The Right Foot
By: Ashlee
Disclaimer: Don, I swear man, I'm beginning to think this is more to boost your ego than to keep me from getting sued, but I'll say it anyway. You own them, I don't, there's not much more to say.
Author's Note: Wowzers, I'm just on a roll! We'll It's 5am on Saturday April 6, 2002 and I'm sitting at work. I started this at about 4:30 am and once again this has been spell checked and beta read right now by me, so expect mistakes. Other than that, enjoy!!
Spoilers: 'The Return' and the 'Stranded in the forest and running from poachers' one
Feedback: I'm gunna love it, and hug it, and call it George smile Always appreciated!
Archive: Please ask. I want to know where my stuff if going, and maybe this way I can find another site to feed my fanfic addiction :)
Category/Keywords: Harm angst…very little though. H/M Friendship.
Timeline: About halfway through 'The Return' … you know when Harm returns from sea?
Summery: A scene from 'The Return' that, had Harm acted differently, could have changed the course of the whole show. This is that scene.
==
Two days back, two days, and I've already managed to put a damper on my fragile relationship with Mac. I shake my head and throw my pencil down hard on the desk and lean back. I cannot believe I did that. We were doing so well. Back to the way things were, the friendly banter, the flirting and, like the idiot I am, I had to go and put by big foot in my even bigger mouth.
I look at the ceiling and play the conversation of only a few minutes ago in my head. "The old Harm would have went for Berk's jugular." She said, sitting in the chair in front of my desk. I just went on the defensive, and then I did the worst thing, instead of taking her words as they were meant I took them as a dig at me. Instead of acting as though she were my friend I referred to her by rank, the ultimate insult at this point in trying to regain our friendship; the best way to push her away.
I look out my window toward the bull pen. I can't see her office now that mine is right next door, but I think I can hear something. I press my ear against the wall. Nothing. Then I hear it. Her cursing, no wait…I listen a little longer. It's her cursing me. I sigh. I guess I hurt her a lot. I stand a little straighter and open my door. I am not willing to loose a friendship that I missed so much while I was out at sea because of my pride, something that has been more of a barrier than anything else. I knock hesitantly at her door.
"Enter!" She barks. I almost back away, but I steel myself and open the door, the sorrow evident on my face.
"Mac," I say before she can yell at me. I hold up my hand to stop her from speaking. "First and foremost I'm sorry." I close the door behind me. "It's just…" I sigh. This wasn't going to be easy. "It's weird being back. I feel so out of my element. Like I've missed something, you know? Take the staff meeting. You all were laughing at some sort of joke and I felt like the odd man out. It's been so long, and there are so many new people that it's like I'm in some alternate universe."
I pause and look at her leaning against her desk, her dark eyes concentrating on what I'm saying. I take it as encouragement and I keep going. "I think part of the reason I didn't go after Berks' jugular, as you put it, was because I've been out of the court room and back in the field. Being in the court room it's easy to look at a CO and judge him, to put him on the spot, to not worry about bringing him down to the level. But when you're underway your CO is a leader, a man who wouldn't steer you wrong. He demands respect and you are to follow his orders because he knows what's best for his crew. Questioning his order means that you have to question his integrity, question his abilities, question all that he's done and what he stands for. It would mean wondering if his intentions where indeed in the best interest of his crew and if he was indeed competent. Having to wonder these things about a man who is going to lead you through the toughest of times is not exactly comforting. "
I pause again, looking at her and I see her nod at my last comment. I realize how animated I've been with my hands and I'm surprised she hasn't laughed at me. "I guess I find that hard to do after being underway and in a situation where good, strong leadership was necessary. I think what happened a couple of minutes ago was my moving on the defensive because I'm unsure of my court room abilities at this point, with being gone, and my reluctance to put down a CO, and not being able to see your words as constructive criticism instead of a dig at me." I sigh. "So, does this make any sense at all or am I just talking out my six again?"
She smiles at me, a brilliant smile that radiates through the room. "First of all, apology accepted. Second of all, while you might talk out of your six all too often, this does make sense. I suppose sitting here in a nice comfy office where your biggest fear is a paper cut and your orders consist of who you are going to defend, you forget how important a good, strong leader is. I know that it's hard to put him up there and tare him down Harm," she keeps her eyes on me and walks over to put a comforting hand on my arm, "but this is your job now. To keep the SecNav's son out of prison. That means you need to do what it takes, even if it means putting Berk on the stand. If he did indeed give an unlawful order the SecNav's son shouldn't have to suffer for that. There's a big difference between being a strong leader and setting someone up to be punished because you don't like their attitude."
She continues to look at me and, from her continued speech I suppose she can see the still unsure look on my face. "Look at the boy's records Harm. He has outstanding marks, and up until now he took orders without hesitation. Why would he suddenly disobey an order now? Don't you think there is some valid reason behind it?"
I look at her, and a smile crosses my face. "Still with your damned logic." She smiles back at me. "Good to know some things never change. I can always count on you to point me in the right direction."
I pull her into a hug. She looks a little shocked at first, but slowly puts her arms around me and gives me a slight squeeze. "Always, you can always count on me." She whispers softly, and I smile. She pulls back slowly, and then smiles wider than before. "And you can always count on me to get your six out of trouble, and seeing as your back here to reek havoc, I suppose I'll be doing that a lot."
My smile widens in response and I chuckle. "Well, I say if you're good at what you do, keep with it." I look at her seriously after a moment. "So are we good now Mac, no hard feelings?"
Mac smiles slightly. "We're good flyboy. You coming to me and talking meant a lot. I'm glad to see that you finally feel like you can talk to me. It's been hard between us lately, which makes this an even bigger leap in the right direction."
"Well, a lot of things come into perspective when you're out on a ship a couple hundred miles out to sea with four hundred men on a boat with a clear ocean to clear your mind and lot of time to think."
"What about flying? Don't you still want to be out there?"
"I think I went out there thinking that I could pick up where I left off, that everything would be the same as it was before I left flying. Things are different now. I still love flying, it will always be a part of me, but I'm not nineteen anymore. Being a fighter pilot was great while it lasted, but I think I'm going to stick to the court room for my adrenaline rush."
She smiles. "Good to hear. Besides, you still have Sarah. Maybe we could go out flying this weekend?" She asks.
I can see the hopeful look in her eyes and I can't help but to agree. "You trust me after the last time we went, when we were hunted down by poachers?"
She shrugs. "I can't say I didn't have an interesting weekend."
I laugh. "No, I suppose you can't." We stare at each other, both still smiling. "You know Mac, I think we're getting off on the right foot this time."
Mac reaches out and grabs my hand, giving it a squeeze. "I think we are too Harm, I think we are too."
By: Ashlee
Disclaimer: Don, I swear man, I'm beginning to think this is more to boost your ego than to keep me from getting sued, but I'll say it anyway. You own them, I don't, there's not much more to say.
Author's Note: Wowzers, I'm just on a roll! We'll It's 5am on Saturday April 6, 2002 and I'm sitting at work. I started this at about 4:30 am and once again this has been spell checked and beta read right now by me, so expect mistakes. Other than that, enjoy!!
Spoilers: 'The Return' and the 'Stranded in the forest and running from poachers' one
Feedback: I'm gunna love it, and hug it, and call it George smile Always appreciated!
Archive: Please ask. I want to know where my stuff if going, and maybe this way I can find another site to feed my fanfic addiction :)
Category/Keywords: Harm angst…very little though. H/M Friendship.
Timeline: About halfway through 'The Return' … you know when Harm returns from sea?
Summery: A scene from 'The Return' that, had Harm acted differently, could have changed the course of the whole show. This is that scene.
==
Two days back, two days, and I've already managed to put a damper on my fragile relationship with Mac. I shake my head and throw my pencil down hard on the desk and lean back. I cannot believe I did that. We were doing so well. Back to the way things were, the friendly banter, the flirting and, like the idiot I am, I had to go and put by big foot in my even bigger mouth.
I look at the ceiling and play the conversation of only a few minutes ago in my head. "The old Harm would have went for Berk's jugular." She said, sitting in the chair in front of my desk. I just went on the defensive, and then I did the worst thing, instead of taking her words as they were meant I took them as a dig at me. Instead of acting as though she were my friend I referred to her by rank, the ultimate insult at this point in trying to regain our friendship; the best way to push her away.
I look out my window toward the bull pen. I can't see her office now that mine is right next door, but I think I can hear something. I press my ear against the wall. Nothing. Then I hear it. Her cursing, no wait…I listen a little longer. It's her cursing me. I sigh. I guess I hurt her a lot. I stand a little straighter and open my door. I am not willing to loose a friendship that I missed so much while I was out at sea because of my pride, something that has been more of a barrier than anything else. I knock hesitantly at her door.
"Enter!" She barks. I almost back away, but I steel myself and open the door, the sorrow evident on my face.
"Mac," I say before she can yell at me. I hold up my hand to stop her from speaking. "First and foremost I'm sorry." I close the door behind me. "It's just…" I sigh. This wasn't going to be easy. "It's weird being back. I feel so out of my element. Like I've missed something, you know? Take the staff meeting. You all were laughing at some sort of joke and I felt like the odd man out. It's been so long, and there are so many new people that it's like I'm in some alternate universe."
I pause and look at her leaning against her desk, her dark eyes concentrating on what I'm saying. I take it as encouragement and I keep going. "I think part of the reason I didn't go after Berks' jugular, as you put it, was because I've been out of the court room and back in the field. Being in the court room it's easy to look at a CO and judge him, to put him on the spot, to not worry about bringing him down to the level. But when you're underway your CO is a leader, a man who wouldn't steer you wrong. He demands respect and you are to follow his orders because he knows what's best for his crew. Questioning his order means that you have to question his integrity, question his abilities, question all that he's done and what he stands for. It would mean wondering if his intentions where indeed in the best interest of his crew and if he was indeed competent. Having to wonder these things about a man who is going to lead you through the toughest of times is not exactly comforting. "
I pause again, looking at her and I see her nod at my last comment. I realize how animated I've been with my hands and I'm surprised she hasn't laughed at me. "I guess I find that hard to do after being underway and in a situation where good, strong leadership was necessary. I think what happened a couple of minutes ago was my moving on the defensive because I'm unsure of my court room abilities at this point, with being gone, and my reluctance to put down a CO, and not being able to see your words as constructive criticism instead of a dig at me." I sigh. "So, does this make any sense at all or am I just talking out my six again?"
She smiles at me, a brilliant smile that radiates through the room. "First of all, apology accepted. Second of all, while you might talk out of your six all too often, this does make sense. I suppose sitting here in a nice comfy office where your biggest fear is a paper cut and your orders consist of who you are going to defend, you forget how important a good, strong leader is. I know that it's hard to put him up there and tare him down Harm," she keeps her eyes on me and walks over to put a comforting hand on my arm, "but this is your job now. To keep the SecNav's son out of prison. That means you need to do what it takes, even if it means putting Berk on the stand. If he did indeed give an unlawful order the SecNav's son shouldn't have to suffer for that. There's a big difference between being a strong leader and setting someone up to be punished because you don't like their attitude."
She continues to look at me and, from her continued speech I suppose she can see the still unsure look on my face. "Look at the boy's records Harm. He has outstanding marks, and up until now he took orders without hesitation. Why would he suddenly disobey an order now? Don't you think there is some valid reason behind it?"
I look at her, and a smile crosses my face. "Still with your damned logic." She smiles back at me. "Good to know some things never change. I can always count on you to point me in the right direction."
I pull her into a hug. She looks a little shocked at first, but slowly puts her arms around me and gives me a slight squeeze. "Always, you can always count on me." She whispers softly, and I smile. She pulls back slowly, and then smiles wider than before. "And you can always count on me to get your six out of trouble, and seeing as your back here to reek havoc, I suppose I'll be doing that a lot."
My smile widens in response and I chuckle. "Well, I say if you're good at what you do, keep with it." I look at her seriously after a moment. "So are we good now Mac, no hard feelings?"
Mac smiles slightly. "We're good flyboy. You coming to me and talking meant a lot. I'm glad to see that you finally feel like you can talk to me. It's been hard between us lately, which makes this an even bigger leap in the right direction."
"Well, a lot of things come into perspective when you're out on a ship a couple hundred miles out to sea with four hundred men on a boat with a clear ocean to clear your mind and lot of time to think."
"What about flying? Don't you still want to be out there?"
"I think I went out there thinking that I could pick up where I left off, that everything would be the same as it was before I left flying. Things are different now. I still love flying, it will always be a part of me, but I'm not nineteen anymore. Being a fighter pilot was great while it lasted, but I think I'm going to stick to the court room for my adrenaline rush."
She smiles. "Good to hear. Besides, you still have Sarah. Maybe we could go out flying this weekend?" She asks.
I can see the hopeful look in her eyes and I can't help but to agree. "You trust me after the last time we went, when we were hunted down by poachers?"
She shrugs. "I can't say I didn't have an interesting weekend."
I laugh. "No, I suppose you can't." We stare at each other, both still smiling. "You know Mac, I think we're getting off on the right foot this time."
Mac reaches out and grabs my hand, giving it a squeeze. "I think we are too Harm, I think we are too."