Okay, this is my attempt at a little bit o' Christmas humor. Unfortunately,
this means that I probably won't get the next chappie of The Untold Hamtaro
up for awhile, but this fic should keep you occupied. So READ IT! NOW!!!
Oh yeah, I'm writing this cuz john sent me a review of The Untold Hamtaro telling me to do a Christmas special. So here it is! Enjoy!
And also, I don't own the song "Santa Baby," by Madonna.
~
"Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!" Laura exclaimed, twirling around in circles in the middle of the kitchen and almost running into her father when he rushed out of the bathroom with a flaming newspaper. "Only twelve days til Christmas! La la la la laaaaaa!"
"Have you made your list for Santa yet?" her mother asked, at the same time watching her husband through the window as he rolled around on the ground outside trying to put out the fire that was devouring his shirt.
"Nope," Laura replied. "I can't decide what I want."
"Well why don't you go think about it?" her mother asked. "Here. This should get you started." She pulled a ginormous stack of catalogs out of the refrigerator and handed it to her daughter, consequently causing her to collapse on the floor, hidden by holiday issues of "Lots of Stuff for You" and "Buy It NOW!" (A/N: Creative catalog names, eh?)
"What's this one?" Laura asked, poking her head up from under the avalanche of unrealistically thin underwear models and ads for pathetically generic "specialty gifts," covered in paper cuts. She held up a catalog with a picture of The King on the front, with the title "Elvis Fans Unite!" smeared across the top.
Marian snatched it away from her. "He's alive, I'm telling you!" she said, then sulked off into the corner to read up on the latest Elvis sighting.
"Okay, whatever," Laura sighed, and shrugged. Then she picked up a few of the scattered catalogs and headed to her room.
~
"What do you think of this?" Laura asked her pet hamster, flipping to a page with a giant picture of an automatic blender/chainsaw and holding it in front of his cage for him to see.
"Cool. What the crap is it?" Hamtaro thought, peering between the metal bars.
"Or maybe this?" Laura said, picking up a different catalog and opening to a page with an assortment of Mr. Potato Heads. "Let's see...African- American Mr. Potato Head...Albino Mr. Potato Head...Asian Mr. Potato Head...Medieval Warrior Mr. Potato Head...I can't pick which one I like best!" Laura closed the catalog and threw it back on top of the stack on her desk. "There's too much stuff here. How will I ever start? Hmm..."
As Hamtaro watched with mild to elevated interest, Laura took a sheet of paper and a pencil from her desk and started to scribble a heading to her list.
"Dear Santa." Laura bit the end of her pencil, studying the two scratchy words that looked like they had been written by a two-year-old. "Nah." She crumpled up the piece of paper and tossed it behind her, then started again on a fresh one. "How about... 'Greetings, Santa Claus'? No, way too formal. 'Hi, Santa'? No, no, no..."
Hamtaro paced back and forth in his cage. This was getting stupid. And boring.
"Santa, baby..."
Hamtaro's ears perked up. Did Laura just say 'baby'?
"Santa baby, just leave a sable under the tree, for me..."
Okay, now this was getting really scary. Laura wasn't just writing a Christmas list. She was singing it.
"I've been an awful good girl, Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight!"
"What's wrong with you, Laura?" Hamtaro wanted to scream. However, the unfortunate fact that he was a hamster left him at a loss as he was unable to get his message across to his owner, who was now dancing across her floor and holding the paper to her chest like a precious treasure.
"Santa baby, a shiny new convertible too, light blue, I'll wait up for you dear, Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight!"
Now satisfied that his owner had completely lost it, Hamtaro scurried out of his cage, not worrying about being seen since at the moment, Laura was completely absorbed in her own little world. Then he made off for the clubhouse to seek the advice of someone who might possibly understand what the heck had happened to Laura's head.
"Think of all the fun I've missed.think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed!" Laura ceased singing for a brief moment to sigh "Travis." and then continued even louder. "Next year I could be oh so good, if you'd check off my Christmas list! Boo doo bee doo."
~
"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas..."
Boss was singing to himself as he and the other Ham-Hams decked the clubhouse out for the holidays. They had all agreed to get together and brighten the atmosphere of the room on this particular day, but it didn't really come as a surprise to anyone that Hamtaro was late as usual.
"And the most beautiful sight to see is the holly that will be on your own front door!" Boss sang as he opened the door to hang a wreath outside and was, most unfortunately, immediately plowed down by a certain rampaging orange and white hamster. Ignoring the initial pain he had delivered upon his field hamster friend as well as the pawprints left on his forehead, Hamtaro went got straight to the point and confronted the brains of the bunch with his Christmas-related dilemma.
"Max, you gotta help me!" Hamtaro shouted as he entered the room. "Something's horribly wrong with Laura! She's gone completely nuts! I'm telling you! I don't know...why...why...why you're all wearing elf costumes."
It was true. In fact, every last one of them from Penelope to Snoozer was wearing an elf outfit, except Boss, who was decked out in a complete Santa suit, white-trimmed hat and all. The Boss Elf, as they say.
Maxwell sighed. "Boss is very enthusiastic this year, ever since last year when 'Santa' finally paid him a visit. Poor guy still hasn't figured out that it was Elder-ham. Anyway, they say you can't have too much of a good thing, but if you ask me Boss has an extreme overload of Christmas spirit, to the grievous misfortune of all the rest of us. He actually made these outfits himself and practically held us at gunpoint until we all agreed to wear them."
"I dunno, I think I look purty good in these elf tights!" Howdy said, laughing.
"Are you sure it was a mirror and not me that you were looking at?" Dexter asked with a smirk.
"But anyway," Maxwell continued, breaking in before an argument broke out, "what was it you were asking me about?"
"Oh yeah!" Hamtaro said, quickly remembering his unlikely plight and Laura's horrific singing. "Laura's gone completely crazy! She was in her room, making out her Christmas list for Santa, and then suddenly she just started...singing! And dancing, too!"
Maxwell considered this for a moment, then said "It's nothing to worry about. It's a simple, common case of Kris Kringle Complex."
"Kris Kringle Complex?" Hamtaro asked. "What's that?"
"Another name for Pre-Christmas Fever. Common in the younger generation. It's just an outburst of pent-up holiday excitement."
"Oh." Hamtaro sighed. "Darn. I was hoping it was something more exciting."
"Isn't Kris Kringle the name of one of the Rice Krispies guys?" Oxnard asked, his mouth starting to water.
There was a momentary awkward silence. No one really knew what the heck Oxnard was talking about. Or what it had to do with anything.
Then Maxwell explained it. "No, Kris Kringle is another name for Santa Claus," he said with a sigh. "Honestly. You're hopeless. Completely hopeless."
Boss, having recovered from his trampling, then entered the clubhouse.
"Here's your elf suit," he told Hamtaro, holding out something that looked like it belonged in a Dr. Suess book and certainly not on a hamster.
"Uh...thanks, I think," Hamtaro said weakly, taking the costume and feeling like he might throw up. "I'll uh...I'll just uh..."
"You'll put it on right now is what you'll do," Boss said for him.
I guess I don't have a choice, Hamtaro thought to himself. Oh well, at least I'll fit in. With that, he took a deep breath and pulled the little brightly-colored shirt over his head, put on the tights and to top it all off a little green hat with a bell on the end.
"Good," Boss said, satisfied. "Now let's get back to decorating."
~
Marian was just finishing washing dishes when the doorbell rang.
"Coming," she called, and quickly dried her hands. When she opened the door she was surprised to see a police man standing outside, and her husband standing next to him.
"This your husband?" the police officer asked in a gruff voice.
"Oh, Forrest," Marian sighed. "Yes, thank you officer."
"He was running around outside the police station screaming 'Fire!' We had to call in the rescue squad and the SWAT team to get him under control and put the fire out."
"I'm so sorry," Marian said. "Come on, Forrest." She pulled her husband inside and closed the door. A second later she opened the door again and poked her head out a few inches.
"Really sorry," she whispered to the officer. "It won't happen again."
"That's what you said the last four times," he replied irritably.
"Here," Marian said, and handed the police man a few bucks. "Buy your wife something pretty for Christmas."
The officer took the money, counted it, and then looked back at her.
"With three dollars?" he asked.
Marian gave a smug smile and nodded enthusiastically. "Yes sir. Goodbye now." She slammed the door and went back to work at the sink.
The police officer stood there for a moment, looking back and forth between the money in his hands and the little "Merry Christmas" reindeer head hanging on the Harunas' front door. Then he sighed.
"I don't even have a wife." He turned dejectedly and ambled off to spend the money on something useless.
~
It had been a long day of decorating at the clubhouse, and now Hamtaro was wearily wandering home when he remembered that Maxwell hadn't actually mentioned any cure for Kris Kringle Complex. He could only hope that Laura had gotten over it.
However, just as he slipped back into her room.
"Santa honey, I wanna yacht and really that's not a lot.I've been an angel all year, Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!!!!!!!"
The last "tonight" was too much. It was so loud and drawn-out that the entire roof of the house actually burst off and came crashing back down with a thud.
"Laura, honey, everything alright up there?" her mother called from downstairs.
"Yes mother dearest!" Laura called back, not noticing poor Hamtaro who had been petrified and eternally scarred by the horrid incident.
~
Laura smiled as she wrote in her journal that night, though the hamster sitting on her desk was still frozen with his fur standing straight on end and his eyes huge and staring.
"Only eleven days until Christmas!" Laura told her journal. "I can't wait! Today I sang a lot. I think Hamtaro really liked it."
Hamtaro didn't make any comment. He was still frozen in place.
"Well, tomorrow was a great day, and tomorrow will be even better!" Laura said, as usual, bending down towards her hamster.
Still no comment from the pitiable rodent.
~
Well, there's day 1. I dunno, I think that was pretty stupid.but I'm planning on doing all 12 days as long as I get a single good review.no wait, make that two, since I know that Steffers will give me a wonderful review no matter what kind of crap I write. Ok , so send me your reviews and tell me what you honestly think of it. It's supposed to be a Christmas fic. I think.
Oh yeah, I'm writing this cuz john sent me a review of The Untold Hamtaro telling me to do a Christmas special. So here it is! Enjoy!
And also, I don't own the song "Santa Baby," by Madonna.
~
"Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!" Laura exclaimed, twirling around in circles in the middle of the kitchen and almost running into her father when he rushed out of the bathroom with a flaming newspaper. "Only twelve days til Christmas! La la la la laaaaaa!"
"Have you made your list for Santa yet?" her mother asked, at the same time watching her husband through the window as he rolled around on the ground outside trying to put out the fire that was devouring his shirt.
"Nope," Laura replied. "I can't decide what I want."
"Well why don't you go think about it?" her mother asked. "Here. This should get you started." She pulled a ginormous stack of catalogs out of the refrigerator and handed it to her daughter, consequently causing her to collapse on the floor, hidden by holiday issues of "Lots of Stuff for You" and "Buy It NOW!" (A/N: Creative catalog names, eh?)
"What's this one?" Laura asked, poking her head up from under the avalanche of unrealistically thin underwear models and ads for pathetically generic "specialty gifts," covered in paper cuts. She held up a catalog with a picture of The King on the front, with the title "Elvis Fans Unite!" smeared across the top.
Marian snatched it away from her. "He's alive, I'm telling you!" she said, then sulked off into the corner to read up on the latest Elvis sighting.
"Okay, whatever," Laura sighed, and shrugged. Then she picked up a few of the scattered catalogs and headed to her room.
~
"What do you think of this?" Laura asked her pet hamster, flipping to a page with a giant picture of an automatic blender/chainsaw and holding it in front of his cage for him to see.
"Cool. What the crap is it?" Hamtaro thought, peering between the metal bars.
"Or maybe this?" Laura said, picking up a different catalog and opening to a page with an assortment of Mr. Potato Heads. "Let's see...African- American Mr. Potato Head...Albino Mr. Potato Head...Asian Mr. Potato Head...Medieval Warrior Mr. Potato Head...I can't pick which one I like best!" Laura closed the catalog and threw it back on top of the stack on her desk. "There's too much stuff here. How will I ever start? Hmm..."
As Hamtaro watched with mild to elevated interest, Laura took a sheet of paper and a pencil from her desk and started to scribble a heading to her list.
"Dear Santa." Laura bit the end of her pencil, studying the two scratchy words that looked like they had been written by a two-year-old. "Nah." She crumpled up the piece of paper and tossed it behind her, then started again on a fresh one. "How about... 'Greetings, Santa Claus'? No, way too formal. 'Hi, Santa'? No, no, no..."
Hamtaro paced back and forth in his cage. This was getting stupid. And boring.
"Santa, baby..."
Hamtaro's ears perked up. Did Laura just say 'baby'?
"Santa baby, just leave a sable under the tree, for me..."
Okay, now this was getting really scary. Laura wasn't just writing a Christmas list. She was singing it.
"I've been an awful good girl, Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight!"
"What's wrong with you, Laura?" Hamtaro wanted to scream. However, the unfortunate fact that he was a hamster left him at a loss as he was unable to get his message across to his owner, who was now dancing across her floor and holding the paper to her chest like a precious treasure.
"Santa baby, a shiny new convertible too, light blue, I'll wait up for you dear, Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight!"
Now satisfied that his owner had completely lost it, Hamtaro scurried out of his cage, not worrying about being seen since at the moment, Laura was completely absorbed in her own little world. Then he made off for the clubhouse to seek the advice of someone who might possibly understand what the heck had happened to Laura's head.
"Think of all the fun I've missed.think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed!" Laura ceased singing for a brief moment to sigh "Travis." and then continued even louder. "Next year I could be oh so good, if you'd check off my Christmas list! Boo doo bee doo."
~
"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas..."
Boss was singing to himself as he and the other Ham-Hams decked the clubhouse out for the holidays. They had all agreed to get together and brighten the atmosphere of the room on this particular day, but it didn't really come as a surprise to anyone that Hamtaro was late as usual.
"And the most beautiful sight to see is the holly that will be on your own front door!" Boss sang as he opened the door to hang a wreath outside and was, most unfortunately, immediately plowed down by a certain rampaging orange and white hamster. Ignoring the initial pain he had delivered upon his field hamster friend as well as the pawprints left on his forehead, Hamtaro went got straight to the point and confronted the brains of the bunch with his Christmas-related dilemma.
"Max, you gotta help me!" Hamtaro shouted as he entered the room. "Something's horribly wrong with Laura! She's gone completely nuts! I'm telling you! I don't know...why...why...why you're all wearing elf costumes."
It was true. In fact, every last one of them from Penelope to Snoozer was wearing an elf outfit, except Boss, who was decked out in a complete Santa suit, white-trimmed hat and all. The Boss Elf, as they say.
Maxwell sighed. "Boss is very enthusiastic this year, ever since last year when 'Santa' finally paid him a visit. Poor guy still hasn't figured out that it was Elder-ham. Anyway, they say you can't have too much of a good thing, but if you ask me Boss has an extreme overload of Christmas spirit, to the grievous misfortune of all the rest of us. He actually made these outfits himself and practically held us at gunpoint until we all agreed to wear them."
"I dunno, I think I look purty good in these elf tights!" Howdy said, laughing.
"Are you sure it was a mirror and not me that you were looking at?" Dexter asked with a smirk.
"But anyway," Maxwell continued, breaking in before an argument broke out, "what was it you were asking me about?"
"Oh yeah!" Hamtaro said, quickly remembering his unlikely plight and Laura's horrific singing. "Laura's gone completely crazy! She was in her room, making out her Christmas list for Santa, and then suddenly she just started...singing! And dancing, too!"
Maxwell considered this for a moment, then said "It's nothing to worry about. It's a simple, common case of Kris Kringle Complex."
"Kris Kringle Complex?" Hamtaro asked. "What's that?"
"Another name for Pre-Christmas Fever. Common in the younger generation. It's just an outburst of pent-up holiday excitement."
"Oh." Hamtaro sighed. "Darn. I was hoping it was something more exciting."
"Isn't Kris Kringle the name of one of the Rice Krispies guys?" Oxnard asked, his mouth starting to water.
There was a momentary awkward silence. No one really knew what the heck Oxnard was talking about. Or what it had to do with anything.
Then Maxwell explained it. "No, Kris Kringle is another name for Santa Claus," he said with a sigh. "Honestly. You're hopeless. Completely hopeless."
Boss, having recovered from his trampling, then entered the clubhouse.
"Here's your elf suit," he told Hamtaro, holding out something that looked like it belonged in a Dr. Suess book and certainly not on a hamster.
"Uh...thanks, I think," Hamtaro said weakly, taking the costume and feeling like he might throw up. "I'll uh...I'll just uh..."
"You'll put it on right now is what you'll do," Boss said for him.
I guess I don't have a choice, Hamtaro thought to himself. Oh well, at least I'll fit in. With that, he took a deep breath and pulled the little brightly-colored shirt over his head, put on the tights and to top it all off a little green hat with a bell on the end.
"Good," Boss said, satisfied. "Now let's get back to decorating."
~
Marian was just finishing washing dishes when the doorbell rang.
"Coming," she called, and quickly dried her hands. When she opened the door she was surprised to see a police man standing outside, and her husband standing next to him.
"This your husband?" the police officer asked in a gruff voice.
"Oh, Forrest," Marian sighed. "Yes, thank you officer."
"He was running around outside the police station screaming 'Fire!' We had to call in the rescue squad and the SWAT team to get him under control and put the fire out."
"I'm so sorry," Marian said. "Come on, Forrest." She pulled her husband inside and closed the door. A second later she opened the door again and poked her head out a few inches.
"Really sorry," she whispered to the officer. "It won't happen again."
"That's what you said the last four times," he replied irritably.
"Here," Marian said, and handed the police man a few bucks. "Buy your wife something pretty for Christmas."
The officer took the money, counted it, and then looked back at her.
"With three dollars?" he asked.
Marian gave a smug smile and nodded enthusiastically. "Yes sir. Goodbye now." She slammed the door and went back to work at the sink.
The police officer stood there for a moment, looking back and forth between the money in his hands and the little "Merry Christmas" reindeer head hanging on the Harunas' front door. Then he sighed.
"I don't even have a wife." He turned dejectedly and ambled off to spend the money on something useless.
~
It had been a long day of decorating at the clubhouse, and now Hamtaro was wearily wandering home when he remembered that Maxwell hadn't actually mentioned any cure for Kris Kringle Complex. He could only hope that Laura had gotten over it.
However, just as he slipped back into her room.
"Santa honey, I wanna yacht and really that's not a lot.I've been an angel all year, Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!!!!!!!"
The last "tonight" was too much. It was so loud and drawn-out that the entire roof of the house actually burst off and came crashing back down with a thud.
"Laura, honey, everything alright up there?" her mother called from downstairs.
"Yes mother dearest!" Laura called back, not noticing poor Hamtaro who had been petrified and eternally scarred by the horrid incident.
~
Laura smiled as she wrote in her journal that night, though the hamster sitting on her desk was still frozen with his fur standing straight on end and his eyes huge and staring.
"Only eleven days until Christmas!" Laura told her journal. "I can't wait! Today I sang a lot. I think Hamtaro really liked it."
Hamtaro didn't make any comment. He was still frozen in place.
"Well, tomorrow was a great day, and tomorrow will be even better!" Laura said, as usual, bending down towards her hamster.
Still no comment from the pitiable rodent.
~
Well, there's day 1. I dunno, I think that was pretty stupid.but I'm planning on doing all 12 days as long as I get a single good review.no wait, make that two, since I know that Steffers will give me a wonderful review no matter what kind of crap I write. Ok , so send me your reviews and tell me what you honestly think of it. It's supposed to be a Christmas fic. I think.