Dedicated to my late father's 1 year anniversary.
I miss you Daddy.
You left us so suddenly;
Left me in the dark
That day was suppose to be full of joy,
Yet it turned into sorrow…
Give me a reason why,
Why you left us a hole?
Why it made our family so cold?
You gave us warm home that would welcome us,
But we were blinded by our perception:
That this warmth would last forever.
Tears.
I don't want to cry,
It is weakness I don't desire
Because if I do that then...
Is better to be "Worthless" than to be "Weak"?
Is it the same?
Give me a way to be free
Tell me how
To not be a shell
Of whom I once was
I feel
But
It feels fake.
Just like music
I don't feel it
When I play
It's stifling everywhere
Can anyone help me? I, too wished for death
Yet
Bring binded be others was the
Only
Thing making me alive
That is why
Why death was not the answer
Because an easy escape is never
A good one
The words rang in my mind
"I'm sorry"
"We're sorry"
"Thank you for coming."
The same at everyone
In every language
People say this
But
It's always a painful reminder
Because it was so sudden
And at the same time not
That is why
I wished
You would,
You could comfort me father.
But I think it's too late,
I am already a shell
Is this why even the most cheerful of people
Are crushed by the fabric of reality?
Because believing dug a deeper hole
Is that why fantasy lured so many?
It wasn't the truth
It was bended by our will
It own choice of how it should be
The world should be
Because illusions gave us a way out
Not letting us be real
Because pain, sadness, and remorse
Are harsh emotions.
I wished for comfort for the entire year
I did not want to be weak.
Because me hugging is,
Is reassurance
I want to feel safe
Daddy
I want you back
I want to be the one who I was
Someone,
Who could express emotions freely,
Be a child that could live without fear.
I have lost many things,
Memories
Feelings
People
The shock made me forget all of it.
All of what I knew
All that I believed
I know nothing now
Because I forgot
How it felt
To be with
People and
My own emotions.
That is why depression hurts right?
We want an escape
Because reality hurts
So much.
I
Miss
You
Father
Daddy
I miss you daddy.
This is dedicated to my father who died a year ago. And these are my feelings.
-neuqam-tenshi (worthless angel)Latin, Japanese