I don't own Alaska. Naruto, on the other hand...yeah, I don't own that either.
Rated: K
Pairings: Gen (except for Obito's canon crush on Rin)
One-shot
Utter crack
Cold Weather and Chaos
Summary: "Kakashi is a snowman."
One day, Obito came to training to find that, for once, he was the first one there. He stared at the empty field, eyebrows rising. "Huh. Cool."
A cold breeze blew and Obito shivered, hunching into his jacket. It was winter, and snow lay upon the ground, newly-fallen and pristinely white. He trudged over to a snowman in the middle of the field and eyed it. There was a forehead protector on its head and a green scarf around its neck that looked familiar, as did the condescending, stuck-up expression on its 'face,' made up mostly of little stones. Obito peered at it closely, then shrugged and settled to waiting for the rest of his team. He was so going to taunt Bakashi about this.
After a few moments, Minato-sensei appeared. He blinked at Obito in suprise. "Obito? You're the first one here?"
Obito grinned smugly. "Yep."
Minato-sensei smiled at him approvingly. "Good. Perhaps you could endeavor to make this a habit."
'Not likely,' Obito didn't say. The only reason he wasn't later was because it was too cold for the elderly to be out, so they stayed inside their homes and thus Obito wasn't hailed to carry any groceries or whatever they wanted of him.
A little while later, Rin showed up. She waved to them as she jogged over. "Good morning, Obito, Minato-sensei!"
Obito melted at the sight of her smile. "Hey, Rin." He was pretty sure his answering grin was goofy, but he didn't care.
Rin looked around. "Eh? Is Kakashi not here yet?"
"Nope!" Obito announced proudly. "I was the first one here!"
Rin blinked. "That's odd. He's usually earlier than any of us."
"Give him time," Minato-sensei advised. "Something probably came up."
Thirty minutes later, they were getting pretty antsy.
"He's late, Minato-sensei," Rin said anxiously. "He's never late!"
"Maybe we should go look for him," Minato-sensei suggested, also starting to feel a little worried.
Obito was about to say something when a sudden thought hit him, and he slowly turned to stare at the nearby snowman in dawning horror. "Wait...maybe he's not late..."
Minato-sensei and Rin both turned to him in expectation.
"Maybe he was never late at all! Kakashi's been turned into a snowman!" Obito shouted, pointing at the carefully constructed pile of snow.
Rin and Minato-sensei stared at him.
"Um, Obito..." Rin began.
"No, listen," Obito insisted. "It makes sense! See, he turned up early as usual, but then something happened and he was somehow turned into a snowman! He's been here the whole time! See, it makes much more sense than Kakashi being late!"
Minato-sensei still looked doubtful, but Rin seemed thoughtful. "Well...it does make a certain amount of sense..."
Minato-sensei's eyebrows rose. "Rin?"
"He's never late, Sensei. He values his rules to much for that."
Obito inwardly scoffed at the thought of Kakashi's rules, but didn't say anything.
"I mean, do you...do you think it's possible, Sensei?" she asked.
"Er...well, I've never heard of such a thing...but I suppose there might be..." Minato trailed off, still exceedingly doubtful.
Obito ignored him to turn to the snowman, gazing at it intently. "Kakashi? Are you in there?"
The snowman said nothing. Obito was beginning to realize how horrible it must be to be just a pile of snow.
"Don't worry, Kakashi! We'll get you back!" he vowed. He gave the snowman's head a determined pat.
To his horror, the ball of snow shifted and slowly tilted. As if in slow-motion, he watched it fall down, down to the ground.
Splat.
Obito gaped in utter horror. He'd never liked his obnoxious, silver-haired teammate, but he'd never wanted...this. He fell to his knees beside the ball of snow.
Luckily, it was still intact. He slowly reached out and carefully closed his hands around it. He hesitated a moment, then, cautiously, ever so cautiously, he began to lift it.
The ball of snow crumbled.
"NOOOO! KAKASHI!"
Meanwhile...
"What the- is my alarm clock broken again? Dammit, I'm late!" Kakashi mourned for his precious rules. He hoped Obito never found out about this. He would probably gleefully hold it over his head forever.
Elsewhere...
"KAKASHIIII! I'M SORRYYYYY!" Obito wailed.
The snow that was no longer a head for anybody to hold anything over didn't respond. It just lay there...unmoving.
Obito pounded the ground with his fists. "Why, Kami? WHY?!"
If the snow had been sentient, it would have been deeply unimpressed.