Disclaimer: Not mine.
"Severus! We have an emergency!"
"What is it now Lupin?"
"Good. We're alone."
"… If you haven't noticed… I'm actually quite busy."
"I didn't come here for that… maybe later-"
"-Get out…"
"Now wait a second… I was just getting to the point…"
"Well what is it?"
"… You remember last night?"
"…"
"… you know… on patrol…"
"…"
"Hint, hint... Behind the tapestry?"
"…"
"Are you even listening to me?"
"Yes…"
"Stop marking for a second and listen to me-"
"… S…"
"S? What's an S? That's not part of the marking system."
"Shit. Weasley's paper's full of it."
"Are you serious- you're serious? You're really putting that in?"
"Already have. Now get to that point Lupin or I'll throw you out myself."
"Right well… remember we heard that… noise… near the armor suit?"
"Oh… not that again… you're paranoia will be the death of you…"
"Hear me out first… did you see anything peculiar at dinner?"
"A fly on another fly near the potato salad."
"… how odd… well today…. Luna Lovegood was staring at me… weirdly… In class and during dinner!"
"And that is surprising how?"
"It was a very weird stare… like… she knew something... yeah… she knows something! Severus she knows about us!"
"Because… she stared at you strangely… Lupin… the girl's bizarre, that's all there is to it. Did you ever consider that she may just have a crush on you?"
"That's not possible."
"Why not? If I did… the whole bloody world including Merlin does."
"I don't know whether I should be flattered or a little grossed out by that."
"So when I'm old and wrinkly and have gray hair and a gray beard cascading down my belly, you would get 'grossed' out?"
"Of course not… you'd make it look good… I'd shag you dead..."
"…You're way with words is awfully disturbing…"
--------
"… errrr… hi Luna."
"…"
"...umm…"
"…"
"… well…. good night…"
"… I predict it will be…"
--------
"Oh god… yes… yes… oh… shit- Sev!"
"mmmm... Huh? What? What is it?"
"She really does… know! -oh fuck yes… that feels good… I mean- Luna! She knows! I'm going to get fired- this is it! Oh yes!"
"Oh for fuck's sake! She doesn't know okay?! No one knows! You think I would still be alive if I couldn't keep secrets as a spy? … now will you please… just… calm… down… and… and…"
"You-would-never-have-guessed-what-she-said-to-me- did... you... know what- ah! … mmmph! Wait! Mmmph! Stop! … I mean- keep going! Just… stop… kissing me! It won't shut me up you know…"
"… nothing… e-ver… does."
"Right… well… oh yes… good… right… there… I bumped into… the corridors..."
"You did?"
"I mean… bumped into her… in the… thing-oh fuuuuck! And… she didn't... say a word…. I mean… I said mmm- fuck! Yes! -hi-luna-and-she-just-stared!"
"mmm…"
"… said nothing… till I bid… good… night… and you know… know what she said?"
"Let me guess… be my… Nargle…"
"She said… she predicts… it will be…"
"… Ah and so it is… just what we need… another Sybil… uuuhh yes… Remus…"
"She implied it!"
"Mmmm… you feel so… good you know…"
"She knows! Luna… knows…"
"Fucking hell Lupin! My cock will start to shrivel if you don't shut the bloody hell up! …uuuhhhh…."
"Fine… we'll talk… later…"
"Thank you!"
"…Oh…. yes… yes… yes! Shit Severus! Oh fuckk... Fuck me! Oh god!"
"Re-mus!"
(5 minutes later…)
"Wow..."
"Hm... so… say you're right... supposing… she does know… who'd believe her?"
---
"... It's sunny today…"
"Knight to F8."
"Bishop to F8"
"… I'm really starting to hate this game."
"There you are! I've been looking everywhere for both of - Oh hi Luna!"
"Hi Hermione… Harry… Ron… It's a lovely day today."
"Yes…yes it is… Ron where is my essay on the History of Amortentia? You were taking notes from it last night!"
"Calm down alrigh'… it's with Dean or… maybe Seamus… or maybe, oh yeah... try Neville."
"Uh… What?! Why?!"
"They wanted to take notes on it as well… should I have asked you first?"
"I can't believe you! It's due next lesson! I need it now! Snape's going to kill me!"
"Speaking of Snape… he's been… glowing lately..."
"What are you talking about Harry…? Snape doesn't glow."
"I mean… he's different… happier, if that's possible… I mean, he only took five points off me last lesson… instead of the usual ten and over."
"And so he's a saint now is he?"
"No… I'm just saying he's-"
"-a glowing saint."
"… Professor Snape has finally released his... inner... tension…"
"…"
"… Tension?"
"Tension… stress, pressure… mental, emotional, or nervous strain."
"Right. Thanks h'mione for pointing out my vocabulary range is the size of a toothpick... really… I know what it... oh... what?"
"... He and Professor Lupin are very happy now..."
"… Oh… um…"
"… how enlightening."
"Are you saying-"
"… Excuse me… I've lost the carrot on my earring…"
"Was she saying-"
"Hermione… Did I hear that correctly-"
"Oh gross!"
"Not Remus!"
"Ugh! What the hell- Snape?!"
"… it's obviously not true…"
"How are you so sure!?"
"Calm down Harry… this is coming from Luna… who believes in oompa lumpas and the chocolate factory…"
"What are oompa-"
"Looks a bit like Dudley…It's a muggle thing."
"She's not a muggle…"
"Oh! But you get the point right?!"
"Oh… yeah… yeah… She's a bit delusional…"
"… Understatement of the year…"
"I mean… with all do respect… Remus-"
"-is too good for Snape."
"I didn't say that-"
"He is! And you thought it! They're meant to hate each other! Forever! It's the nature of life!"
"Ew... imagine that… Snape and Lupin…"
"No thanks, I really don't want to, I have to hand in my 'essay'…I won't know how to keep a straight face…"
"Oh great thanks now I am! My dad's best friend and my dad's worst enemy rutting all over Dumbledore's office! Thanks a heap Ron…"
"Gross! Yuck! Ugh…"
"Lupin must be out of his mind…"
"Look… I'm sure Luna… just misinterpreted things…"
"It's all getting to her... those… Blibbering Humdingers and Crumpled Horny Snorecracks."
"Horned Snorkacks Ron…"
"Horned Stuff…"
----
"... its not a secret that she's certainly the 'looney' type... not that she tries to hide it."
"You don't suppose she'll... say?"
"If she does... well I guarantee the children will probably experience a traumatic three seconds envisioning us in compromised positions.."
"Poor, shabby werewolf chained in the dungeons while the Potions Master evilly cracks the whip... and then?"
"Oh, I like that... and then... end of scene, end of story... Miss Lovegood's definitely been hanging around with the Nargles too much..."
"Hmmm... vaild point... shall I go on top then?"