I suppose it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to say it'd always been going to end this way. Only three of us left, standing at the precipice of a moment that would change the world forever. Not that that was unusual anymore - if Nagato and Miss Asahina hadn't been taken out already it almost would've been just like any other day. Except for Koizumi's stupid grin looking somehow even smugger than usual, and the way that Haruhi's eyes, as golden and beautiful and filled with twisted madness as ever, were narrowed and fixed firmly on me.

'So,' she began, and I could already hear all the ways this is going to end up my fault in her voice, 'were you working against me with him this whole time, or did number two here have to talk you 'round? I guess he probably tricked you into it, didn't he? You never were very bright.'

This, coming from the who'd fumbled every possible chance she'd had at beating us by charging headfirst into every obstacle in her way without stopping to think even once, just assuming she'd win. If it were anybody else, I might've been amazed they were still able to even stay in the game. With Haruhi I was just grateful the rules hadn't somehow rewritten themselves.

'I don't want to hear that from you. What were you even thinking, charging that tank? You could've been killed!'

'Yeah well, I wasn't was I? Besides, everybody knows that's how you win wars! You can't just sit around waiting for your enemies to stop attacking, you've gotta make an opening! And tanks aren't even that tough anyway - you just gotta know where to hit 'em. Don't blame me if you're too stupid to figure it out.'

'Stupid or not, I beat you. What's that make you, huh?' The question was out of my mouth before I realise I'm going to ask it. I suppose I should feel bad, taunting a fallen enemy – but I was never very good at that whole being humble in victory thing. And it's even worse when it's Haruhi, especially since I can't remember the last time I even came close to beating her at anything. Still, I probably should've realised that I was playing right into her hands. She's on her feet in an instant, slamming her fists into the table and grinning like the mastermind in an old spy movie.

'Me? I'm the noble hero whose gonna go down fighting so that my villagers'll have time to escape from Koizumi and his tyrannical group of weirdos! I don't plan to lose, but even if I do I'm gonna take both of you down with me, and go down in history! Take this!'

She punctuated the last word by snatching a die and flinging it across the room at me. It was so absurd that for a second after it bounced off my forehead I just sat there, not really knowing how to react. It was like playing with a six year old. No, it was worse – even my sister doesn't throw bits of the game at me just because she starts losing. Fortunately, I was prevented from throwing something right back at her and looking just as childish by Koizumi finally butting in.

'Pardon me for intruding, but you keep talking as though Kyon betrayed you somehow. As far as I can recall, Kyon's been on my side since the beginning of this little game, while you recruited Miss Asahina and Miss Nagato fended for herself.'

'Yeah, and she still nearly beat all four of us! Some help Mikuru turned out to be. She better hurry up with that tea and get back here so I can yell at her some more! I wasn't done yet! Mikuru! Get back h -'

'Will you quit yelling already? You're giving me a headache. And as much as I hate to admit it, Koizumi's right – I didn't betray you. Coming to me before the game and telling me I won't have to buy lunch next time you decide I'm late somewhere if I stab him in the back and help you win doesn't really constitute and agreement, especially when you just assume that I'm actually going to do it. Why don't you try waiting for an answer next time instead of just assuming I'll do what you want?'

'Well how was I supposed to know you'd pick this time to grow a backbone!? And besides, that's not even what I'm talking about! I'm talking about blatantly betraying your brigade leader! It's natural for Koizumi to try it – as second in command he was honourbound to try and overthrow me eventually – but you're just a flunky! A no one! It's downright disgraceful.'

'…Okay, putting aside the fact that neither one of is actually trying to overthrow you, and the fact that if we did try you'd just beat the crap out of us like you do everybody you think's trying to knock you off your high horse, you're the one who decided on the teams in the first place! You can't accuse me of treachery for beating you when I'm doing exactly what you told me to do!'

'I can do whatever I want to! I'm your superior! But fine, if you're just following orders I order you to switch sides and help me wipe the floor with Koizumi!'

'And what, you'll let me off paying for two lunches this time?'

'Of course not! This is a matter of loyalty, and honour! You don't get a reward for doing your duty – being proud of the fact you did the right thing should be enough!'

I'd seen her response coming, of course, but it'd still been worth a shot. For a moment I just sat there, thinking. On the one hand, Koizumi and I had already beaten Haruhi. In just a few moves, the game'd be over – if I changed sides now I'd have to protect Haruhi while she rebuilt her forces, and just hope that Koizumi didn't beat me into the ground while I did. On the other hand, if Haruhi lost she was gonna spend the whole week sulking about it just like she always did. And it wasn't all that often I got a chance to wipe the grin off Koizumi's face.

And if I felt a little jolt of excitement when I caught sight of the big, stupid grin that appeared on Haruhi's face as I turned my army on Koizumi's, taking some of his best guys out with the advantage of surprise, who's gonna know? I'm sure as hell not gonna tell anybody. It's not my fault her excitement's infectious. Like polio, or the plague.

'That's the spirit! If you'd just done this from the start I could already have won this thing – but I suppose I can forgive you since you're too dumb to think of stuff like this by yourself. Just use your head next time! Maybe when we execute Koizumi, I'll make you my new number two!'

Haruhi's enthusiasm aside, I couldn't help noticing that Koizumi's grin'd only gotten wider when he realised the battle had turned against him. He steepled his fingers and let out a chuckle that chilled me to my bone. 'Well now, it looks like in the next battle I'll have to be more careful about my choice of allies. No worries, though – after all, it's difficult to say no to Miss Suzumiya. And anyway, it's not like the two of you actually stand a chance of defeating me.'

Haruhi's expression shifted again, from ecstatic to enraged, and then she was shouting orders at me like I'd been on her side the whole time. I suppose I'd be lying if I said that that bothered me. I'd gotten so used to it by now I'd almost missed it. Besides that, I didn't have time to be annoyed – just like the last time the two of us ended up alone, the world was counting on me. Honestly, I was just grateful that it was only a game this time.