Disclaimer: I do not own the following: a car, a house, a cat, money, a good memory, rights to Oblivion, a car, a house, rights to Oblivion, a car, rights to Oblivion or a cat.

Chapter 1 – Words that rhythm with "clucking bell"

"Ocheeva? Ocheeva!"

"Aahhh! Oh….hello Master."

"Ocheeva? What are you doing?"

"Uh, what do you mean, Master?"

"I mean, I've been trying to find my lost Silencer for two weeks."

"I know Master, I'm the one in charge of finding him."

"Precisely my point, my child. You're in charge of the search, so what in the name of Sithis are you doing?"

"Nothing…"

"Ocheeva…"

"What? Can't a Murderer take a break every once and a while?"

"You're using a chameleon spell and curled up in a fetal position in a chest barely big enough for you to fit in down in a filthy basement that's covered in spiders."

"…and?"

"You're the biggest arachnophobe I've ever met Ocheeva. What are you doing in here?"

"Facing my fears?"

"NO YOU'RE NOT! You're hiding from me! Why?"

"Welll….I….that is…..we…..umm…"

"I'm guessing something has gone wrong with the search."

"Maybe just a little bit…"

"It can't be that bad, Ocheeva. Ocheeva? Ocheeva, stop crying."

"U'm srrry, mfstrr…..

Ocheeva, here take this. Blow your nose and wipe your tears, whatever the problem is it can't be that bad.

"Thnk yu…..will you promise not to hurt me Master?"

"What?"

"It's just, I owe you everything Master, if it wasn't for you I would be normal."

"Yes, well…..heh!"

"Sorry Master, I didn't mean it like that!"

"Ocheeva, I only have a certain amount of patience with people. Now tell me, how did you fare tracking down my Silencer's known accomplices."

"I had some difficulty Master, with limited success."

"Like?"

"Well first there was the Mage's guild apprentice."

"Mmm, we haven't been on good terms with them since we set fire to their Bruma guild house."

"Indeed Master."

"Did you get any information at all?"

"Some Master, apparently their Arch Mage has gone missing too."

"Interesting…continue Sister."

"The next faction I targeted was the Knights of the Nine."

"Oh!"

"Yes Master, they're still upset with us over the poisoned apples fiasco."

"Mmm."

"But it turns out their Divine Crusader is missing too, its an interesting coincidence!"

"Ocheeva, there are two things I don't believe in. The first is coincidence, the second is unicorns."

"After that, there was only one other companion who has spent time with the Silencer."

"Who is that, Sister?"

"Well, he's a little eccentric."

"Aren't we all?"

"At first I was going to interrogate him and bring the information back but he wouldn't co-operate."

"Impossible! No one could remain silent with you torturing them!"

"I didn't get to that stage Master, he just wouldn't shut up!"

"Ah, so you got plenty of information from him."

"No the opposite, I tried running away but he just followed me. He wouldn't stop talking all the way back here."

"He's outside the sanctuary? Well show him in, I want to know where my Silencer has gone!"

"Certainly Master, I'll wait…..somewhere else until your done."

"Ah child, now you must be….um?"

"Golly! Its really you, the Speaker for the Black Hand! I can't believe its you, standing here, next to me!"

"Yes child, now if…"

"Gee, you're the best, I'm going to follow you and watch you and worship the ground you walk on."

"Well child, there's really no ne…"

"And I'm going to carry your weapons, and shine your boots, and give you a backrub."

"Eh.…wha….why don't you have a seat over here."

"Here? Right here, how about over there? Well, no, here it is then, you're the boss!"

"Excuse me one moment while I leave the room, I have an urgent matter to bring up with my associate."

"Golly that sounds really important, can I help?"

"Perhaps, my child! Here, why don't you help yourself to this apple while I'm gone!"