Ulti-Mates Presents: The New 69: Superman

All characters are the property of DC Comics.

Chapter One: Manhood of Steel

Doomed Planet

Desperate Scientists

Last Hope

Bisexual Couple

Superman.

It was a usual day for Clark Kent, reporter for the Daily Planet. Get up, brush your teeth, Get dressed, and go to work. That was until he heard the blades of a helicopter quickly approaching the window by the desks of Ms. Lois Lane and Mr. James Olsen. But that was no worry to them. They had a guardian angel who protected them from harm. All Lois and Jimmy had to do was prepare themselves for another meeting with him. Sure enough, that man in blue appeared and stopped the crashing helicopter. This was just after Clark ran cowering from any danger. Both loved the poor man, in more ways than one, but he wasn't made for the city's life.

"Thank you again Superman." Lois said, speaking through the open window, Jimmy beside her snapping pictures for tomorrow's paper. "Care for an interview about the missing Justice League Members?"

"It was nothing Lois, and all I can say is that Wonder Woman and I are doing our hardest to find them." Replied the Kryptonian man. Lois looked down, attempting to size up this demigod in front of her, when her eyes saw something rather peculiar.

"Is that a Fortress of Solitude in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?" asked Lois provocatively.

"Very funny Lois." He said, as he flew away, heading towards the origin of signal which was controlling the Helicopter. Lexcorp. But as he flew, he couldn't help but think of the real reason behind his erection. Secretly both Jimmy and Lois felt the truth as well. It was not Lois… it was BOTH of them.

Superman came crashing through the wall into the underground bunker of Lexcorp tower. "Luthor…"

"Superman. I wouldn't step any further if I were you. Move any more, and he dies…" said Lex.

"Who dies?"

"Me." Said a figure in the darkness. He stepped forward, and Superman realized why he didn't notice him. It was Batman in his lead lined cape, with a glowing collar around his neck. "I'm sorry."

"What, you've been kidnapping the League!" said Superman.

"Yes, I've putt collars on them that keep them in my control so long as they remain on. I can also trigger an explosion if I feel threatened." Luthor explained.

"How do I remove it?"

"Sexual climax." Said Lex. "So choose Superman, make your best friend ejaculate, and let me escape, or get me, and watch your friend die…"

"Damn you Luthor…" said Superman. He walked forward, towards Batman. Oddly he showed little resistance. He had been thinking of trying this for a while now any ways. Luthor laughed, and rain out the hole created by Superman.

"Be gentle Clark." Batman said with nervous excitement. Even years of ninja training couldn't stop him from showing his inner happiness at this turn of events. Superman heat-visioned off the belt. He couldn't touch it, for fear of the kryptonite ring Bruce kept with him.

Superman had never thought about any other purpose of the utility belt other than to hold his gadgets. It surprised him to see it also held up his pants, which held the best gadget of them all. His "boom tube." Superman grabbed the Bat-Cock and began to quickly jerk it back and forth at super-speed, which was a trick he once learned from Jay Garrick, the original Flash (A name which no one other than the residents of Keystone City realized was based around his tendency to remove his clothes than the blur created by his running.)

He decreased speed, and increased, getting a gauge on what aroused Bruce the most. He used his heat-vision and super-breath to increase and decrease temperatures around the Batman's little robin. No mouth, no butt stuff. All of this was to get Batman free, he thought. No more, no less. It is dangerous for the two of them to get too… attached to each other, especially while Superman was dating Wonder Woman.

"Uggh, I'm sorry you had to do this Clark, but here I come!" Bruce exclaimed as he came over Superman's suit. The collar unlatched and fell to the ground. The ordeal was over.

"I am sorry. He got me when I was 'with' Dick Grayson." Said Batman. Clark averted his eyes, not wanting to show Batman his secret smile. Batman did the same for the same reason. "I will get to work looking for the rest of the League."

"Thank you Bruce, and there is no reason to apologize…" Superman said, as he looked in Batman's direction, but he was gone. "Every time…"

To be continued.