He's been sleeping too much lately, trying to escape the world. The trial was coming up swiftly and Bucky had been confronted with and forced to relive so many of his actions while under the control of HYDRA as their asset, and the enormity of what he lost and could still lose is overwhelming him. The others were indulging Bucky in his mood, but after several days Laura decides enough is enough. Having the tact of a tanker truck she simply burst into his room and reaches out to shake him awake. Instead of rousing the sleeping soldier, she awakens just his killer instinct. They take hold even before he is fully aware of his actions and he grabs her by the throat with his bionic arm, lifting, then twisting her around to trap her underneath his considerable weight. Expecting his ingrained lethal reaction, she is able to break his grasp, and in a counter move wraps her legs around his neck in a choke hold, pushing him away from her and then twisting her body to roll him back off of her and onto the floor, allowing gravity to pull her on top of him, pinning him down. Now fully awake, he doesn't fight back.
She smiles down at him, ignoring his attempt to kill her just a moment ago. "Impressive, right?" She says. "Nat's been teaching me some of her moves," she finishes absently as she stands and pulls the mute Winter Soldier to his feet.
Bucky stands, guilt and confusion flooding him as he looks at the smiling woman. No. Grinning. A wide wicked grin, free of any judgement or recrimination. She had already dismissed the fact he had his hand on her throat as unimportant.
He doesn't move.
The reality of her as she stands in front of him compared with what he had been told by Steve and Tony left him unsure what to say. Instead he just considers her and everything he's come to learn about her over the past few weeks. The seemingly casual posture that to his trained eye was in fact a stance of readiness, a stance she took without even thinking about it. The way she kept herself near an exit to any room she was in. How she didn't seem to mind physical contact with anyone during sparring sessions, but would maneuver herself to avoid casual touch such as hugs or someone absently placing a hand on her arm in conversation. He noticed that when she thought no one was looking, she would arrange anything that seemed out of sort into a semblance of order. Once she even stopped a session against Nat to fix an out of place window blind that wasn't parallel with the rest. She was most comfortable around Natasha and himself, would tense somewhat near Steve, but was the most wary of Tony, always keeping distance or a piece of furniture between them. Bucky knew Tony was aware and how much it bothered the billionaire.
Tony himself felt some responsibility for what she had gone through after finding out Obadiah had helped fund The Facility that created and subjected her to so much pain. Tony's response had been typical of what Steve told Bucky about the man: Tony gave her anything she wanted while keeping his distance. Bucky was sure he wasn't helping the situation since being briefed by Tony and Steve just before they had brought Laura to Stark Tower, as Bucky himself started reacting towards Tony with terseness and strain, even though he knew Tony had nothing to do with her actual creation or "training". But every time he saw Tony in the same room as her, he recounted her terrified screams.
On the video Tony had obtained, according to the technicians administering the procedure, Laura was 17 years of age when they "cast" her bones. The Facility scientists had waited a few years after her final growth spurt to ensure she was at her full height before encasing her bones in the adamantium coating. The procedure required the metal be heated to a molten consistency and applied over her bones directly and quickly. This meant taking advantage of her healing abilities, slicing open her skin to the bone, injecting the boiling metal, and letting her body heal itself while the alloy cooled, forming a permanent sheath over her entire skeleton. All without any sort of anesthesia. Which, based on her panicked reaction as she scrambled to escape as soon as she saw where they had led her, she was well aware of.
Bucky himself became nauseous as the scene played out on the screen before him, but he was unable to look away. The unaffected and casual cruelty of the scientist who were about to carry out their experiments was so similar to his own experiences. To them Bucky and Laura had been objects. Their pleading meant nothing. They were nothing. The remembered feeling of helplessness left him breathless for a moment and rage flushed his skin with adrenaline that caused it to ache, especially around the rim of his bionic arm, in sympathetic pain for what was about to happen to the girl on the screen. Tony winched as she unabashedly pleaded with the men as they dragged her to the horrific apparatus and strapped her down while Steve's jaw clenched and without looking at Bucky he reached out and gripped his shoulder for a moment. Bucky had wondered if Steve and Tony had found similar tapes or records of Bucky's own torment that they had viewed but kept from him and for some reason he shies away from contemplating, he feels shame at the idea they had. But now, her howls of pure fear, sounds he is sure he himself had made as well, echoed in his memory as he looked at her standing nonchalantly in his well appointed but sparse room, looking at him with eyes he recognizes as his own, and he felt guilty he was witness to that moment of vulnerability without her permission.
She was his fault. Her life was his fault. The pain, humiliation, fear, horror, all of it was his fault. Yet not once did she indicate she blamed him.
He must have been staring too long because her face betrays a moment of uncertainty and he shifts, eyebrows coming together for a moment of thought before he clears his throat to speak.
She interrupts before he can however, "I understand," is all she says. He shakes his head, but she continues, "I know what it's like to want to dig out the memories with your bare fingers. Tear into your own flesh and rip out the parts of you they touched. Make yourself clean."
He nods. She never spoke of her own torment and her mask of casualness falls for a moment and he realizes she is relying on him to save himself. She needs him to fight, Steve needs him to fight.
He nods again, this time with more life. She relaxes slightly and reaches down to a small table near the end of the bed that Bucky hadn't even noticed was there. One of the servants must have placed a small selection of fruit, decanters of juice, coffee, and water for Bucky if he chose to get up and a different kind of guilt tugs at him at the thought of his reclusive behavior affecting the many staff that Tony had in the tower with ineffectual tasks, such as leaving food for a man that refused to eat. Laura selects an apple and bites into it with a loud crunch as she turns and walks out of his room, somehow still grinning even with the piece of fruit now in her mouth.
Her sudden absence startles him as much as her entrance had and again his brows came together in thought. Was she actually ever there? Occasionally time would play tricks on his mind and he shook his head to reassert reality and slowly his sleep addled brain finally processed what just happened as one thought fills his mind: 'She took my apple.'
And goddamned if he wasn't going to get it back.
Throwing on a sweatshirt and slipping running shoes on his feet, Bucky exits the room in a hurry to catch up to her but she is no where in site. Taking a guess, he finds her sitting cross legged in the middle of the sparring mat, finishing his apple with another of her wicked grins.
'Oh hell no', he thinks.
She stands and starts to back away, but her grin never falters. She then surprises him by stepping backward over two bo fighting staffs and flicking one up with her foot into her hand she tosses it to him, which he catches in his gleaming hand with ease. She repeats the gesture and takes the second bo staff in her hands, twirling it a few times expertly. He feels a matching grin grow over his own face, but with a brow raised in question over the choice of weapon.
"Figure it'd be safer than hand… " she reflexively releases the blades in her right hand and holds it up for effect, "… to hand." Bucky signals his agreement by taking the appropriate position opposite her and waiting for her to make herself ready.
They fought till exhausted without much conversation, exchanging blows with skill and at times ferocity that the other allowed, knowing either was unleashing on a safe opponent what could be harmful to anyone else. In a way it was freeing for both of them to be able to fully engage someone, releasing all their anxiety or stress without fear of doing real damage. Only during small breaks did they bother talking, mostly about the others' performance or to offer a tip or critique. Bucky was surprised to find she was a patient instructor as well as eager student, possibly having to do with a position she held at some school for gifted children a few years back. Eventually they attempted some hand to hand combat, but that quickly ended when her claws came out and she had left a deep gash in his arm. The shock on her face hurt worse than the wound in his flesh and he tries to shake it off with a laugh.
"It's not that bad," he begins. She says nothing. Just clenches her fists, digging the claws into her own legs with enough pressure so the points draw blood. He wanted to rush forward but says instead from across the mat, "Steve broke my arm once."
She stares at him, white faced and frustrated, and for a moment looking so much like his sister Rebecca that it threatens to displace him in time, but he struggles to stay in the here and now. He takes another step forward.
"It's not your fault," he says. She looks at him, incredulous. He takes another step. "None of it is your fault."
She takes a step back as he advances. Bucky stops. He realizes he's talking to himself just as much as he is to her and continues despite the pleading look in her eyes, eyes that mirror his in both appearance and tormented experience. "You fought as hard as you could, you didn't want this. You didn't deserve it. It's not your fault."
Understanding explodes all over her face and Bucky realizes what he said and what it reveals.
"That wasn't yours," she says in a low growl, unable to look at him, and then she stalks out of the workout room, practically running as she nears the door in her need to get away from him, from anyone.
It's been several days and Laura is the one sleeping in too long and it's Bucky's turn to rouse her, not only for her own sake but because he wants to explain and to make amends. Rather than springing into action and tearing at him as he had a week earlier, she simply tosses a pillow in his general direction followed by a string of language so blue Bucky is sure it would have made Steve physically balk. But Bucky stubbornly refuses to leave.
After the events a few days earlier, he realized that not only had she screamed and plead with her captors, she fought them. He had forced himself to rewatch the video, turning down the sound so he could really see. She used her claws, her hands, her feet. She kicked and bit and spit, gaining the upper hand several times, knocking guards twice her size to the ground. Bucky was sure several of the guards and many of the technicians left that room with broken bones, digits missing, and gaping wounds that left permanent scars. It's possible she even blinded one of the guards just before they were able to finally strap her down. Even then she struggled against the bonds, refusing to give up and he wonders briefly if she doesn't also have a bit of Steve's DNA due to her stubbornness against incredible odds. The idea makes a genuine smile pop up on his face that he has to physically place a hand over. It would explain his admiration for her as well. Something Steve just seems to inspire innately. Bucky sure as hell wasn't going to let her give up now, nor would he let himself.
He says nothing, but crosses his arms and locks his knees, preparing to stand his ground for hours if necessary. It doesn't take long however for her to sigh heavily and sit up with a scowl.
"What?" she demands with a growl, more annoyed at herself for failing the one task she had been given by Steve Rogers after he invited her to join their team, while at the same time feeling betrayed by the lead Avenger for sharing so much of her past with Bucky. But it shouldn't have surprised her that he'd have ulterior motives for her inclusion onto the team. In fact, when she wasn't wallowing, it was obviously a brilliant move.
Just as she had for any other mission, she had studied her subject with all her due diligence. Pouring over every scrap of information she had on Bucky Barnes to get a sense of who he was before HYDRA had spent decades stripping away his humanity to create an obedient killing machine. Being all too familiar with the techniques that had probably been employed on Bucky, she had warned Steve that he would never return to the man with the easy smile from their youth. Unsurprisingly Steven had been more concerned that Bucky become someone he was happy with, not someone Steve wanted. But there were glimpses of that man. More than she was prepared for, actually. Including this morning as he stood in her room with the purpose of pulling her out of her own downward spiral. She casts a resentful eye at him that he surprisingly meets without flinching.
Bucky shrugs. Then notes the small tray of food left for her, mirroring the sample of delights that had been in his room nearly a week ago. Grinning, he reaches down as she watches with curiosity and plucks from the top one shiny red apple and without a word he retreats from her room, smiling as he hears her muttered curses following him out the door.
Startled by his apparent desire to return the favor of pulling her back into life, she dresses in a hurry, eager to take advantage of this opportunity to finish what she had started. She spots him at the end of the hall with the apple still in his metallic grip. She gives chase, but he's faster. The the two make their way all over the tower, running through labs, work spaces, variant common rooms, the workout rooms, and a few of the others' living quarters till she finally corners him in the main living room where Steve is quietly reading. They ignore him as they struggle over the piece of fruit, Bucky finally giving the apple up to a triumphant Laura.
Breathing heavy from their exertion, they end up sliding down to the floor, sitting with their backs to the front of the couch and instinctively she rests her head on Bucky's shoulder, too exhausted to realize how far down her guard is and without thought Bucky kisses the top of her head in a brotherly display Steve hadn't witnessed since before Bucky left for England in 1943.
Laura was surprised by his show of affection and freezes, but makes no attempt at pulling away.
The two sit in silence for several moments, catching their breath and reveling in the spontaneous joy of their chase, fully aware of how childish both had been behaving and not caring one bit. Bucky ignores another pang of guilt as he realizes she never really had a childhood. Both had been through a horrific experience that not many others on Earth would ever understand, but he at least had memories of a normal life before, with friends and family. They might be gone forever, stolen by time. But he knew what it felt like to have them at all. There was stickball in the streets, or marbles. His sister and her dolls. Steve on the couch sketching while Bucky listened to the radio, his family's one piece of extravagance. He allowed himself to recall all the times he chose Steve for his team to the annoyed groans of the other boys that knew they'd have to cover for the weaker boy. Bucky always ignored them because Steve was great at strategy.
Finally Laura sits up and declares she needs a shower and some real food. Bucky mock protests about the apple they fought so hard over but Laura only rolls her eyes as she pushes herself off the floor, calls him grandpa as she does so, and walks away to clean herself up. It wasn't exactly biting and scratching, but Laura was still fighting, as Bucky had hoped she would, and as he knows he must too. For his life, for his identity, his name, and for these moments of happiness.
Bucky looks over at Steve and notes just how hard his lifetime long best friend is trying not to look at him or mock his choice of seating and in that moment Bucky realizes the whole situation was Steve's doing. By bringing Laura to the tower Steve was giving Bucky someone to want to watch over just as he had watched out for Steve his entire life. Someone who would watch out for him just as much, and just as capably, in return. 'Always the tactician…' Bucky thinks to himself as he shakes his head annoyed that he hadn't realized what Steve's plan was before.
Bucky gets off the floor sits on the couch next to Steve who has been pretending to read while the entire scene played out. Bucky picks up the other book Steve left on the coffee table, one probably chosen for Bucky for this very moment. After several minutes of comfortable silence Bucky says quietly without looking at his friend, "Punk."
Steve finally turns the page and replies with a heavy sigh, "Jerk."