Authors Note: This is the first fan fiction I have ever written. Let me know if it is any good. Basically its Thirteen at Ambers funeral, it's a oneshot for now unless I decide to expand it. Let me know if you think I should.
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the lord my soul to keep
And if I die before I wake
I pray the lord my soul to take
It was the only prayer Remy remembered. She could remember saying it every night with her sister before they went to bed. But that was before, before everything, before her mother died. They had stopped going to church after it happened. The last time Remy had been in a church was her mother's funeral. And now she was back, for another funeral.
The crowds of people slowly made their way into the church. There were doctors from work, whom she knew; there were family friends of Ambers whom she had never seen before. She saw Wilson, his face contorted with grief. It reminded her so much of her father's face that day. Knowing it was all over, but not being able to believe it. She saw Cuddy sitting with other doctors, with Taub, Kuther, and Forman. They all looked sad, but their grief was impersonal. Sure they knew Amber, but they were never friends, they would not feel a cutting wound every time they realized they would not see Amber again. They were not grieving, not really. They were probably here for Wilson more than anything, to support him. She didn't see House. She wondered if he was still in the hospital, or if he just didn't give a damn.
She was grieving. Not for Amber she didn't like her enough for that. It sounded awful now that she was dead, but Amber was a bitch, plain and simple. Didn't mean she deserved to die, it was just the truth. No point in lying, just because she was dead. No, Remy was grieving for herself. For the life she wouldn't get to live. She wouldn't get to die old, spoil grandchildren; there were a million things she wouldn't get to do. And she wanted to do each one; she really wanted to experience life. She pretended she had experienced the life she wanted, climbing mountains, and taking risks. But deep down she knew that was not what she wanted, she wanted to experience love so deep it consumed you. After seeing Wilson with Amber she realized that was what she desperately wanted but was too afraid to seek. She knew she would never have it. As much as she hated to admit it, it killed her. She always acted so tough, but really she was an insecure child. She didn't want to die and the idea of dying slowly; dying alone scared the hell out of her. But she would never admit it.
That night Remy called her sister. They hadn't talked in years. She heard her sister's voice on the phone and hung up immediately. She chickened out. She didn't have to die alone, but she was so stubborn she would anyway.
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