Détente

Tony twisted the cap off of his second beer and swigged a couple of inches before he broached the subject.

It was the elephant in the room. He figured he and Abby would have to talk about Ziva eventually. It might as well be tonight. But he was more than happy to have a decent amount of alcohol in his system first.

"So what do you think of her?"

Abby took a pull of the beer in her hand. It was obvious who the 'her' in question was. Shepard had already been dissected in detail when she first arrived. She was still on probation, as far as Abby was concerned, but the discussion had been and gone.

Ziva was the new 'her' in their lives.

Abby wrinkled up her nose. "I don't like her."

Tony nodded. It wasn't as if this was exactly news.

It was a change, something that'd never be popular with Abby, and given the circumstances of this one, it was more than usually understandable. She'd get over it eventually, he was sure. She wasn't the kind of person to hold a grudge forever purely because of Ziva's relationship with Ari, but... it would take a while.

"I figured."

She gave him a sideways look. "How about you?"

"Me?" He put on his most innocent face.

She gave him a look. "What do you think of her?"

His effort to sustain the innocent expression was a horrible failure. He found himself grinning instead. "Well... she's really hot."

Abby reached over and head-slapped him. "You are as shallow as a puddle," she complained.

He gestured expansively with his bottle. "But it's true."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, it's true, but it's totally not the point."

Tony just grinned. With Ziva sitting at the desk opposite his, it was, as far as he was concerned, at least a generous fraction of the point. So yeah, it might take him a while to stop thinking of it as Kate's desk, at which Ziva just happened to be sitting, but it sure was a pretty view.

"Give her a break, Abs. New country, new job, new colleagues." And also replacing a woman her half-brother had murdered, though Tony wasn't about to point it out to Abby. She did not need a reminder of Kate's death, nor of Ziva's connection to it. "New road laws." Not that Ziva deigned to follow those, of course. "It's not easy being the new kid in town."

"Well." Abby drank some more beer, then frowned. "I'm not convinced she isn't just a bitch."

Tony shrugged. Fact was, Kate had been an unapologetic bitch at times - it was one of the things he'd liked about her, even when it had bitten him in the ass, and it wasn't just him; he was pretty sure it was a big part of why Gibbs'd offered her a job in the first place.

Being a bitch? Sometimes it was necessary. Women in law enforcement learned how to even the playing field or they didn't last long.

Besides, he couldn't quite disabuse himself of the notion Ziva's badass façade was only part of the story.

There had been more to Kate. He suspected there was more to Ziva, too.

"Give her time, Abs. Give her time."

It was a pretty quiet day, and escaping downstairs was welcome respite from the not entirely settled atmosphere of the bullpen. However, he hadn't banked on things not being at all well in Abby-land.

"No. No! No! Oh my God, what are we going to do? This is a disaster of epic proportions."

He could only hear one side of the conversation, but it was enough to give him pause. He racked his brain for clues, but none were forthcoming.

At least that meant it probably wasn't his fault.

He waited until the phone call had ended to creep through the door. He might not know what it was about, but it sounded bad. He braced himself. There was no telling what he might encounter inside.

Anger, tears, fury, devastation.

Heavy emotional stuff never had been his forte. He was glad he'd brought the Caf-Pow!, which he held out in front of him like a shield.

"Abs?"

"Oh, Tony!" She ran into his arms and clung on tight. "It's awful."

He patted her back awkwardly, and managed to put her drink down safely before giving her a proper hug. "I'm sorry. What happened?"

"Sister Rosita sprained her ankle." Abby sniffed. "She can't bowl, and we have a really big tournament this weekend."

"Oh. Oh!" For a second Tony had to fight the urge to say he was glad it was nothing too important. He counted to ten and reminded himself Abby was a world class forensic scientist with a mischievous streak, which enabled him to remove his foot from his mouth before he started talking again. "That's... terrible."

"It really is." She looked up at him, her reproachful expression suggesting she knew full well he was humouring her. "We've been training so hard for this." She buried her face back into his shoulder. "The sisters must be so disappointed. Rosita begged the doctor, but he said she could damage it permanently if she didn't rest up."

"I'm sorry, Abs." Truth be told, he was relieved it was just bowling, but he knew Abby never did anything half-assed. She and the sisters took this stuff really seriously.

"It just sucks. We've been so looking forward to it, and we had such a great chance to win, and-" She sighed. "I don't know if they'll even let us play if we can't field a full team."

"I could help."

Abby laughed, gave him one last squeeze, then let go of him to boost herself up on the lab bench. "That's really sweet, Tony, but a) it's a ladies only tournament, and b) I'm sure you'd look very pretty in drag, but I've seen you bowl." She raised her eyebrows. "Not sure you'd be an asset."

He pouted, but at least he'd got a smile out of her. "Well, if I think of anything, I'll let you know."

"Maybe I could help?"

He span around. Ziva did one of her slightly scary Mona Lisa grins at their startled expressions.

"I thought I told you not to creep up on me." Oh, she was already quite the expert at making him sound like a grumpy teenager. He'd find it annoying if he was a little less bewitched.

"I keep forgetting." Her smile widened. "I will try to remember." She turned her attention to Abby, and her expression became less frightening. "If you need a replacement player for your team, Abby, I should like to help. I cannot promise I will be as good as the rest of you and I am out of practice, but maybe I would be better than nothing."

"You... bowl?" At least Abby sounded as startled by the information as he felt. It seemed such a frivolous use of time compared to everything else he knew about Ziva.

"Why is this so surprising to you?"

Abby leaned forwards, seemingly fascinated. "Did you have to learn for some kind of undercover assassination assignment?"

Ziva frowned. "If it was a Mossad operation, I would not be at liberty to disclose any information. However, I learned merely for pleasure."

Tony and Abby exchanged a look. He wasn't one hundred percent positive what Abby's side of it meant, but he thought it was very similar to what his meant; something along the lines of 'Ziva does things for fun?!', with just a pinch of 'Yes, she probably could covertly assassinate someone with a bowling ball'.

"Are you any good?"

Ziva shrugged. "If a sport involves hitting a target of some kind, no matter the projectile, I usually become accomplished quite quickly."

He and Abby shared another look. Suddenly the idea Ziva might have learned to bowl for nefarious Mossad purposes sounded terribly plausible.

"Well. Okay. So... you'd be willing to help out the team?"

Ziva nodded. "That is what friends are for, is it not?"

Judging by Abby's expression, she was a little pleased and a lot surprised to have Ziva consider her a friend, but she rolled with it. "Oh. Okay. And you're free this Saturday?"

"Yes."

Abby blinked a few times. "Okay."

That was unexpected. Sure, he'd imagined Ziva might have hidden depths and unlikely talents, but bowling with nuns? Even Gibbs'd be surprised.

"Well, it sounds like you ladies have things to plan. I'll leave you to it." Tony backed towards the door, hands spread wide. "Listen, Abs, I'm glad Ziva could save the day, and we'll talk later, okay?"

Abby was apparently too startled by all the new information to register he was taking the first opportunity to cut and run - just in case their new détente failed, came to blows, and he got caught in the crossfire.

He congratulated himself on a smooth exit as he pushed the elevator button, then looked to his side, jumped six inches and swore. "Ziva! What did I say about creeping up on me?"

She shrugged. "Maybe it is simply that your hearing needs testing."

"I thought you and Abby would have things to talk about."

Ziva cocked her head to one side as she studied his face. "Are you trying to avoid me, Tony?"

"No?"

"You do not sound certain. Are you still afraid of intimidating me?"

Who knew Israeli ninja assassins had such an evil sense of humour? "Uh. No. Definitely not."

She stepped in closer. "Or am I intimidating you?"

"No! I mean. No. You do not intimidate me, Miss David." 'Cause speaking in staccato phrases with no contractions didn't sound at all suspicious or like he was lying out of his uncommonly hairy backside.

"Hmmm."

He groped around for a change of subject. "So, is Abby gonna make you wear a matching costume for this bowling contest?"

Ziva looked genuinely alarmed for a second. "What?"

"Apparently it was full on fifties last time. A lot of pink." He paused. "Maybe you should check."

Her eyes almost popped out of their sockets and he grinned. Apparently there were at least some things she found frightening. Then she barrelled past him back into the lab, and the elevator arrived a few seconds later.

Tony got on board with a sigh of relief. He was somewhat impressed Ziva'd offered to help out. And pretty happy she hadn't actually injured him.

Yet.

No, Ziva didn't 'intimidate' him, and it was a ridiculous accusation for anyone to make.

However, she might flat out terrify him. Just a little bit.

"OH MY GOD!"

Bowling, as far as Tony could see, was not the greatest spectator sport ever created. He wasn't about to say it out loud in front of Abby, because he did have some survival instinct, but watching people bowl? Not fun. Watching people bowl who were good at it, who rarely messed up, who never ended up swearing colourfully as their ball rolled harmlessly past the pins? Super dull. Quite impressively boring.

He'd only come because... well, he wasn't really sure why. Curiosity? Did they even have bowling in Israel? It definitely wasn't (just) to watch Ziva. He had more self respect than that. (Slightly.) And he definitely wasn't obsessing over her.

But he wasn't entirely sure what other reason he had to be here.

He'd retreated quickly to the bar, and been very grateful nuns didn't insist on teetotal bowling establishments.

However, the yelling and squealing did catch his attention, and he was pleased, if startled, to see Abby with her arms flung around Ziva's neck, pigtails jiggling madly as she bounced with happiness.

Judging by the look on Ziva's face, she was pretty startled, too.

Once she'd released Ziva, Abby fairly bounded to the bar and gave Tony an attack hug which his drink just barely survived. "Oh my God oh my God oh my God, Tony! Tony! Oh my God!"

"Abs. Abs!"

"What?!"

He winced.

Abby was the only person he knew who could actually pronounce three whole punctuation marks with one syllable.

"Eardrums, Abs. I need them. And I am a human, not a bat. Please have mercy on my ears!"

"Sorry!" Abby grinned up at him with the smile that said she knew he'd already forgiven her. He rolled his eyes and grinned right back.

"What got you ultrasonic?"

She bounced again. "Ziva only got another strike and we are so far in the lead, we are totally going to win, and she's not as good as Sister Rosita, but she's really good, and-"

"Great." He said it kind but firm, and hoped it'd slow down the auto-chatter.

She did at least take a breath. "You know, I think you were right, I think she's actually not an evil Mossad spy-bot after all."

"And you worked this out from a bowling match?"

"Well..." Abby shrugged. "She did try and help me with the smithereens from that case bomb disposal exploded. And she can be nice. Sometimes. I mean, she helped us get Zach's dad back. And prove you're not a sicko murderer." It sounded like she was digging deep into her well of 'I might be wrong' here, and he had to appreciate the effort. "She's... not that bad. I might even accept next time she invites me for dinner."

"Well, I'm glad you- wait, what? Invites you for dinner?"

She wagged her finger at him, ignoring his question entirely. "That does not mean I think you should date her, DiNozzo. Rule Twelve. And besides, just because she's not a deceitful ninja assassin doesn't mean she's, you know, good enough for you."

"What makes you think I want to date her, anyway?" he muttered. Just to himself, he admitted the sulky tone probably did him no favours, but then, this was Abby. If anyone could overlook it...

"Um, the way you can't stop going on about how hot she is?" She gave him a bright smile.

"Doesn't necessarily mean I wanna go out with her." Especially if she was inviting Abby for dinner and not him. That was... uncool.

Abby shot him a sceptical look. "Since when? You've tried to sleep with every other hot woman in your life. Admit it, you totally want her, Tony."

"Hah. She should be so lucky. What makes you think I'd go out with her anyway?" He patted his belly proudly. "I'll have you know only the best of the best get to ride the Sex Machine. It's a privilege granted to few."

"A few dozen, maybe. Do you even keep count?"

"Each one unforgettable." He winked. "Well... for them."

"You do remember we've slept together before, right?"

Abby was grinning, and he wasn't entirely sure it was complimentary, so he ignored it.

"Not everyone has the stamina." He puffed his chest out, warming to his theme. "It takes a special kind of woman to tame a DiNozzo. Many have tried. Few have succeeded. And those who fail, well-" He shook his head sadly. "They usually take it bad... It's not an easy thing to come back from, Abs." He preened. "I think Ziva would be well advised to keep her distance, in case I spoiled her for all other men."

He was so engrossed in his own melodrama, he failed to notice Abby's eyes widening, or her sudden expression of 'shut up, shut up now, you moron', until it was too late.

"Well, Tony. I am very glad you have issued a warning." Ziva's voice was rich, low, and amused. He could hear her smug grin.

He cringed. "Ziva. I thought you were over there. Bowling. With the bowling team. In the bowling tournament." He turned to look at her, trying not to cringe away as if he expected her to attack.

"I was, but I needed to use the- how do you say it?" She fluttered her hand vaguely in front of her face like it would somehow help her remember what she wanted to say. "Recuperation room?"

He frowned. He thought he'd gotten pretty good at deciphering Zivaisms, but this one had him stumped.

"The what now?"

"The relaxation room? The one with the toilets and the washbasins and-"

"Oh, you mean the restroom?"

"Yes! Yes, that. Such strange euphemisms you Americans use."

He decided he wouldn't comment on how Ziva couldn't remember a simple phrase like 'the restroom' but then would casually throw around a four syllable word.

"You could just call it the head."

She frowned. "How does that make any more sense?"

"It- I mean-" He sighed. "I don't know."

"Anyway, that was why I overheard your warning. Which was well timed, because who knows how much longer I could have resisted your charms, Tony?" She stepped closer. "After all, I am only a woman..."

Tony wondered vaguely if there was anywhere he could run to. Ziva was smiling pleasantly and speaking softly, and he felt like a mouse faced with a cat who won't stop grinning. "Uh."

Abby looked back and forth between them, then, "Oh. What's that?" She tilted her head to one side, as if she was listening to something. "Yes. I think one of the nuns just shouted my name. It must be important. I'm going to. Um. Go."

She gestured vaguely in the direction of the lanes, then vanished. Tony wasn't sure if he was angry she'd deserted him or relieved to have one less witness to his surely inevitable humiliation.

Ziva was watching him, an expression on her face he associated with predators who have successfully separated the weak member of the herd from its fellows. Ziva looking at him hungrily could be very very bad or very very good, and he had no idea which was most likely.

He smiled nervously. He wasn't sure if she'd punish him now or save it up for a rainy day. "Um. I didn't know you could bowl." All things considered, he figured inane discussion of the obvious was a safer bet than anything else he might think of to talk about.

Ziva made a moue and fluttered her eyelashes. "I can do lots of things you don't know about." She paused for a second, then turned and started to walk away, and Tony almost missed the murmured addition floating back over her shoulder. "Yet."

For a second he stared at her retreating form, then he grinned. He was sure there was an extra sway in her step now. Yeah. Maybe hungry on Ziva was good. And maybe this was going to work out after all.

~ fin ~