Summary: Chloe manages to piss Susan off and turn her life upside down
once more. We have an old saying here in Italy that goes about "Not
everything that is wrong is bad for you after all", though. Some single
moms bonding ensues. Beware, angst is coming!
Rating: PG-13
Spoiler: This is completely spoiler-free! Last relevant episode is 'Brothers and sisters', from season 8.
A/N: Just few things you might wanna know:
I don't live in the US and haven't seen season 9 yet.
English isn't my first language. Go easy on me but feel free to point out any mistake! I'm also looking for a beta-reader so if you wanna step in just let me know!
I'm no doctor and I have no medical knowledge whatsoever. I tried to put a little medicine in this, though, so forgive my many mistakes.
Rewind and play it all over again.
By Elisa
Drin. Drin. Drin. Driiiin.
Oh God, who the hell might be ringing my doorbell at. I roll over and try to reach the alarm clock, managing to knock off a bottle of water that was on my nightstand and now splashes all over my bedroom floor in the process. The glowing, flashing numbers on the clock tell me it three-oh-fucking- twelve in the morning and someone is ringing my doorbell like a madman with his hand glued on it. I've worked the graveyard for, what, four nights in a row, I'm a zombie and now this. I eventually muster up the strength to drag myself out of my comfy, warm bed, sitting on the bed, shivering in cold, throwing my tempting blankets away only to put both my bare feet in the pool of chilly water I've just poured all over the floor. Great, just fucking great.
Drin. Drin. Drin. Driiiin.
Jesus Christ what's so urgent? Calm down, whoever you are. "I'm coming, I'm coming!"
I run to the door, shivering, following the trail of clothes I had left all over the apartment last night, while I was stripping off all the way to my bed, of which I had inviting images dancing in front of my eyes, too tired to pick them up. Naturally I manage to leave wet footstep everywhere. I am so gonna kill whoever I'll find on my doorstep.
"Susie?!?"
"Hi, auntie Susan!"
My niece, the always adorable Susie, is standing on my doorstep, her hands behind her back, shifting her weight from toe to toe, evidently nervous and somewhat apologetic.
"Hey, come on in Susie!" I say, putting my arm around her small back and gently pushing her inside.
"Oh my God, it's freezing out there!" I exclaim, noticing she's wearing just a pink t-shirt with bunnies on it I got her for her last birthday. She is holding a backpack too.
"Susie, I'm so happy to see you but what are you doing here, in the middle of the night?"
"Chloe brought me, auntie."
"And where is she?"
"She left, auntie, said she had to be somewhere else and I was gonna stay with you for a while."
"What? What about Joe, Susie?"
"He and Chloe had this incredibly huge fight after you were with us in New York and mom left him. I think he has another girlfriend, her name is Candy I think. Mommy has been acting so strange since then. We've been living in a motel for a few weeks in New York. That nice cop lady came check us out a couple of times too. Then Chloe said we were going pay you a visit, aunt Susan. I'm so happy to be here."
"I'm so happy you're here too. Here, put this on." I tell her, handing her an old sweater of mine, which is too short for me now but should fit Susie well enough. I shake my head, trying to take in what my niece is telling me and make some sense out of it. I'm glad Officer Yokas checked her out, 'cause I think Chloe is messing up again.
"Go put your things in my spare bedroom and put your PJs on, Susie, there's something I gotta do first. I'll be just a moment." I tell her patting her on the shoulder encouragingly.
I grab the receiver and look for Chloe's cell phone number on my phonebook. I dial it in frenzy. Tu-tu, tu-tu, tu-tu, tu-tu. Come on, Chloe, pick up this damn phone.
"Hello?"
"Chloe, it's me, Susan! Don't hang up, Chloe, don't!"
"Hey, Suz, I can't talk right now, I gotta go."
"No, no, no, don't hang up, Chloe, don't!"
"Suz, I really gotta go."
"Oh come on, Chloe! Why on earth did you drop your daughter on my doorstep at three A.M., huh?"
"Look, big Suz, I can't keep her right now."
"Bullshit, Chloe, you can't leave her!"
"I really can't keep her. I'll come back pick her up soon, though."
"How soon? When?"
"I don't know, Suz."
"You can't do this to Susie! You can't do this to me again, for Christ's sake!"
"Don't be mad at me, Suz, please."
"The hell I'm not! If you don't come back right now and pick her up I won't give her back to you again, Chloe, I swear it!"
"It's just for a short time, I promise Suz, I need some time to pull myself back together."
"I thought you did last time, Chloe!"
"I didn't, but I will this time, I swear it!"
"Yeah, right! How could I be so foolish to actually believe it, Chloe! Damn, I'm so naïve! I wanted to believe you could hold it together so much, I wanted it for the baby's sake! And you had Joe to help you out but you managed to screw that as well, am I right?"
"That son of a bitch cheated on me, did you know it?"
"Because he was sick to drag you in and out of rehab, that's why, Chloe!"
"Be careful, Suz, because your sounding more and more a lot like Cookie as you get older!"
"Yeah, that's the big difference between you and me, Chloe: I grew up, you didn't!"
"I'm glad if it is so. Give a big hug to Susie for me, will ya?"
"Chloe? Chloe, wait! Chloe? Damn it!"
My psycho sister has hung up on me. Wonderful. I just got landed with my niece again. Not that I don't like it, on the contrary I'm so happy to have her back again. I'm so sure Chloe is shooting up again, damn it. I should have expected it, though, I saw all the signs when they moved to S. Luis and then Joe told me. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
"Auntie Susie, are you ok?" Susie asks me, standing on the doorway of my bedroom.
She's wearing a pair of blue PJs I gave her as a Christmas present and holding a worn-out, old teddy bear she has had since she was a couple of months old, Mr. B, like she did when she was little and scared. She could never sleep without it, never. I remember as if it was yesterday when Chloe came to pick her up to bring her back to Phoenix and I couldn't find her Mr. B. anywhere and little Susie was crying and crying and crying. And I was crying too. I wish I had a Mr. B. to hold on to as well. I was alone, utterly and completely alone, though, so alone I had never felt before. Luckily I am not alone anymore.
"No, sweetheart, I'm ok. Are you hungry, do you want something to eat, or maybe something to drink or shall we just go back to bed?"
"I'm fine, auntie Susan. Can I sleep with you tonight, though?"
"Sure, come with me!" I say and we crawl under the warm, comfy blankets together, giggling like schoolgirls, except Susie is a little girl, while I am not.
As I am about to drift back to sleep I can hear her tossing and turning without peace. I turn to her, resting my hand on my bent arm over the pillow. "Are you ok, Susie?"
"Would you hold me, auntie Susie, please?"
"Sure, come closer."
I feel like I don't belong anywhere else when I feel her heart beating against my chest and her peach and cream flavored hairbrush up against my chin. When she speaks her voice echoes through the inside of my body, feeling weird and warm and fuzzy at the same time, which is the strangest feeling I've ever experienced in my whole life.
"Can you sing for me, auntie Susie, that song you sang when I was a little, that one it's in the music box you gave me a long time ago as Christmas present?"
"Blackbird, is that what you mean? Are you sure you really want me to sing, Susie, you know I'm so tuneless, right?"
"I love the way you sing, aunt Susan."
"Ok, I'll sing. Blackbirds singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly, all your life you were waiting for this moment to arrive, all your life you were waiting for this moment to arrive-"
"Ok, ok, that's enough, maybe you were right after all, auntie Susan. I didn't remember you so tuneless!"
"Oh, shut up, will you!" I cry, hitting her on the head with my pillow.
We're soon engaged in a fatal pillow fight. We fall back on the bed, laughing our heads off. She finally seems to calm down as she rest against my breast. I stroke her cheek and my finger gets wet. She is crying, softly and gut-wrenching sobbing.
"Hey, sweetheart, what's wrong?" I say, turning her so that she faces me.
She looks at me with her big, blue eyes. " Chloe is never coming back, aunt Susan, isn't she?"
This is so weird, Susie always calls her mom Chloe, just like Chloe called mom Cookie, while I called her mom. I think about lying to her for a minute, then remember something Mark told me once, something he picked from a patient, about kids knowing the truth, always, even if you lie. So I tell her the only answer I have.
"I don't know, Susie, I don't know."
She keeps looking at me and I know that, deep inside her heart, she knows the truth as well.
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"Susan, you're late."
A much dreaded, high-pitched voice reach my ears and I cringe and sigh.
"And a good nice morning to you too, Kerry."
Kerry is the first person I bump into as I enter the ER and she's already starting to chew me out and piss me off at the same time. Great. So much for my start of the day. I try to avoid her scolding, disappointed, judgmental, holier-than-thou stare as I speak, trying to sound really apologetic and sorry, although I know I'm not good at it.
"I know Kerry, and I told Dr. Kovac I was gonna be late. I told him I'd be here by 8:30."
"It's ten to nine, Susan." Kerry politely yet unperturbedly informs me.
I count to ten, and then I count to twenty, before opening my mouth. " And I'm sorry, Kerry. It means I'll stay twenty minutes longer after my shifts ends."
"Hey Susan," Luka breezes by, smiling at me.
I smile back, happy to see a friendly face.
"Look, Kerry, I forgot to tell you Susan had called to let us know she was half an hour late, sorry." Luka apologizes, digging into the charts rack.
"Don't worry, Luka, Susan and I were just clearing things up in this very moment. And it's not like I'm keeping tabs on anyone."
Yeah, right, the hell she is not. I turn my back on Kerry, wanting to get into the lounge and hide out there for my entire shift, barely resisting the urge to throttle her. The sad thing is, with both Mark and Doug gone, I'm the only one left to dislike Kerry. Ok, hate her is more like it. Luka and Carter actually like her and the rest of the staff seems to get along just fine. I take a step towards the lounge but Kerry holds me.
"Susan, for this time, I'll let it go, but don't make it happen again. What was so important to be almost an hour late?"
"It's really none of your business, but, if you really wanna know, Kerry, I had to take Susie to school and enroll her there."
"I didn't know you had your niece back with you, Susan, you should have told me, I could have helped you work out a better schedule." Kerry says, the first, slightest hint of kindness and maybe sympathy in her voice.
"I haven't until this morning. By the way, speaking of schedule, do you think I could go back to part-time, or cut back on my shifts, huh?"
"I'll se what I can do, ok?"
She crutches away and I enter the lounge. I open my locker and see all the pics of Susie I have taped on it. I smile, now I have Susie, in person, all to myself. I get changed and check the board.
"Hurgh, bleeding hemorrhoids! Great way to start!" I can't help complaining.
"It's the simple, boring routine cases that often turn out to be the most interesting ones." Kerry pointedly reminds me.
God, what did I do to deserve this, huh? Can anybody tell me?
"Wanna take it, then?" I retort.
"No, thanks Susan, go ahead."
Wish Doug was here, doing an imitation of Kerry, or better yet, I wish that Mark were here to laugh at it together and give me priceless parenting tips about Susie. I miss him so much. He was a great friend. I must have loved him at some point too. Maybe I still did when I left Phoenix because Chloe and Susie were moving to Phoenix. But he was married with kids, and a fatal cancer ready go off like a fucking bomb in his head. And now he's dead and now I'm alone.
I shake my head, knowing that if I don't shrug these sad thoughts off I'll burst into tears in the middle of the ER. I check the chart and head to my sorry destination.
A lot of simple boring routine patients that didn't turn out to be so interesting after I step into an elevator and hit the top floor button to take my lunch break. The elevator stops a few times on his way up and, on the surgical floor, Elizabeth Corday steps inside. She his twisting a lock of her beautiful curly, red hair, which I envy her so much, in a quite nervous way and look extremely tired.
"Good morning Susan" she greets me with a smile that doesn't quite reach to her eyes.
"Hey, Elizabeth, you pulling a double? Forgive my saying this, but you look like crap, I'm sorry."
"Don't be, I do look like a bloody lorry ran over me, went into rear and ran over me a second time."
I can't help laughing, she has this funny British sense of humor, although I have never could stand the way she pronounced her husband's name, will I have ever get used to thinking of Mark as her husband?, 'Mahk'. Without the r. It was so weird, he was her husband, for Christ's sake, and she couldn't even get his name right!
"I bet Romano he's driving you crazy as usual."
"Although he has a special gift for that, Robert isn't the source of my problems for once. It's just that I was up all night because Ella has a fever and didn't sleep but forty-five minutes or so."
"Oh, yeah, I can relate. I didn't sleep that well tonight as well. My sister Chloe had this wonderful idea of showing up on my doorstep at three o' clock in the morning and dropping his daughter off disappearing into thin air right after that. What a night!"
"Mark mentioned you had a niece. What is her name, Sally or Sandy?"
"Susie, Chloe named her after me. So, how's little Ella now?"
"Not bad, she still has a fever, though, and daycare won't take her."
"No fevers, no infections, I still remember that."
"Yeah, and I'm covering for Edson tonight, I owe that weasel, he took lots of my shifts when I was in Hawaii when." she trailed off and looked lost for a second "Anyway, the babysitter won't stay after eight and I'm stuck here so she's gonna drop her off here at the hospital. What am I gonna do? Let her in the lounge with Malik to look after her?"
"Malik's great, he had four sisters, you know. I've got a better idea, though. I am off at eight, eight thirty at maximum, if Kerry wants to make me make up for my tardiness from earlier today. I can take her home with Susie and me when the babysitter brings her to the hospital. If you're ok with it, that is."
"Really?" she asks me, surprise and relief evident in her face "I mean, would you do this for me?"
"Sure, no problem. I'm good at babysitting, I used to do that a lot when Susie was little." I smile "And I'd do it for free."
"Thank you Susan, thank you so much." Elizabeth tells me as we get off the elevator and get out on the roof.
It's a wonderful day, and the sun is warm. We sit on two deckchair someone brought up here, probably some folks from Recovery, they have way too much time in their hands up there, and sit down on them, sunbathing.
"I'm off at ten, so I can be at your place at ten thirty at the most. You live in that old apartment Mark used to live in, the one whose lease he took over when you moved away, right? That one with mice scurrying up inside the walls?"
"Yeah" I laugh "I can hear them at night when there's silence in the house and the neighbors aren't screaming their heads off."
"That Latino couple who fights all day long still lives there?"
"Oh, yeah, they do, and so does that little old lady who's deaf and watches TV at a terribly high volume."
"Mrs. O' Rourke, right? She used to give me such devils looks when I sneaked out of Mark's apartment at six A. M. to get to work. She was so outraged me and Mark lived together even if we were not married!"
"She still has that bit of paper taped on the door, that one that say ' Salesmen and Witnesses of Jehovah don't ring the bell. Those who live in sin die in sin, those who don't, don't '."
"So, how long is your niece, Susie, going to stay with you, Susan?"
"I don't know, as long as Chloe doesn't show up and claim her back. I won't let her do it, not this time, though. I'll wait for three months, claim abandonment, go to the judge, have him terminate her parental rights and adopt little Susie. I will."
"I can give you the name of this extraordinary lawyer, then, he specializes in custody lawsuits; Mark had hired him when his ex-wife had sued him for full custody of Rachel, but then he and Jen had worked things out on their own. I heard he's great, though, he won Peter's lawsuit against Reese's mother, Carla, and against her husband, Roger."
"Thanks, I'm sure no judge in his right mind will fight my adoption after what Chloe has done, again, though."
Our pagers simultaneously go off.
I check mine. "It's the ER."
"They want me too."
"There's probably a mass casualty coming in."
"Let's go downstairs."
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I sigh and look at my watch. Thank God, it's ten to eight and my shift is almost over. Then I see Kerry crutching her way to me. Here she comes, my worst nightmare, ready to piss me off or torment me once more. "Susan!" she calls out.
"Yes, Kerry?" I say, pasting a fake smile on my face.
"Don't look at me that way, Susan, I just wanna tell you I talked to Romano and he agreed to put you on a part-time working hours. Just six hours shifts, eight to two and eight to midnight. You'll have to take more administrative duties, though, I'm really swamped. I'm so behind with my paperwork and I need you to fill for me at a couple of hospital meetings. Romano's precise words were 'Maybe she just had an epiphany and understood that she couldn't spend so much time in that circus that is the ER.' Cute, don't you think?"
"Very Romano-like. That's wonderful, thanks, Kerry. It's more than fine with me to help you carry your administrative duties as long as I can take the paperwork home."
"Sure, no problem."
In this very moment a black girl shows up and approaches Randi, asking for Dr. Corday. I walk up to her.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Lewis and I'm a colleague of Dr. Corday's. She asked me to look after Ella." I say and I pick that beautiful little girl up. She's so pretty and actually reminds me of Mark. Same eyes, nose and mouth, even the same chin and shape of the face. She took after him so much more than Rachel. She has her mom's fiery red hair, though. And the same strong character, judging from the look of things. She's crying at the top of her lungs.
"Hey, hey, it's ok, it's ok. Shush, come on, stop crying. Good girl, right, you're such a good girl. My name's Susan and I am a friend of your mommy."
Elizabeth comes up, her face all lit up. She takes Ella from me and brushes her nose against her daughter's. "Hey, pumpkin, how are you doing, huh? Thanks Cheryl, see you tomorrow." Elizabeth says to the babysitter, who walks away.
"You already met, Susan, pumpkin? She'll take care for you tonight, so be a good girl and don't make mummy feel ashamed, ok?"
Ella looks at her carefully, as if she actually understands every word, which she probably is. She looks like a very bright little girl.
She gives her back to me. "Thanks Susan, see you later."
"Don't worry, we'll be fine. Hey, Ella you ready to come home with me? We just have to wait for Susie. She's my niece, you're gonna like her, I'm sure."
I spot my dad, holding Susie's hand, coming into the ER. I wave to them and gently twist Ella's tiny hand in a hello-like gesture.
"Hi dad, thanks for picking Susie up from school. I'll start working part- time form next Tuesday, so I'll be able to do it myself."
"Don't worry, Susan, I was happy to do it." He says and kisses me on the check. "We had a great time Susie, didn't we?"
"Yup, grandpa. Too bad grandma wasn't there."
I look at Dad questioningly and he says "Cookie was visiting a friend."
Mom has this annoying habit of never being there when you need her. You just get use to it after a little while. We have this huge commitment and parenting problem in my family, it runs in the blood. Think about Chloe.
"Thanks again." I say as I bend down and kiss my niece. Her peach and cream scent makes me feel good inside. "So how was your first day of school, Susie? Everything went ok?"
"Ah, ah, the teachers seem great, my classmates are ok, I guess. They say I have a funny accent, though. Do you think I have a funny accent, auntie Susan?"
"Not at all. Susie, meet Ella, Ella meet Susie."
"She's so cute auntie Susan! Who is she? Can I hold her, please?"
"She's Mark's daughter. Remember him?"
"Yeah, can I hold her?"
"Both hands, Susie, and hold her really tight."
"Hi cute pie, hi! I'm Susie, you wanna play with me?"
"Watch her, Susie, and don't make her fall, pay attention, she's not a toy. I'll go take my stuff in the lounge and then we can go home. Ella's coming with us."
"Wow!"
I take my stuff and put on my coat and walk out of the ER, holding Ella in my arm and Susie's hand in my free hand. Great, it's pouring down, big drops of rain already soaking my coat. Where did that wonderful sun from earlier go?
"Susie, get back inside!"
"Dr. Lewis, need me to lend you this?" Randi asks smiling, holding out a big umbrella that will easily cover the three of us. I thank her and get out again.
"Stay close to me, Susie." I say as I open the umbrella and we quickly walk to my car. I put Ella in the back seat with Susie and order her to hold Ella tight since I don't have a child's chair in my car.
The ride home is quick. We go up to my apartment and sit down in the kitchen. I make some cocoa for Susie while I check Ella's temperature and give her some baby Tylenol. Susie then reads some storybook to Ella as the three of us sit on this wonderful, comfy sofa I dragged here all the way from Phoenix. It was worth it, though. The doorbell rings and I run to get it.
It couldn't be more than a few degrees, well Celsius anyway, Elizabeth doesn't have a clue what it is in Fahrenheit. Why does Americans have to use such a strange scale? Why not start at zero like everybody else does? Well it doesn't really matters, Celsius or Fahrenheit, it is bloody cold and the rain isn't helping either. This is what I think Elizabeth is thinking, standing in my doorway, massaging her hands trying to warming them up, smiling friendly with her nose red from cold.
"Come on in, Elizabeth, I don't want to bring you to the ER for frostbites!"
"Yeah, Susan, it's so cold I think it should be snowing, not raining cats and dogs!" Elizabeth exclaims as she strip off her soaked coat and drops of rain fall all over my entrance floor.
"I'm so sorry about this, Susan, if you give me a rag I'll dry it up!"
"Hey, don't worry."
"Oh, hey pumpkin, have you been a good girl for Susan, huh?" Elizabeth says, picking up Ella and making her fly over her head. Ella giggles with pleasure.
"She was an angel, and Susie had so much fun playing big sister to her. Elizabeth, would you like some hot cocoa? I've just made some for Susie and there's some left."
"Thanks, I'd love it, Susan. After that, Ella and me are gonna leave you two alone. You've done enough already today."
"Don't mention it, Elizabeth, I know how crazy a single mom life can get. You kept me really busy, Susie, even if you don't remember it!"
"It wasn't my fault, auntie Susan! It was Chloe's!"
"I know, there's no need to get all worked up, Susie." I say as I plant a kiss on the top of her head and give Elizabeth her mug of cocoa "Watch it, its' really hot!"
We all stay silent for a few moments and I walk up to the window, shift the curtain and look down on the street beneath, which looks more like a river than a road. I don't feel comfortable about letting Elizabeth ride home in such terrible weather, roads look actually dangerous.
"Elizabeth, it looks like hell and high water out there and I don't think you should drive home in such weather. Why don't you just sleep here for tonight? Susie could sleep with me and you could take my spare bedroom."
"Actually I wasn't very happy to go out in this terrible rain myself. Thanks, Susan, you're being a great friend to me. Mark always told me you were, I can understand now why he had such outstanding telephone bills."
"It's nothing, Elizabeth, really, I'll go change the sheets in Susie's bed."
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"No, Chloe, no!"
I wake up with a start and realize with relief that I haven't really screamed, I was just dreaming. The worst nightmare I've had in a long time, to tell the truth. I wipe drops of cold sweat from my forehead and I immediately calm down as I watch little Susie sleep peacefully. My heart is still beating like a drum against my chest, though, so I silently get up and walk into the kitchen to drink a glass of milk, hoping this would calm my shaky nerves.
Elizabeth is already there, rocking Ella in an attempt to make her sleep.
"I'm so sorry, we didn't mean to wake you up, Susan, but Ella's fever is back and she was screaming and-"
"Don't worry, you didn't Elizabeth. I just had a bad dream, that's all. Want some milk?" I ask her, opening the fridge.
"No, thanks. What was the dream about?"
"My sister, Chloe, came back and took Susie away from me again. It felt so real."
"You love Susie so much.Are you planning to adopt her for sure?"
"You bet I will. I can't wait the three required months to be over. Chloe abandoned her again and that's the best thing that ever happened to her. Don't get me wrong, I love my sister but she's barely capable to take care of herself, let alone of a kid. She's so screwed up."
"Yeah, Mark told me so."
We both stay silent, the heavy silence filling the room full of sad memories of Mark. Elizabeth look down on her hands and I know that, even if I can't see her eyes, she's desperately fighting tears back. I walk up to her and put my hand on her shoulder comfortingly, or so I hope.
" I miss him so much, Susan." she finally lets out, her voice shaky with tears.
"I miss him so much as well, still he would have want us to go on, you're a strong woman, Elizabeth."
"I don't know if I can make it alone, Susan."
"Hey," I say, raising up her chin, so that she looks into my eyes "You're not alone, girl, I'm here if you need me, you know."
"Thanks." Elizabeth simply replies and Ella starts to cry, breaking up this precious yet somewhat awkward moment. Elizabeth rocks her, to no avail.
"Why don't we try a bit of music, huh? It always worked wonders with Susie." I say and I put on a CD in my CD player. The notes of Blackbird softly fill the air and Ella stops crying.
"Hey it does work!"
"I'll put it on tape for you, ok?"
We fall silent again and smile happily. The loud ringing of my phone startles us. I pick it up quickly, not wanting it to wake up Susie and the baby, who has just fallen asleep.
"Hello? Susan Lewis speaking."
"This is Officer Faith Yokas, from NYC, you remember me Dr. Lewis? Sorry to bother you so late but I just got off shift"
"Yeah, of course I remember you, Faith." I say as I check my watch: it's a little after midnight.
"I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you, Dr. Lewis. I'm so sorry to be the one to break this down to you, Dr. Lewis, but as we were finishing our shift, me and my partner, Officer Boscorelli, found a corpse in a alley downtown Manhattan. We recognized it as your sister Chloe but we need you to come here to New York for a formal identification. I'm sorry, Dr. Lewis."
"Oh my God!" I say, stifling a cry, bringing a hand to my mouth. I can feel tears forming into my eyes and I sense Elizabeth's concerned stare on me. I finally shake myself and manage to ask "How did it happen?"
"She apparently ODed, we found a syringe next to her body, we need the medical examiner's confirmation, though. They'll wait for the autopsy until you're here, Dr. Lewis."
"I see, I'll catch the first flight in the morning." I say flatly. I feel like this isn't happening for real, like I'm watching this all from the outside.
"Let me know when you get here, I'll come pick you up at La Guardia."
"Thanks Officer Yokas, see you tomorrow." I hang up, unable to neither speak nor move. I just stare blankly at the phone, whishing this is all another bad dream I can't wake up from.
Elizabeth approaches me and shakes me gently. "What's wrong, Susan?"
"It was a cop from new York, calling to tell me they found Chloe, dead. She apparently ODed."
"Oh my God!" Elizabeth exclaims and hugs me. I burst into tears and sob into her arms.
"I gotta go there to identify her body, tomorrow." I manage to say between sobs.
"I'll come with you." Elizabeth says resolutely.
"How about Ella?"
"I can leave her with a neighbor. You can't do this alone, Susan and I'll go with you. End of discussion."
"I'll drop Susie off at my parents', first thing in the morning. Oh my God, how am I gonna tell her?"
Elizabeth has no answer but hugs me more tightly. It feels good to have someone to lean on. "I went there when Mark died. I've thought about it so much but I still haven't figured out what to tell Ella when she is old enough to understand."
"Thanks Elizabeth."
She doesn't reply but keeps on hugging me and I rest my head on her shoulder. Something good will come out of this pain, though. Susie will stay with me now. At what cost, I wonder. I'll miss Chloe, so much. She was the funniest, cleverest big sister ever. Why did you end up like this, Chloe? What went wrong, huh? She will never answer my questions, though. And I'm so sad and guilty, because I was mad at her last time I spoke to her. Why did you do this to me, Chloe? Blackbird still plays in the background as I cry all my tears, more than I could ever think I had.
Fine
A/N: So, what did you think of this? Please let me know! It's sad, I know, but I was in the mood for some good ol' angst, that's all. Susan is slowly growing on me, she's become my favorite character. Expect more Susan stories.
Rating: PG-13
Spoiler: This is completely spoiler-free! Last relevant episode is 'Brothers and sisters', from season 8.
A/N: Just few things you might wanna know:
I don't live in the US and haven't seen season 9 yet.
English isn't my first language. Go easy on me but feel free to point out any mistake! I'm also looking for a beta-reader so if you wanna step in just let me know!
I'm no doctor and I have no medical knowledge whatsoever. I tried to put a little medicine in this, though, so forgive my many mistakes.
Rewind and play it all over again.
By Elisa
Drin. Drin. Drin. Driiiin.
Oh God, who the hell might be ringing my doorbell at. I roll over and try to reach the alarm clock, managing to knock off a bottle of water that was on my nightstand and now splashes all over my bedroom floor in the process. The glowing, flashing numbers on the clock tell me it three-oh-fucking- twelve in the morning and someone is ringing my doorbell like a madman with his hand glued on it. I've worked the graveyard for, what, four nights in a row, I'm a zombie and now this. I eventually muster up the strength to drag myself out of my comfy, warm bed, sitting on the bed, shivering in cold, throwing my tempting blankets away only to put both my bare feet in the pool of chilly water I've just poured all over the floor. Great, just fucking great.
Drin. Drin. Drin. Driiiin.
Jesus Christ what's so urgent? Calm down, whoever you are. "I'm coming, I'm coming!"
I run to the door, shivering, following the trail of clothes I had left all over the apartment last night, while I was stripping off all the way to my bed, of which I had inviting images dancing in front of my eyes, too tired to pick them up. Naturally I manage to leave wet footstep everywhere. I am so gonna kill whoever I'll find on my doorstep.
"Susie?!?"
"Hi, auntie Susan!"
My niece, the always adorable Susie, is standing on my doorstep, her hands behind her back, shifting her weight from toe to toe, evidently nervous and somewhat apologetic.
"Hey, come on in Susie!" I say, putting my arm around her small back and gently pushing her inside.
"Oh my God, it's freezing out there!" I exclaim, noticing she's wearing just a pink t-shirt with bunnies on it I got her for her last birthday. She is holding a backpack too.
"Susie, I'm so happy to see you but what are you doing here, in the middle of the night?"
"Chloe brought me, auntie."
"And where is she?"
"She left, auntie, said she had to be somewhere else and I was gonna stay with you for a while."
"What? What about Joe, Susie?"
"He and Chloe had this incredibly huge fight after you were with us in New York and mom left him. I think he has another girlfriend, her name is Candy I think. Mommy has been acting so strange since then. We've been living in a motel for a few weeks in New York. That nice cop lady came check us out a couple of times too. Then Chloe said we were going pay you a visit, aunt Susan. I'm so happy to be here."
"I'm so happy you're here too. Here, put this on." I tell her, handing her an old sweater of mine, which is too short for me now but should fit Susie well enough. I shake my head, trying to take in what my niece is telling me and make some sense out of it. I'm glad Officer Yokas checked her out, 'cause I think Chloe is messing up again.
"Go put your things in my spare bedroom and put your PJs on, Susie, there's something I gotta do first. I'll be just a moment." I tell her patting her on the shoulder encouragingly.
I grab the receiver and look for Chloe's cell phone number on my phonebook. I dial it in frenzy. Tu-tu, tu-tu, tu-tu, tu-tu. Come on, Chloe, pick up this damn phone.
"Hello?"
"Chloe, it's me, Susan! Don't hang up, Chloe, don't!"
"Hey, Suz, I can't talk right now, I gotta go."
"No, no, no, don't hang up, Chloe, don't!"
"Suz, I really gotta go."
"Oh come on, Chloe! Why on earth did you drop your daughter on my doorstep at three A.M., huh?"
"Look, big Suz, I can't keep her right now."
"Bullshit, Chloe, you can't leave her!"
"I really can't keep her. I'll come back pick her up soon, though."
"How soon? When?"
"I don't know, Suz."
"You can't do this to Susie! You can't do this to me again, for Christ's sake!"
"Don't be mad at me, Suz, please."
"The hell I'm not! If you don't come back right now and pick her up I won't give her back to you again, Chloe, I swear it!"
"It's just for a short time, I promise Suz, I need some time to pull myself back together."
"I thought you did last time, Chloe!"
"I didn't, but I will this time, I swear it!"
"Yeah, right! How could I be so foolish to actually believe it, Chloe! Damn, I'm so naïve! I wanted to believe you could hold it together so much, I wanted it for the baby's sake! And you had Joe to help you out but you managed to screw that as well, am I right?"
"That son of a bitch cheated on me, did you know it?"
"Because he was sick to drag you in and out of rehab, that's why, Chloe!"
"Be careful, Suz, because your sounding more and more a lot like Cookie as you get older!"
"Yeah, that's the big difference between you and me, Chloe: I grew up, you didn't!"
"I'm glad if it is so. Give a big hug to Susie for me, will ya?"
"Chloe? Chloe, wait! Chloe? Damn it!"
My psycho sister has hung up on me. Wonderful. I just got landed with my niece again. Not that I don't like it, on the contrary I'm so happy to have her back again. I'm so sure Chloe is shooting up again, damn it. I should have expected it, though, I saw all the signs when they moved to S. Luis and then Joe told me. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
"Auntie Susie, are you ok?" Susie asks me, standing on the doorway of my bedroom.
She's wearing a pair of blue PJs I gave her as a Christmas present and holding a worn-out, old teddy bear she has had since she was a couple of months old, Mr. B, like she did when she was little and scared. She could never sleep without it, never. I remember as if it was yesterday when Chloe came to pick her up to bring her back to Phoenix and I couldn't find her Mr. B. anywhere and little Susie was crying and crying and crying. And I was crying too. I wish I had a Mr. B. to hold on to as well. I was alone, utterly and completely alone, though, so alone I had never felt before. Luckily I am not alone anymore.
"No, sweetheart, I'm ok. Are you hungry, do you want something to eat, or maybe something to drink or shall we just go back to bed?"
"I'm fine, auntie Susan. Can I sleep with you tonight, though?"
"Sure, come with me!" I say and we crawl under the warm, comfy blankets together, giggling like schoolgirls, except Susie is a little girl, while I am not.
As I am about to drift back to sleep I can hear her tossing and turning without peace. I turn to her, resting my hand on my bent arm over the pillow. "Are you ok, Susie?"
"Would you hold me, auntie Susie, please?"
"Sure, come closer."
I feel like I don't belong anywhere else when I feel her heart beating against my chest and her peach and cream flavored hairbrush up against my chin. When she speaks her voice echoes through the inside of my body, feeling weird and warm and fuzzy at the same time, which is the strangest feeling I've ever experienced in my whole life.
"Can you sing for me, auntie Susie, that song you sang when I was a little, that one it's in the music box you gave me a long time ago as Christmas present?"
"Blackbird, is that what you mean? Are you sure you really want me to sing, Susie, you know I'm so tuneless, right?"
"I love the way you sing, aunt Susan."
"Ok, I'll sing. Blackbirds singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly, all your life you were waiting for this moment to arrive, all your life you were waiting for this moment to arrive-"
"Ok, ok, that's enough, maybe you were right after all, auntie Susan. I didn't remember you so tuneless!"
"Oh, shut up, will you!" I cry, hitting her on the head with my pillow.
We're soon engaged in a fatal pillow fight. We fall back on the bed, laughing our heads off. She finally seems to calm down as she rest against my breast. I stroke her cheek and my finger gets wet. She is crying, softly and gut-wrenching sobbing.
"Hey, sweetheart, what's wrong?" I say, turning her so that she faces me.
She looks at me with her big, blue eyes. " Chloe is never coming back, aunt Susan, isn't she?"
This is so weird, Susie always calls her mom Chloe, just like Chloe called mom Cookie, while I called her mom. I think about lying to her for a minute, then remember something Mark told me once, something he picked from a patient, about kids knowing the truth, always, even if you lie. So I tell her the only answer I have.
"I don't know, Susie, I don't know."
She keeps looking at me and I know that, deep inside her heart, she knows the truth as well.
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"Susan, you're late."
A much dreaded, high-pitched voice reach my ears and I cringe and sigh.
"And a good nice morning to you too, Kerry."
Kerry is the first person I bump into as I enter the ER and she's already starting to chew me out and piss me off at the same time. Great. So much for my start of the day. I try to avoid her scolding, disappointed, judgmental, holier-than-thou stare as I speak, trying to sound really apologetic and sorry, although I know I'm not good at it.
"I know Kerry, and I told Dr. Kovac I was gonna be late. I told him I'd be here by 8:30."
"It's ten to nine, Susan." Kerry politely yet unperturbedly informs me.
I count to ten, and then I count to twenty, before opening my mouth. " And I'm sorry, Kerry. It means I'll stay twenty minutes longer after my shifts ends."
"Hey Susan," Luka breezes by, smiling at me.
I smile back, happy to see a friendly face.
"Look, Kerry, I forgot to tell you Susan had called to let us know she was half an hour late, sorry." Luka apologizes, digging into the charts rack.
"Don't worry, Luka, Susan and I were just clearing things up in this very moment. And it's not like I'm keeping tabs on anyone."
Yeah, right, the hell she is not. I turn my back on Kerry, wanting to get into the lounge and hide out there for my entire shift, barely resisting the urge to throttle her. The sad thing is, with both Mark and Doug gone, I'm the only one left to dislike Kerry. Ok, hate her is more like it. Luka and Carter actually like her and the rest of the staff seems to get along just fine. I take a step towards the lounge but Kerry holds me.
"Susan, for this time, I'll let it go, but don't make it happen again. What was so important to be almost an hour late?"
"It's really none of your business, but, if you really wanna know, Kerry, I had to take Susie to school and enroll her there."
"I didn't know you had your niece back with you, Susan, you should have told me, I could have helped you work out a better schedule." Kerry says, the first, slightest hint of kindness and maybe sympathy in her voice.
"I haven't until this morning. By the way, speaking of schedule, do you think I could go back to part-time, or cut back on my shifts, huh?"
"I'll se what I can do, ok?"
She crutches away and I enter the lounge. I open my locker and see all the pics of Susie I have taped on it. I smile, now I have Susie, in person, all to myself. I get changed and check the board.
"Hurgh, bleeding hemorrhoids! Great way to start!" I can't help complaining.
"It's the simple, boring routine cases that often turn out to be the most interesting ones." Kerry pointedly reminds me.
God, what did I do to deserve this, huh? Can anybody tell me?
"Wanna take it, then?" I retort.
"No, thanks Susan, go ahead."
Wish Doug was here, doing an imitation of Kerry, or better yet, I wish that Mark were here to laugh at it together and give me priceless parenting tips about Susie. I miss him so much. He was a great friend. I must have loved him at some point too. Maybe I still did when I left Phoenix because Chloe and Susie were moving to Phoenix. But he was married with kids, and a fatal cancer ready go off like a fucking bomb in his head. And now he's dead and now I'm alone.
I shake my head, knowing that if I don't shrug these sad thoughts off I'll burst into tears in the middle of the ER. I check the chart and head to my sorry destination.
A lot of simple boring routine patients that didn't turn out to be so interesting after I step into an elevator and hit the top floor button to take my lunch break. The elevator stops a few times on his way up and, on the surgical floor, Elizabeth Corday steps inside. She his twisting a lock of her beautiful curly, red hair, which I envy her so much, in a quite nervous way and look extremely tired.
"Good morning Susan" she greets me with a smile that doesn't quite reach to her eyes.
"Hey, Elizabeth, you pulling a double? Forgive my saying this, but you look like crap, I'm sorry."
"Don't be, I do look like a bloody lorry ran over me, went into rear and ran over me a second time."
I can't help laughing, she has this funny British sense of humor, although I have never could stand the way she pronounced her husband's name, will I have ever get used to thinking of Mark as her husband?, 'Mahk'. Without the r. It was so weird, he was her husband, for Christ's sake, and she couldn't even get his name right!
"I bet Romano he's driving you crazy as usual."
"Although he has a special gift for that, Robert isn't the source of my problems for once. It's just that I was up all night because Ella has a fever and didn't sleep but forty-five minutes or so."
"Oh, yeah, I can relate. I didn't sleep that well tonight as well. My sister Chloe had this wonderful idea of showing up on my doorstep at three o' clock in the morning and dropping his daughter off disappearing into thin air right after that. What a night!"
"Mark mentioned you had a niece. What is her name, Sally or Sandy?"
"Susie, Chloe named her after me. So, how's little Ella now?"
"Not bad, she still has a fever, though, and daycare won't take her."
"No fevers, no infections, I still remember that."
"Yeah, and I'm covering for Edson tonight, I owe that weasel, he took lots of my shifts when I was in Hawaii when." she trailed off and looked lost for a second "Anyway, the babysitter won't stay after eight and I'm stuck here so she's gonna drop her off here at the hospital. What am I gonna do? Let her in the lounge with Malik to look after her?"
"Malik's great, he had four sisters, you know. I've got a better idea, though. I am off at eight, eight thirty at maximum, if Kerry wants to make me make up for my tardiness from earlier today. I can take her home with Susie and me when the babysitter brings her to the hospital. If you're ok with it, that is."
"Really?" she asks me, surprise and relief evident in her face "I mean, would you do this for me?"
"Sure, no problem. I'm good at babysitting, I used to do that a lot when Susie was little." I smile "And I'd do it for free."
"Thank you Susan, thank you so much." Elizabeth tells me as we get off the elevator and get out on the roof.
It's a wonderful day, and the sun is warm. We sit on two deckchair someone brought up here, probably some folks from Recovery, they have way too much time in their hands up there, and sit down on them, sunbathing.
"I'm off at ten, so I can be at your place at ten thirty at the most. You live in that old apartment Mark used to live in, the one whose lease he took over when you moved away, right? That one with mice scurrying up inside the walls?"
"Yeah" I laugh "I can hear them at night when there's silence in the house and the neighbors aren't screaming their heads off."
"That Latino couple who fights all day long still lives there?"
"Oh, yeah, they do, and so does that little old lady who's deaf and watches TV at a terribly high volume."
"Mrs. O' Rourke, right? She used to give me such devils looks when I sneaked out of Mark's apartment at six A. M. to get to work. She was so outraged me and Mark lived together even if we were not married!"
"She still has that bit of paper taped on the door, that one that say ' Salesmen and Witnesses of Jehovah don't ring the bell. Those who live in sin die in sin, those who don't, don't '."
"So, how long is your niece, Susie, going to stay with you, Susan?"
"I don't know, as long as Chloe doesn't show up and claim her back. I won't let her do it, not this time, though. I'll wait for three months, claim abandonment, go to the judge, have him terminate her parental rights and adopt little Susie. I will."
"I can give you the name of this extraordinary lawyer, then, he specializes in custody lawsuits; Mark had hired him when his ex-wife had sued him for full custody of Rachel, but then he and Jen had worked things out on their own. I heard he's great, though, he won Peter's lawsuit against Reese's mother, Carla, and against her husband, Roger."
"Thanks, I'm sure no judge in his right mind will fight my adoption after what Chloe has done, again, though."
Our pagers simultaneously go off.
I check mine. "It's the ER."
"They want me too."
"There's probably a mass casualty coming in."
"Let's go downstairs."
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I sigh and look at my watch. Thank God, it's ten to eight and my shift is almost over. Then I see Kerry crutching her way to me. Here she comes, my worst nightmare, ready to piss me off or torment me once more. "Susan!" she calls out.
"Yes, Kerry?" I say, pasting a fake smile on my face.
"Don't look at me that way, Susan, I just wanna tell you I talked to Romano and he agreed to put you on a part-time working hours. Just six hours shifts, eight to two and eight to midnight. You'll have to take more administrative duties, though, I'm really swamped. I'm so behind with my paperwork and I need you to fill for me at a couple of hospital meetings. Romano's precise words were 'Maybe she just had an epiphany and understood that she couldn't spend so much time in that circus that is the ER.' Cute, don't you think?"
"Very Romano-like. That's wonderful, thanks, Kerry. It's more than fine with me to help you carry your administrative duties as long as I can take the paperwork home."
"Sure, no problem."
In this very moment a black girl shows up and approaches Randi, asking for Dr. Corday. I walk up to her.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Lewis and I'm a colleague of Dr. Corday's. She asked me to look after Ella." I say and I pick that beautiful little girl up. She's so pretty and actually reminds me of Mark. Same eyes, nose and mouth, even the same chin and shape of the face. She took after him so much more than Rachel. She has her mom's fiery red hair, though. And the same strong character, judging from the look of things. She's crying at the top of her lungs.
"Hey, hey, it's ok, it's ok. Shush, come on, stop crying. Good girl, right, you're such a good girl. My name's Susan and I am a friend of your mommy."
Elizabeth comes up, her face all lit up. She takes Ella from me and brushes her nose against her daughter's. "Hey, pumpkin, how are you doing, huh? Thanks Cheryl, see you tomorrow." Elizabeth says to the babysitter, who walks away.
"You already met, Susan, pumpkin? She'll take care for you tonight, so be a good girl and don't make mummy feel ashamed, ok?"
Ella looks at her carefully, as if she actually understands every word, which she probably is. She looks like a very bright little girl.
She gives her back to me. "Thanks Susan, see you later."
"Don't worry, we'll be fine. Hey, Ella you ready to come home with me? We just have to wait for Susie. She's my niece, you're gonna like her, I'm sure."
I spot my dad, holding Susie's hand, coming into the ER. I wave to them and gently twist Ella's tiny hand in a hello-like gesture.
"Hi dad, thanks for picking Susie up from school. I'll start working part- time form next Tuesday, so I'll be able to do it myself."
"Don't worry, Susan, I was happy to do it." He says and kisses me on the check. "We had a great time Susie, didn't we?"
"Yup, grandpa. Too bad grandma wasn't there."
I look at Dad questioningly and he says "Cookie was visiting a friend."
Mom has this annoying habit of never being there when you need her. You just get use to it after a little while. We have this huge commitment and parenting problem in my family, it runs in the blood. Think about Chloe.
"Thanks again." I say as I bend down and kiss my niece. Her peach and cream scent makes me feel good inside. "So how was your first day of school, Susie? Everything went ok?"
"Ah, ah, the teachers seem great, my classmates are ok, I guess. They say I have a funny accent, though. Do you think I have a funny accent, auntie Susan?"
"Not at all. Susie, meet Ella, Ella meet Susie."
"She's so cute auntie Susan! Who is she? Can I hold her, please?"
"She's Mark's daughter. Remember him?"
"Yeah, can I hold her?"
"Both hands, Susie, and hold her really tight."
"Hi cute pie, hi! I'm Susie, you wanna play with me?"
"Watch her, Susie, and don't make her fall, pay attention, she's not a toy. I'll go take my stuff in the lounge and then we can go home. Ella's coming with us."
"Wow!"
I take my stuff and put on my coat and walk out of the ER, holding Ella in my arm and Susie's hand in my free hand. Great, it's pouring down, big drops of rain already soaking my coat. Where did that wonderful sun from earlier go?
"Susie, get back inside!"
"Dr. Lewis, need me to lend you this?" Randi asks smiling, holding out a big umbrella that will easily cover the three of us. I thank her and get out again.
"Stay close to me, Susie." I say as I open the umbrella and we quickly walk to my car. I put Ella in the back seat with Susie and order her to hold Ella tight since I don't have a child's chair in my car.
The ride home is quick. We go up to my apartment and sit down in the kitchen. I make some cocoa for Susie while I check Ella's temperature and give her some baby Tylenol. Susie then reads some storybook to Ella as the three of us sit on this wonderful, comfy sofa I dragged here all the way from Phoenix. It was worth it, though. The doorbell rings and I run to get it.
It couldn't be more than a few degrees, well Celsius anyway, Elizabeth doesn't have a clue what it is in Fahrenheit. Why does Americans have to use such a strange scale? Why not start at zero like everybody else does? Well it doesn't really matters, Celsius or Fahrenheit, it is bloody cold and the rain isn't helping either. This is what I think Elizabeth is thinking, standing in my doorway, massaging her hands trying to warming them up, smiling friendly with her nose red from cold.
"Come on in, Elizabeth, I don't want to bring you to the ER for frostbites!"
"Yeah, Susan, it's so cold I think it should be snowing, not raining cats and dogs!" Elizabeth exclaims as she strip off her soaked coat and drops of rain fall all over my entrance floor.
"I'm so sorry about this, Susan, if you give me a rag I'll dry it up!"
"Hey, don't worry."
"Oh, hey pumpkin, have you been a good girl for Susan, huh?" Elizabeth says, picking up Ella and making her fly over her head. Ella giggles with pleasure.
"She was an angel, and Susie had so much fun playing big sister to her. Elizabeth, would you like some hot cocoa? I've just made some for Susie and there's some left."
"Thanks, I'd love it, Susan. After that, Ella and me are gonna leave you two alone. You've done enough already today."
"Don't mention it, Elizabeth, I know how crazy a single mom life can get. You kept me really busy, Susie, even if you don't remember it!"
"It wasn't my fault, auntie Susan! It was Chloe's!"
"I know, there's no need to get all worked up, Susie." I say as I plant a kiss on the top of her head and give Elizabeth her mug of cocoa "Watch it, its' really hot!"
We all stay silent for a few moments and I walk up to the window, shift the curtain and look down on the street beneath, which looks more like a river than a road. I don't feel comfortable about letting Elizabeth ride home in such terrible weather, roads look actually dangerous.
"Elizabeth, it looks like hell and high water out there and I don't think you should drive home in such weather. Why don't you just sleep here for tonight? Susie could sleep with me and you could take my spare bedroom."
"Actually I wasn't very happy to go out in this terrible rain myself. Thanks, Susan, you're being a great friend to me. Mark always told me you were, I can understand now why he had such outstanding telephone bills."
"It's nothing, Elizabeth, really, I'll go change the sheets in Susie's bed."
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"No, Chloe, no!"
I wake up with a start and realize with relief that I haven't really screamed, I was just dreaming. The worst nightmare I've had in a long time, to tell the truth. I wipe drops of cold sweat from my forehead and I immediately calm down as I watch little Susie sleep peacefully. My heart is still beating like a drum against my chest, though, so I silently get up and walk into the kitchen to drink a glass of milk, hoping this would calm my shaky nerves.
Elizabeth is already there, rocking Ella in an attempt to make her sleep.
"I'm so sorry, we didn't mean to wake you up, Susan, but Ella's fever is back and she was screaming and-"
"Don't worry, you didn't Elizabeth. I just had a bad dream, that's all. Want some milk?" I ask her, opening the fridge.
"No, thanks. What was the dream about?"
"My sister, Chloe, came back and took Susie away from me again. It felt so real."
"You love Susie so much.Are you planning to adopt her for sure?"
"You bet I will. I can't wait the three required months to be over. Chloe abandoned her again and that's the best thing that ever happened to her. Don't get me wrong, I love my sister but she's barely capable to take care of herself, let alone of a kid. She's so screwed up."
"Yeah, Mark told me so."
We both stay silent, the heavy silence filling the room full of sad memories of Mark. Elizabeth look down on her hands and I know that, even if I can't see her eyes, she's desperately fighting tears back. I walk up to her and put my hand on her shoulder comfortingly, or so I hope.
" I miss him so much, Susan." she finally lets out, her voice shaky with tears.
"I miss him so much as well, still he would have want us to go on, you're a strong woman, Elizabeth."
"I don't know if I can make it alone, Susan."
"Hey," I say, raising up her chin, so that she looks into my eyes "You're not alone, girl, I'm here if you need me, you know."
"Thanks." Elizabeth simply replies and Ella starts to cry, breaking up this precious yet somewhat awkward moment. Elizabeth rocks her, to no avail.
"Why don't we try a bit of music, huh? It always worked wonders with Susie." I say and I put on a CD in my CD player. The notes of Blackbird softly fill the air and Ella stops crying.
"Hey it does work!"
"I'll put it on tape for you, ok?"
We fall silent again and smile happily. The loud ringing of my phone startles us. I pick it up quickly, not wanting it to wake up Susie and the baby, who has just fallen asleep.
"Hello? Susan Lewis speaking."
"This is Officer Faith Yokas, from NYC, you remember me Dr. Lewis? Sorry to bother you so late but I just got off shift"
"Yeah, of course I remember you, Faith." I say as I check my watch: it's a little after midnight.
"I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you, Dr. Lewis. I'm so sorry to be the one to break this down to you, Dr. Lewis, but as we were finishing our shift, me and my partner, Officer Boscorelli, found a corpse in a alley downtown Manhattan. We recognized it as your sister Chloe but we need you to come here to New York for a formal identification. I'm sorry, Dr. Lewis."
"Oh my God!" I say, stifling a cry, bringing a hand to my mouth. I can feel tears forming into my eyes and I sense Elizabeth's concerned stare on me. I finally shake myself and manage to ask "How did it happen?"
"She apparently ODed, we found a syringe next to her body, we need the medical examiner's confirmation, though. They'll wait for the autopsy until you're here, Dr. Lewis."
"I see, I'll catch the first flight in the morning." I say flatly. I feel like this isn't happening for real, like I'm watching this all from the outside.
"Let me know when you get here, I'll come pick you up at La Guardia."
"Thanks Officer Yokas, see you tomorrow." I hang up, unable to neither speak nor move. I just stare blankly at the phone, whishing this is all another bad dream I can't wake up from.
Elizabeth approaches me and shakes me gently. "What's wrong, Susan?"
"It was a cop from new York, calling to tell me they found Chloe, dead. She apparently ODed."
"Oh my God!" Elizabeth exclaims and hugs me. I burst into tears and sob into her arms.
"I gotta go there to identify her body, tomorrow." I manage to say between sobs.
"I'll come with you." Elizabeth says resolutely.
"How about Ella?"
"I can leave her with a neighbor. You can't do this alone, Susan and I'll go with you. End of discussion."
"I'll drop Susie off at my parents', first thing in the morning. Oh my God, how am I gonna tell her?"
Elizabeth has no answer but hugs me more tightly. It feels good to have someone to lean on. "I went there when Mark died. I've thought about it so much but I still haven't figured out what to tell Ella when she is old enough to understand."
"Thanks Elizabeth."
She doesn't reply but keeps on hugging me and I rest my head on her shoulder. Something good will come out of this pain, though. Susie will stay with me now. At what cost, I wonder. I'll miss Chloe, so much. She was the funniest, cleverest big sister ever. Why did you end up like this, Chloe? What went wrong, huh? She will never answer my questions, though. And I'm so sad and guilty, because I was mad at her last time I spoke to her. Why did you do this to me, Chloe? Blackbird still plays in the background as I cry all my tears, more than I could ever think I had.
Fine
A/N: So, what did you think of this? Please let me know! It's sad, I know, but I was in the mood for some good ol' angst, that's all. Susan is slowly growing on me, she's become my favorite character. Expect more Susan stories.