The Pancake Episode
By The 41st Magaunac
Part 1
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, and I am getting no money from writing this, so go away all you nasty lawyer types who want to sue me!
Author's Note: Because this story got so long, it ended up in chapters! I never believed it would be so long, so bear with me, 'kay? Please read and review!
It was another ordinary day in the year After Colony 195… well, about as normal as things get when you're talking about 5 Gundam pilots with the collective sanity of a half chewed candy cane…
Of course, today was not just any day. Today was Shrove Tuesday, or better known to the world as Pancake Day, and the group had congregated at Chez Winner to chow down. Of course, there was one minor problem…
"SICK??!!" expostulated Quatre Winner into the phone receiver. "But, he can't be sick!"
A mumbling came from the other end of the line, and the young blonde stood, and ran his fingers through his bangs with a somewhat pained expression on his face.
"Yes, yes, okay. Well, thank you anyway," he said eventually, and replaced the receiver. Duo poked his head out of the kitchen doorway.
"Problem?"
Quatre sighed, and rubbed his head. "Our chef has the flu."
"So what does that mean for us?"
"It means that if we want pancakes, we'll have to make them ourselves."
"So that's it then. It's just us. Us and our own resourcefulness!" said Duo, putting his hands on his hips, making some kind of failed attempt to look like Indiana Jones.
"My God, it's even worse than I thought when you put it like that," replied Quatre, making his way into the kitchen, and seating himself at the table.
"Well, we're 5 Gundam pilots, trained in intelligence, speed, wit and cunning. How hard can making a few pancakes possible be?" said Duo, already beginning to rifle through the cupboards for the appropriate ingredients.
Quatre merely turned a sickly shade of blue, and wandered off to find the Aspirin.
***
"I have to WHAT??!"
"Wufei, if we want anything to eat today, we have to work together!!" said Quatre, who was beginning to believe that 2 Aspirin was definitely not enough.
"I refuse to do the work of a weak woman! Injustice!!"
Duo threw his hands up in exasperation. "What about team spirit?"
"The team can kiss my ass!!"
Trowa rubbed his temples, smearing some egg across his brow in the process of doing so. "Where's Heero? Shouldn't he be helping?"
Quatre shook his head. "He said he had some kind of urgent business to attend to upstairs. I asked for him to come down again, but he threatened to 'tear out my beating heart, put it through the cheese grater, then use it as a pizza topping and force feed it to me, along with the rest of Oz's black-hearted organisation.' I think that's a 'no'."
"No kidding," replied Duo. "Well, I think the first batch of batter is ready!" he added, proudly. "What do you think?"
The other three pilots peered into the peculiar concoction in the bowl Duo had been stirring. It wasn't so much the fact that it was rather lumpy, or even that a strange skin seemed to be forming on the surface that concerned them. It was that it was green.
"What the Hell is that gunk?" said Wufei, covering his nose from the rather rancid whiff.
"Pancake batter, just like momma used to make," Duo replied, brushing mock tears from his eyes.
"Duo, you never knew your mother," said Quatre, pressing a damp dishcloth to his nose to cover the stench. "What on Earth did you put in that?"
"The usual things. Eggs, milk, flour, and some of this stuff, which is supposed to make it thicker…" he held up a bottle, which was now at least half empty.
"Duo, you moron! That's my 'Ultra-Stay-All-Day' hair gel!" said Trowa, taking the bottle back, and sniffing it.
"You use that stuff on your head?" said Duo. "I heard that it was banned in over half the world's countries, because people became impaled on the user's spiky hair…"
"Yes, but it also makes my hair glossy, gives it a rich volume, and keeps it dandruff free! You're only supposed to use a little bit at a time, and you've poured half a bottle into a load of milk and eggs! God knows what the consequences could be."
"Whatever it is," interjected Wufei, "it reeks, and if braid boy here doesn't get rid of it soon, it will probably cause the extinction of the human race."
"I'm with Wufei," said Quatre, "Take it out the back, and throw it down the drain."
Muttering about how unfair life was, Duo tottered off down the corridor, while the other raided the larder again.
***
'A little bit more hear, and some more there… See, this isn't so hard,' thought Heero to himself, busy with the complicated mission he was currently handling.
'This is practically artwork! A bit more here and… damn, now I've messed up the bed! Oh well, it's not like Quatre can't afford a new one… Now, where did I put that bottle of stuff?"
***
"Damn Quatre, why do you have to have such a big house?" said Duo to himself, as he wandered down another long corridor. "Man, this stuff really does reek! I don't care what the next room I find is, I'm gonna dump this gunk!"
By some strange twist of fate, Duo opened the door into a bathroom. "Thank God!" he said, and without a second thought, emptied the contents down the shower plughole.
"All done. I'd better go back now and see if I can help."
***
"Duo! Put that down, you'll break it!" Quatre took the plates from where Duo had been trying to balance them in a rather wonky stack.
"Oh, come on! There must be something I can do!"
"Well, you can stop drinking all the maple syrup for one," replied Trowa, pouring some more batter into the pan. He was rather pleased with the stack he had created so far.
"But I want to do something!" Duo whined, taking another swig of syrup.
Quatre ignored him. "Wufei? Could you go and fetch some orange juice, please?" Wufei merely stomped off, muttering obscenities and comments about weak women and injustice.
"Please let me do something! I wanna help! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please!"
"Duo, how much of that maple syrup have you had?" said Quatre, as Duo leapt across the room, as though on some kind of cosmic pogo stick.
"Just a few bottles!" he replied, and leapt over to Trowa, trying to grab the pan. "Let me flip the pancakes!"
"No way!" said Trowa, wrestling Duo for the frying pan. "You'll only screw it up!"
"Let go!"
"You let go!"
As Duo lunged forwards, he slipped in a pool of raw egg, falling forwards into the cooker, simultaneously locking his foot behind Trowa's knee to keep balance, and plunging his infamous braid into the flames of the gas cooker. Trowa lost grip on the pan as he stumbled, falling backwards, as Duo's attempts to balance himself took Trowa's feet out from under him. With a crash, Trowa's butt hit the linoleum.
"Ow! My ass!
"My hair!"
"My kitchen!"
"My God! What the Hell is going on?" yelled Wufei, as he re entered the kitchen. Quatre was checking the cooker, Trowa rubbing his sore behind, and Duo…
"Thanks Wu-man!" yelled Duo, dunking the end of his braid into the orange juice which Wufei had just trekked all the way to the basement larder to fetch.
Wufei scowled and dumped the slightly steaming juice on the table. "What a bunch of fools! I don't even know why I put up with any of you!" he yelled, before diving straight into another speech about 'justice' and 'weaklings'.
'That's odd,' thought Quatre, examining the discarded pan. 'Wasn't there a pancake in here?' Quatre looked around the room, until his eyes were drawn to half-cooked light brown pancake, half stuck to the ceiling, right about the head of… Uh oh.
"Uhh, Wufei?"
"… Justice is for the righteous! Weaklings such as you can never hope to understand the power of…"
"Wufei?"
"Silence! Can you not see that I am speaking?! Do not interrupt!"
"B-but…"
"Silence! Justice will prevail over the weaklings of the Universe, and you shall all…"
The half clinging pancake chose this moment to fall unceremoniously on to Wufei's head with a resounding 'flump'. Wufei stood for a moment in total silence, as the half cooked pancake slid off his head, and fell to the linoleum floor.
"Who threw that pancake?" he said, his expression showing nothing, his voice barely above a whisper.
Duo merely pointed at Trowa, and backed up a couple of steps towards the doorway. Sensing trouble, Quatre pulled a colander out of the cupboard, and put it on his head, ducking beneath the kitchen table.
"Now you have heard justice… It is time for you to feel justice! Prepare to die, Quiff Boy!!!" Wufei lunged forward, grabbing the pan from the table, and going straight for Trowa's head. Trowa moved nimbly, avoiding Wufei's swings at him, working his way to the other side of the table.
"Wufei! Be reasonable!" yelled Trowa, as Wufei dumped the pan on the floor with a clatter.
"Justice will be paid!!" yelled Wufei, grabbing the charred orange juice, and throwing the contents over Trowa's head.
"My hair!!" wailed Trowa as his wonderful quiff went rather floppy. "That's it! You'll die in Hell!!" Trowa reached into the cupboard behind him and pulled out two beautiful china plates, then hurled them both at Wufei's head. Wufei ducked, and the plates smashed into a thousand pieces against the cupboard behind him.
"No, not the china!!" yelled Quatre, sticking his head out from under the tablecloth, his make shift helmet obscuring his vision in one eye. A rogue saucer hit the back of the colander with a 'bong', which echoed throughout his skull. "Ow!"
"Is that the best you have, circus freak?" yelled Wufei, grabbing 5 glasses out of the cabinet behind him, and hurling them at Trowa.
"No, not the crystal!" 'Bong!' "Ow!"
"I haven't even started yet!" yelled Trowa, reaching into the drawer behind him, resting his hands on the cutlery inside. "You think Catherine didn't teach me a thing or two about knife throwing?" He pulled out 3 knives, and sent them flying at Wufei, who dodged to one side.
"No, not the silver!" 'Bong!' "Ow!"
Wufei went for broke, and ran for the sideboard to pick up the massive bowl of pancake batter. "Aha!!"
"You wouldn't dare…" said Trowa, though there was a touch of uncertainty in his voice.
"Oh, wouldn't I? Clown fodder, prepare to feel the wrath of justice!" Wufei dived forwards…
***
'There now, nearly ready. I can't believe how easy this is! You do it a few times, and it's practically second nature.' Heero laid the little bottle of cream to one side. Now for this strip… ever so slowly, ever so carefully…'
As Heero took hold of the strip, an earth-shattering roar of anger was heard from somewhere downstairs. Heero immediately went for his gun, forgetting that he already had the strip in that same hand.
There was a moment of silence… then all Hell broke loose.
By The 41st Magaunac
Part 1
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, and I am getting no money from writing this, so go away all you nasty lawyer types who want to sue me!
Author's Note: Because this story got so long, it ended up in chapters! I never believed it would be so long, so bear with me, 'kay? Please read and review!
It was another ordinary day in the year After Colony 195… well, about as normal as things get when you're talking about 5 Gundam pilots with the collective sanity of a half chewed candy cane…
Of course, today was not just any day. Today was Shrove Tuesday, or better known to the world as Pancake Day, and the group had congregated at Chez Winner to chow down. Of course, there was one minor problem…
"SICK??!!" expostulated Quatre Winner into the phone receiver. "But, he can't be sick!"
A mumbling came from the other end of the line, and the young blonde stood, and ran his fingers through his bangs with a somewhat pained expression on his face.
"Yes, yes, okay. Well, thank you anyway," he said eventually, and replaced the receiver. Duo poked his head out of the kitchen doorway.
"Problem?"
Quatre sighed, and rubbed his head. "Our chef has the flu."
"So what does that mean for us?"
"It means that if we want pancakes, we'll have to make them ourselves."
"So that's it then. It's just us. Us and our own resourcefulness!" said Duo, putting his hands on his hips, making some kind of failed attempt to look like Indiana Jones.
"My God, it's even worse than I thought when you put it like that," replied Quatre, making his way into the kitchen, and seating himself at the table.
"Well, we're 5 Gundam pilots, trained in intelligence, speed, wit and cunning. How hard can making a few pancakes possible be?" said Duo, already beginning to rifle through the cupboards for the appropriate ingredients.
Quatre merely turned a sickly shade of blue, and wandered off to find the Aspirin.
***
"I have to WHAT??!"
"Wufei, if we want anything to eat today, we have to work together!!" said Quatre, who was beginning to believe that 2 Aspirin was definitely not enough.
"I refuse to do the work of a weak woman! Injustice!!"
Duo threw his hands up in exasperation. "What about team spirit?"
"The team can kiss my ass!!"
Trowa rubbed his temples, smearing some egg across his brow in the process of doing so. "Where's Heero? Shouldn't he be helping?"
Quatre shook his head. "He said he had some kind of urgent business to attend to upstairs. I asked for him to come down again, but he threatened to 'tear out my beating heart, put it through the cheese grater, then use it as a pizza topping and force feed it to me, along with the rest of Oz's black-hearted organisation.' I think that's a 'no'."
"No kidding," replied Duo. "Well, I think the first batch of batter is ready!" he added, proudly. "What do you think?"
The other three pilots peered into the peculiar concoction in the bowl Duo had been stirring. It wasn't so much the fact that it was rather lumpy, or even that a strange skin seemed to be forming on the surface that concerned them. It was that it was green.
"What the Hell is that gunk?" said Wufei, covering his nose from the rather rancid whiff.
"Pancake batter, just like momma used to make," Duo replied, brushing mock tears from his eyes.
"Duo, you never knew your mother," said Quatre, pressing a damp dishcloth to his nose to cover the stench. "What on Earth did you put in that?"
"The usual things. Eggs, milk, flour, and some of this stuff, which is supposed to make it thicker…" he held up a bottle, which was now at least half empty.
"Duo, you moron! That's my 'Ultra-Stay-All-Day' hair gel!" said Trowa, taking the bottle back, and sniffing it.
"You use that stuff on your head?" said Duo. "I heard that it was banned in over half the world's countries, because people became impaled on the user's spiky hair…"
"Yes, but it also makes my hair glossy, gives it a rich volume, and keeps it dandruff free! You're only supposed to use a little bit at a time, and you've poured half a bottle into a load of milk and eggs! God knows what the consequences could be."
"Whatever it is," interjected Wufei, "it reeks, and if braid boy here doesn't get rid of it soon, it will probably cause the extinction of the human race."
"I'm with Wufei," said Quatre, "Take it out the back, and throw it down the drain."
Muttering about how unfair life was, Duo tottered off down the corridor, while the other raided the larder again.
***
'A little bit more hear, and some more there… See, this isn't so hard,' thought Heero to himself, busy with the complicated mission he was currently handling.
'This is practically artwork! A bit more here and… damn, now I've messed up the bed! Oh well, it's not like Quatre can't afford a new one… Now, where did I put that bottle of stuff?"
***
"Damn Quatre, why do you have to have such a big house?" said Duo to himself, as he wandered down another long corridor. "Man, this stuff really does reek! I don't care what the next room I find is, I'm gonna dump this gunk!"
By some strange twist of fate, Duo opened the door into a bathroom. "Thank God!" he said, and without a second thought, emptied the contents down the shower plughole.
"All done. I'd better go back now and see if I can help."
***
"Duo! Put that down, you'll break it!" Quatre took the plates from where Duo had been trying to balance them in a rather wonky stack.
"Oh, come on! There must be something I can do!"
"Well, you can stop drinking all the maple syrup for one," replied Trowa, pouring some more batter into the pan. He was rather pleased with the stack he had created so far.
"But I want to do something!" Duo whined, taking another swig of syrup.
Quatre ignored him. "Wufei? Could you go and fetch some orange juice, please?" Wufei merely stomped off, muttering obscenities and comments about weak women and injustice.
"Please let me do something! I wanna help! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please!"
"Duo, how much of that maple syrup have you had?" said Quatre, as Duo leapt across the room, as though on some kind of cosmic pogo stick.
"Just a few bottles!" he replied, and leapt over to Trowa, trying to grab the pan. "Let me flip the pancakes!"
"No way!" said Trowa, wrestling Duo for the frying pan. "You'll only screw it up!"
"Let go!"
"You let go!"
As Duo lunged forwards, he slipped in a pool of raw egg, falling forwards into the cooker, simultaneously locking his foot behind Trowa's knee to keep balance, and plunging his infamous braid into the flames of the gas cooker. Trowa lost grip on the pan as he stumbled, falling backwards, as Duo's attempts to balance himself took Trowa's feet out from under him. With a crash, Trowa's butt hit the linoleum.
"Ow! My ass!
"My hair!"
"My kitchen!"
"My God! What the Hell is going on?" yelled Wufei, as he re entered the kitchen. Quatre was checking the cooker, Trowa rubbing his sore behind, and Duo…
"Thanks Wu-man!" yelled Duo, dunking the end of his braid into the orange juice which Wufei had just trekked all the way to the basement larder to fetch.
Wufei scowled and dumped the slightly steaming juice on the table. "What a bunch of fools! I don't even know why I put up with any of you!" he yelled, before diving straight into another speech about 'justice' and 'weaklings'.
'That's odd,' thought Quatre, examining the discarded pan. 'Wasn't there a pancake in here?' Quatre looked around the room, until his eyes were drawn to half-cooked light brown pancake, half stuck to the ceiling, right about the head of… Uh oh.
"Uhh, Wufei?"
"… Justice is for the righteous! Weaklings such as you can never hope to understand the power of…"
"Wufei?"
"Silence! Can you not see that I am speaking?! Do not interrupt!"
"B-but…"
"Silence! Justice will prevail over the weaklings of the Universe, and you shall all…"
The half clinging pancake chose this moment to fall unceremoniously on to Wufei's head with a resounding 'flump'. Wufei stood for a moment in total silence, as the half cooked pancake slid off his head, and fell to the linoleum floor.
"Who threw that pancake?" he said, his expression showing nothing, his voice barely above a whisper.
Duo merely pointed at Trowa, and backed up a couple of steps towards the doorway. Sensing trouble, Quatre pulled a colander out of the cupboard, and put it on his head, ducking beneath the kitchen table.
"Now you have heard justice… It is time for you to feel justice! Prepare to die, Quiff Boy!!!" Wufei lunged forward, grabbing the pan from the table, and going straight for Trowa's head. Trowa moved nimbly, avoiding Wufei's swings at him, working his way to the other side of the table.
"Wufei! Be reasonable!" yelled Trowa, as Wufei dumped the pan on the floor with a clatter.
"Justice will be paid!!" yelled Wufei, grabbing the charred orange juice, and throwing the contents over Trowa's head.
"My hair!!" wailed Trowa as his wonderful quiff went rather floppy. "That's it! You'll die in Hell!!" Trowa reached into the cupboard behind him and pulled out two beautiful china plates, then hurled them both at Wufei's head. Wufei ducked, and the plates smashed into a thousand pieces against the cupboard behind him.
"No, not the china!!" yelled Quatre, sticking his head out from under the tablecloth, his make shift helmet obscuring his vision in one eye. A rogue saucer hit the back of the colander with a 'bong', which echoed throughout his skull. "Ow!"
"Is that the best you have, circus freak?" yelled Wufei, grabbing 5 glasses out of the cabinet behind him, and hurling them at Trowa.
"No, not the crystal!" 'Bong!' "Ow!"
"I haven't even started yet!" yelled Trowa, reaching into the drawer behind him, resting his hands on the cutlery inside. "You think Catherine didn't teach me a thing or two about knife throwing?" He pulled out 3 knives, and sent them flying at Wufei, who dodged to one side.
"No, not the silver!" 'Bong!' "Ow!"
Wufei went for broke, and ran for the sideboard to pick up the massive bowl of pancake batter. "Aha!!"
"You wouldn't dare…" said Trowa, though there was a touch of uncertainty in his voice.
"Oh, wouldn't I? Clown fodder, prepare to feel the wrath of justice!" Wufei dived forwards…
***
'There now, nearly ready. I can't believe how easy this is! You do it a few times, and it's practically second nature.' Heero laid the little bottle of cream to one side. Now for this strip… ever so slowly, ever so carefully…'
As Heero took hold of the strip, an earth-shattering roar of anger was heard from somewhere downstairs. Heero immediately went for his gun, forgetting that he already had the strip in that same hand.
There was a moment of silence… then all Hell broke loose.