1 Backstage

Ruki suddenly awoke, gasping for air. His unsettling eyes looked around the place to find anything familiar to return himself to heart pounded against his chest. He straightened himself on the bed and rubbed his flushed face with his cold and trembling hands. He took a deep breath and turned in direction of the window in his room. Outside the weak rays of a waking sun bathed the sky with its soft pink and golden hues. His lips were still trembling at an unremembered dream. He tried shaking it off with rubbing his hands over his face, taking a deep breath and exhaling and stretching his whole body to make it react. Someone licked his hand and immediately looked down at this to see his chihuahua dog looking back at him, wanting affection. "Koron..." He rubbed his hairy head. "How are you boy?" Koron moved his tail from side to side, then turned over on bed to show him his belly, begging for a scratch. Ruki smiled weakly as he proceeded to do so. He was not able to sleep all night; today the band would give the final live of the tour. He sighed.

Today he wanted to give it his all like in every past live, but always surpassing the last one before. But this time, he found himself to be too agitated. It was uncommon to be this nervous. He stopped scratching Koron's belly. "C'mon Koron, today there is much to do." Ruki was about to get out of bed when he felt the dog tugged him by his boxers. He turned to look at him while Koron tugged at him harder for him to sit back down. "What is it Koron?" He asked him as he sat back down on the bed and immediately the dog hid under his arm. Ruki giggled. "What is it Koron?" he repeated as he messed with his head. The dog gave out a small yelp. "You feel bad?" He continued to touch around his body for any sign of complaining on the spot. But there was nothing apparently. "Let's go eat Koron." He lifted him up and carried him to the kitchen, turning on lights on their way there. He placed the dog down on the floor and looked for his food inside cabinets. When he found it and turned to feed him, Koron was nowhere in sight."Koron?" Ruki turned confused. This worried him. He returned to his bedroom to look for him and found him sitting there in bed looking back at him. "Koron, what's the matter?" Ruki sat on his bed and called him to his side with his hand patting the mattress. But Koron didnt approached. Ruki then laid on his bed to reach for him, but Koron evaded his hands and walked over to his side to lay down next to him. "Koron, I can't go back to sleep. That's what you want?" Although he couldn't help laugh, the behavior of his dog concerned him. He had never done anything like that unless he fell ill and that was when either he returned to his bed or hid somewhere, but the dog did not seem to be sick. Ruki patted his head and made a decision. "Koron you're choosing a bad day to become I have many things to do. I'll be checking on you throughout the day." Ruki sat back up. "Well Koron, let's make this day unforgettable." Koron looked at him and barked. Ruki was taken back by the response and gave out a short laugh."I'll take that as a yes." He then got up and walked out the room to start his day with a bath. Koron just looked after him with weak, short groans.

-x-

On the way to where the concert would take place, he couldn't stop thinking about past concerts, as well as the fans, in the design of this concert, in the playlist, in his throat, in the last details of tonight's show and possible outcomes. His hands felt cold. And his heart was not decelerating.

Why am I so nervous?

He glanced out of the car and watched the people of Tokyo wander its streets. He recalled the time that he used to wonder how the life of each one would be like out there. He saw girls dressed in the latest fashion, recalling the news on how there where girls who sacrificed too much to be able to dress like this, even starving themselves to save money. His eyes caught sight of another girl, ever so shy, sitting in a bench as she waited for the bus. He also observed the men in office clothes carrying their suitcases, with no expression on their faces. And the older people, his eyes wandered on to them as they took the time to reach their destination. He took sight as well of restless boys in groups, enjoying their youth. He saw inspiration on those streets. Returning his attention back in the car, he sighed, taking thought on the details of this night ... and his awaiting audience.

Upon arrival, his stomach knotted and as he got off the car, his heart beated at an uneven pace, halting him in his steps. He took a deep breath as he felt out of air.

"Ruki san, are you okay?" An assistant asked him.

Ruki nodded. "Yes, I'm fine." And proceeded to enter the place, trying to ignore the strange feeling in his chest. He met with the others and greeted them. All looked anxious and kept commenting on the live of tonight. An hour passed where Ruki wandered around the place to make sure he was updated with everything and going over details of every single thing. He entered a waiting room where he saw Kai sitting on a comfy couch, all dressed up and ready, looking at the thick live pamphlet they had done for this concert.

"Ruki san, ready? You look very anxious." Kai asked with a smile. His drum sticks resting beside him. Ruki sat in front of him, on the table, and grabbed his drumsticks. "Koron, this morning, acted strangely. I hope he doesn't get sick."

"Why is that?" Kai asked.

"I don't know, he was very attached to me. More than usual. He didn't want me to get up from his side." Kai thought, furrowing his brow. "How odd. Hopefully it's nothing. Besides, you've got him very spoiled." Ruki chuckled, looking down at the drumsticks in his hand. "I remember when I met you back then, I saw the talent in you, that's why we accepted you. I knew that you would be very good." Ruki played with the drumsticks in his hand as Kai gave him a strange look and a shy smile. "Thanks, it was funny back then how it all happened."

"Thank you for contributing to this dream of us, all of us." Kai nodded in appreciation, still staring at him with his smile fading at the strangeness of the moment. "Sometimes we were very hard on you, with all of us, but you've worked very hard for this." Kai kept looking at him attentively and moved. Ruki spun a drumstick in his hand and turned to look at him with a faint smile. "Thank you."

"Why so emotional Ruki san?" Kai laughed. Ruki joined him with a laugh.

"I don't know. Just wanted to say it. Let's do it again. Give it all tonight." Kai nodded with a grin. "So it is!"

Ruki stood up. "I'll go get myself ready."

"Gambatte Ruki san!" Ruki smiled and nodded, walking past by Reita's side as he exited the room. "Are you going to change?" Reita asked all dressed as well.

"Yes." Ruki answered, giving him a pat on his back. "I'll see you right now."

"Aoi and Uruha are there." Informed the bassist, behind him.

Ruki came into the dressing room where certainly there were two guitarists practicing with their guitars, all dressed up. Ruki was also received by wardrobe assistants, hair and make up stylists. He greeted them all respectfully and was received ever so cheerful by his band mates who immediately conversed with him. When he finished dressing, he proceeded to do his hair and makeup as they continued talking and laughing animatedly at comments the three of them made along with some of the backstage staff. He enjoyed this, everything that happened backstage before getting on stage. He suddenly felt again the strange throbbing in his chest. The vocalist turned serious and looked at the others on the reflection of the mirror and felt nostalgic. He swallowed, opening and closing his hands to relax those nerves that haunted him badly.

"I'll go for a drink, I need it." Uruha said giggling. "Anyone want the same?" Ruki nodded. "Bring me the same."

When he finished with himself, all the band members were in the dressing room, chatting pleasantly and practicing at the same manager called them out into the hall to head for the stage. It was time, and Ruki looked down as he shook his arms and moving his shoulders around along with his head. The rest of the band left, one by one, Ruki following Reita but not exiting until he thanked the rest of the staff. As he got closer to the stage, he could hear the screams getting louder. All this thrilled him, and the agitation was undiminished. They all met at the side of the stage, Ruki looking at all the members thinking of thousands of things to say but was limited to only a few words. "We are here, once again, a step further. Let's give it all tonight!" All agreed with a spirited shout and embraced in a circle to give their last customary cry. They were ready to start. They were ready to climb and conquer their audience, submerging all of them in an atmosphere of ecstasy and thousands of emotions. They were ready to share their dreams and unite with their audience.

The intro music began. Flooding their senses. They gave Kai the signal to climb to stage, Uruha following short afterwards with the audience screaming for them. Soon after followed Reita and Aoi who saluted the fans with enthusiasm raising up the volume of their screams. Ruki was to follow ... but he stopped at the foot of the stairs. He closed his eyes to hear the screams, the music.

This is a time ...

That speaks of who you are and what you've done so far with your dreams. Our music has reached thousands ...

... Ready?

Ruki opened his eyes and nodded to himself, walking up the stairs and out to the stage with the roar of fans to greet him with enthusiasm. His eyes wandered around the enormous venue and the strong feeling is always the same, never fails to surprise. An indescribable feeling, amazing it is to be in front of thousands that listen to you because your music is part of their lives. A strong sense of connection happens. Ruki closed his eyes and allowed himself to go with the flow of everything.

For you ... for us ... thanks ...

He opened his eyes and positioned himself to give a start off to an unforgettable experience.

Against a SHIVER

The lights lit up the stage , revealing part of the venue to their eyes as Kai began the song Shiver. The guitarists joined him along with Reita who looked at the audience with a smirk. As Ruki started singing, there was an explosion of fireworks, causing the fans to roar in excitement, absorbed by the show. Kai was giving his all as he hit the drums and smiled. Aoi moved his body along the rhythm of his guitar and Uruha smiled as he focused on his technique. Ruki made gestures as the song progressed, pointing to the audience, to his head, reaching high and low notes without error. The music filled the place in an amazing way, moving the masses. Uruha's solo came, delivering it with perfection, followed by Reita who with his bass play added the pause necessary to let Ruki enter to sing again with his melodious voice. He could see the front row dancing and playing with their hands to the rhythm of the song. He smiled when he saw that they were enjoying it. Everything flowed better than expected for a start off until ...

"Zuttooooo" Ruki extended the word in a melodious cry that lasted a few seconds almost in union with Aoi's solo entrance when the place shook hard. Ruki immediately looked around to confirm what he thought of an earthquake was true. The cries filled his ears, they were not screaming because of them. For a few seconds, he scanned the audience and watched as some shouted their names as they tried to escape the place that creaked and rumbled under the quake. He could see the watery eyes of some fans, their faces in horror.

This can't be happening ...

"Ruki!" The singer came out of his trance as he heard Aoi's call from the side. The staff and the manager called him alarmingly. The earthquake continued to shook and it seemed to do so more strongly, causing the place to begin to give away; pieces of ceiling coming down as well as other parts of its structure under its telluric movement. Ruki immediately turned to Uruha who had remained static as him and who now tried to run towards his direction, carrying his guitar along. Ruki was about to do the same when he heard his name called out by Reita, his face alarmed by something he saw above him. Reita immediately ran to him but it was too late. Ruki felt a strong blow to the head, knocking him to the ground. Everything went black.

When awakened, as he tried to open his eyes, his vision was not clear. His sight was fuzzy. His breathing and the beating of his heart pounding in his ears were the only sounds heard. It took a while to recover his vision, being able to distinguish where he was. He was at the same place where they had been giving a concert, but it was empty and dimly lit. He tried to get up with both of his hands, but it was difficult to do so.
"Uruha ..." he called out for him weakly, with trembling lips. He lifted his head to lookout for someone out there who would listen, but it seemed he was alone. "Reita ..." His head ached and he took his hand to it, feeling something hot and sticky. He looked at his hand and was found it bathed in blood. This scared him, enough reason to motivate him to get up again and look for help.
"Anyone?" Ruki called out with more strength as he tried to get up as he could. His knees wobbled under him as he did. He tried to find the balance needed but it was hard to do so. The dizziness came over him. He leaned on the drummer's stand and looked around trying to remember what had happened.

What just happened?
Had it not trembled?
Everything was untouched, why was this?

His breathing became even more agitated, placing a hand to his forehead. He closed his eyes.

What happened to me?
He opened his eyes, still frightened, his chest rising and falling heavily.

Where is everybody?

He was once again encouraged to walk; holding on to what he could along the way. He walked down the stair with difficulty, almost tripping over on the lasts steps. The hall was lit.
"Hey! Someone!" He called to the silence of the place, but there was no answer. He continued walking, holding onto the walls. "Uruha!" He managed to shout, his eyes watering. The place shook again, but this time, the aftershock wasn't very strong. Ruki attached himself to the wall, looking around, waiting for it to pass or for whatever it might bring with it. He tried to continue his way, keeping his body close to the wall.
"Ruki san" a soft female voice called from behind. Ruki turned and looked behind him as a young 15 year old wearing a white dress topped with a corsette, decorated by black and red ribbons. She had straight long black hair, with a short fringe showing her expressive eyes, denoting a sweet look. There was something in those eyes that captured him immediately. "Ruki san" She held out her hand waiting for him to take it. The place had stopped shaking.
"You know where they all went? Why am I still here?" Ruki's voice trembled as he spoke.
"Your audience awaits you." She calmly said.
"What audience?" Ruki wrinkled his brow.
"They need you. Your bandmates await you." Ruki looked on both sides of the aisle. "Where?"
She was still holding out her hand. "I'll take you."

He looked at her somewhat suspicious, extremely confused at everything. He took her hand, which was cold and soft to the touch. She took him back down the hall and as they approached his ears perceived the sound of screams, rising as he got closer to the stage. Ruki was startled. She turned to him with a smile. "I told you." She said as she let go of his hand when leaving him at the foot of the stairs. He was taken back at the sight of what he could appreciate from below; the stage was back to normal. The lights where in the same position as before as to be able to play along to the music when the intro would finish. The stage design was also the same as before. The stage was all set for him and to the audience for show. He could hear the cries of them in wait. He took a couple of steps when he heard the voices of the staff behind him along with the manager's. He turned immediately to look for them and there they were, urging him to step out. He wrinkled his brow and held his breath as he returned his gaze to the stage.

What was happening?

He continued up the stairs and when he saw Aoi approach him, his heart raced, immediately trying to bombard him with questions, but Aoi just smiled at him, puzzled at his words, and urging him instead to hurry up as he took him by the arm to try to help him come out.

Ruki did not move . He continued to call for his attention.

"Look at me, I'm hurt Aoi." Ruki took his own hand to his forehead to show the guitarist his wound, which he thought was obvious. "Where were ..." He abruptly stopped saying another word as he noticed his hand come clean to his sight.

"Ruki, you are delaying us. What's wrong? What are you talking about?"

Ruki went back to touch his head, which no longer hurt. Again he found nothing, not even on his clothes as he tried looking for any sign of blood. His eyes froze, staring at his hand which trembled.

What was happening?

"Ruki!" Reita called out to him as he approached them. Ruki looked up, his parted lips out of breath. Both band members looked back at him worried. "What's happening? Are you ok?" Reita asked. Ruki turned around to look behind him with the staff about to approach him to assist with any matter, and saw the girl behind them, nodding her head to him.
"Ruki san, everything's well?" asked the staff. The manager approached too. Ruki's heart calmed as he kept staring into her eyes.

"I'm ... ok." He said as he returned his attention to the staff and manager. Then turned around to face Aoi and Reita who were still waiting for him.
"Let's do it." Aoi said as he smiled.
"Ok!" Reita shouted as he walked back to his spot on stage with Aoi following behind, turning to look at the audience making them scream as he played with them with his gestures of love. Ruki walked up the stairs, immediately turning to look at the audience, who shouted cheerfully upon seeing him. The whole place seemed to be filled up. He took a moment to take in the striking sight. He wanted to say many things ... but he was too lost to speak. The seriousness on his face washed away as the surprise took over when the lights went out to kick off another instrumental song and the big screen behind them began to show pictures and videos from Kai when baby, showing his whole life in seconds up to be the musician he is today. The video showed the drummer's efforts, his failures as young and his good and bad moments. Kai got off his stand, completely silent. The rest of the band looked at the screen. One last picture showed Kai as of today then a short video message began.
"The GazettE is a dream. We must keep fighting for this dream. Ruki you have been a great person, a great singer and performer. Gazette would not be the same without you. There is no other singer like you who can take your place. You are very dedicated and you give yourself to your songs. You have touched even us on stage. You're a very good friend ... "Kai began to cry. "We need you. Wake up." The video ended and the screen showed the setting for the next song. Ruki remained silent; lowering his gaze to look at Kai who returned to his drum set, and from there looked up at him with a smile.

Wake up ...?

He heard the screams behind him, moaning with some tenderness as having watched the video. All the band members had already returned to their positions. He was the only one left to do so as well. He dropped his head, closing his eyes.

Am I... dead?

No way ... this feels very real.

He turned to face the audience. Everyone was expecting what they were about to show them.

Everything is ... real.

Ruki took the microphone with both of his hands and lowered his eyes, licking his lips as he waited for the signal of Kai to begin.

Let yourself go ... just let yourself go. Go with it…