Title: Coffee and Disappointment

Author: Brithna

Beta: Peetsden

Fandom: Devil Wears Prada

Pairing: Miranda/ Andy

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Miranda would rather be a disappointment in Andrea's eyes than a doctored up version of the truth. (I seriously suck at summaries today.)

Coffee and Disappointment

Miranda waited until she heard the final click of the door shutting to let out a deep, shuttering breath. She'd done it. She'd sent Andrea away and kept her ass on the couch the entire time. Unbelievable.

Leaning forward, Miranda rested her elbows on her knees and placed her head in her hands. A very uncharacteristic pose for Miranda Priestly but she was tired. Too tired to keep up the Queenly persona.

Taking deep breaths Miranda felt her shoulders relax and bow under the weight of both freedom and oppression. It was a funny thing, to be under the yoke of these two masters but nevertheless she was a slave to both. Always chasing freedom, always bending to her work, image and self-imposed responsibilities.

Feeling good about this small token of freedom was hard to do since her children would suffer. What she'd told Andrea about the press was true. They would eat this up and come back for seconds and thirds. More importantly, her children would spend a great deal of time hating her for this. It would likely take months for them to relent and see to reason. And it wasn't because they had any great affection for Stephen; in fact the opposite was true. They hated him. So much so, that even at the tender age of seven they literally begged Miranda not to marry him. But…they were children. What did they know about love? Apparently more than she did.

It would come down to perception. This is why Miranda had wanted to be the one to make the move toward divorce. She wanted to control it, control how her children saw the end coming. As it stood they would no doubt see this entire matter as her fault. Just like everything else. As many times a day as Miranda was thoroughly disappointed in everything around her, ironically enough she was often times the biggest disappointment in the room…only very few people realized it.

Miranda was a disappointment to her parents, to her first husband Robert, to Stephen, to her children, to Andrea. Oh yes, here we go. Why did everything always come back to Andrea? That was happening more frequently and it was unsettling at best. Miranda sat up straight and smoothed out her robe. Caring about whether or not she was a disappointment to someone who had the potential to be the biggest disappointment Miranda had ever come in contact with was absolutely ridiculous.

But, tonight she was too tired to worry about it. She was a disappointment in Andrea's eyes. So be it. Andrea was young and there would undoubtedly be many more disappointments in her life. Miranda would only be one of many.

Yet tomorrow it would just get worse. She wasn't 100% percent sure what Irv would want but she knew it would be something that pushed the limits. It would be something beyond anything else she'd had to do or promise she'd had to make to him before. She just knew it. Once the rumors had been confirmed by her sources, Miranda thought of promising to slash her budget or some other non-sense but she knew that wouldn't work. Not this time. This time Irv was out for blood. With her list of loyal subjects in hand, Miranda would face him and do whatever she had to do. Regardless of what it might mean. Nigel…if Nigel ended up being part of this bargain in some way…if it went as bad as Miranda feared it would then Andrea wouldn't be able to handle it. She was too good, too faithful to her friends. Her loyalty and sense of right and wrong would render her unable to process the necessity of the act and her disappointment in Miranda would turn into hate.

There were times when Miranda wondered if Andrea had been swept up in Miranda's illusions of perfection like all the others. Was there some part of Andrea that still regarded Miranda with rose-colored glasses? With the same adoration and awe so many others did? The likelihood of that was disquieting for Miranda. Andrea caused her to want to be seen for what she was…even if it hurt…even if it hurt them both Miranda would rather be a disappointment in Andrea's eyes than a doctored up version of the truth. If Andrea still held this view then tomorrows actions would be a double blow. Realizations of horrible facts in the midst of horrible actions were always harder to take. Which only meant one thing – Andrea would leave and in less than twenty-four hours, Miranda would have lost not one but two people. The first, Stephen, did not concern her in the least but he still deserved to be counted in the equation.

With this new possibility on the horizon Miranda could think of nothing else. Thoughts of rose colored glasses, adoration and awe consumed her. Yes, she was sure of it now. She had not yet even begun to be a disappointment to Andrea.

Miranda pushed herself up from the couch and retreated to the bathroom to repair the damage all that idiotic crying had done to her face. She needed to go for a walk…maybe even a long taxi ride.

After making it three blocks, she knew no one would recognize her. Over the years Miranda had become the master of disguise yet it still amazed her that it took so little to make it work. A simple black trench coat and matching scarf to hide her iconic hair style made her blend into the night just as good as any invisibility cloak ever could. She just hoped all this walking actually got her somewhere. Her grandmother had always said "Keep walking 'til your problem is so far behind you that all you can see is the solution" and tonight Miranda intended to do just that. Exactly which problem out of the many she had would get solved tonight was yet to be determined; but at least she was moving.

In an hour she was as far as the Place de la Concord. So much for walking her problem away because that barely took fifteen minutes of her time. Getting coffee and stopping to look at some window displays took up the other forty-five.

Miranda claimed a bench and sipped on the scaling hot coffee she'd purchased along the way. This was so much better than Starbucks. Then again coffee made via a French press always was. No frills, no milk, no sugar; just scalding hot coffee. Perfect.

"Miranda?"

A litany of unspoken curse words flew through Miranda's mind. It seems sitting down with her perfect coffee was the number one worst thing she could have ever done. Miranda looked up finally when ignoring the questioning voice was no longer feasible. Oh and look. Problem number one: Christian Thompson…and problem number two: Andrea Sachs. What an unlikely pair.

"Good evening, Christian…Andrea." Miranda surveyed them coolly, hoping they would tuck tail and run quickly.

"I see you're enjoying the evening…it's a bit chilly though." Christian flashed a grin that most would consider quite charming but frankly, Miranda found it to be quite nauseating.

"Perhaps not chilly enough." Indeed. Miranda found it strange that Andrea hadn't spoken yet. Possibly, unlike Christian, she knew they needed to keep quiet and be on their way?

"I expect it will be colder tomorrow…maybe even more snow." He would say something like that knowing what tomorrow would be all about. His downfall…or her downfall; at least that's what he was thinking. Little did he know, Miranda would not fail. He on the other hand would find himself in the worst way…blacklisted. "You know Miranda I'm surprised to see you out here like this…in public." At this Andrea pulled at his arm; probably in an attempt to get him to shut his mouth. He ignored her. "I hope no one notices you."

"As do I Christian…Andrea, I do hope you are enjoying yourself." Miranda regarded her with a piercing gaze. Andrea could do so much better than Christian.

"Yes…Well Christian we need to get going. Good evening, Miranda." Andrea nodded her goodbye and pulled Christian along.

"I, uh…yes good evening, Miranda." He replied as they made they retreat.

Miranda tried to find interest in something else…anything else but couldn't help but watch them walk away. Never in a thousand years would he be worthy of Andrea Sachs.

She would give them a ten minute head start then head back to the hotel herself. Nothing was being accomplished out here. Timing the ten minutes by her watch, Miranda rose from her bench as the last seconds passed by but was halted by a voice; a voice she preferred over any other.

"No, please sit back down…seriously." Andrea walked up and sat down. Miranda shrugged and followed her request without asking for an explanation; simply satisfied that at least the girl had come to senses and was no longer in the company of Christian Thompson.

"Sorry about that…" Andrea weakly motioned toward the direction of her earlier retreat. "He is…argh."

"Well you seemed to be having a good enough time." Hopefully not too good a time.

"Not really. Why do you think I got away from him? The alcohol wore off." Andrea folded her arms in front of her to keep in what warmth she had left. "You know every time I've been around that guy I think I've had alcohol in my system or something…I'd have to have because otherwise…oh my God."

"Here try this…it's still hot." Miranda offered her the coffee and she took it gladly.

"Thanks. Hm, this is great. French press?"

"Yes."

"Much better than Starbucks. Here…" Andrea passed it back. "So is everything okay?"

"Besides the fact that I'm starting to freeze to death, yes, everything is fine. Why wouldn't it be?" Oh, this is perfect Miranda. Be an ass just like earlier so she leaves you alone.

"Never mind." And now Miranda was given the silent treatment but it didn't last long as it wasn't in Andrea's nature to remain quiet for too long. "Something's going on with him, Miranda." Her voice was quiet against the darkness and the sound of the water from the fountain. Obviously she was talking about Christian. What did she know?

"Oh?"

"Yeah…I don't know what exactly…but something's up." Andrea reached out and took Miranda's coffee again. It now appeared to be community property.

"What makes you say that?" Miranda turned and watched Andrea's profile as she stared straight ahead.

"Just a vibe…"

Andrea's powers of deduction were better than Miranda gave her credit for. She saw far more than most. "Whatever it is…I'm sure he'll reveal it in time." Indeed.

"I guess. Oh…by the way I called Leslie to give her a heads up. She said to tell you that she's on it and she'll get us…you…as far ahead of the press coverage as possible."

"Thank-you." Miranda held her breath for a moment as Andrea's lips curved up into a smile. "Leslie has her work cut out for her. I hope she delivers as well as she has in the past."

"She will…here." Andrea placed the coffee cup back in Miranda's hand and had the gall to actually encircle Miranda's wrist with her slender fingers. It made Miranda want to scream. For several reasons. "She'll handle it. Try not to worry too much. And look at it this way…if something gets out of hand you can just sue someone...blackmail someone…whatever." Then she let her head fall back in laughter. Miranda joined in. It was true. If worst came to worst she could just start making everyone's life pure hell by drowning them in lawsuits.

"Ah, it feels good to laugh…" Yet, she quickly calmed herself in spite of this revelation.

"You should do it more often. Then again that wouldn't be good for the image of The Dragon…wow…sorry! Big mouth…I shouldn't say things like that." Andrea's face turned red and she swallowed hard. "It's the coffee. This is probably my tenth cup today…makes me…high…crazy. Far worse than alcohol."

"Tonight…whether you should or shouldn't is irrelevant. What's important is that you're right. Laughter is not something I can afford." Neither was giving in to whatever these feelings were she had for Andrea. There wasn't a clear name for it in Miranda's vocabulary but whatever they were, they were strong.

"Which sucks." Andrea interrupted her thoughts.

"Hm…I would certainly choose a better word for it but yes…it sucks."

"I can't believe we're still sitting out here. Let's go. The coffee is frozen and you've ruined me for cold coffee." Andrea stood and offered Miranda her hand. Andrea touching her wrist nearly put her into hysterics, so actually holding the girls hand would probably produce the same result. Tonight there seemed to be no help for whatever was happening between them. Miranda took her hand. She was right. Near hysterics…which only got worse when Andrea did not let go. Or was it Miranda that didn't let go? Before it went any further Miranda did in fact let go and her hand instantly went cold.

Andrea began to lead the way forward but not in the direction of the hotel. "Where are you going?"

"Well…I said 'let's go'. I didn't say 'let's go back to the hotel'. Come with me? I want more coffee and there's a café about a block from here."

Without any argument they soon found themselves sitting in said café with two scalding hot cups of coffee. At this rate neither of them would ever get any sleep with all the caffeine they were ingesting. That was fine since Miranda really had no aspirations of sleep to begin with.

"You know, I think it's safe enough…you could take the scarf off if you wanted." Andrea said as she sipped her coveted drink.

She was probably right. Miranda looked around once then pulled the scarf off and stuffed it in her bag. Even if someone did…it didn't matter. She had a right to have a cup of coffee like everyone else in this city…paparazzi or not. Besides, as Andrea had already so graciously pointed out, Miranda could always sue someone for any trouble it might cause.

Later on they headed back toward Place de la Concord with you guessed it—even more coffee. The shared conversation in the café had been light and inconsequential…comfortable. Andrea was serious when she said coffee affected her. She was definitely under the influence and it showed. Three was the number of times Andrea had encircled Miranda's wrist again as she talked, and four was the number times Andrea touched her arm across the table to draw emphasis to a point she was trying to make. And number five…

Andrea laid a hand on Miranda's arm and steered her back toward that same bench right across from that same ridiculous fountain. "Come on let's sit just for a minute. This coffee tastes better outside…"

"You think so?" Miranda rolled her eyes and let herself be led along.

"I sure do. This is the best." Andrea gestured wildly with her to-go cup.

"Yes, well…I should probably put my scarf back on…" Miranda looked around them and no one seemed to be paying much attention as they walked past.

"No, don't." Andrea looked over her shoulder and nodded in disagreement. "It's fine, really. Nobody cares…at least not tonight." Andrea immediately saw the look on Miranda's face and back peddled. "I mean…I didn't mean it like that…it's just. Well. You're just a woman sitting on a bench having coffee…no big deal. So just…just relax. It's okay. Nobody wants a piece of you tonight…there are no cameras. Just drink your coffee." And again Andrea slid her hand around Miranda's wrist and held it tightly for just a moment before leaving her skin to burn from the withdrawal.

"Don't be silly Andrea, everyone wants a piece of this…Miranda Priestly; the Fashion Icon. Why do you think that is by the way? Why do you think everyone falls at my feet?" That's right. There was no way Miranda could just keep her mouth shut and let this opportunity pass her by. There was no way. Andrea had opened herself up to this speech and it was just what Miranda needed to say. It was time that Andrea leaned the truth about the real Miranda.

Miranda wasn't sure what sort of a reaction or answer she had expected to receive but it certainly wasn't this. Andrea straightened her relaxed posture and sighed with something akin to disgust as she turned to Miranda and said, "Whatever answer I'd come up with will probably be wrong in your eyes so…tell me. I'm listening." She nodded for Miranda to continue and sipped at her coffee.

And with that Miranda took off. "Because they see what I want them to see. They see the greatness, the prestige and become blind to what I really am. Look at Emily. She will not blame me for bringing you to Paris. She will blame you." This time Miranda put her hand on Andrea's arm to emphasize her point but did not disengage before she continued. "Nowhere in Emily's psyche will she be capable of rationalizing that I am the one that brought this about. She is blinded by her…adoration for me. You Andrea…you are blinded too. I see it. You bend to unimaginable proportions to do everything I demand of you. Why do you think I ask so much of you? Because I know I'll get what I want...the first time; and since that is such a rare thing for me to experience; I readily admit that I take full advantage of it. But as I was saying…you are blinded by The Icon just like everyone else. You have no idea how much of a disappointment I truly am…and will be in the future."

Andrea folded her arms across her chest and raised an eyebrow. "That was some speech Miranda…but you have it wrong. I mean I know the last thing you want to hear from me is some argument but you don't know me or what I see."

"Don't I? I see a great deal of myself in you Andrea…a great deal."

"Maybe you do but you still don't know me like you think you do."

"Then we'll agree to disagree on that point. However…Andrea, against my better judgment, I find myself unable to leave this topic unfinished. It is critical to me that you understand something."

"Let's talk and walk then…" Andrea started to stand but Miranda stopped her.

"Just give me one moment. This won't take long and then you can walk yourself into a new pair of heels if you like." Andrea sat back down and stared at Miranda as she kept on with her speech. "I need you to understand that I do make mistakes; that everything really is an illusion much of the time. You need to know that." Miranda paused for a moment and took a deep breath. She couldn't believe she was actually doing this, saying this…but she was. Perhaps Andrea wasn't the only one affected by this coffee. "I want you above anyone else to know that the any adoration or high regard you might have for me is based just on that…the illusion. And…I need you to remember that. I am not perfect and I am indeed one disappointment after another…and…"

Miranda paused again, looking down at her hands. Suddenly the craziest yet best idea came to her and she pulled off her now unnecessary wedding band. "I was a disappointment to him." She held up the ring, "I am a disappointment to my children…and tomorrow you won't be able to help but feel the same." Miranda picked up Andrea's right hand and turned it, placing the ring in her palm and closing it into a fist. "I'm giving you this so you'll remember all the things I don't want you to forget. Even if tomorrow doesn't have the effect that I think it will…if we go back to New York and you retain this lofty idea of me in your head…I want you to have this ring so you'll remember this conversation. It's all just an illusion. Every bit of it." Yes, this was a crazy, crazy, crazy idea…

"Miranda…" Andrea opened her hand and traced the ring with her left index finger. "I'm a disappointment too ya know…a big one." As she continued to talk Andrea made a surprising move and slid the ring onto her right ring finger. Miranda had not anticipated that all. Andrea smiled at it and the whole thing was totally surreal. "I didn't go to law school like my parents wanted me to…I never read Runway…didn't know who you were when we met and I still don't have what you would consider an appropriate appreciation for fashion…and guess what? I am a disappointment to my friends and my boyfriend too…fiancé actually."

"I did not know you are engaged." Miranda didn't need a mirror to know all color had just drained right out of her face.

"I never wore the engagement ring. At least not in a long time." Andrea reached in her bag and opened an inside pocket. Once she found the ring she held it up for Miranda to look at. "See? It's pretty nice isn't it?" It was. The Iron Chef ,as Miranda had heard him called by Emily on numerous occasions, likely saved up for a good long time to buy it…yet it wasn't as grand as what Andrea was worth. "I stopped wearing it when I figured out that I'd made a mistake. I just didn't have the heart to break up with him then. I made up some stupid excuse that it needed resizing. I'm a colossal failure in his eyes."

Miranda started to speak in her defense but Andrea held up a hand. "No, let me finish. In his eyes I abandoned him for my job…a job that he couldn't stand. And so? He left me. Just before we came to Paris he left. Miranda, you think I can do anything. You think I can basically perform miracles on a daily basis but I can't. I couldn't make a miracle happen for him…or my parents…or my friends. Here…" Andrea took Miranda's hand and placed her engagement ring in her palm and closed it to make a fist. "Keep that. When you start to…obsess…over what a disappointment you think you are and that no one knows the real you…let that remind you that I know. I know you Miranda and you don't disappointment me. You annoy the shit out of me sometimes…but you never disappoint." Andrea fell silent and let go of Miranda's hand.

"Well then you're the first…" Miranda looked down and admired the ring, getting a closer look. The diamond was set low and the whole affair wasn't something that would draw an excessive amount of attention. She had to admit that even if she felt Andrea was worth more, it was still a very beautiful ring. Without thinking on it any further, Miranda slipped the ring onto her right hand. It was a perfect fit. She had no idea what they were really doing with all this ring business but they could always blame it on the coffee buzz in the morning.

"I might be the first, but check this out," Andrea turned enough so that they were directly facing one another. "First of all, you might be a disappointment to your girls but that's pretty much every parent's plight and you know it. Second of all…and you can disagree with this all you freakin' want to but it's the truth; the reason your marriages failed wasn't because you were a disappointment or that you were a failure."

"Oh?" This was certainly news to Miranda.

"Yeah, oh. They didn't work because you weren't in love. In fact I'd bet all the money in the world that if you had been…things would have turned out drastically different for you."

"You don't-" Miranda's mouth was shut by the tips of Andrea's fingers…they were warm and soft.

"Shh. I do know. You weren't in love with either of them and I really wasn't in love with Nate." Miranda had to stop herself from kissing Andrea's fingers as they remained on her lips ever so gently. Everything was turning into an undeniable mess right now. Her feelings for Andrea had been changing over time but until this night Miranda was unaware of just how changed they were. And here she was barely five hours free of her marriage and already thinking of kissing this young woman. "But…I think if you find the right person…fall in love… you won't have to worry about that anymore."

Finally Andrea released her hold on Miranda's lips so that she could speak. "I suppose the same is true for you then?"

"Pretty much."

"That all sounds wonderful Andrea but please remember what I told you."

"I won't forget. I don't think either of us will be forgetting any of this considering we just exchanged rings on the subject. Weird but helpful, hm?" She smiled a crooked smile and it warmed Miranda's heart. Speaking of warmth.

"You might be right. Come…let's go. You're freezing."

"Okay I-" Andrea was cut off by her ringing phone. She sighed and retrieved the phone from her purse. "It could be Nigel with schedule changes…" she muttered. "Andy here." She answered the phone briskly. Her tone was totally different than it had been all evening and it reminded Miranda of the harsh fact that she was Andrea's boss. Any further musing on that subject was stamped out by the sight of her ring on Andrea's finger.

Miranda's wedding band was made of simple white gold yet it had a few tiny diamonds embedded in it that sparkled in the light. It looked good on Andrea and oddly enough Miranda's coffee infused mind didn't even associate the ring with Stephen any more. Suddenly, Miranda snapped back to Andrea's voice.

"What? Hello?...Nate?"

Oh fabulous. The one person Miranda didn't want to hear any more about tonight. "You want what?" Andrea held the phone out in front of her as if she was unsure of what she had just heard then put the phone back to her ear. "Oh, I'm sorry…seriously?" Andrea listened for another moment and took several long sips of coffee…all the sudden she stood up. Miranda started to follow suit but Andrea had other plans. "No, sit." She motioned for Miranda to remain seated so she did.

Andrea paced a few steps in front of their bench then…"Oh, really? Sounds great…who was I talking to? Why do you want to know?" Her eyebrows raised and again she looked at the phone. "You know what, Nate?...Wait…I seriously…" Miranda wasn't sure what she said next because Andrea walked out of hearing range toward the fountain…and then? Then she shut the phone and tossed it into the water.

Miranda slapped a hand to her mouth, unsure of whether to be angry that Andrea had done such a childish thing or to burst into uncontrolled laughter. After all, how many times had Miranda wanted to do that very thing? At least Andrea had the courage to do it. Finally Andrea turned around and headed toward her. Miranda straightened and took a sip of coffee to disguise her amusement.

"Well…" She said as she plopped back down right beside Miranda. "I guess I need a new cell phone."

"Hm, yes I suppose you do." Miranda smirked.

"He wanted his ring back."

Of course he did. Miranda felt a dull ache in her chest as she started to pull the ring off but found her hand covered by the younger woman's. "No. That hasn't been his for a very long time and it's mine to do with as I please. And…I've done exactly what I wanted to do with it. You on the other hand can do anything with it but give it back to me. I don't want it. It's yours now and as far as I'm concerned it has nothing to do with him anymore. Please don't make me re-hash everything we just said to each other just because of his dumb-ass phone call."

"No re-hashing is necessary. You can use my cell phone until we can get you a temporary one from the French offices tomorrow."

"And here I was hoping for cell-phone freedom. Can I at least get a new number? I don't want to hear his voice again if I can help it." She laughed and hauled herself up from the bench, tugging Miranda up with her. "I'm cold. We better go before I demand more coffee."

"Yes, we can change your phone number," Miranda would personally see that task performed. "And no, no more coffee. You're high. I never thought I'd see anyone get high off of caffeine but I suppose it is possible."

"It is."

They walked on in silence as Andrea finished off her coffee and what little was left of Miranda's too. Someone was getting a French press for Christmas…if she stayed around that long. Thoughts of tomorrow made Miranda clench her hands into fist.

"Ouch...what's wrong?" Andrea pulled them up short and Miranda remembered she was holding onto Andrea's arm as they walked along and was now squeezing it.

"I apologize. Nothing is wrong, I just… Let's continue." Miranda started forward but was not allowed.

"No, wait" she said softly. I didn't say you had to move your hand. That was all good; just tell me what's wrong. You like…I don't know, you tensed up." Andrea picked up Miranda's hand and placed back on her arm and they began walking again.

"Just remember what I told Andrea, about tomorrow. Any perfection you've seen thus far is an illusion. Look at the ring and remember."

And again Andrea pulled them up short. Would they ever make it back to the hotel? "Miranda…God, we're never going to make it back to the hotel at this rate. Anyway…Miranda, you keep going on about these illusions of what people see, but all I've been trying to tell you is that I know you better than that. I know you're not perfect and neither am I. And…." Andrea took Miranda's right hand and held up in front of her face, "I think I did a pretty good job at letting you know that, right? I mean I gave you a diamond ring for God's sake to show you that I know you're not perfect and I don't give a shit, right?"

The only thing Miranda could do was nod in confirmation. Yes, this whole ring business felt totally backwards. Backwards?

"Besides, if you were perfect? If you never made any mistakes? That would be totally boring and I wouldn't like you half as much as I do if you were boring." Andrea let Miranda's hand rest back down at her side but did not let it go. "What about you? Would you like it if I was perfect? If I made no mistakes?" Before Miranda could reply, Andrea's fingertips were on her lips again. "And just so you know…I'm talking in a non-work sort of way because you'd be lying if you said you wouldn't want me to be perfect at work. So let me clarify…" Andrea released Miranda's lips and took up her hand again. "In a non-work sort of way…how would you like it if I was completely and totally perfect and never made any mistakes or never did anything shitty?"

Miranda took a deep breath in through her nose and let it out slowly, marveling in the visible vapor it produced, and then looked up into Andrea's eyes. "Frankly, I would hate it. As you said…it would be boring."

"Good. So for future reference, when I look at this ring I'm not gonna think about all that crap you told me to think about. I'm going to think about how I accept you for who you are and I'm going to think about how much better I know you than everyone else. Okay? Now seriously, let's go before I make you buy me another cup of coffee and we both know that is something I do not need…for like the rest of the week."