Authors Note:
This has been an idea of mine for some time, and given the aftermath of Infinity War, I figured it was a good time to start. I will be drawing on actual Norse Mythology rather than comics as I haven't read many of the comics. As such, any things that need explaining will be put here.
Yggdrasil- Yggdrasil is an immense mythical tree that connects the nine worlds in Norse cosmology/mythology.
Byleistr- One of Loki's brothers in some Norse mythological tales. Used as a mild reference to that.
Another thing. I checked how old Loki would have been in the first Thor movie, and according to someone who worked out Asgardian lifespans compared to human lifespans, taking into account how Loki was Jotun, etc…Loki would have been around 17-18 years old in human years. Or something like that, anyway. There isn't much information in that regard.
Also: Let me know if you spot any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes. I have proofread this but as I am only human, I am bound to miss some. I will correct any mistakes that are pointed out.
Words: 4,485!
Chapter 1
(The Fall)
To think that so much had changed in a mere few days. Days which had felt like an entire lifetime- days in which Loki's whole life had been turned upside down. His whole life, he'd never truly felt like he belonged on Asgard- something within him always seemed to set him apart from his brother and the other warriors. Many things made him different. Many Asgardians were bulky; covered in tough, steel-like muscle, whereas Loki had always been slender and lanky. That alone had earned more than a few jeers from Thor's oafish friends. It didn't help that he preferred books over brawls, or magic over bare handed fighting. The fact his Mother had always doted excessively on him never did help his case- Loki had often been ridiculed by the Warrior's Three for sticking to his Mother's side so closely. Adding to the fact that Loki had always seemed to get sick so easily, particularly during Asgards lush summers…and…well...one could see how different Loki really was. This was all even before that fated day when Thor had risked war and dragged them all to Jotunheim. Before the day a frost giant grabbed Loki and revealed the blue skin below his glamor and spells. Before…before Loki had been broken. Time and time again, he had fought for Odin's approval. Time and time again, he was left bitterly disappointed- only to learn that Odin had never been his Father after all. It was a cruel irony.
"Loki!" Thor's voice snapped Loki out of his thoughts.
Glancing upwards, Loki could see the desperation in his brother's face. And beyond that, Odin- staring down at them both with a mixture of pain and sorrow in his expression.
"I did it, Father!" Loki raised his voice.
Why did he still call that impostor his Father? Maybe...because that's all he had ever known.
"I did it for you!" Loki continued. "For all of us."
"No, Loki." Odin spoke quietly.
Those two words struck a chord in Loki's heart, finally shattering it into a million pieces. With one final glance at the swirling void beneath him, he made his decision. Taking one final deep, shuddering breath, he returned his gaze upwards. Looking into his brother's eyes for one final time, he loosened his grip on the staff. Noticing Loki giving up, Thor's eyes widened.
"Loki, no!"
His brothers scream of anguish was the last thing Loki heard as he finally released his grip on the staff...and plunged into the starless void.
When he finally began to wake, Loki immediately found himself confused. Given that he'd surrendered to the void and the scattered roots of Yggdrasil, he'd expected for that to be the end of him. He'd never known anyone to fall through the Bifrost, descend into the void, and emerge unscathed. Yet, somehow, he had. Perhaps it was his true Jotun nature that made him hardier than others that had perished on Yggdrasil's roots. Loki wasn't sure whether he should be grateful. With a thousand thoughts swirling through his head, he lay where he was- keeping his eyes firmly shut. Head aching as more questions entered his mind, Loki struggled to fully wake. Taking several deep breaths, he focused first on what he could feel- which wasn't much, given the strange numbing sensation holding his body. He was definitely on solid ground- though it was cold to the touch, and slightly damp. Around him, he could sense how crisp and cool the air was…and something gently falling from the sky. It was snow, that much he could tell. As he struggled to gather what little strength he had left, Loki realised just how weak he felt. It felt as if all of his magic had been drained from him- leaving him with an extremely uncomfortable feeling akin to losing too much blood. He'd never felt his magic reserves get so low before- which meant that, wherever he was, he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. Just as he was preparing himself to open his eyes, he heard a soft voice calling to him.
"Hey!" the voice, distinctly feminine, called out. "Wake up!"
Groaning, Loki felt someone, likely the owner of the voice, gently touching his head. They moved carefully, taking great care not to jostle him or move his head too much. The person seemed to hum a slight tune to themselves, deep in thought for several moments, before speaking up again- this time with a sense of urgency in their voice.
"Come on, wake up!" they cursed. "Don't die on me. Please?"
Sensing that the person was growing increasingly concerned, Loki attempted to open his eyes- only to stop when he felt a burning agony pulsating in his head. When the numbing sensation finally ebbed away, the trickster found himself wishing it back. The pain that surged through him was unlike anything he had ever experienced- enough to leave him breathless and gasping for air. As the minutes ticked by, he struggled, finding it increasingly harder to draw breath. To Loki, it felt as if all his ribs had been shattered and broken- leaving his breaths sounding fragile and hoarse.
"No! No, no, no no no no no!" the voice returned, sounding frantic.
Loki wanted nothing more than to fight back, and open his eyes- but every nerve in his body was screaming at him not to. Each bone felt as if it had been shattered, then dipped in the burning flames of Hel. Longing for the numbness to return, Loki continued scrapping for air...until he could feel something bubbling in the back of his throat. Choking and gasping, Loki felt himself heaving something up- as the thick taste of Iron drenched his tongue.
"Don't die on me! Come on!" the voice urged.
When the person the voice was no doubt attached to tilted him sideways, Loki found a scream of pain echoing forth from his throat. Normally, he'd have been ashamed of such a show of weakness, but now? Now he could only continue screaming, unable to focus past the agony coursing through his veins.
"Come on!" the voice pleaded.
Even though he had been moved onto his sides, the sensation of his broken ribs grinding on one another brought new pain to Loki with each miniscule breath he could draw in. Eventually, Loki found himself without the strength to fight back- and simply lay there as his lifeblood continued flowing from his mouth in a series of hacking coughs. Feeling tears stream down his face, the trickster heard himself pleading for mercy. For whoever was watching over him to simply end it all- he couldn't take the pain anymore. With every minute passing he could feel a new injury adding to his pain. It was like he'd been crushed- and Loki supposed he had been. Even an Asgardian was not supposed to be able to withstand the unbridled power of the Bifrost, nor were even they built to survive the ravages of the void.
As he finally gave in to the pain, all the trickster heard before he passed out…was the stranger, begging for him not to die.
Why did they care so much?
The air around him is silent as he walks through Odin's precious Hall of treasures. Walls of aging weapons and worn trinkets go unnoticed- as Loki only had eyes for one thing. The Casket of Ancient Winters. The one object that could confirm if what he had seen earlier was true, or a trick of Jotun magic. Taking several deep breaths, Loki reached for the glowing caskets' carved handles. Several minutes ticked by in deadly silence, before Loki began to feel the cold seeping in to his fingertips. Slowly, the freezing sensation crept up his arms. As it did, his hand slowly began to shift from Asgardian…to a deep blue. Spreading like ink blots, the sickeningly familiar shade of blue began to cover Loki's exposed skin…soon coating his whole body. Letting out a shaky breath, he looked down at the Casket- and saw his own reflection.
Ignoring the sounds of the latticed doors sliding open, and the Destroyer roaring to life, he let out a choked sob. Icy tears pricked at the corners of his eyes as he took in his new appearance. His eyes were a gruesome shade of dark red, a stark contrast to the deep blue shade of his skin. The eerie pallor was further exaggerated by the numerous raised markings. Markings of a true Jotun. A frost giant. Letting the tears flow silently, Loki heard the doors far behind him clang open. Hearing footsteps, he braced himself, emotions threatening to spill over.
"Stop!" Odin's commanding voice echoed through the room.
Shaking his head, Loki took another deep breath, doing his best to appear calm before he finally spoke up.
"Am I cursed?" Loki asked quietly.
"No." Odin spoke calmly. "Put the casket down."
Loki set the Casket back upon its pedestal, feeling oddly empty once he relinquished his hold on the ancient weapon. After the latticed doors had slid shut once more, the destroyer fading back into the darkness, Loki took another deep breath. He watched in morbid fascination as his body quickly returned to it's Asgardian form, with a familiar pale tone to his skin. Gritting his teeth, Loki braced himself- before turning to face his Father. If he could even still call Odin that.
"What am I?" Loki asked, cursing inwardly at how vulnerable his voice sounded.
"You're my son." Odin smiled sadly, pain laced in his tone.
"What more than that?" Loki stepped forward, almost hesitantly.
When Odin neglected to answer, the hall slipped into a tense silence. Keeping his breathing as steady as he could, Loki cautiously took several more steps forward. When he noticed that Odin seemed burdened and almost weary, he stopped. Confused, he looked the Allfather up and down- sizing him up. As he took in the Kings weakened state, Loki felt his heart stop.
"The Casket...wasn't the only thing you took from Jotunheim that day…." Loki exhaled slowly. "Was it?"
When Odin looked him in the eye, Loki saw just how deep the man's pain ran. It was undeniably written into his normally calm expression. It was rare to see the King of Asgard in such a vulnerable state. Even rarer for that state to be one of…regret.
"No." Odin finally broke the silence.
With that one, single phrase, Loki felt his already fragile heart finally shatter. Balling his hands into fists, he struggled to reign in the rage building within him.
"In the aftermath of the battle…" Odin began. "I went into the Temple, and I found a baby."
Folding his arms, Loki gritted his teeth- before allowing the tears to flow silently down his face.
"Small, for a giant's offspring." Odin continued, also with tears in his eye. "It had been abandoned…suffering...and left to die."
Loki half expected what Odin's next words would be...but he never could have anticipated how much they would hurt.
"Laufey's son." Odin concluded.
Feeling all his breath leave him in one fell swoop, Loki staggered backwards- stumbling before he managed to right himself. Breathing now shaky and uneven, he forced himself to remain straight and upright.
"Laufey's son." Loki repeated.
Somehow, saying the words himself made it hurt even more, if that were possible. He was not only of Jotun blood, and not only had he been abandoned for his weaknesses, but he had belonged to the King of the monstrous race. Finding it ever harder to reign in his emotions, Loki let a few moments of silence pass before he spoke up again.
"Why?" Loki spoke quietly. "You were knee-deep in Jotun blood. Why would you take me?"
"You were an innocent child." Odin smiled again, sadly.
"You took me for a purpose, what was it?" Loki pursued.
When Odin didn't answer, he felt the rage building within him once more, threatening to spill over.
"Tell me!" Loki finally let the rage seep out.
"I thought we could...unite our kingdoms one day." Odin tried explaining. "I thought we may bring about an alliance, bring about a permanent peace... through you. But those plans…no longer matter."
"So I am no more than another stolen relic, locked up here until you might have use of me?" Loki seethed.
At the accusation, Odin seemed to hesitate before speaking- almost as if he regretted it all.
"Why do you twist my words?" Odin spoke sorrowfully.
"You could have told me what I was from the beginning." Loki allowed silent tears to accompany his rage. "Why didn't you?"
"You are my son. My blood. I wanted only to protect you from the truth." Odin reasoned.
"Because I am the monster parents tell their children about at night?" Loki almost cried out.
"Don't…" Odin protested weakly.
Scoffing at the weak protest, Loki persisted.
"It all makes sense now." Loki shook his head. "Why you favored Thor all these years."
"Listen…" Odin tried interjecting.
"Because no matter how much you claim to 'love' me, you could never have a Frost Giant sitting on the Throne of Asgard!" Loki raised his voice.
Odin's body began to shake. As he lifted his hand, it started move almost out of sync temporarily, the jagged movements leaving a trail of golden particles of light. It was the effect of the Odinsleep approaching, but Loki, in his rage, didn't notice as Odin tried to fight it off.
"Listen to me!" Odin tried to speak up.
Ignoring him, Loki strode away towards the exit, wanting to be as far from his false Father as possible.
"Loki!" Odin tried to get Loki's attention once more.
Odin started to move towards Loki, when the enormous mental, emotional, and physical strain of recent events finally began to take
its toll on the ancient Asgardian. The effect of the Odinsleep quickly consumed him. His entire body rapidly began to move out of sync with their surroundings, leaving trails of golden light as he staggered backwards. Stumbling, Odin fell back against a wall, his face contorting gruesomely in a silent scream. He collapsed to the stone floor, body crumpling. Loki, shocked, found himself hurrying to his former father. He took Odin in his arms, and called out.
"Guards!" Loki cried out desperately.
When he next began to wake, Loki was immediately aware that he was no longer in pain. The unbearable agony had been replaced by a new sense of numbness, coupled with an overbearing weakness. The sheer relief of waking up to numbness instead of pain hit Loki quickly- and he felt a small smile cross onto his face. Soon after, however, he began wondering how he was feeling anything at all. If the agony he'd felt had been anything to go by- he should have died. As the minutes ticked on by, the trickster found himself with more and more questions, all of them swirling around in his mind. Knowing he'd have to answer them somehow, Loki braced himself- before forcing his eyes open. The extreme bout of nausea that hit him almost made him close his eyes again- but Loki powered through it. Waiting for his vision to clear, he focused intently. It didn't take long for the blurriness or shaking to stop- and soon the trickster was seeing clearly again. Mindful of the fact that he felt so weak, he at first contented himself with what he could see above him. It was a cobbled stone ceiling, almost immaculately crafted- though with a few black scorch marks here and there. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, as he found nothing else remarkable above him, Loki steeled himself. Turning his head to the left, he once again fought back a strong sense of nausea. In his immediate field of vision, he could see several bookshelves lining the wall- each piled high with books of every kind. Tomes new and old possessed an oddly comforting feel, various knick knacks and potion bottles scattered in the gaps on the shelves.
Once he'd scoured the left, Loki turned to his right, shuddering at the sickness that tickled the back of his throat. There was several more bookshelves similar to the others- but with a large wooden closet stuffed between. It was closed, with several paper sketches pinned to it with wonky metal nails. The sketches were of strange looking animals that Loki could not recognise- some of them looking like they'd been penned by a child. Finding nothing else of note, Loki returned his gaze to the ceiling above him- and this time focused on what he could feel. Past the numbing sensation claiming his body, he could feel that he was on an extremely comfortable bed- one that surely had no right being so luxurious. Covering him was a duvet almost linen in texture- but with some furs tickling the trickster's exposed neck. The whole room seemed rustic- but with a strange charm to it. It felt homely, warm, and welcoming. Just as he was contemplating attempting to move, he saw someone cross into his field of vision. The figure that leant over him was distinctively female and humanlike- a pale face with high cheekbones and a delicate nose framed by a mass of brown curls that made up her hair. Eyes shining as brightly blue as a clear summer's sky looked down at Loki with gentle concern. Soft pink lips parted, as the voice Loki recognised from before came forth.
"You're awake." the woman spoke softly. "Had me worried there."
Touched by the concern in the stranger's voice, Loki became acutely aware of every detail in their close quarters. Dark circles rimmed the woman's eyes- and sweat beaded on her brow. She looked extremely exhausted- and the trickster felt his heart skip a beat when he realised the exhaustion was likely because of him. Still unable to find the energy to speak, he forced himself to be contented with meekly observing.
"The exhaustion…it's normal." the woman explained. "When you fell…"
"Fell?" Loki managed a single word.
"Yes. Fell." the woman relaxed a little upon hearing his voice. "A rift opened in the sky, and you…fell out of it. Created an impressive crater, actually. Narrowly missed one of my fields."
When Loki tilted his head slightly, indicating that he was listening intently, the woman continued speaking. Her voice was clear and calm, though tinged with a hint of tiredness.
"When you fell, it…stripped you all of your magic." the woman carried on. "Combine that with the healing I had to do, and…well...you're lucky you're just feeling the exhaustion."
As the woman finished speaking, Loki took as deep a breath as he could, wincing slightly as the small movement grazed on his ribs. They may have been healed almost to completion, but they were still as tender as a freshly opened wound.
"You're completely healed physically, but…there will still be some pain, from the magic draining." the woman noticed Loki's hesitation. "Shouldn't be too bad though- I managed to get you to drink a potion which you…probably don't remember."
Sighing heavily, the young woman leaned backwards for a moment- before reappearing. Thinking for a moment, she tilted her head slightly. A few moments passed in silence before she began to talk again.
"It'd be good to get you sitting up." she finally spoke. "Think you're up to that?"
Nodding his consent, Loki allowed the woman to help him up- though doing so made sweat bead on his brow from the sheer effort. With the young woman moving so slowly and carefully, not wanting to jostle the trickster too much, it took several moments to get him upright. Once Loki was almost completely up, the young woman used one arm to hold him there- whilst she arranged the cushions behind the trickster with her free hand. After a moment, she cautiously sat him up against the numerous cushions. As she pulled the covers up to his waist, Loki became acutely aware that he was no longer in his armor and leathers. Confused, he looked down at the white tunic covering his body- before turning to face the young woman. Watching, Loki observed as she pulled up an aging armchair- moving it to be as close to the bed as she could. Once satisfied, she straightened up- dusting off her long red peasant dress.
"I'll get you some water." she smiled. "Feel up to eating anything?"
When Loki nodded again, the young woman smiled brightly. As she walked off, skirts shifting elegantly, Loki looked down the hallway. Even as she vanished to the right, through a door the trickster couldn't see from his vantage point, he continued staring. The hall seemed increasingly similar to the room Loki was currently in. From what he could tell, the stone walls were covered in various furs and paintings- the latter of which were sat in slightly wonky homemade frames. Books that didn't fit on the many bookshelves stood in haphazard piles- some standing next to spiralling plants in cracked pots. It exuded the same warmth as Loki's room- reminding him of a healers hut. Smiling slightly, he watched as the woman reappeared.
As she approached again, clutching a wooden tray, he decided to take a closer look at her. Her hair was slightly unkempt, falling to her waist- with several coloured feathers tied to braids that almost hid in the tight curls. The young woman's hands were littered in small scars and calluses- not unlike the hands of a farmer or seamstress. Her dress, covered in numerous patches sewn on in various places, dipped slightly in the neckline- revealing a carved, circular stone on a thin piece of rope. The pendant itself hummed with a gentle magic, something that Loki couldn't quite identify. A leather belt around her waist held a dagger, and closed pouches of various sizes. Bare feet showed the same scars and calluses as her hands- though they did not impede her movement. Focusing past her appearance, Loki looked down at the tray. It bore a selection of fruits, a piece of cheese wrapped in handmade cloth, and a bowl of hearty smelling warm soup- as well as a sizeable metal cup of water.
"Here we go." the young woman gently placed the tray down on Loki's lap.
Once she'd taken a seat in the armchair beside Loki's bed, the young woman produced a wooden spoon from one of her belt pouches- before handing it to the trickster. Taking it in his shaking right hand, Loki found himself touched by the effort she'd gone to. Finding himself smiling again, he used his free hand to pick up the metal cup. Just as he was about to drink, the woman spoke up again.
"Take small sips. You're a bit dehydrated, so if you drink it all in one go…it'll make you sick." she spoke tactfully.
Nodding again appreciatively, Loki took gentle sips of the water- relishing it as the cold liquid soothed his dry, aching throat. Under the young woman's watchful gaze, he soon downed half the cup- before placing it down on the tray as gently as his trembling hand would allow.
"Thank you." Loki could finally speak.
"You're welcome." the young woman smiled.
"Why are you doing this?" Loki enquired. "You have no obligation to aid me."
"True." the woman raised an eyebrow. "But I was always taught to help those in need. I couldn't just leave you out there to die."
"Surely there's more to it than that." Loki frowned, confused as to why she'd help him without an ulterior motive.
"Alright, you got me." the young woman leaned back. "It's…just me on this planet."
"You're all alone? I find that hard to believe." Loki was surprised.
"It's the truth." the young woman nodded. "So that's one reason to help you, I suppose- I've been alone for some time. Though I wish the circumstances were better, it's…"
"You appreciate the company?" Loki surmised as her voice tailed off.
"I do. Is that selfish?" the woman frowned.
"Not at all." Loki smiled reassuringly. "Really, thank you."
"As I said, you're very welcome. Now…I do think we should know each other's names. You'll be here until your magic recovers, which will be…some time." the young woman folded her arms.
"Fair enough." Loki smiled slightly. "My name is…"
Pausing for a moment, the trickster realised that he was unsure of how to answer. Once upon a time, he'd have answered proudly that he was Loki Odinson, Prince of Asgard- and heir to the throne. Now that he knew the truth, however, something as simple as telling someone his name became more complex. He wasn't sure how the young woman would react to his name- if she even knew of Asgard at all.
"Loki." Loki finally answered.
"Just Loki?" the young woman chuckled.
"Loki…Byleistr." Loki decided upon a new name.
At some point, he would no doubt have to relinquish details of his true identity, that much Loki knew. But he knew he could delay that reveal.
"Byleistr." the young woman nodded, interrupting Loki's thoughts.
"Alright then. I suppose I owe you an introduction now, as well."
Clearing her throat, she smiled warmly, before talking once again.
"Freydis Gudrun. Pleasure to meet you…Loki."