1 Can You Ever Go Back?
RING!! RING!!
My phone starts ringing but with the hangover I've got, I think I'll let the machine get it.
"Lou, this is Vince! I'm just phoning to make sure you know to meet me at Titan at 9.00 am tomorrow? Louise? If you are there then pick up! ……… Ok, I suppose I'll phone later but if you get this message beforehand, then phone me! I'll be in the office all day! Ok, bye!"
The phone clicks and I groan. Why the hell did I say I would go back and work at Titan? The last thing I need is to see HIM! Him and the pretty little wife! I roll outta bed and into the bathroom. The reflection in the mirror scares the hell outta me till I realise that it is me! Mascara blackening my eyes and my cheeks, hair looking like Stephanie McMahons on a baaaaaad day, red lipstick stained lips – I could have given the Bride of Frankenstein a run for her money! I start laughing uncontrollably until suddenly a rumbling starts in my stomach and my mouth begins to water. I lunge for the toilet and I empty the contents of last nights partying into the bowl. I reach for the sink to pull myself up and in doing so I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror again. Good going, Lou, I tell myself, you are walking back into your ex-fiancé's life tomorrow and right now you look like a $2 hooker! Well done babe!
I crawl back to my bed and flop down.
Please, God, I think, I will go to Mass on a Sunday again, just make the room stop spinning? I'm waiting! Thanks a lot, God! I am never setting foot inside a church ever again!
I look at my watch – 8.45 am – good I'm 15 minutes early! That should give me time to find Vince's office. Walking through Titan is like walking through a maze. Believe me, I worked here for five years and still always got lost! I walk through the sliding doors and stop. Deep breaths, Lou! You can do this! You might not even see him! He could be with the Bitch! Yeah, right! Cause my lucks just that good! I don't think!
"Can I help you, miss?" enquires the receptionist. I turn around and face her. She gasps.
"Oh my god! It's you, Louise! When did you get back? Vince said you were coming back! But I didn't think you would after…well… you know." She pulled me into the tightest of hugs, nearly cutting off my air supply.
"Whoa! June! You're choking me here! It's good to see you to! I take it you missed me then?" I laugh. The office door opens and out walks Vince. June lets me go and I walk over to him and shake his hand.
"Good morning, Sir!"
"What's this Sir shit? Since when have you ever called me Sir?!"
"Yeah, well, circumstances have changed! Maybe we should just get down to work, yeah?" We walk into the office and sit down. In the two years I have been away, Vince has not redecorated his office! There was comfort in that thought. Maybe not everything had to change.
"So, what exactly will the job entail?"
"Same as before! You will be Head of the Creative Department! Other than me, you will have the final word on all storylines!"
"Ok, that's cool with me! But I thought Stephanie was the Head?"
"Well, she was! But as you have probably noticed the storylines have went downhill in your absence and in her reign! She realised it was more than she could handle and well, I didn't want anyone other than you to be the Head!"
"Couldn't find anyone else, you mean?" Vince starts to shake his head but I stop him. "I was kidding! Relax, Vince. But I'm not sure I can come back though. There's too many ghosts here. I don't think I'm ready to face him yet and I'm sure as hell not ready to face her!"
I get up from my seat and walk over to the large window in his office. He has got the most amazing view from it. You can see for miles. One of the perks of being the boss, I suppose. You get the best office. Vince gets up from his seat and walks over to me. He puts his arm around my shoulder and says, "You will have to face them sometime, why not now?"
"I'm not re – " I'm interrupted with a knock on the door and it opening.
"Dad, will you look at these numbers for me?"
I gasp as the man I've been dreading to see is standing before me. He's as sexy as he always was. 6 foot 2, 240 lbs of pure sex appeal. Two years have passed since we broke up and he could still make me go weak at the knees. I could kill him for that! He had no idea I was coming here today, the look in his face says it all. He looks like he has seen a ghost!
"Lou?! What the hell? How are you? What you doing here?" he asks, never actually being able to make eye contact. He doesn't know whether to come over and hug me or not. Good, cause he would get a punch for his trouble! I just stare at him and growl. Vince notices the tension and interrupts it.
"Well, Son, you are now looking at the new Head of the Creative Department!"
"Hold on a minute, Vince! I never agreed to anything! I just need some time to think! Is it ok if I get back to you?"
"Yeah, sure, babe! Just don't leave it too long!"
"Yeah, well, I gotta go! See you later!"
I grab at my bag and run down the corridor. June is yelling goodbye after me, but I don't turn round. I just need to get outta of this place! The tears are welling up and I need to go somewhere, to be alone and cry, someplace where no one will bother me. I jump into my car, shut the door and break down before I turn on the ignition. What the fuck is the matter with me? I'm such a stupid bitch! I thought I was over this! How can you let him break you like this? It just goes to show…….
A chap at the window interrupts me from my thoughts. I look up and Shane is standing at the window of my car. I wipe away my tears. The last thing I need is for him to see me crying. His sympathy is definitely something I don't need.
"Can we talk?" he pleads.
"Go away! I've nothing to say to you!" He opens the passenger side door and climbs in. I look at him, incredulously.
"Who the fuck invited you in? Get out!" I scream, face flushed in anger.
"Ok, you don't wanna talk? Good, that means you will have to listen to me!"
"Listen?! Listen to what? Listen to how much you're in love with the Bitch?! Thanks, but I think I'll pass, darling!"
"First of all, I want to talk about us, and second of all, she's not the Bitch! Her name's Marissa!"
"Like I give a shit! She will always be known as the Bitch to me! And you wanna talk about 'us'? There is no 'us'! You saw to that perfectly well!"
"Oh, and like it was all my fault? You didn't have a hand in our break up? You keep believing that, babe! Whatever makes you sleep at night!"
"Excuse me?! Did I hear right? Are you seriously saying that I broke us up? Baby, I wasn't the one who fucked the first piece of ass that came along! That was you, Shane! All you!
"The first piece of ass that came along? We were together for four years before I slept with Marissa so she was hardly the first piece of ass that was offered to me!"
"So, why her? You went for four years without cheating! What made you sleep with her? Your assistant for God sake! I swear to God, Shane, there's more of your father in you than you care to admit, you know that?"
"I was lonely! You were working constantly! You were never there and on the odd occasion you were, all you did was sleep! What the fuck do you expect me to do?"
I boil up at this remark.
"What do I expect you to do?!" I start hitting him. "If you were so fucking lonely, you could have bought a dog! You fucking piece of crap! You have had 2 years to come up with an excuse and that's the best you could do?!" I accentuate every word with a punch or a slap to his body. I don't care what part I hit, just as long as I connect somewhere.
"Lou! Lou! Louise! Would you quit it! Ow! Stop! Ow!" He grabs a hold of my arms, forcing me to stop. I break down crying and he takes me into his arms. I feel so safe and secure in his arms, the way I used to before whenever he hugged me. He puts one hand on the small of my back and the other at the back of my head, the way he used to all the time. He still has the same smell, the smell that used to make my stomach do flip-flops. It's his aftershave, Jean-Paul Gaultier, mixed in with his sweat. Wherever I go in the world, there will never be a smell better than that. I realise that I shouldn't be in his arms as that's not the best way to get over him, and I pull away. I know we have to talk, because if I'm going to take this job, Vince is not going to want tension between us so I try to clear the air.
"You wanna go get some coffee and talk?" I ask, staring out of the windscreen, hoping that he would say yes. I know that if I was going to take this job that Vince would not like tension between us so I had to do my best to clear the air.
"Erm..yeah sure. You remember the way to Molly's?"
"I think I can, Shane! It's not been that long you know!" I reply, my voice dripping with sarcasm.
The drive to the café was a quiet one. I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind, things to say to him, things I'd wanted to say for so long, things I know I would never have the guts to say.
We walk into the café and Shane heads for 'our' booth. It was the same booth that we sat at nearly every lunchtime for four years. I don't think that I could handle sitting there so I walk past it and into another little booth in the corner. Like a dutiful dog, Shane follows.
"Bad idea sitting there. Force of habit. Sorry."
"Don't apologise. There are just too many memories in that booth and I don't think it would make this process any easier."
"Yeah, sure."
"And what can I get you two today?"
I look up at the waitress and thank God that it's not Mary. Mary was the waitress who used to serve us all the time. She would see us holding hands in the booth, laughing and smiling, and she would say we were made for each other. She was wrong. I looked over at Shane and I could instinctively tell he was thinking of the same thing.
"Erm..I would like a cup of coffee, please?" I answer her question.
"And you, sir?"
"Erm…same, thanks."
"Any milk or sugar?"
"No milk, one sugar, thanks!" we reply in unison. We both chuckle softly as the waitress walks away, befuddled.
"Suppose something's never change?" Shane says
"Something's."
"Anyway, are you gonna take the job at Titan?" he enquires, changing the subject.
"I've not decided yet. I'm not too thrilled about running into you each day and I definitely don't want to see the Bitch any time soon!"
He looks up from his coffee and raises his eyebrow.
"Whoops! Sorry! Marissa! It's gonna take awhile for that name to sink in!"
He laughs quietly into his coffee.
"So how is the whore?"
"What?!" he splutters, choking on his coffee.
"You said I wasn't allowed to call her the Bitch, so I need to call her something!"
"How about Marissa?"
"Nah, too nice!"
We both start laughing. I look at him, wanting to ask the question I've wanted to ask for years.
"Are you happy?"
"What kind of question is that?!"
"It's a simple one. Are…you…happy?"
"Yeah, I am. I've got an excellent career, beautiful wife, I'm very successful – why wouldn't I be happy?"
Because you're not with me, I want to scream, the very same thing that makes me unhappy.
"Are you?"
The attention is now focused on me. I don't want to lie to him but what can I say? That I go out every night, get drunk, come home, cry myself to sleep, wake up the next day and do it all over again? Yeah, right! How desperate and sad would that look? That I want to kill myself because every relationship I've had in the past two years has been doomed from the very beginning because the guy could never compare to Shane?
"Yeah, I'm happy. I'm as happy as any single, unemployed girl could be!"
"Well, then take the job! At least that would solve the unemployed part and you never know you might find the man of your dreams at the WWF!"
I look at him and scoff.
"I already did!"
"Oh God, I'm sorry, Lou! I wasn't thinking!"
"That's your problem, Shane, you never think! And anyway, getting a guy isn't the problem, trusting them is! You fucked me up more than you can imagine, McMahon, and hooking up with a second-rate wrestler isn't gonna help that!"
I grab my bag and jacket and storm out the café. Shane comes running after me and grabs my arm.
"You best take your hand off of me or next time you will be pulling back a nub!"
"Fuck sake, Louise, when did you become such a bitch?"
"Around about the same time I caught my fiancé in MY bed, fucking his secretary – excuse me – assistant! It was then I decided to become a bitch and stop letting dicks like you walk the fuck over me!"
I yank back my arm, get in my car and slam the door. I turn the engine on and speed away. It was then I realised I gave Shane a lift to the café. Fuck him, I thought, I've had to make my own way for two years, he can start to make his now.
I slam the door to my house shut and storm into the kitchen. I take a bottle of vodka from the cupboard and unscrew the cap. I go to take a swig and then think better of it. I look at my reflection in the window. You can't do this anymore, Lou! You can' t drink your life away! You've drank the past two years away. Why should he win? Why should he see you drink yourself into the gutter? Take the job at Titan and show Shane McMahon that you don't need him! I can hear myself say this but all the time I know it's a crock of shit! I'm shaking like a leaf and I just want Shane to hold me the way he used to. But I need to do this! If not to show Shane, then to show Marissa! No one will be more shocked if I walk into work tomorrow than that bitch! I walk over to the telephone and I dial the number to Vince's office.
"Hello, Titan Towers! Vince McMahon's office! How can I help you?"
"Hey, June! It's Louise! Can I speak to Vince, please?"
"Sure, honey, I'll just patch you through!"
"Thank, June!"
"Hello? Vince speaking?"
"Hey, Vince! It's Louise!"
"Hey, Louise! What happened to you and Shane? I just ran into him in the corridor and he's not too happy! Mumbling about you being as unforgiving as you always were!"
"Don't worry about that! He will get over it! He's got bigger problems than me! He is married to the biggest bitch on this earth!" I could hear Vince chuckle on the other end. "I'm just calling to say that I accept the job!"
"Oh, I am glad to hear that! Well, you start at 9 am sharp tomorrow morning! Just go to the Main Reception and someone will take you to your old office!"
"Ok, thanks, Vince, for everything! I'll see you tomorrow!"
"Ok, bye honey!"
I replace the telephone and put it back on its holder. I lay back on the sofa and breathed a sigh of relief. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life! Oh shit!
I arrive early at Titan and I decide not to go to Reception. There's no point as I'm in my old office! I walk into elevator and press 4. The doors start to shut and someone yells at me to keep them open. I look up and it's Mark Calloway and Dwayne Johnson!
"Oh my god! Louise? You're back?" Dwayne asks as Mark sweeps me up in a hug and twirls me which is hard to do in the small elevator.
"Of course I'm back! Someone has to save you all from storyline hell!"
Mark puts me down and looks at me, trying to get my eyes.
"You seen Boy Wonder yet?"
"Yeah, I seen him yesterday! Had a major argument so I decided to take this job just to spite him and the Bitch! By the way, is she fat?"
Mark and Dwayne look at each other and laugh.
"Same old Lou!" Dwayne says and gives me a hug as the elevator pings at my floor.
"Y'know, you never answered my question! Is she fat?"
"You know Shane! If she was fat, would he be with her?"
"Right enough! See you later, guys! Wish me luck!" I say as I step out of the elevator!
"Luck!" they reply in unison.
I walk down the corridor and I could see someone was in my office. My office was at the end of the hall, room 404, best office on the floor! Well, I was the Head! I walk into the office and a woman in a black fur coat with long brown hair is standing with her back to the door.
"Good morning, Marissa!" I say cheerfully, intent on the fact that I'm not going to let her ruin my first day back.
"Don't 'Good Morning, Marissa' me, you little bitch! What the fuck are you doing back here?" she bit back.
"I'm back to do my job, Marissa, the same job I ran away from two years ago when you decided you wanted my man! I ran away then, Marissa, but this time I ain't going anywhere! So fucking get used to it!"
"I don't give a shit about the job! I just want you to stay away from Shane!"
"Why? Are you scared you might lose the credit cards? The bank balance? The spending sprees? Newsflash Marissa – I don't want Shane! Unlike you, I don't go for other women's men! And anyway, baby, why would I want damaged goods? That's your area! Now get the fuck outta my office before I have security throw your fat ass out!"
"You've not heard the last from me!"
"No, I doubt I have!"
With that, she turned on her heels and stormed out, probably going to look for Shane. Oh, who cares? I sunk into my swivel chair and put my head back. What a start to the day? If only Marissa knew how much I wanted Shane, she would have him locked away just so that I couldn't get at him! That's what bugged me with Shane! The fact that he married that Bitch 1 year after dating her when, after 4 years of dating me, he still hadn't set a date. The only thing she was after was his money, but me, I loved HIM. I swung my chair round so that it was facing the window. My mind started to flitter back to the times we had together, laughing and joking at things that would never have made sense to an outsider, only to us. I always thought I could never be happier than when I was with him, and I was right. Even though waking up in the mornings were terrible, knowing I would have to go through the day without him, going to sleep was worse because I knew I would wake up the next day and have to go through the same thing. The tears start welling up again and before I know it they are pouring down face.
"Good morning! And how is my new Head of Creative coming along?"
I rubbed at my eyes so that Vince wouldn't know I had been crying.
"Don't you knock?" I replied, hoping to waste time so I could dry my eyes before turning round.
"In my defense, the door was open!"
I spin round in my chair and put on my best fake smile.
"Ok, I'll let you off this time!"
"Have you been crying? Lou? What is it?" He walks around the desk, kneels down in front of me and takes my hands. The floodgates open. I break down crying, my shoulders bobbing up and down.
"I can't do it, Vince! I can't work here! I've been trying to put a brave face on it, I was more than willing to do that, and that little bitch came in, saying I've to stay away from Shane! But I can't! I love him, Vince! I've always loved him! But that bitch is using him for his name and his money! It's not fair! I should be with him! I love him! Me! Not her! What am I gonna do, Vince?!"
"First of all, you are gonna stop crying! I love my son, don't get me wrong, but he's not worth it! We have all tried to warn him about her but he doesn't listen. I'm just glad that he got her to sign the pre-nup before they got married! But, listen, you are going to have to tell him how you feel! If you don't, it's gonna tear you apart! And we can't have that! You need to speak to Shane!"
"Speak to me about what?"
Vince and I turned round and saw Shane standing in the doorway.
"How long have you been standing there?" I gasp, hoping to God that the horror isn't too apparent in my voice.
"I just walked up! Speak to me about what?"
Vince let go of my hands and stood up. "I better be going! Will you be okay?"
"Yeah, thanks, Vince!"
"Well, OK, then! Shane, remember we have that meeting at 11.30 this morning! Don't forget, OK? And, Lou, good luck for today!"
"Thanks, Vince! See you later!" I give him a little half wave, while Shane looks at me intently.
"Are you going to answer my question now?"
"And what question is that?" I reply, trying to stall for time.
"Dad says you have to speak to me! Speak to me about what?" his voice became more demanding.
"Oh, right! Your little wife! She came in here this morning, demanding to know why I'm here and claiming you as her territory! She made your position very clear! In fact, it couldn't be clearer if she came in and peed round you! I've to stay away from you! Which is fine with me, but what I don't need is her hassling me first thing in the morning! So will you see that it doesn't happen again?"
"Oh, God! I'm sorry about that! It won't happen again!"
"Sure it will! She has you wear she wants you! But anyway, was there a reason why you came all the way down from the 7th floor?"
"Erm.. yeah.. that's right! You wanna go for lunch today? We never got to sort things out and I really think we have to or this isn't gonna be a pleasant working environment!"
"Yeah, sure! But won't the Bitch mind?"
"What the Bitch, doesn't know won't hurt me!"
"You said Bitch!"
"What?! You think you're the only one to realise my wife's a Bitch?! Puh- lease! We all knew that!"
We both burst out laughing!
"OK, Shane! I need to get to work so I'll meet you downstairs at 12, ok?"
"See you there!" he called while walking down the corridor.
The morning came and went to fast! I had a ton of things to do! A lot, and I mean a LOT, of re-writing storylines and figuring out how to introduce new angles. By the time 12 came I was starving and ready to go! I grabbed my bag and coat and got in the lift for downstairs. On floor 2 the door opened and in walked Linda.
"Oh, hello, stranger! I've been meaning to come upstairs but I've been so busy! Anyways, how has your first day back been? I've missed you so much! It's so good to see you back! Where are you going now?
"Well, my first day has been pretty hectic! I've been doing a lot of re- writing and I had a run-in with Marissa this morning! Right now, I'm going for lunch with Shane, we need to clear the air!"
"What had Marissa have to say for herself? Or can I guess?"
"Lemme see, that I better stay away from Shane – he's hers! I told her I don't want him but she doesn't listen!"
"That's a shame! When Vince told me you were coming back, well, I was hoping that you two would maybe get back together again!"
"I doubt it, Linda! A lot of stuff has happened! But you never know!"
The door pinged open at the ground floor and we both got out. Shane was waiting for me in the lobby talking to Andrew Martin. He had a long trenchcoat on over his suit and my mouth couldn't help but smile! He always looked damn fine in a suit and coat! Then again he looked fine out of it too! Stop it, Lou! This is meant to be platonic! I kiss Linda goodbye and walk over to the men.
"Well, hello sexy! It's been far too long since we have had your curly little head around these parts! You back for good this time, babe?" Andrew asks, pulling me into a bear hug.
"Just try and get rid of me this time!"
"No, she's not going anywhere this time!" Shane says. I look at him and smile.
"You were mad to let her go the last time!" Drew replies, and I just blush.
"Don't I know it!" Shane commented. I pull away from Drew, give him a kiss on the cheek, and start to walk towards the door.
"C'mon, Shane! We better go! Drew, babe, I'll speak to you soon, ok?"
"Yeah! Hey, I know, let's all go for a drink tonight! A sort of welcome home party! I'll get everyone to go! You up for it?"
"Yeah, sure, Drew, I'm game! Shane?"
"Hell yeah! Try and stop me!"
"Cool, it's a date! Be at O'Malley's at eight and don't be late!"
"We won't!" I stare at Shane, surprised by his 'we' statement but decided not to say anything. It could have been a slip of the tongue.
We walk to the car park and I stop and say, "Who's car?"
"Mine! The lady deserves to ride in style!"
"Hey! I'm not Marissa! My clapped out banger does me fine!"
"I know it does! And that is something I'll love you for for the rest of my life!"
"Yeah, whatever! Now lets get in that care – its freezing out here!"
We get in the car and Shane puts the heater on!
"Now that's what I'm talking about! You see, as much as I love my car, and I do, the heater on it has all but broke! Its freezing when you get in it and that's including summer time! But now I'm back working at Titan, I'll be able to afford to either get it fixed or hell, splash out and get a new one!"
"Don't go mad now, though will you?" Shane laughs.
"Are you mocking me, Shaney? Have you forgotten that I can kick your ass?"
"Shaney? I've not heard that in ages!"
"Slip of the tongue, sorry!"
"No, don't! Don't say sorry! I've waited for so long to hear that again!"
He slows the down the car and pulls into a little one way street.
"What are you doing? Aren't we meant to be going for something to eat?"
"After. I mean later!"
"After or later what? What is this?"
Shane is staring at me the way he used to before. The way he used to that told me he was going to kiss me and it was going to be the best kiss ever. He takes my face in his hands and slowly puts his lips towards mine. His tongue brushes against my lips and I open my mouth. His tongue wanders in, exploring every part of my mouth with hunger and desire. I respond by touching his tongue with mine and bringing my hands upto the back of his head and neck. He then starts to kiss my cheek, he moves down to my neck and growls ever so softly which is enough to send me over the edge there and then. It becomes too much for me and the tears start trickling down my face. He pulls away and gives me one of his puppy dog looks.
"I'm sorry! I shouldn't have done that! You weren't ready!"
"That's not it! I've dreamed about this moment for the past two years! You and me together again! But the only thing is, we're not together! After this you will go home to her and I will be alone again! And I don't think I could handle that!"
"I don't have to go to her! Lou, I never wanted to be with her! It was always you I wanted! I had one, drunken one night stand, you caught me and left me! There never was any affair! You assumed there was!"
"So why did you marry her?"
"I kinda stumbled my way into it! I thought I loved her but really I was on the rebound! And then once we got married, her true colours came out! She turned into a money hungry bitch! I didn't want to get divorced cause I didn't want to be alone! I tried looking for you but I couldn't find you! I mean come on, Lou, do you seriously think that after 4 years with you and never setting a date that I would voluntarily marry her after 6 months?! Give me a break! She kinda brainwashed me into it! Anyways, I don't wanna waste time talking about her! I wanna know, Lou, will you take me back? I'm sorry for everything! For all the hurt I caused you! If I could take it back, I would! But I can't! All I'm asking for is a chance to redeem myself and I prom – "
"Shane, shut up! Yes, I will take you back! There was never a doubt in my mind! But I swear to God, if you cheat on me again, they will never find the body!"
"I promise I will never do that again! I love you Louise Kane!"
"I love you too, Shane McMahon!"
RING!! RING!!
My phone starts ringing but with the hangover I've got, I think I'll let the machine get it.
"Lou, this is Vince! I'm just phoning to make sure you know to meet me at Titan at 9.00 am tomorrow? Louise? If you are there then pick up! ……… Ok, I suppose I'll phone later but if you get this message beforehand, then phone me! I'll be in the office all day! Ok, bye!"
The phone clicks and I groan. Why the hell did I say I would go back and work at Titan? The last thing I need is to see HIM! Him and the pretty little wife! I roll outta bed and into the bathroom. The reflection in the mirror scares the hell outta me till I realise that it is me! Mascara blackening my eyes and my cheeks, hair looking like Stephanie McMahons on a baaaaaad day, red lipstick stained lips – I could have given the Bride of Frankenstein a run for her money! I start laughing uncontrollably until suddenly a rumbling starts in my stomach and my mouth begins to water. I lunge for the toilet and I empty the contents of last nights partying into the bowl. I reach for the sink to pull myself up and in doing so I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror again. Good going, Lou, I tell myself, you are walking back into your ex-fiancé's life tomorrow and right now you look like a $2 hooker! Well done babe!
I crawl back to my bed and flop down.
Please, God, I think, I will go to Mass on a Sunday again, just make the room stop spinning? I'm waiting! Thanks a lot, God! I am never setting foot inside a church ever again!
I look at my watch – 8.45 am – good I'm 15 minutes early! That should give me time to find Vince's office. Walking through Titan is like walking through a maze. Believe me, I worked here for five years and still always got lost! I walk through the sliding doors and stop. Deep breaths, Lou! You can do this! You might not even see him! He could be with the Bitch! Yeah, right! Cause my lucks just that good! I don't think!
"Can I help you, miss?" enquires the receptionist. I turn around and face her. She gasps.
"Oh my god! It's you, Louise! When did you get back? Vince said you were coming back! But I didn't think you would after…well… you know." She pulled me into the tightest of hugs, nearly cutting off my air supply.
"Whoa! June! You're choking me here! It's good to see you to! I take it you missed me then?" I laugh. The office door opens and out walks Vince. June lets me go and I walk over to him and shake his hand.
"Good morning, Sir!"
"What's this Sir shit? Since when have you ever called me Sir?!"
"Yeah, well, circumstances have changed! Maybe we should just get down to work, yeah?" We walk into the office and sit down. In the two years I have been away, Vince has not redecorated his office! There was comfort in that thought. Maybe not everything had to change.
"So, what exactly will the job entail?"
"Same as before! You will be Head of the Creative Department! Other than me, you will have the final word on all storylines!"
"Ok, that's cool with me! But I thought Stephanie was the Head?"
"Well, she was! But as you have probably noticed the storylines have went downhill in your absence and in her reign! She realised it was more than she could handle and well, I didn't want anyone other than you to be the Head!"
"Couldn't find anyone else, you mean?" Vince starts to shake his head but I stop him. "I was kidding! Relax, Vince. But I'm not sure I can come back though. There's too many ghosts here. I don't think I'm ready to face him yet and I'm sure as hell not ready to face her!"
I get up from my seat and walk over to the large window in his office. He has got the most amazing view from it. You can see for miles. One of the perks of being the boss, I suppose. You get the best office. Vince gets up from his seat and walks over to me. He puts his arm around my shoulder and says, "You will have to face them sometime, why not now?"
"I'm not re – " I'm interrupted with a knock on the door and it opening.
"Dad, will you look at these numbers for me?"
I gasp as the man I've been dreading to see is standing before me. He's as sexy as he always was. 6 foot 2, 240 lbs of pure sex appeal. Two years have passed since we broke up and he could still make me go weak at the knees. I could kill him for that! He had no idea I was coming here today, the look in his face says it all. He looks like he has seen a ghost!
"Lou?! What the hell? How are you? What you doing here?" he asks, never actually being able to make eye contact. He doesn't know whether to come over and hug me or not. Good, cause he would get a punch for his trouble! I just stare at him and growl. Vince notices the tension and interrupts it.
"Well, Son, you are now looking at the new Head of the Creative Department!"
"Hold on a minute, Vince! I never agreed to anything! I just need some time to think! Is it ok if I get back to you?"
"Yeah, sure, babe! Just don't leave it too long!"
"Yeah, well, I gotta go! See you later!"
I grab at my bag and run down the corridor. June is yelling goodbye after me, but I don't turn round. I just need to get outta of this place! The tears are welling up and I need to go somewhere, to be alone and cry, someplace where no one will bother me. I jump into my car, shut the door and break down before I turn on the ignition. What the fuck is the matter with me? I'm such a stupid bitch! I thought I was over this! How can you let him break you like this? It just goes to show…….
A chap at the window interrupts me from my thoughts. I look up and Shane is standing at the window of my car. I wipe away my tears. The last thing I need is for him to see me crying. His sympathy is definitely something I don't need.
"Can we talk?" he pleads.
"Go away! I've nothing to say to you!" He opens the passenger side door and climbs in. I look at him, incredulously.
"Who the fuck invited you in? Get out!" I scream, face flushed in anger.
"Ok, you don't wanna talk? Good, that means you will have to listen to me!"
"Listen?! Listen to what? Listen to how much you're in love with the Bitch?! Thanks, but I think I'll pass, darling!"
"First of all, I want to talk about us, and second of all, she's not the Bitch! Her name's Marissa!"
"Like I give a shit! She will always be known as the Bitch to me! And you wanna talk about 'us'? There is no 'us'! You saw to that perfectly well!"
"Oh, and like it was all my fault? You didn't have a hand in our break up? You keep believing that, babe! Whatever makes you sleep at night!"
"Excuse me?! Did I hear right? Are you seriously saying that I broke us up? Baby, I wasn't the one who fucked the first piece of ass that came along! That was you, Shane! All you!
"The first piece of ass that came along? We were together for four years before I slept with Marissa so she was hardly the first piece of ass that was offered to me!"
"So, why her? You went for four years without cheating! What made you sleep with her? Your assistant for God sake! I swear to God, Shane, there's more of your father in you than you care to admit, you know that?"
"I was lonely! You were working constantly! You were never there and on the odd occasion you were, all you did was sleep! What the fuck do you expect me to do?"
I boil up at this remark.
"What do I expect you to do?!" I start hitting him. "If you were so fucking lonely, you could have bought a dog! You fucking piece of crap! You have had 2 years to come up with an excuse and that's the best you could do?!" I accentuate every word with a punch or a slap to his body. I don't care what part I hit, just as long as I connect somewhere.
"Lou! Lou! Louise! Would you quit it! Ow! Stop! Ow!" He grabs a hold of my arms, forcing me to stop. I break down crying and he takes me into his arms. I feel so safe and secure in his arms, the way I used to before whenever he hugged me. He puts one hand on the small of my back and the other at the back of my head, the way he used to all the time. He still has the same smell, the smell that used to make my stomach do flip-flops. It's his aftershave, Jean-Paul Gaultier, mixed in with his sweat. Wherever I go in the world, there will never be a smell better than that. I realise that I shouldn't be in his arms as that's not the best way to get over him, and I pull away. I know we have to talk, because if I'm going to take this job, Vince is not going to want tension between us so I try to clear the air.
"You wanna go get some coffee and talk?" I ask, staring out of the windscreen, hoping that he would say yes. I know that if I was going to take this job that Vince would not like tension between us so I had to do my best to clear the air.
"Erm..yeah sure. You remember the way to Molly's?"
"I think I can, Shane! It's not been that long you know!" I reply, my voice dripping with sarcasm.
The drive to the café was a quiet one. I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind, things to say to him, things I'd wanted to say for so long, things I know I would never have the guts to say.
We walk into the café and Shane heads for 'our' booth. It was the same booth that we sat at nearly every lunchtime for four years. I don't think that I could handle sitting there so I walk past it and into another little booth in the corner. Like a dutiful dog, Shane follows.
"Bad idea sitting there. Force of habit. Sorry."
"Don't apologise. There are just too many memories in that booth and I don't think it would make this process any easier."
"Yeah, sure."
"And what can I get you two today?"
I look up at the waitress and thank God that it's not Mary. Mary was the waitress who used to serve us all the time. She would see us holding hands in the booth, laughing and smiling, and she would say we were made for each other. She was wrong. I looked over at Shane and I could instinctively tell he was thinking of the same thing.
"Erm..I would like a cup of coffee, please?" I answer her question.
"And you, sir?"
"Erm…same, thanks."
"Any milk or sugar?"
"No milk, one sugar, thanks!" we reply in unison. We both chuckle softly as the waitress walks away, befuddled.
"Suppose something's never change?" Shane says
"Something's."
"Anyway, are you gonna take the job at Titan?" he enquires, changing the subject.
"I've not decided yet. I'm not too thrilled about running into you each day and I definitely don't want to see the Bitch any time soon!"
He looks up from his coffee and raises his eyebrow.
"Whoops! Sorry! Marissa! It's gonna take awhile for that name to sink in!"
He laughs quietly into his coffee.
"So how is the whore?"
"What?!" he splutters, choking on his coffee.
"You said I wasn't allowed to call her the Bitch, so I need to call her something!"
"How about Marissa?"
"Nah, too nice!"
We both start laughing. I look at him, wanting to ask the question I've wanted to ask for years.
"Are you happy?"
"What kind of question is that?!"
"It's a simple one. Are…you…happy?"
"Yeah, I am. I've got an excellent career, beautiful wife, I'm very successful – why wouldn't I be happy?"
Because you're not with me, I want to scream, the very same thing that makes me unhappy.
"Are you?"
The attention is now focused on me. I don't want to lie to him but what can I say? That I go out every night, get drunk, come home, cry myself to sleep, wake up the next day and do it all over again? Yeah, right! How desperate and sad would that look? That I want to kill myself because every relationship I've had in the past two years has been doomed from the very beginning because the guy could never compare to Shane?
"Yeah, I'm happy. I'm as happy as any single, unemployed girl could be!"
"Well, then take the job! At least that would solve the unemployed part and you never know you might find the man of your dreams at the WWF!"
I look at him and scoff.
"I already did!"
"Oh God, I'm sorry, Lou! I wasn't thinking!"
"That's your problem, Shane, you never think! And anyway, getting a guy isn't the problem, trusting them is! You fucked me up more than you can imagine, McMahon, and hooking up with a second-rate wrestler isn't gonna help that!"
I grab my bag and jacket and storm out the café. Shane comes running after me and grabs my arm.
"You best take your hand off of me or next time you will be pulling back a nub!"
"Fuck sake, Louise, when did you become such a bitch?"
"Around about the same time I caught my fiancé in MY bed, fucking his secretary – excuse me – assistant! It was then I decided to become a bitch and stop letting dicks like you walk the fuck over me!"
I yank back my arm, get in my car and slam the door. I turn the engine on and speed away. It was then I realised I gave Shane a lift to the café. Fuck him, I thought, I've had to make my own way for two years, he can start to make his now.
I slam the door to my house shut and storm into the kitchen. I take a bottle of vodka from the cupboard and unscrew the cap. I go to take a swig and then think better of it. I look at my reflection in the window. You can't do this anymore, Lou! You can' t drink your life away! You've drank the past two years away. Why should he win? Why should he see you drink yourself into the gutter? Take the job at Titan and show Shane McMahon that you don't need him! I can hear myself say this but all the time I know it's a crock of shit! I'm shaking like a leaf and I just want Shane to hold me the way he used to. But I need to do this! If not to show Shane, then to show Marissa! No one will be more shocked if I walk into work tomorrow than that bitch! I walk over to the telephone and I dial the number to Vince's office.
"Hello, Titan Towers! Vince McMahon's office! How can I help you?"
"Hey, June! It's Louise! Can I speak to Vince, please?"
"Sure, honey, I'll just patch you through!"
"Thank, June!"
"Hello? Vince speaking?"
"Hey, Vince! It's Louise!"
"Hey, Louise! What happened to you and Shane? I just ran into him in the corridor and he's not too happy! Mumbling about you being as unforgiving as you always were!"
"Don't worry about that! He will get over it! He's got bigger problems than me! He is married to the biggest bitch on this earth!" I could hear Vince chuckle on the other end. "I'm just calling to say that I accept the job!"
"Oh, I am glad to hear that! Well, you start at 9 am sharp tomorrow morning! Just go to the Main Reception and someone will take you to your old office!"
"Ok, thanks, Vince, for everything! I'll see you tomorrow!"
"Ok, bye honey!"
I replace the telephone and put it back on its holder. I lay back on the sofa and breathed a sigh of relief. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life! Oh shit!
I arrive early at Titan and I decide not to go to Reception. There's no point as I'm in my old office! I walk into elevator and press 4. The doors start to shut and someone yells at me to keep them open. I look up and it's Mark Calloway and Dwayne Johnson!
"Oh my god! Louise? You're back?" Dwayne asks as Mark sweeps me up in a hug and twirls me which is hard to do in the small elevator.
"Of course I'm back! Someone has to save you all from storyline hell!"
Mark puts me down and looks at me, trying to get my eyes.
"You seen Boy Wonder yet?"
"Yeah, I seen him yesterday! Had a major argument so I decided to take this job just to spite him and the Bitch! By the way, is she fat?"
Mark and Dwayne look at each other and laugh.
"Same old Lou!" Dwayne says and gives me a hug as the elevator pings at my floor.
"Y'know, you never answered my question! Is she fat?"
"You know Shane! If she was fat, would he be with her?"
"Right enough! See you later, guys! Wish me luck!" I say as I step out of the elevator!
"Luck!" they reply in unison.
I walk down the corridor and I could see someone was in my office. My office was at the end of the hall, room 404, best office on the floor! Well, I was the Head! I walk into the office and a woman in a black fur coat with long brown hair is standing with her back to the door.
"Good morning, Marissa!" I say cheerfully, intent on the fact that I'm not going to let her ruin my first day back.
"Don't 'Good Morning, Marissa' me, you little bitch! What the fuck are you doing back here?" she bit back.
"I'm back to do my job, Marissa, the same job I ran away from two years ago when you decided you wanted my man! I ran away then, Marissa, but this time I ain't going anywhere! So fucking get used to it!"
"I don't give a shit about the job! I just want you to stay away from Shane!"
"Why? Are you scared you might lose the credit cards? The bank balance? The spending sprees? Newsflash Marissa – I don't want Shane! Unlike you, I don't go for other women's men! And anyway, baby, why would I want damaged goods? That's your area! Now get the fuck outta my office before I have security throw your fat ass out!"
"You've not heard the last from me!"
"No, I doubt I have!"
With that, she turned on her heels and stormed out, probably going to look for Shane. Oh, who cares? I sunk into my swivel chair and put my head back. What a start to the day? If only Marissa knew how much I wanted Shane, she would have him locked away just so that I couldn't get at him! That's what bugged me with Shane! The fact that he married that Bitch 1 year after dating her when, after 4 years of dating me, he still hadn't set a date. The only thing she was after was his money, but me, I loved HIM. I swung my chair round so that it was facing the window. My mind started to flitter back to the times we had together, laughing and joking at things that would never have made sense to an outsider, only to us. I always thought I could never be happier than when I was with him, and I was right. Even though waking up in the mornings were terrible, knowing I would have to go through the day without him, going to sleep was worse because I knew I would wake up the next day and have to go through the same thing. The tears start welling up again and before I know it they are pouring down face.
"Good morning! And how is my new Head of Creative coming along?"
I rubbed at my eyes so that Vince wouldn't know I had been crying.
"Don't you knock?" I replied, hoping to waste time so I could dry my eyes before turning round.
"In my defense, the door was open!"
I spin round in my chair and put on my best fake smile.
"Ok, I'll let you off this time!"
"Have you been crying? Lou? What is it?" He walks around the desk, kneels down in front of me and takes my hands. The floodgates open. I break down crying, my shoulders bobbing up and down.
"I can't do it, Vince! I can't work here! I've been trying to put a brave face on it, I was more than willing to do that, and that little bitch came in, saying I've to stay away from Shane! But I can't! I love him, Vince! I've always loved him! But that bitch is using him for his name and his money! It's not fair! I should be with him! I love him! Me! Not her! What am I gonna do, Vince?!"
"First of all, you are gonna stop crying! I love my son, don't get me wrong, but he's not worth it! We have all tried to warn him about her but he doesn't listen. I'm just glad that he got her to sign the pre-nup before they got married! But, listen, you are going to have to tell him how you feel! If you don't, it's gonna tear you apart! And we can't have that! You need to speak to Shane!"
"Speak to me about what?"
Vince and I turned round and saw Shane standing in the doorway.
"How long have you been standing there?" I gasp, hoping to God that the horror isn't too apparent in my voice.
"I just walked up! Speak to me about what?"
Vince let go of my hands and stood up. "I better be going! Will you be okay?"
"Yeah, thanks, Vince!"
"Well, OK, then! Shane, remember we have that meeting at 11.30 this morning! Don't forget, OK? And, Lou, good luck for today!"
"Thanks, Vince! See you later!" I give him a little half wave, while Shane looks at me intently.
"Are you going to answer my question now?"
"And what question is that?" I reply, trying to stall for time.
"Dad says you have to speak to me! Speak to me about what?" his voice became more demanding.
"Oh, right! Your little wife! She came in here this morning, demanding to know why I'm here and claiming you as her territory! She made your position very clear! In fact, it couldn't be clearer if she came in and peed round you! I've to stay away from you! Which is fine with me, but what I don't need is her hassling me first thing in the morning! So will you see that it doesn't happen again?"
"Oh, God! I'm sorry about that! It won't happen again!"
"Sure it will! She has you wear she wants you! But anyway, was there a reason why you came all the way down from the 7th floor?"
"Erm.. yeah.. that's right! You wanna go for lunch today? We never got to sort things out and I really think we have to or this isn't gonna be a pleasant working environment!"
"Yeah, sure! But won't the Bitch mind?"
"What the Bitch, doesn't know won't hurt me!"
"You said Bitch!"
"What?! You think you're the only one to realise my wife's a Bitch?! Puh- lease! We all knew that!"
We both burst out laughing!
"OK, Shane! I need to get to work so I'll meet you downstairs at 12, ok?"
"See you there!" he called while walking down the corridor.
The morning came and went to fast! I had a ton of things to do! A lot, and I mean a LOT, of re-writing storylines and figuring out how to introduce new angles. By the time 12 came I was starving and ready to go! I grabbed my bag and coat and got in the lift for downstairs. On floor 2 the door opened and in walked Linda.
"Oh, hello, stranger! I've been meaning to come upstairs but I've been so busy! Anyways, how has your first day back been? I've missed you so much! It's so good to see you back! Where are you going now?
"Well, my first day has been pretty hectic! I've been doing a lot of re- writing and I had a run-in with Marissa this morning! Right now, I'm going for lunch with Shane, we need to clear the air!"
"What had Marissa have to say for herself? Or can I guess?"
"Lemme see, that I better stay away from Shane – he's hers! I told her I don't want him but she doesn't listen!"
"That's a shame! When Vince told me you were coming back, well, I was hoping that you two would maybe get back together again!"
"I doubt it, Linda! A lot of stuff has happened! But you never know!"
The door pinged open at the ground floor and we both got out. Shane was waiting for me in the lobby talking to Andrew Martin. He had a long trenchcoat on over his suit and my mouth couldn't help but smile! He always looked damn fine in a suit and coat! Then again he looked fine out of it too! Stop it, Lou! This is meant to be platonic! I kiss Linda goodbye and walk over to the men.
"Well, hello sexy! It's been far too long since we have had your curly little head around these parts! You back for good this time, babe?" Andrew asks, pulling me into a bear hug.
"Just try and get rid of me this time!"
"No, she's not going anywhere this time!" Shane says. I look at him and smile.
"You were mad to let her go the last time!" Drew replies, and I just blush.
"Don't I know it!" Shane commented. I pull away from Drew, give him a kiss on the cheek, and start to walk towards the door.
"C'mon, Shane! We better go! Drew, babe, I'll speak to you soon, ok?"
"Yeah! Hey, I know, let's all go for a drink tonight! A sort of welcome home party! I'll get everyone to go! You up for it?"
"Yeah, sure, Drew, I'm game! Shane?"
"Hell yeah! Try and stop me!"
"Cool, it's a date! Be at O'Malley's at eight and don't be late!"
"We won't!" I stare at Shane, surprised by his 'we' statement but decided not to say anything. It could have been a slip of the tongue.
We walk to the car park and I stop and say, "Who's car?"
"Mine! The lady deserves to ride in style!"
"Hey! I'm not Marissa! My clapped out banger does me fine!"
"I know it does! And that is something I'll love you for for the rest of my life!"
"Yeah, whatever! Now lets get in that care – its freezing out here!"
We get in the car and Shane puts the heater on!
"Now that's what I'm talking about! You see, as much as I love my car, and I do, the heater on it has all but broke! Its freezing when you get in it and that's including summer time! But now I'm back working at Titan, I'll be able to afford to either get it fixed or hell, splash out and get a new one!"
"Don't go mad now, though will you?" Shane laughs.
"Are you mocking me, Shaney? Have you forgotten that I can kick your ass?"
"Shaney? I've not heard that in ages!"
"Slip of the tongue, sorry!"
"No, don't! Don't say sorry! I've waited for so long to hear that again!"
He slows the down the car and pulls into a little one way street.
"What are you doing? Aren't we meant to be going for something to eat?"
"After. I mean later!"
"After or later what? What is this?"
Shane is staring at me the way he used to before. The way he used to that told me he was going to kiss me and it was going to be the best kiss ever. He takes my face in his hands and slowly puts his lips towards mine. His tongue brushes against my lips and I open my mouth. His tongue wanders in, exploring every part of my mouth with hunger and desire. I respond by touching his tongue with mine and bringing my hands upto the back of his head and neck. He then starts to kiss my cheek, he moves down to my neck and growls ever so softly which is enough to send me over the edge there and then. It becomes too much for me and the tears start trickling down my face. He pulls away and gives me one of his puppy dog looks.
"I'm sorry! I shouldn't have done that! You weren't ready!"
"That's not it! I've dreamed about this moment for the past two years! You and me together again! But the only thing is, we're not together! After this you will go home to her and I will be alone again! And I don't think I could handle that!"
"I don't have to go to her! Lou, I never wanted to be with her! It was always you I wanted! I had one, drunken one night stand, you caught me and left me! There never was any affair! You assumed there was!"
"So why did you marry her?"
"I kinda stumbled my way into it! I thought I loved her but really I was on the rebound! And then once we got married, her true colours came out! She turned into a money hungry bitch! I didn't want to get divorced cause I didn't want to be alone! I tried looking for you but I couldn't find you! I mean come on, Lou, do you seriously think that after 4 years with you and never setting a date that I would voluntarily marry her after 6 months?! Give me a break! She kinda brainwashed me into it! Anyways, I don't wanna waste time talking about her! I wanna know, Lou, will you take me back? I'm sorry for everything! For all the hurt I caused you! If I could take it back, I would! But I can't! All I'm asking for is a chance to redeem myself and I prom – "
"Shane, shut up! Yes, I will take you back! There was never a doubt in my mind! But I swear to God, if you cheat on me again, they will never find the body!"
"I promise I will never do that again! I love you Louise Kane!"
"I love you too, Shane McMahon!"