(A/N: This idea popped into my head when I was talking to someone about how much Omaeda fails. Since I didn't have enough material for just Omaeda I decided to do this as both a tribute and roast to several Bleach characters. Please Enjoy).

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach

Omaeda:

Omaeda is so fail even Hanataro Yamada could do a better job as Soifon's lieutenant

Omaeda is like an elephant: throw a mouse in front of him and he'll run away screaming "It's the apocalypse!"

Omaeda is so fail Ichigo broke his Shikai ball and chain barefisted

Omaeda is so fat even his sub rolls have sub rolls

Omaeda is so fat and stupid that you could put him on a tread mill, dangle a turkey leg from the ceiling and he wouldn't have the brains to step off the treadmill to get the poultry

Omaeda is so fail even Kon could defeat him in a fight just by tripping him, and Kon could avoid being squashed.

Omaeda's stomach is so large, he can use it as a drum....the base kind.

Omaeda is so fat he can't buy his pants off the rack at a store.

Omaeda is such a pig that you know the paperwork he has filled out, but the cheese doodle stains all over them.

Omaeda is so lazy that instead of brushing his teeth after meals, he takes a nap

Omeada is so fat that when he falls down the shockwave measures on the Richter Scale

Omaeda is so fat that, like Rangiku, he can't lie face down or he'll suffocate, but this is for a completely different reason.

Omaeda is so fat he has his own gravitational orbit

Omaeda is so heavy that if he falls on something he'll break it, even the floor.

Omaeda is so fat even his Zanpakuto Spirit has gained weight.

Omaeda is so fail that his Zanpakuto Spirit literally kicked his ass

Omaeda will not survive the Zombie apocalypse; in fact his flesh will be the first target and will be enough to sate the hunger of a small horde of Zombies

Omaeda is so fat he self insulates

Omaeda is so big that he hibernates during the winter

Omaeda is so round that when the Shinigami play Volleyball he's the ball

Omaeda's blood type is frosting

Omaeda has such high cholesterol they found bacon bits in his blood

Omaeda can take all the diet pills he wants, he won't get any thinner

Omaeda is so fat he needs to grease every door he walks through

Omaeda is so gross, Mayuri uses his bathwater as a chemical weapon. (Credit for this goes to CatnipKitteh)

Hanataro:

Hanataro is so fail he trips over nothing

Hanataro is so fail that he would lose to any of the cocoon Pokemon that only know harden.

Hanataro is so fail that he can't get one single point on Guitar Hero's easiest song on the lowest difficulty setting

Hanataro is so fail that the reason that he is the only person his captain never uses her secret smile on is because she pities him

Hanataro is so fail that sarcasm is a foreign language to him

Hanataro is so fail that his punches are literally more injurious than his sword swings…up to a point

Hanataro is secretly Emo because in order to recharge his Zanpakuto after it turns into a scalpel, he would have to theoretically cut himself

Hanataro is so useless that he doesn't even know how to properly use Shunpo

Hanataro is so fail that he was the only partner Shinigami assisting a captain to be attacked by an Espada.

Unohana:

Unohana is so epic that she was able to make her enemy, the leader of the Exequias, back off with her smile

Unohana is so epic that most Shinigami have stated that death Yamamoto-soutaicho's Bankai would be a more preferable fate than crossing her.

Unohana is so epic that she can win a battle without lifting a finger

Unohana is so epic that she always gets her way

If Unohana were on trial for murder she'd be found not guilty just by pleading her innocence with a smile

If Unohana were being given a ticket for speeding, all she would have to do would be to smile in apology and say that it won't happen again and she'd be let off with a warning

Aizen:

Aizen is so overpowered that his Zanpakuto is basically = Hax

Aizen is proof positive that the Superman disguise works

Aizen is so overconfident that he drinks tea before alerting his followers to the situation

Aizen is so overconfident that he doesn't eliminate those he cuts down, despite that they may come back to bite him in the ass later

Aizen is so overpowered that he ripped through all of his opponents in one slice

Aizen is so godly that until Shinji cut him in that one chapter, he had yet to take any injuries in the entire series

Aizen can slam revolving doors

Aizen is so godly that Chuck Norris looks under his bed for him before he goes to sleep

Aizen is so godly that anything and everything we do will be a part of his plan

Aizen's ego is so large that when compared to The Oasis of the Seas, the cruise ship in question is but a tiny speck of dirt in comparison

Urahara:

Urahara is so chill that he doesn't have to fight in order for us to know that he is badass

Urahara is so chill that he volunteers Ichigo for him

Urahara is such a comic that if we don't understand his sense of humor, we have none

Urahara is so intelligent that he has to make himself seem like he's not on purpose.

Urahara takes precautions. How else do you explain why Hiyori was the one injured when she attempted to kick him where the sun don't shine

Hitsugaya:

Hitsugaya is so short that he could win a limbo contest walking upright

Hitsugaya is so short that if he were on a mission with Rangiku at a theme park she'd be mistaken for his mother

When Hitsugaya screams at Rangiku at the top of his lungs I feel like I'm watching a Japanese sitcom

Hitsugaya is so cool he needs a sweater

Hitsugaya can make his own snow day, literally

Hitsugaya will have his growth spurt at the same time Genis Sage will, which is to say never

Isane:

Isane is so tall she has to duck before entering a room

Isane is so tall that she can reach the cookie jar on the top shelf without stretching for it.

Isane is timid…and it's her captain's fault

Isane is so self-conscious of her appearance she makes Yumichika's narcissism look normal

Isane is so shy that I would be surprised if her Zanpakuto spirit wasn't a turtle. Which would Ironic with a release command like "Run"

Isane is so easily embarrassed that instead of just getting a blush her face matches the color of Renji's hair

Renji:

Renji is so fail that he has never won a single, difficult fight by himself and has lost all others.

Renji is so fail that his Zanpakuto Spirit has bigger boobs than his crush

Renji is so fail that even Ururu feels safe picking on him

Renji is so fail that his Bankai makes for the biggest overcompensation in Bleach History

Renji is so fail that when he finally stood up to Byakuya he was shot down

Keigo:

Keigo is so fail that his special Karakura Riser power was the ability to run away

Keigo is so fail that he's afraid of his own sister

Keigo is such a coward that he'd run away at the sign of a running leaf

Keigo is such a coward that he'd be afraid of a small three pound Chihuahua

Keigo is so fail that Kon could defeat him in a fight

Keigo is so fail that he got beaten up for Mizurio introducing himself to Ichigo

Kon:

Kon is so fail that he wound up with a flower super glued to his ear

Kon is so fail that he will always be denied what he wants

Kon is so fail that despite beating up Uryu, when said Quincy messed him his repair, he was still duped by the skilled sewer

Kon is so fail that he was kicked out of his own home

Kon is so fail that the only practical use for his plush body is Karin's soccer ball and Yuzu's doll

Tosen:

If Tosen is blind why did Aizen put him in charge of visuals

If Tosen is blind why was he using Binoculars in the Bleach 254 Omake

If Tosen is blind why was he able to tell that Kenpachi was smiling

If Tosen is blind how is he able to use computer monitors

Yamamoto:

Yamamoto is so old that when he was born McDonalds had only served 10

Yamamoto is so old there's a picture of Moses in his yearbook

Yamamoto is so old that when he crossed the street people would yell "Watch out for that Woolly Mammoth!"

Yamamoto is so old that he knew Burger King when he was still a Prince

Yamamoto is so old that he is facebook friends with Adam and Eve

Yamamoto is so old his SS# is 1

Yamamoto is so old his first Christmas was THE first Christmas

Yamamoto is so old and powerful that he is the cause of the KT Event.

Yamamoto is older than the dirt he used to sleep on.

Yamamoto proves that no matter how old you are you are never too old to curse

Yamamoto is so old that Eve was his first girlfriend

Yamamoto has so much firepower that if he ever eats a burrito he should be avoided for several hours

(A/N: Okay I think that's plenty, hopefully you've laughed at least once, during all this. If you haven't you have no sense of humor. If you have anything to add, message me and I'll add it to the list or if it's for a character not listed I'll start making a new chapter. Let me know what you think of this. I will continue it's just that it's late and I have a headache. Review, Fave and Subscribe if you like).