasantly.

He glared at her and she smiled. The three of them raised their glasses and took the first shot of the night.

About six shots later, the three of them were completely hammered.

"I'm – I'm not drunk!" Hermione slurred. "I'm totally drinking you guys table the under!"

"Yeah, okay, Gran – ger," Draco said sloppily. He was the most trashed out of the three so far.

"I bet I can ask you anything right now, and you'll totally answer!" Hermione said.

"I bet the same on you!" Draco said.

Hermione raised her glass again. "Maybe after another shot."

They took their seventh shot.

"It goes down smoother every time," Theodore noted, squinting one eye and staring at his shot glass like his life depended on it.

"Have you ever slept with anyone besides Pansy, Malfoy?" Hermione asked.

Theodore laughed out loud.

"Wha?" Draco said, slumping over on the couch. "I would never cheat on Pans. I never slept with Astoria, I swear!"

"Whoa," Hermione said. "I didn't ask to know all that. Is everyone in your house a slut?"

Draco grabbed Hermione by the collar and looked at her eagerly, "You won't tell, will you?"

Hermione just giggled.

"So who was it you had sex with, Granger?" Theodore asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Hermione asked, filling her glass again. "Maybe after this shot."

"Geez, you weren't lying when you said you could drink!" Draco said, sighing heavily. "I'm actually going to skip this one."

"Suit yourself!" Hermione said, clanking glasses with Theodore. She wiped her mouth messily with the back of her hand. "You can't tell anyone though!"

"Wha?" Draco slurred.

"It's really embarrassing," Hermione said. "And no one, not even Harry and Ron, knows about it. I obliviated him the next morning because I was so horrified."

"Was it that bad?" Theodore asked.

"I don't quite remember. I was pretty dru-drunk," Hermione stammered. "But I'm sure it was."

Draco curled himself into a ball. "I'm so drunk right now!"

"It was McLaggen," she whispered.

Even Draco shot up from his drunken reverie and gaped at her, "McLaggen? Oh, man! That's brutal."

"That is gross," Theodore said distastefully.

Hermione shivered. "Don't remind me."

A few minutes later, Draco was passed out on the floor. Theodore and Hermione weren't quite sure how the hell he got on the floor in the first place, but they both agreed that they did hear a thump somewhere before that happened.

"Always knew the git was all talk," Hermione commented with a burp. "Whoops. Excuse me."

"So that's all? Just McLaggen?" Theodore asked.

"Why are you so curious!" Hermione asked.

"I donno. I just never saw you as someone who would sleep around. I mean I had thought maybe you and Weasley got it on, maybe even Potter-"

"God no! And I don't sleep around, like you Slytherin sluts," Hermione interrupted. "What about you Nott?"

He was quite straightforward. "Daphne, Pansy, though don't tell Malfoy about that. Well, he already knows, just don't remind him. It was a drunk night and they weren't even together at the time. Some girl from Hufflepuff – it was a random night and Malfoy wanted to crash one of their basement parties. I'm not sure if it was a Ravenclaw or Gryffindor that one night…"

"You really are all sluts. I mean, everyone in the school! Not just Pansy gets around…"

"Err…"

Hermione giggled. "You've gotten around too! I can't imagine what Gryffindor would want to sleep with a Slytherin though."

"You'd be surprised. I bet you've thought about it."

Hermione snickered, "Me? Think about sleeping with a Slytherin? There's hardly anyone attractive enough in your house!"

Theodore frowned. "With the attention Malfoy and I get, I'd hardly say there's no attractive guys in our house…"

"Pfft," Hermione said. She threw an arm around Theodore's shoulders and turned his head to get a good look at his face. She stared at him intently, or as intently as she could while under the influence. She looked at Draco, passed out on the floor and noted that he actually looked quite serene and handsome while asleep. She then glanced back at Theodore. "You're right. You and Malfoy aren't so bad, with my drunk goggles on at least." And she giggled again.

Theodore pushed a strand of hair behind Hermione's ear. "You aren't so bad yourself."

"I know that," Hermione joked. But she couldn't give another giggle because right then Theodore's mouth was on hers and the rest of the night was a blur.

It wasn't pretty the next morning when the three of them woke up. Bottles of firewhiskey were everywhere, broken shot glasses were on the table, pillows and clothes were thrown about, and Draco was still on the floor when he looked up at a naked Hermione and Theodore tangled around each other on the couch. They all looked at each other and screamed.

ooo

A/N: I'm honestly just writing this for fun. Don't take it too seriously! I'm writing a really dark story and a kind of realistic romantic drama, and I wanted to venture into the typical teenage world of hormones and alcohol! Should I continue?