"it's impossible"

said pride

"it's risky"

said experience

"it's pointless"

said reason

"give it a try"

whispered the heart

This fic is also known as 'the thing I was writing when I was really sad about Julia and was crying to Alex instead of studying for my French listening exam and quizzes tomorrow' so I hope you all enjoyed this because I just might fail my exams now.

(Seriously. And I thought I could take a break from fanfic.)

Title taken from the movie starring Barbra Streisand and Robert Redford.

Aku Cinta Kamu to my darling parabatai, Julia, up there wherever you are, heaven, whatever. I miss you.

Pride

There's a saying that states: 'when one door closes, another one opens'.

But it's not entirely true with Kate Beckett.

She's a bundle of contractions, a mix of twists and turns that spin his mind and renders him useless for a few moments as he tries to regain his ability to think.

She's a storm that, if she wants to, will cause immediate destruction to the object of her anger.

So when the two of them have to go undercover for a case as a couple, at a strip club nonetheless, Rick Castle is half frightened, half excited at the prospect of seeing Beckett in something other than her work clothes.

But he doesn't expect this.

Her dress is entirely too short to be appropriate, with legs that seem to go on and on for miles, and then his gaze arrives on her face and oh shit her pouty red lips aren't really helping this situation.

Their suspect enters the room and suddenly she's in his lap, her mouth moving against his, trying to cajole him into going along with the abrupt change of plans, and he's sure she can tell that he has no qualms of doing this with her. Not when her legs wrap around his back and he's lifting her up and pressing her against the nearest wall, wreaking havoc to both of their internal organ systems.

She pulls away quickly, slapping his hands off her thighs (goddamn it they were that close to where he wants them to be) and moving away, her heels clacking as she strides towards the door where police are streaming in, ready to catch the killer and his gang.

(And of course he follows. Because he always will. Especially seeing as he has no more brain cells left after that kiss. Kisses. After those multiple kisses.)

He hurries after her, grabs her arm but she yanks it out of his grasp.

"Listen, Castle, what happened in there? It was a ruse. Nothing more. We both know it wasn't. Now would you just please let me go?"

He can't stop staring at her lips as she talks, and now that he knows what she tastes like, he wants more, but his pride stops him from reaching for her.

His pride is the reason he says, "Yeah, don't worry about it. Doesn't mean much." and walks away.

Experience

She knows this is a bad idea. She does. But what other choice do they have? Their only suspect is on the loose in the huge city of Manhattan, and somehow, somehow, they're the ones who have to sit at this romantic restaurant, sipping wine and pretending to talk while they wait for news.

(This man was last seen working at this very restaurant, yes, that is true. But why couldn't another pair of partners take this job?)

It's been a month since she practically climbed him at that strip club they had to go to, and if it weren't for the fact that he's been obviously avoiding her since that night, spending more time at Espo and Ryan's desks, offering to do more and more stuff that somehow conveniently places him in a less than an eight foot radius from her, she wouldn't be worried.

Not at all.

(It's not like she's woken up at night since then, all hot and bothered from yet another dream about his mouth and what it could do to her and her body. Nope. Not at all.)

Castle is picking at his food, his mouth a straight line, displeasure evident on his face. She waits another few minutes, but he stays quiet (for once), and then she gives up.

"Castle, what the hell is wrong?"

He looks up in surprise, and his eyes, his eyes, are a cold, steel blue that sends shivers down her back.

"Nothing, Beckett. Just let it go."

She nods, and his face grows even more sullen, and then she gets it.

"It was a ruse. Nothing more. We both know it was. Now would you please let me go?"

She's opening her mouth in protest, unsure at what exactly is going to come out, and then they're… saved? interrupted? by their suspect coming in, a gun in one of his two raised hands and then police storm in, effectively ruining whatever chance Kate had to explain herself.

(It's too risky, anyway. From what she's ever known, nothing good can come from this kind of relationship.)

Reason

He's not exactly sure how they ended up here. He opened a door and then suddenly they were in this dark passageway and the door slammed behind them and they couldn't get it open. The ceiling gets lower and lower and lower the farther in they go and his back and legs are cramping from all the kneeling and he just about collapses on the floor when she finally comes to a stop in front of him.

"I can't see any light coming from anywhere." She says, and if it weren't for the exhaustion spreading into his entire body, he would be slightly more worried.

Especially when her flashlight burns out.

She curses, a rare thing for Kate Beckett, and he grins at that, turning and settling on his bottom, leaning against the (slightly musky) wall.

He doesn't respond, and then he feels her body next to his, can make out the vague outline of her legs as they, just like his, have to fold in order to fit into this tight space.

"I hope you're not claustrophic." He says finally, and he can almost feel her eyeballs roll at that.

"Why aren't you more worried?" She asks.

"Before we left, we told the boys where we were going. Besides, I have snacks!" He digs four protein bars out of one pocket and a small bottle of water out of the other. "This should last us for about four hours, judging from the big lunch we both had before we got this lead."

She punches his arm then, lightly, and laughs. "You always think of everything, don't you."

He smiles at that. "Yeah, I can never let it go."

And then she stops.

And Rick remembers why.

That night. Oh, that night. That fateful night that had pretty much ruined their whole partnership; their partnership that they had only managed to get back to normal a few weeks ago.

When she speaks again, her voice is tight, controlled. "Listen, Castle, we do agree that that night was nothing, right? Because if you don't… then we have to talk it out."

The way she says it, 'talk it out', like the fact that he's in love with her (although she doesn't know) is so easy to forget with a little hashing out.

Something inside of him snaps, and then he's kissing her. Furiously, his tongue swiping to taste her again; he wants to hear that moan again that shakes his entire –

And then she pulls away. "What the hell was that?" He notices her voice is shaky, and he realizes that maybe, just maybe, she isn't as oblivious as he thought.

"I kissed you. To show you that I didn't mean it. Not one bit." Internally, he's begging her to call him out on her bluff, but she doesn't take the hint.

"You proved your point. Now let go of my hand." She says icily, and suddenly he's scared.

It's pointless to argue with her, so they sit in silence for the remainder of their time together, only moving to take a sip out of the water bottles or to grab a nutrition bar.

(It's like any progress he had made with her has just… disappeared, into thin air. All because of that damn kiss. But he doesn't regret it. Not. One. Bit.)

Heart

She's shot in the chest, the bullet ripping through her police uniform as she stands on the podium, speaking of Roy Montgomery and what he meant to her, what he meant to everyone.

He's a second too late, jumping at her just as it embeds itself into her gut, pain flaring up like nothing she had ever felt before.

She sees his face above her, swimming as her vision blurs, and she hears an echo of his voice begging her to stay with him, saying "I love you, Kate", and she whispers, "Love you too" before her whole world turns black.

She wakes up from surgery a while later, discombobulated and unsure of why everyone is surrounding her, faces etched with worry and pain.

She tries to sit up, but suddenly pain so extreme disables her ability to breath, and a sob comes out.

This all happens in less than a second because then a doctor is in front of her, asking her questions about her name and the date and the president and what she last remembers.

She croaks out, "Where's Castle?" and her eyes search for the familiar face of the man she loves in the small audience that has gathered in her (what must be a) hospital room.

The man in question steps forward and she reaches for him before she can stop herself, and he takes her hand gently, worry and love and hope all swirling in those ocean blue irises of his.

"I love you too." She whispers, and then, ignoring the doctor, his lips are covering hers in the most gentlest kiss known to mankind (or at least known to her), lips emitting the joy he's feeling at the moment, and she responds enthusiastically until the dull ache in her chest begins to get too much.

The two of them stare at each other like the love-struck idiots that they are, and Kate notices that everyone but Rick and the doctor has left the room.

She sighs happily, carefully leaning back on to the pillows as she keeps a firm grip on Cast- Rick's – hand, and listens to the doctor's instructions on how to take care of herself from now on, and all the stuff that is going to happen after she leaves the hospital.

(But honestly, she doesn't care. Her family and friends are with her, the love of her life, her favorite author nonetheless, is there as well, and to be honest, that's a whole hell of a better thought than what is to come.)

But seriously. I hope you all enjoyed this because it's 10:08pm and I'm, once again, running on four hours of sleep and I really need food.

Thanks for reading.