A/N: So I was bored, this is what became of it.

Ziva was bored. Her kids had spent the weekend with their father so they were worn out and already in bed fast asleep. It was too early for her to call it a night. So after cleaning the kitchen and laundry room floor she decided to alphabetize her book collection.

When Ziva pulled out Lies My Teacher Told Me and a note fell from in between the pages she stared down at it confused.

"What the heck?" She questioned as bent down and picked up the old, folded piece of paper. She studied it curiously and unfolded it. "Tony." Ziva sighed immediately recognizing her ex-husband's chicken scratch.

1.13.16

Ziva,

I don't know why I'm writing this. Maybe it's the exhaustion that has made me loopy.

You probably won't find this until I'm dead. Hopefully my death will be something epic like Leo in The Departed or Bruce in Armageddon. Or maybe I'll get lucky and it'll be old age and I'll have made the most of my time with you. Corny and lame, I know.

"You are so dead, DiNozzo." Ziva growled as she put the book back on the shelf and made her way to the couch before she read any further.

We brought our daughter home from the hospital today.

Zoey Thea DiNozzo. Born January 10th 2016. 7lbs 4ozs. 21 inches.

It's fun to write. A lot of Zs. 4 letter first name that begins with a Z, like yours. 4 letter middle name that begins with a T, like me, Tony. In case you didn't remember my name. Although you had no problem cursing it during the delivery.

She looks like you, so obviously, she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess to just to tell you I love you. And instead of this letter being proof you now have Zoey.

Tony

"Wow." Ziva said as she folded the letter back up and placed it on the coffee table and stared back at the book shelf wondering how many, if any, there were left.

Standing from the couch and walked to the shelf she went over each title thinking whether Tony would hide a note in there or not. She reached for Life: A User's Manual and searched the pages for a note, finding one tucked away somewhere in the middle.

4. 22. 24

Ziva,

You said you're divorcing me today.

I had Zevi in my arms when you told me. I thought I might I drop him, but at the same time I couldn't hold him tight enough. You went to put Zoey to bed and Zev and I cried ourselves to sleep.

He didn't even know why he was crying.

I love you. I don't know what else to say.

I couldn't and I can't live without you. I don't want to. I thought after we started dating I'd never have to. I swore we would be forever.

I love you. I don't know how to tell you how much.

Zoey, Zevi, and Zane. They need us together. I don't want them to go back and forth between us. I don't want that life for them, for us.

I'm sorry I fucked up. But nothing happened and I wish you'd believe me. I know I didn't come home that night, but that doesn't mean I spent the night with someone else. I smelt like booze and cheap perfume because I went to a bar and tried to drink myself into oblivion.

I didn't have sex with any one. The last woman I've been with is you, and I don't even remember how long ago that was.

I know I was in the wrong for not calling, for not coming home, for letting you worry. But you risked your life, my wife and the mother of my children, just to catch some dumbass perp. We got into it. I left and you didn't see me until work the next morning.

You wouldn't and won't listen to me.

I love you, Ziva David-DiNozzo.

You know when you have a crush on someone? You get nervous every time you see them and your stomach erupts into butterflies. You can't help but smile. Your chest swells, heart flutters and it's hard to keep the nerves out of your voice.

Even after however many years, I still have a crush on you.

We have three children to prove it.

I love you.

Tony

"Tony." Ziva whispered as she ran her fingertip over his last I love you. "You really are an itch in my ass." She smiled and flipped through a couple more books until she came across the next note.

9.12.20

Ziva,

You told me we were having another baby today.

Our third baby.

I know you cried and you were upset. But I'm excited.

I guess it's different because I don't have to be pregnant. I won't be throwing up, my boobs won't hurt, and I sure as hell won't be craving the crazy things you crave when you're pregnant.

But it's another baby! We have our little girl, Zoey, and our little boy, Zevi. I know you'd do anything and everything for them, just like this baby.

Not to mention you're SO sexy when you're heavy with my children.

"He just called me heavy." Ziva pouted aloud as she read the note. "Bastard."

Not to mention once you're past your first trimester your libido goes crazy! I love when we have sex in the bathroom at work because you can't wait 'till we get home.

I love you.

Tony

"Hello, Abby?" Ziva asked as she held the phone to her ear. "I was wondering if you could come over and stay with the kids for a little while?" She asked as sweetly as she could, knowing Abby probably had her own things to do. "I have to go kick my ex-husband's ass."

7.8.21

Ziva,

I love you.

Tony

"Thank you, so much Abby." Ziva said as she shrugged on her coat and hugged her friend.

"What did Tony do?" Abby asked as she kicked her slippers off.

"I've been finding these in my books." Ziva said as she dropped several folded squares in Abby's hand.

12.26.19

Ziva,

Zevi said "Daddy" for the first time yesterday, Christmas. Defiantly one of the best gifts ever.

You cried. I cried. Zoey and Zevi laughed.

I don't know how to thank you enough for our children. For marrying me.

I love you.

Tony

"That was so sweet." Abby smiled and handed the notes back to Ziva. "How many are there?"

"A lot." Ziva said as she slid them into her coat pockets. "I am going to go talk to him about this."

"Good, I wanna know what happens." Abby squealed and Ziva laughed as she grabbed her car keys.

"The kids are all worn in, so they will not even make a sound." Ziva said turning back to her friend. Abby nodded not even bothering to correct her.

"Ziva? What's wrong?" Tony gulped as he opened the door to find his angry ex-wife on his doorstep. "Are the kids okay?"

"The kids are fine, Tony." Ziva said. "May I come in?"

"Of course." Tony said and stepped aside to let her in.

"I found some things I thought you may be interested in." Ziva said as she emptied her coat pockets out onto his coffee table.

"You found those?" Tony laughed as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"Yes." Ziva said as she picked a note up to read. "Ziva, Zane was born today. And when I didn't think I could love you any more, you prove me wrong again. I love you. So much. Tony."

"Yeah." Tony mumbled as she let the note float down to the coffee table.

"Tony, you never say I love you." Ziva said and took a step closer to him. "Yet, in every one of these notes. You say it at least once."

"I know." Tony swallowed and he looked away from her.

"Why did you write all these? When did you write all these?" she asked as she shed her coat.

"I'd be thinking and it would never be the right time to say any of it. So at night if one of the kids was up I would just write down what I was thinking since I never got the chance to say any of it." Tony shrugged as he saw Ziva look around his bare apartment.

"It was never the right time to say I love you?" Ziva questioned as she observed her nervous ex and his new home. The only thing besides the furniture that made his place look lived in was the pictures of their family scattered all over. Including photos of just the two of them.

"I did say it. But the other stuff." Tony said motioning to the notes. "How many did you read?"

"Several." Ziva said. "The one from the day we brought Zoey home. The night I asked for a divorce. When I told you I was pregnant with Zane. The first time Zevi called you Daddy. One just said I love you."

"Some of my best work." Tony joked as he walked by her into the kitchen.

"Tony, please." Ziva called after him following him across the small apartment.

"What?" Tony croaked out. "What do you want from me? You have my heart. You have my kids."

"I want to know why." She demanded.

"Why what?"

"Why we broke." She cried and stomped her foot at him frustrated.

"You wouldn't believe me." Tony accused. "I know, I know you don't believe that I didn't sleep with some woman. You don't trust me to be faithful!"

"I do." Ziva said. "I just did not know if you still want to be."

"Zi, we have three beautiful children together and I want to be nothing but yours forever. I am nothing but yours." Tony cried. "But I don't want us to fight for the duration of our forever."

"Zevi hates it." Ziva added as she glanced at the vodka on top of Tony's fridge.

"I know he does, they all do." Tony said not ignoring the fact she'd seen the alcohol. "I hate it here. I hate it with everything I have left. Not being able to come home and see my kids. Give my boys a bath and read my little girl her bedtime story. It's killing me Ziva."

"So you have been drinking?"

"Not as much as I used to." Tony said wondering if she'd remember the first time he said those words. He could tell by the glare he got she did. "It helps me sleep. I don't know how to sleep without you next to me and our children down the hall. I can't stop thinking about if something went wrong, I wouldn't be there. To protect you and them."

"I am capable of protecting our babies, Tony."

"I know you are." Tony said inching closer to her. "But then who's on your six?"

"You, from a distance." Ziva shrugged as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Who's with the kids now?"

"Abby." Ziva said shivering at the feeling of his breath on her face. "They were pretty tired from the weekend with you."

"I tried to do as much with them as I could." Tony whispered. "I can't tell you how much I hate this, only seeing them on weekends and you at work."

"I love you, Tony." Ziva sighed against his lips. "Your notes boiled my heart."

"Melted." Tony laughed.

"But I'd much rather you say those things to me, than write them down for me to find years later." Ziva smiled. "Even if it means waking me up in the middle of the night."

"Okay." Tony nodded as he swept his lips against hers.

"I want you to tell me you love me every day you do."

"So forever." Tony grinned as she playfully nipped at his lip.

"There will be no more bars and no more alcohol on top of the fridge, or in the house." Ziva ordered. "I do not want to see you go through that again. I will not put our children through that. So help me if I see you getting close to that man you were again."

"Deal." Tony said happily as he kissed her again. Savoring her sweet taste as his tongue knotted with hers.

"Let me call Abby, see if she can stay with the kids for the night."