I think I'm going to start writing snippets of the adventures of my Cousland and Tabris as I'm playing through the game (again). I originally had intended to not allow my Cousland into this fic, BUT those two apparently can't exist without each other in my head canon. They're totally the bestest friends ever, and I wish I could actually play a game with both of them in it. And yes, my elf has the same name as my pen name here, but she is certainly not a self-insert. Just... happens to be the name characters seem to get named when I play games...

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Dragon Age. It belongs to the wonderful people at Bioware and David Gaider

"We'll seek out the Urn," Kanoi assured the arlessa, completely resolute in her decision. She could practically feel Morrigan rolling her eyes behind her, and she fully expected a lecture from Sten about how this was pointless once she returned to camp, but it didn't matter. This was a necessary path, and even if it wasn't, it was the right one to take.

Isolde's expression was so grateful that the elven Warden actually felt humbled. This was a woman clinging to lost hope to save those she loved. Kanoi could certainly sympathize. No thanks was issued, but the Warden took no offense. Desperation trumps manners, after all. "You will need to seek out Brother Genetivi in Denerim."

It felt as though Kanoi's body had been doused in ice, and for a moment she was convinced Morrigan had for some reason decided to try out a spell on her. A few quick glances assured her that no, the ice was not real. Still, it continued to numb the woman.

"We shall return soon, Lady Isolde," Leliana promised the arlessa, and Kanoi was suddenly aware she'd become something of a mute. She tried to move her mouth, to say something reassuring to the noble, but nothing came out. Instead, she nodded, or at least she was very sure she had; the numbness made it hard to tell.

"Let us leave here," quipped Morrigan, Teyrn barking his agreement, which seemed to irk the witch more. Suddenly though, such things no longer seemed funny.

***

Kanoi watched them from afar. They all sat at the campfire, joking, laughing… Well, not all, Sten and Morrigan were chronic grumps, after all, but that was hardly the point. In fact, none of it was the point. The point was they'd all know soon; how could they not?

Kanoi had known she'd need to return to Denerim eventually. However, it had always seemed so far off. It had been because Loghain was there. That wasn't supposed to happen until much later. She was supposed to have been given time to prepare.

"What are you doing all the way over here?"

Kanoi jumped at the voice, turning to see one of her fellow Wardens smiling at her.

"Well? We're all starting to get worried.," Kahlori insisted, plopping down to sit next to her.

Kanoi sighed at stared at her knees. She figured she might as well tell her, it would come out eventually. "We're going to Denerim."

Kahlori took a moment to look confused before the light of realization beamed on her face. "That right! You're from Denerim. How could I be so silly as to forget that?" She paused a moment, waiting for Kanoi to make any comment, and when the elf didn't, she decided to press on. "Why does that upset you so?" The elf had been withdrawn when Lady Cousland had first met her, but they'd never discussed it. As far as she knew, Kanoi had never told anyone how it was she'd come to be in Duncan's company.

"I'm not sure I can go back."

The response had been so small, so quiet, so sudden, that Kahlori had almost missed it entirely. However, months of having to stay ridiculously alert had trained the lady's ears to be a little more sensitive. That, and having spent a life of keeping her ears trained for whatever juicy gossip was coming from the corner of the ballroom.

"What do you mean you're not sure you can go back? You promised Lady Isolde you would go to Brother Genetivi. Whatever happened there? Surely it wouldn't cause you to break your promise to her?"

"No. I… I really don't think I can go back." Kanoi insisted, trying to emphasize to her noble friend this wasn't simply her choice. When all she got was a blank stare, she figured she should probably continue. "I was about to be arrested when Duncan conscripted me. They told him to get me out of there quickly; they didn't want to see me again. I… I'm not sure what will happen if I set foot back in the city."

Kahlori continued to stare at her, looking baffled. "Surely, whatever it is you did they would have forgotten by now," she stated, sounding as though the thought that Kanoi's face should be at all remembered for some petty crime committed months ago before a civil war broke out was the most ridiculous thing in the world. More ridiculous than even Alistair dancing the Remigold in a dress, which Kahlori had recently been hounding the man about.

Kanoi couldn't bear to look at her friend anymore, averting her gaze toward some nondescript place off in the woods. Fear and guilt was bubbling up in her, and it made her sick. She'd thought she'd long since escaped these feelings, but apparently not.

"Well?" Kahlori insisted. "I'm right aren't I? So much has happened-"

"You don't understand! It's not that simple!" Some of their companions at the fire had turned to look at the two, having heard the normally well composed elf's outburst. Kanoi continued avoiding the gazes of everyone, both near and far, while Kahlori turned her gave back to her fellow female Warden.

"Just what is it that I don't understand, Kanoi?" She was growing frustrated.

"I killed the arl's son." Kanoi had said it so evenly, so dispassionately that Kahlori almost laughed at her, thinking that must be some kind of joke. The thing was, Kanoi didn't often joke, and despite how calm she'd sounded, her face betrayed all the hurt and guilt the elf must have always kept locked up in public. So, instead of laughing, Kahlori quite felt like her lungs were collapsing.

"You what?" she whispered, the collapsing-lung-feeling preventing her from being any louder.

Kanoi squeezed her knees tighter to her chest, still refusing to meet her friend's gaze.

"Kanoi, why?" the lady managed to choke out.

"He raped my cousin. His guards killed my fiancé." Still that dispassionate voice while she looked like the most heart-broken person in all of Thedas, and for possibly the first time in her life, Kahlori had absolutely no idea what to say. She'd known Vaughn was a disgusting creep, but for him to have done such things… It simply boggled her mind.

When Kahlori said nothing, Kanoi made to leave; however, she was quickly stopped by Kahlori pulling her flush against her chest.

"Kahlori, what are you doing?"

"I'm here for you. If anyone says anything, I'll punch them out," Kahlori whispered into the elf's hair, voice strangled as if she were holding back tears.

Kanoi wanted to say something to her, maybe tell her it was all okay? That she didn't have to worry? She was shocked to find that instead of any words coming out, a sob did instead, and suddenly she was clinging to the woman, crying more than she ever remembered crying in her life. Crying for the first time over the life she'd lost and been forced to leave behind.

Kahlori whispered things into her hair, softly stroking the her back. If the tears hadn't been so over-whelming, Kanoi figured she would laugh and say Kahlori seemed to be paying back the favor of the first night they met when Kanoi had held a crying noble girl. Instead, the tears continued to fall, while Kahlori rocked the small woman back and forth until she'd cried herself out, and still they sat there, long after the others had gone to sleep. There would be questions come morning, but Kahlori would be certain to make good on her promise to punch anyone who asked.

Yeah…. My first play through (which was my Tabris), I really was terrified to go to Denerim. I honestly didn't know if I could go there without there being consequences for what had happened in the origin story. I avoided it as long as I could XD But yes…. This is what I thought of this play through. It actually started with the line about Morrigan casting an ice spell popping into my head. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it. I kind of like it. Think it's a sweet look into the friendship of my two lady Wardens =D