Frooties
Colonel Samantha Carter quietly got out of bed, her soft footsteps echoing across her silent townhouse, as she heads to the kitchen. She rubs a hand over her face, still tired but knowing that she wasn't going to get anymore sleep this night.
For nearly every night for the past year she had the same nightmare or dream. In the dream she was wrapped in his arms, his hands tangled in her hair and his lips on hers. He would pull back, his chocolate brown eyes dancing as he whispered sweet nothings in her ear. And just as quickly the dream would end and she'd wake up to a cold and empty bed.
In the nightmare, she'd always be on the To'kra home world, the same moment replaying itself in her head. Vala, Teal'c, the Tok'ra all disappearing in a few short seconds, Jack grabbing Ba'al and Ba'al quickly stabbing him. Jack's blood pooling underneath him, his breath coming in short bursts.
Get to the gate.
Not without you.
Go…
And every time she leaves him behind…to die alone.
She wakes up and she's back to living her nightmare, her version of hell.
A sob catches in her throat and she shakes her head to clear her thoughts, to keep the pain away. Sam reaches into her cabinet and pulls out the cereal and pours herself a bowl. She takes the bowl over to the small table in the corner and sits down, staring blankly into the bowl. Unknowingly, her spoon swirls the brightly colored circles around aimlessly, in a gesture that was so like his that tears spring to her eyes.
She's never been fond of this kind of cereal. Yet, everyday for the past year she has at least a bowl of it. Sometimes, late at night when the loss hits her the most, she'd pour herself a bowl.
Shortly after her life had crumbled down and she had been set up at this townhouse, she had bought groceries and she had glanced down and found a brightly colored sign advertising the sale on the cereal. She had lost it right there, in between aisles 3 and 4, not caring at the people staring at her as they passed her by. So had started her daily ritual of eating the frootees.
It's the only tangible reminder she has left of him. No pictures, no videos….just a bowl of sugar coated grain.
Even her memories of him, little by little, were beginning to fade.
She eats her breakfast, in the silence of her kitchen, and her mind wanders to the last time that they had breakfast together, their last morning…their last day together.
She had quietly slipped out of bed, glancing behind her at the man tangled in the covers, and she had laughed quietly to herself at his soft snores.
Her bare feet had softly hit the wooden floor as she had gone to make coffee in the kitchen.
A few minutes later, and a second pair of feet hit the wooden floor and she had grinned as a pair of strong arms had wrapped behind her from behind, his head resting on her shoulder. Contentment had filled her heart and she had leaned back against him as he had softly brushed away her long blonde hair at the base of her neck, before softly kissing the tender flesh at the back of her neck, causing a soft moan to escape her lips.
They had stayed like that for several minutes, both had been content to remain in each others arms. Then Jack's arms had released her and Sam had rolled her eyes as he had gone to grab his cereal in the cabinet.
They had sat down at their small kitchen table and she had studied him as she had quietly sipped her morning coffee. Her gaze had roved over his face, noticing that even with sitting behind a desk for the past four years, that he had still looked as handsome when she had first walked into tat briefing room on the first day they met. He had put on a few more pounds since then, his hair had long since gone gray and more laugh lines had appeared on his face but she was still as attracted to him as she had been from the beginning.
And as she had studied him and his bowl of froot loops she realized how much she loved this man. Had realized that her life would never be complete, would never be whole without him in her life.
They had told each other that they loved each other on more than one occasion, but those times had been few and far between. Having known each other for so long, having loved each other for so long in silence, their looks and acts had long since shown more to each other more than words ever could.
Sometimes, though, they needed to be said.
She had quietly cleared her throat before putting down her coffee and looked at him.
"Jack."
His eyes had quickly found hers before he had mumbled a soft "Hmmm?"
She had nibbled on the inside of her lip, wanting to say something to him. Wanted to tell him how the last 3 years, being with him, had been the best years of her life. Wanted to tell him how much she needed him in her life. That her world would be an empty shell of a life without him. That she'd rather die than lose him.
Wanted to say those three small words that were always so difficult to get out. I love you.
But something had held her back.
" turn is it to buy lunch this time?"
Confusion had flickered in his for a brief second before he had smirked at her, and had blatantly told her that he had bought last time…it was Daniel or Cam's turn.
There'd be more time, she had thought to herself, she'd tell him after they got back from the To'kra home world.
Silent tears ran down her cheeks. She had been wrong. So completely wrong. If she had known….oh God if she had only known that she'd never be in his arms again or that she'd be stuck her in this messed up life for god knows how long...
With her soggy frootees eaten, she sighs and quickly walks over to the sink to pour her milk down the drain.
Stubbornly, she wipes at the wetness of her face and takes a deep breath. This was how it was, and she couldn't change that.
He was gone. She would never see his smirk or hear his laugh. She'd never feel his lips on hers, or feel his hand stroke her long hair. She'd never feel his comforting arms around her, in times like these.
Her memories were slowly but surely fading, she couldn't quite remember that certain sparkle in his eyes and the sound of his voice was slowly fading from her mind.
With the fading away of her memories, all she had left was an ordinary bowl of frootees.
Author's Note- Wrote this for Ship Day 2010! Thanks for reading, if you liked it let me know!