Promises

7pm, 28th December 2011

Where had it gone wrong, Carla wondered dreamily.

She'd invited him round for a romantic evening, placed a candle on the table, even found a recipe from a book. She'd promised herself she'd take it more slowly, after their wonderful but unashamedly lustful encounter at Christmas. Getting to know his mind as well as his body, making the most of the short time they had before Michelle came home.

Now an hour later, curled up with him under the sheets, the candle left to flicker out in an empty room, she had to admit it hadn't quite gone to plan. Her best intentions had lasted as long as it took him to lock the door, closing out the rest of the world. The urgency in his eyes told her he felt the same. A hug had turned into a kiss, then another, and as if starved of oxygen, they couldn't tear away from each other. Within five minutes, their clothes were strewn across the floor of her bedroom and there was no turning back.

Not that she regretted a moment, she thought to herself. After a year of waiting and hoping, she at least deserved some fun now. She could get to know his mind another time.

As she lightly kissed his chest, he stirred slightly.

"Mmmm" He tightened his hold around her, pulling her even closer. Playfully, she ran her finger across his shoulder and down his arm.

"Thought you were falling asleep on me" she whispered.

"And waste time with you?" His hand on her cheek, he moved her face towards him. "Not a chance..."

"My thoughts exactly". She kissed him softly, but, then conscious of the time, pulled away. "Suppose we should start that dinner though?"

"Do we have to?" His pleading words took her right back to the anniversary night, when he'd finally admitted what she'd suspected for so long. Hard to believe it was just three weeks ago.

It had taken all her strength to send him home to Leanne that night. It hit her suddenly that she'd have to do the same in an hour. And tonight he wouldn't come back. But she forced it to the back of her mind. At least he was hers now.

"Maybe a bit longer then" she relented.

He wrapped his arms around her possessively. A while ago this would have unsettled her, made her feel trapped, but the fears she'd felt were fading now. In Peter's arms she felt desired, protected, and most of all loved. Resting her head on his chest, his fingers running through her hair, she realised she was happy. It was an almost unfamiliar feeling after the last few months.

She kissed him, gently at first, then more deeply. She felt his heartbeat quicken, enjoying the effect she had on him.

"If I wasn't worn out already…." His voice faded away as he ran his hand down her shoulder, her arm, her hip. She closed her eyes, loving his touch, but reluctantly had to interrupt.

"Michelle's back soon."

"I know" he answered sadly. He kissed her forehead, then his eyes fixed on the large bunch of flowers in the corner of the room.

"So here's where you keep them, eh…"

"Secret admirers need to be a bit more careful..." Although she was trying to warn him, she couldn't keep the smile off her face. In spite of all the deceit, she couldn't deny his romantic gestures made her feel special.

"You liked them though…?"

"I love them" she admitted.

"When we're together properly, I'll treat you all the time. Flowers. whatever you want…"

"Watch out Barlow" she warned, pushing him away playfully. "I could get used to this."

But although her words were light-hearted, Carla was starting to feel uneasy again. Another promise, another commitment. The more he built up their life together, the further she had to fall. She'd been burnt too many times by his broken promises already.

This future was starting to sound more like a story they told each other, to escape from real life and responsibilities. A fairy tale. And she wasn't sure if she believed in happy endings.

"Enough promises Peter…". Wanting to ease her anxiety, she tried to get him to commit to something definite. "When do I get you to myself again?"

"Well" he thought for a moment. "I could have an early meeting on Friday... Could come and wake you up?"

Still avoiding his eyes, she considered. "Michelle leaves 8.30…I could be a bit late to work. Maybe the dentist"

"Perfect. I'll tell Lee I'm going to the bank".

As he kissed her again, she wished she could get back to the simple happiness from just a moment ago. His casual mention of Leanne had set her even more on edge.

The closer she'd got to Peter, the more often the jealousy was hitting her, unexpectedly with an intensity that sometimes took her breath away. She loathed the thought of him with Leanne. Not for the first time she felt particularly unsuited to being the other woman. She was far too selfish to share.

Yet again, she wondered how she'd gone into this situation, sneaking around behind the back of another best mate. Maybe it was lucky she'd never much needed close female friends. She certainly wouldn't have many in a couple of months.

In her darkest moments, she could only deal with the guilt by remembering Leanne's own affair and her bitter accusations about the attack. The unjust cruelty of her words, the contempt in her eyes, would never leave Carla. It somehow helped that now, three months later, that hatred was finally deserved.

Noticing her shift in mood, Peter leaned over.

"You OK love?"

"It's fine". She tried to smile.

She should have known she couldn't fool him. Stroking her arm, moving his face closer, he held her gaze.

"But you're not, are you?"

Sighing, she wondering whether to insist she was OK. But she decided he needed the truth.

"This is too difficult" she admitted. "I can't keep letting you go."