Kimeru is actually somewhat a trilogy, and ongoing at that. Thanks to the wonders of the pocket computer. Unfortunately, it's not the only ongoing fic, and, trust me on this, the hardest to write of the lot. The fic takes place several years in the future, they're already working. The S02 people are disregarded, seeing as it's not about to hit Singapore any time soon. Omoto Shuuichi is an original character, and I hate those. His presence, however, is minimal, and he's more a plot device than anything else. And he won't even be that for much longer. The *few lines of poetry* come from a poem called 'Memorabilia'.
Kimeru
[Choice]
By Djinn
Omoto Shuuichi made me a proposition today. "Kido-kun," he said…he
doesn't even call me Jyou…"Kido-kun, I know this sounds strange…but I've been
planning to ask you for a long time…can we…would you…go out with me?"
Omoto
Shuuichi, with his perfect record, his spotless reputation. Omoto-sensei, only
the youngest doctor in the TGH to have become a certified visit. Omoto-sensei,
with his charismatic demeanour – always kind to patients – always kind to
animals, for god's sake. Omoto-sensei asked me. Kido Jyou. Intern.
Rookie. Barely a med-school grad. Omoto-sensei asked me to go out with him. I've
only spoken to him twice.
"Jyou-chan," Okaa-san would have
said…or maybe she wouldn't…Omoto-sensei is a man, after all…Okaa-san would have
said, "this Shuuichi would be good for you. You need someone reliable, don't
you? Okaa-san can't be with you forever. You need a steady partner.
Shuuichi-kun, he's dependable, isn't he?"
Hai,
Okaa-san. Omoto-sensei is dependable as a rock. Omoto-sensei is almost as
dependable as me. Omoto-sensei would be good for me. God knows I need a
constant in my life. Omoto-sensei would be perfect. The strong, steady husband,
and I his quiet little almost-wife.
It
would be perfect, really. Omoto-sensei is perfect, after all.
Only…only
there's that little problem with the love. Or the lack thereof, in this case.
Even
that shouldn't be a problem actually, the lack thereof. I could grow to love
him, I know. Good old Jyou. You can always depend on him. I suspect I'm one of
the few that can actually love to
order.
Except…except
I can't. Not when…
Taichi-kun,
where are you now? Brazil, is it? I recall you said something about a J-League
arrangement there. Or was that last month? Sora-kun, what about you? Oh right,
still in England, aren't you? Just a couple of years before you finish that
degree. Ganbatte, ne? Koushiro-kun, I hope Silicon Valley is to your taste…of
course it would be, wouldn't it? Maybe you'll run into Mimi-kun sometime.
Though Saks Fifth Avenue is infinitely more her style. Takeru-kun, Kari-kun, is
Australia as exciting as you thought it would be? Study hard.
Where
are we all?
…And
where are you now, my proud, stubborn Yama-kun? Of course I know. Makuhari this
forthnight, isn't it. I have your schedule memorised, all of it. It's beside my
bed, where you will be tonight. Everywhere, with your job, your rock-star status.
Everyone's…just…not mine.
Goma
would have told me to forget about you. "Forget about it, Jyou. It's behind you
now. The future's a lot brighter than the past."
But
you're not just my past, I'm afraid. You're not even just my history. You're
practically my raison d'etre, pardon my saying so, and that's just a little bit
harder to write off.
Quiet,
reliable Kido Jyou. Graduated from med school with honours…did you know that,
Yama-kun? Did I tell you? Superb bedside manner, haven't yet made a serious medical
mistake. Well-liked by colleagues and patients alike…that sounds strange,
doesn't it? I'm practically following in Omoto-sensei's footsteps, come to
think of it. I might as well follow his footsteps home.
…He
set the date for Friday night. I told him I'd think about it.
Friday
night…that's when you return to Tokyo.
…I
still remember the last time you came back. It was wonderful, just to be with
you again. But it shocked me nonetheless. Yama-kun…Yama-kun…are you still
alive? The spark in your eyes, it's gone. You know that, don't you? You know
that.
"Drink,
certainly," I'd thought to myself, even though I'd been ashamed to do so,
"Drugs, is it? Yama-kun, what have you done to yourself?" What have you done to
yourself? Or is it your rockstar life? What are they doing to you? The whole
time I was with you…did you even really notice I was there?
…I'd
have thought not…except…except you'd suddenly…suddenly hugged me. As you were
leaving again. In the airport. In front of everyone. Your crew, your manager,
your band…even the few fangirls who'd fought their way in. You'd hugged me.
"Take
care of yourself," you whispered – I think they were the first real words you'd
said to me, "I'll be back."
And
then you were gone.
…I
hate to confess, but my immediate thought was "What's the matter? Had an
argument with your Taichi-kun?" It was bitter. I'm sorry. You'd always
preferred Taichi's company to mine...but then, it seems you'd always preferred
anyone else's company to mine.
What
does Taichi have that I don't?!
...How
stupid can a question be? Looks. Wrong, Kido-san. Charisma. Wrong, Kido-san.
Well, what then? The answer, Kido-san, is everything.
And
Yamato.
Well
then, licked before I've even begun, aren't I?
...There's
no need for me to go, is there? Would you notice whether or not I was at the
arrival hall, standing there, nervous, looking like a scared fangirl? Would you
care? I know Omoto-sensei would. Would you?
...Would
you?
Omoto-sensei...so
bright a future. Perfect, dependable...there's a strange kind of happiness that
comes from routine, from stability.
And
yet...
*A
handsbreath of it shines alone*
...Every
time I look back, it's darkness. Fear, pain, control...except for that one
summer...
*Mid
the blank miles round about*
...The
happiest summer I ever had...and you
I
see your face, like it was back then...we aren't really so different from the
way we were. I'm still scared...you're still running away. Like a flickering
candle flame, I see your face...and I can't look away...
The
future, or the past? It's not supposed to be...a difficult...choice...
* * * * * * *
He stood there, in the middle of the arrival hall, nervous, looking like a lost fangirl.
He'd apologised. Omoto-sensei said he understood.
Omoto Shuuichi would get to know a nice girl. Omoto Shuuchi would marry that nice girl. Omoto Shuuchi didn't need him.
Someone else did.
Ishida-san's private plane had landed, he knew. A counter assistant had come up to him - after he'd show his authorisation, of course - muttered the update briefly before disappearing again. He didn't say when Ishida-san himself would arrive.
That was okay. He could wait. For Yamato, he could wait forever.
Then he was there.
The sight of him, handsome and golden, took his breath away. But the blue eyes were empty, even as he made his way over to where he stood, there was barely a flicker of recognition, his face impassive.
He felt his heart break. He couldn't be sure.
"Yamato-kun," he greeted, going forward to take one of his bags with a strained smile, "It's so good to see you again. It's been so long..."
He knew he was babbling. He didn't care.
"...Let's go to the cafeteria upstairs for a drink, shall we? Their milkshakes are particularly good..."
He didn't stop talking, as Yamato let himself be guided onto the escalator, led into the small cafe. Anything, to break the silence. Even if he seemed a bit of an idiot. The silence...was too much to bear.
"I'll go order, shall I?" he found himself asking, "Strawberry milkshake?"
"No. Chocolate." Was the stoic reply.
"Hai." He retreated to the counter uncertainly.
When he returned, Yamato hadn't moved an inch. Pretending not to notice, he laid the tray down, resuming his one-sided conversation as cheerfully as he could.
"I bought some ice-cream as well, I thought it would be nice. There'll only two flavours, though, chocolate and vanilla...Chocolate?"
"No. Vanilla."
He paused, for a brief second, accommodating the sudden terrible sinking feeling in his heart.
It wasn't enough. Nothing he could ever do could be enough.
He passed the vanilla carton, passed the chocolate milkshake, sinking into his seat silently, desolation clawing at his chest, his throat.
There was only silence.
Then, for the first time since he'd arrived, Yamato spoke unprompted.
"Do you know why I came back?"
He looked up, sudden fear in his eyes as an ominous dread rose in his heart. His voice trembled as he spoke, knowing, even as he said it, that the answer was wrong.
"Because...we're friends?"
"No. Because I love you."
END for now.
Interestingly enough, Kimeru [Choice] comes with an accompanying fanart of Jyou in the arrival hall. A class-time quickie. If you'd like to see it, you could mail me, but – hey – who am I kidding.